CHAPTER 9
EDEN
I’m on my computer, trying to get some work done, but all I can think about is the scene I walked into a few days ago. Macklin was surrounded by three Burns men and looked right at home. They made him laugh, but even more importantly, they made him feel important and included.
It made my mama heart so damn happy. The whole morning was like that. Seeing my boy blossom under the attention of Fletcher and his brothers helped to cement the feeling of making the right decision.
My ovaries also exploded. It was difficult not to think about having Fletcher’s babies. I’d be more than happy to fill the ranch with them.
Now it’s been a few days since then, but the glow from that feeling has stuck around. I’ve been walking through the day feeling like I’m on top of the world. My parents have been highly amused by the whole thing and sharing happy little looks.
Even though I haven’t seen Fletcher, we’ve been texting a lot. It’s a little surreal after not having him in my life for so long. I almost don’t know how to feel about everything.
I’m of two minds. I want to jump in without looking back, and I’m trying. But it’s also scary. There was so much good between us, and it feels just as good being around him now as it did back then.
At the same time, are we just going backward because we didn’t get the closure we needed? We went from being together and knowing everything about each other to nothing. No contact. No calls. No texts. It was jarring back then and there was no way we wouldn’t feel like something was missing.
Because something was missing.
Our friendship.
We shared one long before we were anything more. It would have been impossible to maintain a friendship; I’m not thinking we should have tried. Still, is it just the missing of each other we’re reacting to now because I’m back in Wintervale?
I just don’t know.
The cover I’m working on feels unfinished and I have no idea what is missing. I’ve been looking at the computer so long now, tweaking things and trying others and now my mind is mush.
I’m sure my inability to concentrate is not helping.
Every two seconds I’m thinking about Fletcher. It’s distracting.
Then the memories of the way he buried his face between my thighs slams into me and I’m instantly turned on. It is not conducive to getting work done.
When I wander out of my room, since Macklin is on some ranch related outing with Dad to check on the cows, I find Mom in the kitchen. It looks like she’s about to get dinner started. Helping mom cook is something I’ve always enjoyed.
“Need some help?”
She looks at me and smiles before moving aside a little and nodding toward the cutting board where an onion and knife are already waiting for me. As I get to work, we’re quiet for a few minutes.
“You seem happy, Eden,” she gently prods me, a teasing note in her voice. “Have you been talking to Fletcher a lot?”
“I have,” I admit.
Thinking about the way we’ve been texting brings a smile to my face. It’s nice to be talking to him again. It almost feels like we didn’t lose those 13 years, but we did. And our lives kept going on, even as we missed each other, even as we thought about each other.
And now I have a son.
I frown slightly and Mom doesn’t miss it. “What’s wrong?”
I’m quiet for a few minutes, focusing on the onions in front of me. It’s not like I don’t want to talk to her about it, but having her right here instead of so far away is another reminder of how ridiculous I was for so long. It wasn’t just Fletcher I stayed away from. I lost out on time with everyone who has ever mattered to me.
With a shake of my head, I push that regret away because I can’t do anything about it now and dwelling on it won’t do me any good. When I can trust my voice, I blurt, “Am I moving too fast?”
I can hear the confusion in Mom’s voice, “What do you mean? Moving too fast with who? Fletcher?”
“Yeah,” I croak and have to swallow hard to stop myself from bursting into tears.
The thought of slowing things down or even stepping away from him makes me want to cry. But I still need to know if I’m doing the right thing.
“What if this is just an overreaction to us not getting closure? We were friends and then together for so long, but it all changed in a day. We went from talking almost every day, even with the distance, to not being in each other’s lives.”
“Eden,” there’s a gentle admonishment in mom’s voice which has me looking at her. There’s understanding in her eyes, one that has me relaxing. “You and Fletcher are two halves of a whole. I understand why he let you go all those years ago. Your lives were going in different directions, and the distance was putting a strain on you, even if you didn’t want to see it or admit it. You were trying to hold onto your life here, but you were also reaching for a life there. He wanted to do the right thing for you.”
My eyebrows pull together, “How do you know that?”
Mom sighs and gives me a small smile. “When he got back, he came over and saw us. We didn’t see him much after that day. I think he avoided us because we were a reminder of you and what he lost.”
“He came to see you after he broke up with me?” I realize I’m only repeating what she’s already said, but I’m having a problem wrapping my mind around what she’s telling me. “You never said anything.”
“You didn’t want to hear about him.” I open my mouth to defend myself, but she holds her hand up and shakes her head. “We understood why you didn’t want to hear anything about Fletcher, it’s not a judgement. He needed the same kind of distance.”
“It hurt too much,” I whisper.
She wraps an arm around my shoulders and gives a squeeze. “Of course it did. You have loved each other even before you realized it at 14.” She steps away and grabs something out of the fridge, but I’m not paying attention. “Anyway, yes, he came to us as soon as he got home from Rhode Island. He wasn’t sure if you would call us and tell us how things ended, but he wanted us to know so we could support you if need be. He knew it would be difficult. He knew it would break both of your hearts, but he thought it was the right thing to do. We couldn’t argue with his reasoning since it was trying to put you first.”
“I should have come home long before I did. Staying gone after graduation was a mistake,” I mutter, looking down at the cutting board but not really seeing anything.
“No,” Mom’s voice is firm, “you needed to continue to spread your wings and establish your client base. You needed to experience life outside of Wintervale and look at what you’ve been able to do with your career.”
“I could have done that anywhere,” I grumble.
“Maybe,” she agrees, but shrugs one shoulder as if it’s all water under the bridge. I guess it is.
“You still love him?”
“Of course,” I bristle.
What a ridiculous question. Even when we weren’t together, there wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t think about Fletcher and still love him with everything in me.
“He still loves you,” she points out gently.
“I think so,” my tone is hesitant.
“No, he still loves you,” she insists; she’s not posing it as a question. “The boy never stopped loving you. Anyone could see the pain in his eyes for the last 13 years. We could see it in yours too whenever we visited.”
“Yeah,” I sigh. I blink back the tears and force myself to keep cutting the onion.
“What’s really bothering you, Eden? You already know everything I’ve said. You can feel it. You’ve been walking around here without touching the ground after spending time with Fletcher. Spill,” she demands.
“Shouldn’t I be more cautious with everything because of Macklin?”
When she doesn’t say anything right away, I force myself to look at her. She has her head cocked to the side while studying me.
“Do you think Fletcher is going to do something to hurt Macklin?”
“No,” I bark, fury filling me at even the notion of Fletcher hurting my son. He would never. “Fletcher’s already fallen in love with Mack. He would never,” I hiss the words.
Mom’s smile is smug as hell, and it takes me a moment to mentally replay my words. Well, fuck. I slump slightly and chuckle under my breath.
“It’s okay to be worried, Eden,” Mom soothes me with her words. “You are an amazing mom and if you weren’t worried about this, I would be more concerned. I’ve seen the way Fletcher looks at you and Macklin. I promise you,” her words are insistent, and weighted, “if I thought you were moving too fast, I would tell you.”
“Aren’t you supposed to wait to introduce kids to someone in a situation like this?” I scrunch up my face because even though I’ve asked the question, it feels wrong.
“If we were talking about a stranger, then I would probably say yes. But we aren’t.” She bumps my shoulder with hers. “We’re talking about a boy who has been in love with you since you were both young, someone who has always put you first. Macklin deserves the love of a dad, and I believe Fletcher can give it to him.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and nod because I know she’s right. “I don’t ever want Mack to feel like he’s unloved or unwanted.”
“Fletcher will never make him feel that way. He looks at Macklin and sees a part of you. It’s not important to him that he’s not biologically his.”
“I don’t think he cares about it either,” I whisper my agreement.
“What does your heart tell you?”
I hum softly and rub that spot on my chest. My heart is screaming at me the same thing it always has when it comes to Fletcher, even when we weren’t together.
“My heart calls out for him. It always has.”
Mom’s voice is thick with emotion, “Trust your heart, Eden. As long as you trust your heart, you’ll be fine.”
I open my eyes to look at Mom and feel lighter. “Thanks, Mom,” even I can hear how grateful I am to her in my voice.
The smile she gives me is full of pride and love.
We’ve always been close, but the distance I kept between Wintervale and me made it a lot harder to stay connected with her. We tried, mostly her, but it wasn’t easy.
“And when he pisses you off,” she arches her eyebrow, “which he will because he’s a man and relationships aren’t always easy, we’re just right next door.”
“You trying to get rid of me so soon,” I tease her.
“Never, Eden,” her response is fierce and final. “But I can see the writing on the wall. I have a feeling you’ll be moving over to Limitless sooner rather than later.”
“I don’t know,” I mumble.
Still, the thought of moving to Fletcher’s house, which is the embodiment of everything I’ve ever wanted, has a smile lifting my lips. I can see me there. I can see Macklin there. The vision of it is so clear, it’s almost scary.
“I do,” she chirps. “Now, cut those onions and remember we expect to see Macklin regularly even after you move over to Limitless.” I shoot her a look because of course; they’re his grandparents. “And any other little ones you two have.”
I gasp, “What?”
She winks at me and waves her hand dismissively. “Oh please,” her voice is airy, “I have a feeling it won’t take long before you’re telling us you’re pregnant.”
Even as I scoff, I can’t help but admit, if only to myself, I hope she’s right. The thought of being pregnant with Fletcher’s baby makes me irrationally happy. It probably shouldn’t, but I can’t help it, and I know he’ll never allow Mack to feel left out or forgotten.
That’s just not who Fletcher is.
I make a promise to myself to stop worrying quite so much and enjoy this time. I’m going to allow myself to get to know the man Fletcher has become and enjoy watching Macklin form a bond with the man who has always owned my heart.