Chapter 33
Walker
That”s not exactly how I saw things going.
I wagered that the begging for forgiveness would”ve been done with my tongue between her legs after Larkin went to bed, but I barely even got a step into the house before she asked me to leave.
I don”t know who to curse as I drive myself across town to the bar. I could blame her mother, but I”m sure her father abandoning his family plays a larger role in her trauma than an absent mom who made a lot of wrong decisions. But what do I know about trauma? Other than losing Jason a few years ago and some of the things I saw and experienced in the military, I”ve led a pretty easy life.
I wanted to spread the blame about the tree rather than taking it all on my shoulders, but there was no reason to throw Adalynn under the bus. The woman managed to get an army of people together while still on her honeymoon to make the decorations and gifts happen in the time that Claire was at work. Jason Brakeen gave us access to her place with his universal key, something that still bugs the shit out of me.
She didn”t ask but that tree in her home is her tree from the storage facility across town. It was the first place I visited after dropping her off at work this morning. It cost me three hundred bucks to have the owner pull the unit from the auction list. I was there when she called and watched the man, someone I”m beginning to think is a professional liar, lie to her about her payment being received when it”s been on the auction list for two months.
I tried not to look at the things in the room other than the tree that was shoved to the side, but the boxes marked baby clothes and the small baby bath that obviously was Larkin’s made me wonder if she was saving them because she was looking forward to having another baby or if she wanted to be prepared in case she got pregnant again without expecting it.
Some boxes were labeled with Hux”s name, and those made me feel some kind of way before I reasoned that Larkin would probably want to have things that belonged to her father when she got older.
The gifts under the tree were already things bought by people in town long before I reached out to Adalynn. The woman owed me a favor for almost getting me arrested last month, but she went above and beyond my expectations with what she was able to set into motion with a few phone calls.
I knew from listening in on prior conversations that Larkin makes out like a bandit at the holidays, and it”s the one time that Claire doesn”t argue about people getting into her business. I know the reasoning behind that. She”s a prideful woman but she also doesn”t want her little girl to suffer because of it. It killed me to watch that battle play out on her face earlier.
The bar parking lot has a few vehicles I recognize and several I don’t, but the place doesn”t look like it”s packed. Of course, there”s no telling how many people are inside because nearly every college student who frequents the place walks from campus.
I pull in a breath of relief when I step inside to see only about twenty or so people.
The jukebox blares an older country song, but everyone seems content to just stand around on this Monday evening rather than dance and get crazy.
”You”re not supposed to be here,” Maggie says when I make it around the bar.
”Tell me about it,” I mutter.
”You”re not supposed to be here.”
I look over at Corbin who is sitting at the bar. He didn”t used to spend much time here, but he”s been coming a little more often in the last month or so. I thought it was for Claire, something that had the power to make me see red, but Corbin was part of the plan today, agreeing to keep Claire busy a little later if we needed more time. Thankfully, we didn”t, but the man knew I was taking her home to a pretty tree. He fully expected me to still be there with her.
”She didn”t like it?” he asks as I grab a bottle of water from the fridge behind the bar.
”She loved it,” I tell him because I know she did. What makes Larkin happy makes her happy, but it”s more complicated than that.
If Claire wants to go to work tomorrow and spill her guts about how she feels to this man, I can’t stop that, but he won”t get me to speak about her when she”s not present. I know she hates that more than anything else. It”s bad enough that everyone gets into her business, but I get the idea that she feels like everyone whispers about her failures behind her back as well.
I get to work because it”s the only thing I can actually do about this situation.
If I thought forcing my way into her house and demanding that she just let me take care of her and Larkin would work, I never would”ve left. My chest wouldn”t have had to constrict with every inch of physical distance I put between us.
I also have to consider that maybe she isn”t just acting this way because she wants to protect her heart. Maybe she really isn”t interested in a relationship. My heart skips a beat, pain lashing at me at the mere thought of this not working out with her.
Waiting and being patient is a struggle, but until now, I never considered that her yield signs were actually stop signs that I”ve been sliding through.
”Don”t do that.”
I look up, finding Corbin with a sad smile on his face. Confused, I look down at my hands but quickly realize he isn”t talking about what I”m physically doing right now.
”She”s been happier at work the last couple of weeks.”
I dart my eyes down both sides of the bar, but he”s the only one right in front of me with several empty stools on either side of him.
I shake my head, wanting so badly to grill him about her, but I know doing it would go against her wishes. If there was any way to ruin what we could have, it would be that.
Shit. I overstepped today with the damn Christmas tree in a big way. Although she”d never demand it be taken from Larkin, it doesn”t mean that she”s in any way overjoyed. It was bad enough when I went into her yard for that damn battery. Today, I went into her home, and I know how I”d feel about someone doing that to me, even if they had the best of intentions like I did.
”She”s been smiling more,” Corbin continues when I refuse to ask questions.
I know I”m splitting hairs here, but it feels like less of a violation to let the man talk. Maybe something he says will help me find a solution a little less heartbreaking than walking away and giving her the space she”s demanding.
”Kristina said she was singing while doing a flea dip on that beagle I was talking to you about,” he says. ”I can just see that questioning look in your eyes that tells me you”re wondering if you should keep pressing her. For what it”s worth, I say yes. She lost her husband, and I imagine that”s an incredibly difficult thing to overcome, but I bet she”ll be worth it in the end.”
I take everything he has to say into consideration while also trying to figure out his motivation.
”Are you into her?” I ask point blank.
He huffs a humorless laugh. ”No, man. Promise. She”s great and all but there”s someone… no. I”ve got no interest.”
I think any other person would lean in closer and demand he tell me who he”s talking about, but it”s just not the way I operate. Besides, if he keeps drinking, he”ll end up spilling his guts whether I want to know or not.
I have too much else going on in my own life to add his troubles to the things bouncing around in my head.
”Like I said. Just don”t give up on her.”
A new customer at the bar pulls my attention, and my head swims as I take their order and get to work on making a Long Island.
I can”t just think about Claire. Larkin is a part of all this as well. I don”t have much experience with kids, and I know better than to think I could be great at helping with a child, but no one has experience until they have experience, right? It”s just one of those things you have to get involved with before you know how you”ll do.
I”m a compassionate man. I”m nice to everyone, children included. Despite the cupcake this morning, I”m not exactly the type to use bribery, but I was bringing Claire coffee and it felt shitty to bring her something when I was picking two people up. I don’t know that Larkin would even feel any sort of way, but on the off chance she would, I stopped by The Brew and Chew.
Adalynn is on vacation, meaning that Ruth at the diner has permission to make items that Adalynn would make at her bakery. I doubt they were as good, even though Larkin tore through it as if she”d never tasted sugar before.
As the night progresses, I do my best to shove it from my mind, but the more I do that, the more invading the thoughts are. They transition from thoughts of me picking her up for a date to waking up to them in my home. I think of Larkin’s face on Christmas morning as we celebrate as a family, and all of it makes me realize that giving up on Claire isn’t an option at all. Somewhere between the joking and wanting to care for her, I”ve managed to fall in love with the woman.
Things will either work out the way I feel like they should or I”m going to end up with a very broken heart.