29. Chapter 29
Chapter 29
Lilli
I survived another grueling sermon on Sunday. Afterward, Mama and Daddy head off to the Noonan’s to play bunco. Free for a few hours, I step out onto the back patio and breathe in the clean air.
I can’t place it, maybe it’s Mama’s cloying perfume but every time I enter the house, my stomach starts acting up. I guess it makes sense for it to be her that makes me sick. Ha!
When the door closes with a thud behind me, I turn in my seat. Mercy approaches with a solemn expression and I’m reminded of my thoughts the other day. With Miriam gone, it’s my job to make my younger siblings feel better.
“Where’s Rachel?” I ask and she shrugs.
“Gone.”
“Gone. Where?” It’s unusual for us to go anywhere because we’re not allowed to have sleepovers or dates or really anything that’s considered fun.
“Dunno,” she says.
“Hm. Well, c’mon let’s go.” When I stand, she follows. Once we’re inside I grab some money from the stash that Maddox gave me and open the front door.
“Where are we going?” Mercy asks.
I put my finger to my lips and whisper, “Ice cream.”
Her eyes light up and I smile, my heart warm for the first time in days. It’s a rare treat and one that we will have to hide from Mama, but I just don’t have it in me to care as Mercy skips ahead, a slight smile on her face.
The ice cream shop is quiet when we enter, and I push Mercy gently toward the case to pick out a flavor.
“Chocolate,” she says and the woman behind the counter smiles.
“One scoop or two?”
Mercy looks up at me and I grin. “Two scoops and a waffle cone.”
Her beaming smile hurts my heart, but in a good way, and I hide the emotion behind my hand as she skips over to a table by the window.
“And for you?” the woman says but I decline.
After paying, I set the ice cream in front of her. She digs in with gusto while I massage my stomach, aching once again.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I fear I may have to go to the doctor if it persists.
“Lil?” Mercy says, licking her spoon clean. Blinking, I pull the empty waffle cone toward me.
“Wow. That was fast,” I say, and she giggles.
Her blue eyes light up and I fake like I’m going to eat her waffle cone, laughing when she growls and swipes it from my hand.
My mirth fades though when I look out the window. Wolf is across the street, standing with Maddox and Giant, the man from that long ago night who tried to help me find Wolf.
They’re deep in discussion. I can't help my instinct and greedily take in Wolf while he stands there unaware. I can only see half his face, but I admire his strong jaw and silky dark hair before roving over his muscular arm, currently flexed with his arms crossed.
I traced my fingers over those tattoos once and the digits tingle in remembrance as my core tightens. Biting back a groan, I close my eyes but flip them right back open when Mercy gasps, “Mir!”
”Wait,” I say, grabbing for her arm but she’s just out of my reach and through the door before I can stop her.
Dazed, I follow, my stomach swirling as I chase her across the street and closer to Wolf.
“Mir!” Mercy cries and all heads turn our way.
A glance at Wolf reveals a stone-cold scowl before I skate over Maddox, Giant and meet Miriam’s wide-eyed stare.
She looks past my shoulder and exhales as Mercy launches into her arms and sobs, “Mir.”
Tears prick my eyes, and I drop my head, giving these two a moment to reunite after months apart.
Miriam looks good, her belly quite pronounced now, and she clutches it while holding Mercy with one arm.
“I miss you so much,” Mercy sobs, and I wince when tears fill Miriam’s guilt-ridden eyes.
“Mercy,” I say quietly but she shakes me off. Powerless, I glance around because Mama and Daddy have spies everywhere.
“Inside,” Wolf barks, and I jump before rushing to the door.
Only once we’re safely in the building do I chastise myself for scurrying around at his demands, but I can’t be too mad because Mercy’s eyes are shining.
She hasn’t been this happy in so long and I won’t be the one to take this away from her.
Unfortunately, “inside” ends up being the local tavern and the few patrons eye us weirdly before Maddox ushers us down the hall and into the office.
The room is sparse with a series of lockers against the wall, a desk, and a small couch.
Miriam sits down with a sigh, clutching her belly once more and I eye it with a tingle of awareness.
Surely not but when I try to remember the last time, I had a period, I come up empty. The mother of all panic surges through me and I mumble something about needing the bathroom before stumbling down the hall and out the back door.
God wouldn’t be this cruel. Right?
I can’t be pregnant. I can’t have a baby. Mama and Daddy would die. Wolf hates me and even if he didn’t, I doubt he’d be excited about a baby.
I’m pacing the patio, back and forth, rubbing my brow when Wolf appears and leans against the back door.
Pausing, I look up and immediately away because he no longer looks at me with an awed sort of amusement. Nope, now there’s an icy distance in those pretty eyes.
“There’s something wrong with the baby,” Wolf says, and I freeze. How does he know?
“What?”
“The baby. Something’s wrong. Your sister…”
Miriam. My relief quickly turns to worry, and I grab his arm. “What? What’s wrong?”
He raises his brow and drops his chin to my hand on his arm. Stung, I let go and step back, stumbling when I accidentally go too far.
Wolf grabs me up before I can fall down the stairs and I relish the moment of paradise when our bodies collide before he sets me aside.
Grabbing the door, he grunts before disappearing inside, “Ask her.”
I allow myself a moment to catch my breath before going back to the office. Miriam meets my gaze when I enter while Mercy talks her ear off, immune to my presence.
I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but I see the grief and panic she can’t hide and rush over to sit beside her. She shakes her head, and I nod because I understand.
Mercy needs this moment and neither of us wants to ruin it.
After another twenty minutes, Miriam moves to stand and Mercy frowns. With a smile, Miriam touches her hair and says, “You can’t be gone too long, Mercy Lou Lou. Someone will get suspicious.”
Mercy tosses her head, and I smile, seeing for the first time the beauty of the woman she will be in the girl sitting before me.
I just hope our parents don’t kill her spirit before she has time to spread her wings and fly.
The thought burns my throat and with a mental shake of my head, I grab Miriam’s hand. “Do you have a phone?”
“Yeah,” she says.
“Here,” I say, grabbing the pen off the desk. “Give me your number.”
“Lil…”
“Please. Don’t worry about it,” I beg, and she gives in.
We part ways at the back door, teary-eyed once again. As Miriam goes to leave with Maddox, Mercy says, “Don’t worry, Mir. It will be okay.”
Miriam meets my gaze, and I shrug before taking Mercy’s hand. I hope with every fiber of my being that whatever this feeling is that Mercy has, it’s right because I can’t bear the thought of something happening to Miriam’s baby.
I don’t know where Wolf is and all the way home, I memorize the number written on my arm before washing away the evidence when we get there.
I hardly sleep Sunday night and fight to stay awake for class on Monday. Rachel leaves me at the door after school ends, pointing to the library.
“I have to get this paper done. See you at home?”
“Okay.” I’m relieved for the reprieve and considering how I might purchase not only a pregnancy test but a throwaway phone without it getting back to me when I enter the local pharmacy.
Mama and Daddy use the family-owned pharmacy down the street but that doesn’t mean they don’t have parishioners who shop here because it’s more convenient.
After stuffing the contraband items in a basket and covering them with stuff I don’t need but conceal it, I stand at the end of the aisle and stare at the checkout counter.
Leland Quartermaster, Daddy’s friend is chatting with the woman behind the counter who looks vaguely familiar. Does she go to our church?
Am I making a huge mistake?
“Are you going to move or what?”
Shaking out of my stupor, I step back and mumble, “Sorry.”
“Whatever,” the girl says, and my stomach falls to my knees.
It’s Draven. Draven, who’s daddy is Shadow Saints MC.
I am so screwed if she knows who I am and sees what I was about to buy. Sick to my stomach, I walk down another aisle before abandoning the basket and rushing from the store.
All the way home, I consider my options, but the risk remains if I shop anywhere in this small town and it’s not exactly like I have the means to go somewhere else.
The following day, I’m sunk in my misery while my peers enjoy their lunch all around me. Rachel is in the library again and I’m not particularly hungry, so I go back to the bench by the water.
I’m drifting somewhere between sleep and wakefulness when something drops to my lap and falls to the ground.
Startled, I sit up and open my eyes to find Draven standing over me.
“What?” I mumble, glancing at the ground.
A white plastic bag rests at my feet and confused, I say, “What’s that?”
“You’re welcome and by the way, you have some seriously weird cravings.”
She walks away after that, and I pick up the bag gingerly before looking inside.
“What?” I gasp, staring at her retreating figure. It’s the pregnancy test, the throwaway phone, and the snacks I grabbed to hide my loot.
Wow.
After school, I rush to the bathroom, mumbling about showering before turning on the water and pulling out the instructions.
It seems easy enough and after peeing on the stick I set it aside and work on activating the phone. I have a hundred minutes which doesn’t seem like much but I’m hoping I don’t need more to contact Miriam and figure out what’s wrong.
Since I don’t really want to know what my future holds, I send Miriam a message, hoping I remembered her number correctly.
To my frustration, she doesn’t immediately respond, and I set the phone aside to read the results of the pregnancy test.
No. No, no, no. I can’t do this. I…can’t.
Sliding to the floor, I scrub my hand down my face. I’m not sure how long I stare into nothing before Rachel bangs on the door and says, “You better get out before Mama gets home.”
Hours later, I’m lying in my bed, trying so ridiculously hard to sleep but despite the exhaustion seeping through my bones, the swirling thoughts about my future won’t let me rest.
Wolf hates me. My parents will die, or I guess, I will if they find out. I have a small stash of money from Maddox but how far will that get me?
Eventually, I give up on my swirling thoughts and get up to go pee, pausing on the way back to my room when I see that Mercy and Rachel’s door is open.
When I peek inside, I find Mercy fast asleep, her covers shoved to the foot of the bed. To my dismay, Rachel’s side is empty.
I creep back into the hall and explore the living room and kitchen before heading back to my room.
Although I’m annoyed by Rachel’s behavior, I can’t blame her for wanting to escape, and beyond that, I’m worried. It’s a dangerous world out there.
To distract myself from my thoughts, I dig out the phone, buried beneath my winter sweaters and stuck between two bibles before sitting on the bed.
I’d like to think God is on my side and I admit, I get a guilty thrill hiding the phone between Daddy’s supposed scripture.
My heart skips a beat when I find a new message. Eagerly I click inside.
It’s okay, I went to the doctor today. False alarm
Oh, thank God.
Relief makes me lightheaded before I tap out a response. I’m so glad, I prayed for you
Miriam: Don’t waste prayer on me, I’m already damned ;)
Lilli: Don’t say that!
Miriam: Joking…I never got to ask you what happened
I don’t know what to say. I’ve never lied to my sister, but it would be unfair to put her in the position of lying to Duke.
Instead, I settle for a partial truth. I couldn’t leave the girls alone
She doesn’t respond after that and contemplating my words, I wince and send one last message before hiding the phone back between the Bibles.
You had no choice, Mir. No one blames you