3. January

Chapter 3

January

M y heart is beating double time as I dodge into the diner six storefronts down from the bakery. I’m met with the eyes of everyone eating and try to act like I wasn’t just running from a stranger down the sidewalk.

“Hey, January, everything okay?”

“Yes, Miss Trudy. I’m sorry, it was just so cold out I had to run into the warmth.”

She eyes me with suspicion. I put on a smile and walk to her at the counter. “Can I get three coffees to go and a hot chocolate?”

“You know there’s a bakery down the street, right? There’s nothing like diner coffee, but I’m just surprised to see you here.”

I know she’s pushing for information because that’s who she is. Miss Nosey wants all the gossip and loves to talk. This town has nothing else to do but play a game of telephone. I swear, it’s what makes Wintervale tick. And since my family has definitely had its fair share of drama, they love any information they can get on us.

While I wait for her to brew the coffee, I pull out my phone and check emails. We’re scheduled for a delivery this afternoon, so hopefully it’s more of the Love and Lace collection. I make a note to talk with Lief about a website or some kind of social media page. Maybe it will boost sales if we post new arrivals into the store. I know I’m supposed to consult Jack now that he is a silent partner, but I’m not ready to bring him completely into the fold yet. I know I have to trust that he will do the right thing, but despite growing up together, four years destroyed the trust we had. Two were his fault, two were mine, but in the end, we’re trying to start over, and he’s doing right by my best friend.

Seeing the bar guy has my anxiety spiking. The fact he is still here in Wintervale six weeks later leads me to believe he lives here. People come and go vacationing in this area all the time, so there are always new faces; however, most of them move on quickly. If I’m seeing him now, he must work here in town too.

Though I ran away like a little girl today, and definitely not like the thirty-year-old woman who took control that night, I haven’t been able to get him from my mind since. If I’m being honest, I have considered that maybe I should have stuck around.

But it’s best that I didn’t. The only time I put myself first was when I left Montana. And that turned my life in a completely different direction. If I do it again, there’s no telling what direction it will take me.

You’re better off alone, January. No one needs your complications and you definitely don’t need theirs.

Miss Trudy comes back with my coffees and hot chocolate. “Here you are, January. How’s that shop running?”

“It’s fine.”

“I heard that Fristoni boy has signed on with you.”

I raise a brow and look at her. “Miss Trudy, you’re well aware that Jack and my brother have been good friends for a long time, and if Jack believes in us, then we’re going for it.” How this woman always finds out all the information around town is beyond me. She mumbles something about Jack stealing cookies, and I shake my head and tell her to have a good day as I head back out into the cold.

I walk a few doors down and enter our shop, placing the coffees on the counter and checking the calendar for today. Blossom will be in soon, and my mom should be here any minute with Lily. I need these moments in the morning to get our spreadsheets ready for the day and see where our bottom line ended the day before. The few sales we had yesterday were good, but we need more. Jack will be signed on at the end of the week, and by the end of the month, we will be back in the black. On paper anyway.

Being indebted to somebody is the worst feeling in the world, especially when there is no answer in sight for how you will be able to pay it back. I haven’t slept in weeks, and the only thing I did for myself was hook up with that guy at the Range Bar and Grill. And that felt just as fleeting as everything else in my life. The moment I realized what I had just done, I pushed him away, grabbed my shirt, and ran.

It’s not something that can happen for me anymore.

“Good morning, my sweet sister!” Blossom sing-songs as she enters the store.

I groan, “It’s too early for your happiness.”

“It’s never too early!” She swipes a coffee cup from the counter. “You need a little spice in your life, sister, and I think I know exactly where to find it.”

I narrow my eyes at her over my own cup while I sip. I don't like where this is going. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, you’re here on time today, and we have a delivery coming in.”

I roll my eyes and lean against the counter. “You need to stop with this delivery guy. If he’s so hot, you date him.”

“Nope, he’s not for me. Lily has an attachment to him already, so I think it’d be in your best interest to meet him.”

I point at her. “You keep my daughter away from strangers, Blossom. I’m serious. I don’t know why you think any of that is okay.”

She waves her hand at me. “Relax, she’s always right there with me. He’s a nice guy, always brings her a cookie from the bakery.”

“What! If he drives a white van with no windows, I’m going to hurt you.”

She snickers. “He drives a delivery van; relax, it has windows.” She puts her hand on her hip and looks upward. “I did see a box full of puppies in the back. Could just be coincidence though—oomph!” She laughs as she dodges my fist.

“It’s not funny, Blossom.”

“I’m just teasing you… but listen.” She steps close to me. “I know it’s been hard, I just don't want to see you live your best years alone.”

“I’m not alone. I have Lily,” I reply indignantly. I don’t need sympathy from my sister.

“And she’s the best thing about this family. But you need someone too. It’s okay to want a partner, a man's help and touch.”

I don’t want to admit it, but she’s right. I’ve hardened myself against meeting anyone, and especially to love. I lost the best man I knew at fifteen, and then, at twenty-six, I lost a man I hardly knew but thought I loved because he was my daughter's father.

I can’t open myself up to another loss or another opportunity to see how my rash decisions change all the lives around me. It’s why the guy from the bar needs to be a one and done.

“Momma!” I hear Lily come bursting into the shop, dragging my mom behind her. She runs right to me, and I grab her up and swing her around. Her puffy pink winter coat and oversized hat are cold against my body.

“Hey, baby! I missed you! How was breakfast with Nana?”

“So good!” I laugh at her excitement. “We had eggs and bacon!”

“Oh that sounds great!” She wiggles in my grip so I place her down. “Thanks, Mom. I appreciate you bringing her here.”

“Oh, it's no problem, honey. I love being in this store.”

My chest feels tight as she wanders around and takes in the pictures of her and my dad hanging on the wall full of family photos. Dad always kept some there, but once he passed, we filled it even more. It brought mom comfort to see all the amazing times we had together. But all I feel is the burden I'm placing on her over and over by asking her to watch Lily and then bring her here, to the place they built together. To me, it's just another reminder of what we lost. The good times were buried when we buried him. His funeral aged me and suffocated me and the only way out I knew was to run. Of course, that led to more bad decisions that aged me even further.

“Lily, are you ready?”

“We just got here, honey,” my mom says.

“I know, but I want to take her down to the library for a few. They’re starting the sign up for the lottery for pre-kindergarten classes, and I want to make sure I get her name on the list.”

“But deliveries aren’t here yet!” Blossom calls out.

“But you are here and you’re more than capable! Peace out, sister!”

I have to get out of here. Between running into him and Mom smiling at the pictures, just like she smiled the day of the funeral, it's too much. My mind is spinning with possibilities I swore I wouldn’t allow myself to think of again. How can I? It’s not about me. Lily is my number one priority.

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