Wrapped in Winter (Seasons in Montana: Winter)

19. January

Chapter 19

January

T rue to his word, Drake brought Lily back in under an hour. I watched as he held her hand and walked very slowly down the sidewalk. It made me stop and recognize that he was letting her be independent instead of just carrying her along. I’m helping a young woman when they enter the store, and I see that she does a double take.

“Wow. Hot dad for the win.”

Her words catch me off guard, and my heart beats rapidly in my chest. Could Lily have a dad after all? The thought takes me by surprise.

“Momma! I got cookies!”

She comes running to me, and the woman gasps. “Oh my god, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to say that about your husband.” She’s obviously completely embarrassed.

“No, it’s okay! Don’t be sorry. He's not my husband.”

She looks back and forth between us three, trying to figure out the relationship as I do my best to breathe deep and not let Drake hear our interaction. I bend down to Lily’s level. “You only had two cookies, right?”

Her eyes get big, and she glances back at Drake. I see him give her a wink and she nods, pulling a cookie from her pocket. “This one’s for later.”

I smile, brushing the hair from her eyes. “Later.” I give her a kiss and stand. “Thank you for taking her.”

“Anytime. We had fun, didn't we, Pretty Lily?”

“Yes! Drake says he can cook, can he cook us dinner? Momma, please, can he?”

The customer makes a humming noise and says under her breath, “I’d say yes if I were you, Momma.”

She smiles as I look at her, and again I try to calm myself with the deep breathing.

“Only if Pretty Lily helps me.”

She jumps up and down. “I wanna help!”

“You’re making it pretty hard to say no, Drake,” I say.

“That's the point, January,” he retorts.

Lily throws herself around his leg, leaning back and laughing while looking at me upside down. The scene grips my heart.

“She’s never done this with anyone. Not even Lief,” I say with wonder.

His lips twist and he winks. “She’s like her momma—knows a good thing when she sees it.” He tickles her sides and grabs her, throwing her up in his hold. “We’re going to the store to get dinner, and we’ll meet at your house.” He holds out his hand expectantly, and I look at it. “I’m not looking for a high five, I’m looking for keys, January.”

Of course, he needs keys to get into my house. This is fine. Keys are fine. “They’re on the counter; a picture of Lily is on one of the keyring. That’s the one to the front door.”

Oh my god, he needs a key. Before I can think twice, he’s walking out the front door.

“Whew. Girl, you better hold onto that one.” The customer walks to the other side of the table, looking at the items. My arms drop to my sides and I lean my head back, looking up. What in the world was that?

I let myself imagine, for just a moment, what it would be like to have Drake as ours. To have someone I could depend on, to have an extra set of hands. I’ve done everything myself, and I’m tired. The new year has just started, the cold is solidly upon us, and the words my Dad always said to us as kids seem so much more accurate now. “Embrace the emptiness, wrap yourself in winter, and don't ever fight the quiet, knowing once it thaws, a new day is upon us.”

I walk into my house and the smell of dinner is amazing. There’s normally no time to prepare anything great for myself. Lily is very picky, so it’s usually chicken nuggets with a side of green beans. I’m surprised I get her to have the beans, but a win is a win. I hear music playing and recognize Kidz Bop is on the stereo and Miley is singing about a party in the USA.

“I’m home!” I call out over the music, and they both answer, “In here!” My heart races, but with excitement and not anxiety this time, and I find myself smiling as I walk into the kitchen.

Lily is standing on a chair at the counter, shaking her little bottom to the music. She has an oversized apron on, and her hands are covered in flour.

“What in the world is happening here?”

Drake turns around with a boyish smile and a look of embarrassment. “We got a little carried away.” He uses the back of his hand to brush his hair from his forehead.

“I see that.”

“Momma! Look! We take the chicken and dip it in the eggs, then we put it in the lily and then the pan!”

Drake laughs. “She means in the flour.”

I smile. “Well, technically lily is a flower, so I see the confusion.”

“And Drake colored on his arm!”

I step further into the mess of my kitchen and glance at his arms. Those strong forearms that I want to hold onto once more. Then I focus on the one with a long stem and writing.

“She means my tattoo.”

“Boy, you guys seem to know a lot about each other, huh?”

“We’ve been having a great time today. Right, Pretty Lily?”

“Right, Drake!” Lily giggles, and it’s hard not to understand how she’s so enamored with him.

Because I sure am.

“What can I do to help?” I ask, glancing around. I see the table is already set, and there's even a candle in the middle of it.

“Nothing. We’ve got it under control. Sort of. Just have to fry up these last two pieces, and we’ll be all set.” He wipes his hands on the towel, then steadies Lily on the floor. “Run to the bathroom and wash your hands.” When she scurries from the room, he comes close to me. “Thank you for trusting me today with her. I know it was a lot for you to do.”

His words fill my heart. I’m glad he acknowledged it, and it makes me feel less controlling. It also makes me feel it’d be okay to let him help again.

He takes my hand, running his fingers over my wrist. “You know, actually cooking dinner rather than just buying it, is a bigger act. It requires more thanks. So, by my count, you owe me a lot.”

I smirk at his comment and lean in closer, tracing the collar of his shirt. “How many times have you jerked off thinking about me?”

“Countless.” he replies without thinking.

“Then by my count, it seems you owe me.”

His eyes dilate then wash over me like a touch I can literally feel. He steps back, still holding my hand, and twirls me slowly before pulling me in close to him. He’s done this move before and it makes me feel so powerful. Like, he just has to put me on that pedestal and make sure I know it. “January, I’ll fucking owe you every night for the rest of my life if you’ll let me.”

“Come on, baby girl, climb on in.” Lily snuggles into her bed, and I hand her one of her favorite stuffed animals, a little turtle that Courtney gave her.

“Can Drake put me to bed?”

“Oh, sweetheart. I don’t think so.”

“Please? I just want to say goodnight.”

My heart constricts in my chest because she’s gotten so attached before we’ve even established anything between us. Exactly what I didn’t want to happen is happening, and I can’t stop it because it’s already too late. She watches me with big blue eyes, and I give in.

“Let me go get him.”

When I turn into the hallway from her room, I run right into Drake. “I wasn’t spying, I promise.” He laughs, and I shake my head. “I was coming out of the bathroom and heard her ask for me.”

“And you wanted to see what I would say?” I purse my lips.

“Well, yeah, kind of.” He leans in, kissing me on the forehead. “I’m glad you said yes.” He squeezes my hand and walks into her room. I lean against the door jamb and watch as he sinks to the floor by her bed.

“You need to sleep, Pretty Lily. We had a big day today.”

She nods. “I had lots of fun with you.”

“And I had lots of fun with you.”

“Can we go for cookies again tomorrow?”

He chuckles and glances back at me. “If your mom says it’s okay, sure. But I have to work so it will be later in the day.”

She watches him with a grin on her face before letting out a big yawn. He tucks the blankets in around her and begins to stand.

“Wait!” she says and sits up, throwing her arms around his neck. Tears sting my eyes instantly. “Good night, Drake.”

He wraps his arm around her, hugging her, then hands her the little turtle again as she settles back on her pillow.

“Good night, Pretty Lily.”

He backs from her bed, meeting me in the doorway. We step out together and shut the door. He grabs my hand and we walk to the living room, where he hands me a glass of wine and picks up his own.

He gulps it then looks at me and laughs. “Maybe I should bring you the bottle. Your face is looking like how I’m feeling right now.”

“Shock?”

He laughs nervously. “Just a bit.”

Anxiety begins to race through me. “Rules. I need rules, Drake. I don’t understand what’s happening. Everything I swore off is now staring me dead in the face.”

And instead of me comforting him, he comforts me as I plead for understanding. “Hey, it’s okay.” He moves closer to me on the couch, placing his hands on my face and forcing me to look at him. “I wasn’t expecting any of this either. I saw a hot girl I wanted to fuck, and I had no idea I’d be sitting in her home, cooking her dinner, and then putting her daughter to bed. But here we are.”

I shake my head. “So simply put.”

“And anything but, right?”

I nod. “Right.”

“January, I want to be here. Your moods and fears won’t scare me off. I don’t know what it is to be a dad, and I’m not trying to step in as one. But I have to tell you, I’m falling for this amazing little girl, and her mom isn’t so bad either.”

I close my eyes and let out a breath. “I don’t see what you see.”

“Then let me tell you. Her mom is actually the hottest woman I've ever laid eyes on. She’s a badass who’s gone through some shit but is still standing. She’s running a business, caring for her family, and raising a badass little girl. But she deserves love too.”

“You throw around the L word quite often, don’t you?”

“Remember what I said. If I think about it, I say it. And I’m not saying I'm in love, but I’m saying I can get there.”

“I need you to be patient with me.”

“Patient is my middle name!”

I laugh at his outburst, and he throws his arm around me, pulling me in close to his chest.

“You're a good man, Drake, and I don’t know what I did to deserve meeting you.”

“If it makes you feel better, the things I want to do to you right now don't make me a good man.”

I giggle and turn my face into his neck. “You always know what to say to lighten the mood.”

“It’s a gift.”