Wrapped in Winter (Seasons in Montana: Winter)

20. January

Chapter 20

January

I had to cancel on Drake tonight. I know he thinks it’s because I’m running. I’m not, not really. I do have to be at the store. We just got a huge shipment in, and I need to get things organized. I need to do inventory, and I need this lot to sell in order to bring us into a comfortable position. But after making us dinner the other night, and tucking Lily into bed, my anxiety is running high with hope and fear.

We met with Jack and his attorney and signed all the paperwork. Dress Me Up boutique is officially out of the red, but we’re in so much deeper than that now. Jack Fristoni is a silent partner, and though he sat at the table and didn’t say a word while Lief and I went through the remaining open stock, he was listening to every bit. At the end, he offered to travel with Lief to surrounding towns in the spring and get ideas on their items. It wasn’t bossy, but it felt like he was very comfortable moving into this position.

So all I can do now is push our marketing aspect and open a website. Anything I can do to get this loan paid quicker and keep us in the black, I’m going to do.

But for now, that meant canceling on Drake and enlisting my mom to keep Lily overnight. It's good for Mom to not be alone, but I don't want to take advantage of her either.

It’s after ten at night, and I look at the remaining four boxes I have to unpack. The items are gorgeous though so I’m excited to open up the rest. With each new box, the items are better and better. The lingerie is exquisite, and the dresses that have come in rival ball gowns. The resort has black-tie events sometimes, and now that we have updated items, I'm hoping they sell out as fast as they came in.

My text alert goes off and I almost ignore it, trying to stay focused on the job at hand, but then I remember Lily and know if something happened, Mom would check in.

Drake: I hope the rumors are false.

Me: I didn’t leak the stamina rumors.

Drake: Oh, baby, you’re asking for trouble. But we know those are definitely false.

Me: Are they?

Drake: Do you need reminding? But that’s not what I’m talking about. Tell me you’re not alone at the shop at ten at night.

Me: I have to work.

Drake: Where’s Pretty Lily?

Me: With her grandma.

Drake: I’ll be there in ten.

Drake: If I get there and the door is unlocked, you’re getting a spanking.

Me: Dramatic.

Drake: Caring.

I stare down at my phone before sliding it back on the counter. I close my eyes and inhale deep, letting the memories flood in.

I've found myself thinking a lot about Sean since meeting Drake. The difference between them is night and day. And I know I shouldn’t be comparing, especially because Sean was not the nice guy he originally portrayed, but I can’t stop wondering if I have it in me to try again.

This time around means so much more since it’s not just about me. I have to worry about Lily and letting someone into her life.

Life with Sean was exciting. He took me to exclusive, fancy places and spent money like it meant nothing. It was glamorous, and I thought I was in love. We were together for quite some time, and he spoke about our future but never about getting married. At that point in time, I didn't really care, I guess. I was young and into partying and couldn't see past the night ahead.

But the moment I found out I was pregnant, it was like a light went off in my head. Everything he said felt different. It didn’t feel like concern, it felt like control. Before that, when I wanted to see Courtney, he’d make plans with his friends and insist I go with them. And he hated Jack. Which was fine, because I didn’t much like Jack then either. He was working all hours of the day, going to dinner with clients at night, and Courtney was home alone with their son. Joey was six months old when Courtney began talking about moving back home. She told me she hated being by herself, and even started dropping hints about how I was leaving her alone too.

So I convinced her Jack was an asshole and she should go back to Wintervale.

A few months after she left, I found out I was pregnant. When I told Courtney, she was happy for me but also scared I’d wind up in the same lonely spot as her. “Sean isn’t like Jack,” I told her. “He doesn’t leave me home alone, and is always making plans to take me out.” Only that wasn’t true, not by then at least. The minute I told Sean I was pregnant, all the attention he paid me stopped. He made plans on his own, always telling me it was work related, and he’d bring me home something to eat.

The morning he died, we had a big fight. I told him my brother was coming to town and I wanted to see him. Sean insisted Lief was coming to convince me to leave him. He said I was better off without my family, not being the one responsible for them. He even told me to stop calling my mother because she was nothing but a downer, always bringing up stories about my dad.

I know now that he was trying to distance me from them and make me more dependent on him. And the same reasons I told Courtney to leave, were happening to me. I told him I was going to see my brother no matter what he said, and that's when I saw Sean for who he was.

“You’ll call your brother now and tell him I’m taking you on vacation. You won’t see him, and he won’t have a chance to talk you into leaving me.”

“Why would he do that?”

“You’re pregnant with my child. You won’t be leaving my sight.”

“They don’t even know I’m pregnant and no one said anything about leaving, Sean. What are you talking about?”

“I hear you talking, you know. You think with all my money, I don’t have cameras in this place?”

My heart sank, and for the first time, I was fearful of him.

“You'll never leave me, January.”

He slammed the door and walked out. I ran to the bedroom, shaking and crying and knowing I was going to have to make a tough decision, but I had no idea how to do it.

Seems life had other plans for me.

I packed two bags and sat at the dining room table waiting for Sean to come home. I still wasn’t sure what I was going to say; if I was going to give an ultimatum or just simply say I was leaving. I was preparing myself for the venom he would spew, but I would take it if it meant I’d free my baby and me from him.

My phone began to ring with a local number, but one I didn’t recognize.

“Hello?”

“This is Dr. May from West Side General Hospital. May I speak with January Nilsson please?”

My heart began to beat rapidly. “This is her. What happened?”

“Sean Roberts has been in an accident. I think you should get down here right away.”

“Is he okay?”

“I can’t give any information over the phone. Just please hurry to the hospital.”

For the second time in my life, a man was taken from me, but this time, it was a relief. And the guilt that followed that relief wrecked me. I stayed longer in New York City than I should have, but I needed to prove I could do this alone. I was so mad at everyone for leaving and also coming and going out of my life, that I was going to build a new one, just me and my daughter.

Sean’s friends disappeared, which wasn’t a hardship, and I moved out of the apartment he owned. I signed up with an employment agency who placed me with different accounting jobs. It got us by, but just barely, and I knew that was no way to live. I couldn’t count on anything steady, and Lily deserved that. So I saved up enough money to get us one-way tickets back to Montana. I texted Courtney that I was coming home and asked that she pick me up from the airport.

Lief showed up instead.

I didn’t know what to say so thanks was all I got out. He grunted something in return, grabbed my daughter, and made me carry the bags. The ride home was silent.

But the trauma of losing Lily’s father and having to go through it all alone still haunts me. I stayed strong back then because I had to. I couldn’t let sadness consume me, or I'd make us both sick.

So I pushed it aside, buried it deep with memories of my dad, and moved forward, erecting a wall that no one was ever going to get through.

The doorbell to the stockroom goes off and yanks me back to the present. My head is swimming, and I feel dizzy as I stand and check my phone.

Drake: Let me in.

What a loaded sentence.

I walk to the back and unlock the door, letting Drake inside. He steps through and brushes the snowflakes from his jacket before shrugging out of it.

“Are you okay?”

I furrow my brows. “Yeah, why?”

“Because I’m not.”

“What's wrong?”

He grabs me, pulling me in close and wrapping his arms around my waist. “I need this.” He kisses me, building it higher before pulling back, leaving me breathless. He chuckles. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“You're not playing fair. I was fine until that.” I spin from him, needing to get back to unpacking, but I jump when his hand lands on my ass with a resounding smack. “Hey!” I spin back to face him.

He curls me into him once more. “Sorry, but I told you you were begging for a spanking.”

“The door was locked until you got here. Relax, caveman.”

We’re swaying, and the hold he has on me is comfortable, familiar almost. “How much do you have left? Let me help.”

“Don’t you have to get up early tomorrow?”

“Nope, it’s my day off. I’m all yours tonight.” He waggles his brows and I chuckle.

“Go home and sleep, Drake. You don't need to be here working.”

“It's not work when I’m with you.”

“Oh come on,” I drawl out and pry myself from him. “You’re laying it on thick right now.”

“I missed you. So If I need to spend time here with you while you’re working, I’ll do that. It’s not a hardship, January. Especially if you’re bending over to sort through boxes.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m putting your ass to work then. Come on.”

I yawn for the fifth time in about eight minutes. “Why don’t I take you home? You’re exhausted.”

“There's only one box left. I want to get all this laid out for the weekend. Besides, Blossom and Lief are opening the store tomorrow, so I can sleep in for a bit.”

“Your mom is keeping Lily?”

“She remembers how these stock nights went, so she knows not to call me until I call her tomorrow.”

“Good, you need the rest.”

I watch him open the last box, and I know it’s the Love and Lace lingerie sets we sent for. And when he opens the first bit of plastic wrap, he gasps.

I giggle. “What’s wrong?”

“I feel like a peeping tom right now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, some woman is going to come in here and buy this, then wear it for her boyfriend or husband. And I’ve already seen it. It’s like she’s cheating.”

I laugh out loud. “Stop it. You’re being ridiculous.” He continues to sort through the box and stops when he holds up a deep pink set.

Razz-Ma-Tazz Raspberry.

The same set I was wearing on our first night.

He looks at me. “You had this on.” He holds the lace in his hand, balling it into a fist. “You were gorgeous in this color.”

“You remember?” I ask breathlessly.

He stalks closer to me, still holding the set. “I told you, I remember everything about that night. I emblazoned it onto my mind in case it was the only one I ever got with you.” His thumb rubs my cheek. “I’m so glad I get more.”

Unable to hold back, I throw myself against him, my hands going to his hair. He grabs at my ass, lifting me, and my legs wrap around his waist. That same feeling I had the first night is running through me once again. I can’t get close enough fast enough, and fear be damned, I want this man. I want him like my last breath and I don’t care if it’s good for me or not. If I'm ready or not.

I grind against him and love the strength he possesses to just hold me while I do so.

“Why is this happening again?”

He laughs low, a rumble running through his chest. “I’m irresistible.”

“Go to the changing room. There’s a couch.”

Again, the low rumble comes from him as he walks us to the back, still kissing me. When we get to the couch, I slide out of his hold and grab at the button on his jeans. His hand covers mine, stopping me.

“Wha–”

“Let me take you home. Make love to you in bed, my bed .”

“No.” I push his hand away and yank on his jeans and push him to the couch.

“You don’t want to come home with me?”

“I want you to stop talking.”

He laughs and leans his head back. “If you insist.” He threads his hand through my hair as I take him into my mouth, and I shiver at the tight hold. It’s been some time since I’ve done this but Drake makes me feel good, makes me feel like I can’t do anything wrong with him.

As if reading my mind, he says, “Fuck, your lips look so good stretched around my cock.” His dirty talk turns me on. I’ve never had a man speak to me like this, but it makes me feel sexy and wanted. I look up at him and he’s watching me with hooded eyes and a relaxed jaw. When I take him to the back of my throat and cup his balls, squeezing slightly, his chest expands and the smile that crosses his face makes me feel like I'm a queen. I giggle at his expression.

“What’s so funny?”

I pull off him and say, “You’re smiling,” before nibbling on his head and stroking his shaft.

“You’re sucking my dick. Of course I’m smiling.”

“Drake!” I yell out and laugh again.

“Oh, baby. I love to hear you scream my name.” He reaches down, cupping my breast and smoothing his thumb over my nipple. And just like our first night, it lights me up inside. Every touch from him is brand new, and it’s as if I’ve never been touched properly by anyone until I met him.

He weaves his fingers in my hair again, and I relish his tight hold. The harder I suck, the faster he thrusts, and I know he’s close. I place my hands on his thighs and relax my jaw, tapping his leg and looking up at him. He knows I’m giving him the green light, and he lets out a moan. “You want me to fuck your mouth, January? Does this turn you on?” His words are like electricity running through my body, and I hum around his cock in my mouth. “Just wait until I get you in my bed. I’m going to do this right. These quick hookups are fun, but I’m dying to have my way with you all night long again.”

My eyes roll and his hips work faster. He mumbles incoherently, and I feel the second he’s ready to explode. His thighs grow taut, and he grips my hair tighter before shouting out and releasing down my throat. He pulses in my mouth and his body shivers as he pulls away. Falling onto the couch, he leans back, slowly stroking his cock that now lays on his stomach. His eyes are watching me and his lazy smile makes my heart sing.

“That was so fucking good.” His hand falls to his side. “I needed that so bad.”

I crawl to him, positioning myself between his legs again and lightly drifting my hands up his thighs and all around where his cock lays spent, simply touching and admiring him.

“How often do you have overnight stock shifts?”

I laugh at his question. “I always hated these nights, but tonight makes up for the rest.”