Wrapped in Winter (Seasons in Montana: Winter)

24. January

Chapter 24

January

“ N ana!” Lily goes running into my mom’s house and I laugh as she takes the turn a little too fast and wipes out.

“Lily! What are you doing, you silly girl?” My mom helps her up and Lily hugs her tight.

“I was so happy to get to you!” Lily laughs and my heart skips a beat. This little girl knows nothing of the awful events that surround her, and just loves so big. We could all learn something from her.

“I’m happy you got to me!” They both hug again. “Come on, I made you chocolate chip cookies.”

“You’re going to look like a cookie, Lily. “

“Drake said that too, Momma!” She laughs. “That's so funny!”

My mother gives me a knowing look. “Drake’s pretty funny, huh?”

I wave my hand and she tsks me. “Don’t dismiss me.” She pulls out the chair at the table and helps Lily up. Then she goes to the fridge and grabs the milk along with a glass. “Your sisters filled me in.”

I groan as I see the twinkle in her eye. “I knew they’d rat on me.”

She chuckles while pouring the milk for Lily, then placing it back in the fridge and pulling out a bottle of wine for us. “I think we can use some of this, don’t you think?”

I collapse in the chair next to Lily while she digs into her cookies. Mom pours two glasses for us then grabs the coloring book and crayons from the counter. “Here you go, baby.” Lily does a little dance in her chair and then begins coloring, concentrating hard on her picture.

“Drink up, and tell me all about Drake .” Her eyes twinkle again and I roll mine.

“Are you sure you want to hear all the details?”

Mom laughs. “January, I had four children. I know all about details .”

I breathe deep. Mom and I never really had this type of relationship. I can't help but feel like I stole that from us both. When you're a teenager you're busy hiding all the details from your parents. It isn’t until you find that one , that I think everything changes. Because that’s where I’m at right now. I want to know about her and dads’ story and I want her advice. Even if I’ve already done it once, this time feels like I’m doing it right.

“How did you know dad was the one?”

She sputters on her wine. “We’re that serious?”

I shake my head. “No. I mean, no.” I shrug. “Maybe?” She laughs and pats my hand. “I just want to hear your story.”

“Your dad chased me.” I huff a laugh. “He did!”

“You’re only saying that because he isn’t here to tell his side.”

Her eyes soften. “He would have said the same thing. You’re very much like him, January.”

It’s fresh in our mind because his anniversary just passed. I realize how much I still don’t know about him because I didn’t have the adult relationship where I want to know things now that I didn’t care about back then.

“Your dad and I met the summer I graduated high school. He was eating at Trudy’s diner and I was his waitress. He asked me out the minute I asked him what he’d like to order.” She smiles. “When I told him no, he came back every day until I said yes.”

My mind wanders back to when Drake asked for my phone number. When he questioned if it was the right one, he said he’d come back every day until he got it. “Seems a bit extreme, huh?”

“He told me it was love at first sight. And though I found him extremely handsome, I was young and didn’t know what to feel. He gave me butterflies and goosebumps but since I never met a man that had done that prior, I didn’t know how to explain it. We went out that weekend and I knew he was it for me. Not a day passed that we weren’t together until the day he died.”

I close my eyes. I can’t imagine the grief she had to deal with. She was so young, and everything about her life changed in a matter of months.

“We got married at the end of that summer. Everyone thought we were crazy but your dad wanted to be married before winter.”

“Why?”

“He wanted to be ‘wrapped in winter with his only love’.” She smiles and my heart constricts. “He was such a romantic. I think I miss that the most. A man who is free with his love is one to be treasured, January.”

We sip from our drinks and I sit replaying Drake’s words of how he speaks what he feels.

“Would you do it differently knowing you'd lose him so soon?” She looks at me and even I’m caught off guard by my own question.

“I was a widow before I was forty years old. I had four teenage children that suddenly became fatherless. Right now I’ve lived almost as long without him than I did with him. But no. I wouldn’t do anything differently, January. Your father gave me the four best gifts anyone could ever get. And he loved me big every day since that first day in the diner.”

“I miss him.”

“I know you do.”

“I’m sorry for leaving.” I whisper it and try to stop the tears from falling. Lily looks up at me quickly before going back to her drawing.

Mom reaches across the table and covers my hand with hers. “I understand, January. Believe me when I say I understand. I wanted to run, too. I wanted to be anywhere but here, in this house, this town. It hurt so bad. I don't blame you. But I’m so happy you came home.”

She brushes the hair from my daughter's face and I think how much she looks like my dad. “That picture is beautiful, Lily. Where did you learn to draw like that?”

“It’s the picture on Drake’s arm!” I squint at the picture realizing it’s a pink flower.

“Seems someone else is fascinated by him, too.” She gives me a knowing look pulling my eyes from the picture.

“And that's what I'm afraid of, mom. I’ve lost so much, I can’t do it again. And I can’t do it to her.” I mouth the words, nodding to Lily.

“Don’t put pressure on yourself. Or him. It’s already unfolding the way it should, embrace it. Remember what dad said. The thawing of winter brings about a new day. You deserve a new day.”

I nod, wiping at the tears. “And if that new day begins in a bar bathroom, I say go with it.” She giggles as I look at her with wide eyes.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe them.” I cover my face and shake my head and mom laughs louder.

“Nothing you can say or do will ever shock me. I’m happy for you, January. From what your sisters told me, I hear he’s a nice guy.”

“Too nice.”

“Not that nice if what they said is true.” She winks at me and I want to die right here in my chair. I’ve never talked about sex with my mother and at thirty years old, I wasn't planning to start today. But hearing her tell her story and it seeming to be close to the one I’m living right now, makes me feel good about moving forward.