Wrapped in Winter (Seasons in Montana: Winter)

25. January

Chapter 25

January

I t must be love.

I've never had it before but this feeling is different. The first night was different. And after spending time with my mom and hearing her speak about falling in love with my dad, I’m ready to let it happen for me. I deserve to let it happen, for both myself and Lily.

I’ve been strong for so long I didn't realize I was actually happy now.

I set the table, turned the lights down and lit the candles. Lily is having a sleepover with Blossom tonight and I’m ready to tell Drake I’m all in. I don’t know what that looks like or what it will sound like asking him to be my boyfriend, if that’s something that’s even done anymore, but I'm ready to make it official.

I hear his truck pull in and I check my reflection in the mirror before running to the front door. When I hear him trudge up the porch steps in his boots, I open the door before he can knock.

“Were you watching me out the window?”

“I heard that obnoxious truck of yours.”

”You love it.” He walks in and I close the door behind him as he takes his coat off and kicks off his boots. “It’s so cold out. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.”

“You’ll get used to it. The summers are amazing here and makes up for the cold.”

“It’s going to be some deep thaw for that.” He stops me as I walk down the hallway, backing me up against the wall. “I missed you today.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here now.”

“Me too. Where’s our girl?”

My heart clenches at his words. “She’s with Aunt Blossom tonight.” His eyes glimmer. “Well if that isn’t a look that says you're up to no good I don't know what is!”

He presses himself against me and I wrap my arms around him. “Sometimes I need alone time with just one beautiful blonde.”

“I’m all yours tonight.” I pull him into the living room. “Come on.”

We sit on the couch. “This thing kills me.” He laughs at my electric fireplace.

“You and Courtney have a lot to say about this thing. Sorry we can’t all have a fireplace in our bedroom.”

“It was hot as fuck in my room the other night and it wasn’t even lit.” He gives a wink as we sit on the couch and I hand him a glass of wine. He squints his eyes at me. “What are you up to?”

I shrug. “Nothing. I just wanted to have a good night together.”

“Wine, fireplace and I see the table set. You cooked?”

“I ordered take out.”

We clink glasses and take a sip. And suddenly I’m nervous and have no idea what to say. I have no idea how to start this conversation. I rub my palms on my jeans. Take another sip and look everywhere but at him.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“What? No!” I shake my head. “Are we,” I swallow, “are we even together where we could break up?”

He chuckles, places his glass on the table and takes my hand. “Is this why you’re so fidgety?

“I’m not fidg–”

“Yes, you are. And I think it’s cute. Now relax. It's just you and me. Tell me. Remember what I said on our first date?”

I watch him. I take in his kind eyes and relaxed demeanor. The upturn of his lips as he stares right back at me.

“There's something about you, Drake Ford. Something that makes me lose all sense.”

He puffs his chest. “I’ve heard that a time or two.” I swat at his chest and he captures my hand pulling me close.

“I like this. I like you and me. Together. And I want to keep liking it.”

He leans back with a sly smirk. “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”

“Don’t make it weird!” I cover my face with my hands and he throws his arms around me.

“I thought you’d never ask.” He pulls my hands away and kisses me. “I want to do this with you, January. I’ve been saying it. Are you finally telling me you’re on board?”

I nod. “I won't lie and say I'm not scared, because I am. I’m scared for me, I’m scared for Lily. She’s had loss in her life and she doesn’t even know it. But she will. One day I’m going to have to explain it all to her, and I fear that time is coming.”

He takes my hand. “And I’ll be right here while we explain it to her together. I’ll follow your lead with her, baby. I don't know what it means to be a dad, but I know I want to make life fun for her, I want to be there when she needs me. And I want her to see me making her momma happy, too.”

We’ve moved from the living room to my bedroom. We’re tangled in the sheets and it’s the safest I’ve felt in fifteen years.

“It gets better every time. You’re becoming quite a pro at fucking me just right,” he snickers when I swat at him.

“Why do you always have to make things crude?”

He laughs. “What are you talking about? That's not crude. It’s appreciative. You never complain about my words when I'm buried deep inside you.”

My breath catches again at his words and he throws his arms around me, rolling me to the side.

“Well, for someone who’s been wrapped in winter all her life, it looks like I finally thawed you out.”

My body freezes at the choice of words. “What’d you say?”

“I finally broke through.” He chuckles. “Your name is January. The coldest month here in Montana. I was just teasing you.”

My body is locked up and my heart beats so loud I can hear it in my own ears. “Actually February is the coldest.” I sit up in bed.

“This room is the coldest right now.” He begins to sit up too, circling his arm around me. I push from him and he holds me in place. “What just happened?”

I refuse to look at him. “Where did you hear that phrase?” Suddenly I feel trapped here.

He looks at me with confusion. “About being cold in January?”

“No. Wrapped in winter . Where did you hear that?”

“I don’t-I don’t know. I just said it. Its cold as fuck here and all I want is to be wrapped around you. What is the problem?”

I jump from the bed grabbing his t-shirt and throwing it on over my head and yanking it down to cover my body.

“I’m sorry January if I said something wrong. Tell me what's going on.” I turn from him and head to the bathroom but he catches my arm. “No, we're doing this. You need to work through this.”

“Through what? Let me go.” I try to shake his hand from me.

He steps in front of me, blocking me from moving. “No. Tell me. Tell me why you're angry.”

My whole body is shaking. I feel like I could throw up. I’m sweating but shivering at the same time. The room spins and my vision blurs. And all I want to do is run far from here.