You Belong With Me

chapter029

It was all very well thinking she didn’t hate the exposé, but Edie realised soon after that she needed to warn innocent bystanders. It was a crash course in Being Elliot Owen. Sorry I have unleashed this pack of hounds and grisly scrutiny upon you, purely because you happen to know me. It is not my fault, and yet it is, at the same time, my fault.

You could be technically blameless and feel completely responsible at the same time, it turned out.

She called her dad first, hoping he was less likely to get grief now she wasn’t under his roof. He was blessedly unconcerned. Having no social media, no streaming services, an old mobile phone that he treated as a walkie-talkie, going to the cinema once a year and taking only a hard-copy broadsheet, Edie wasn’t sure he even grasped how famous Elliot was. Which she liked, as long as it didn’t leave him unprotected.

‘No fear, darling daughter, I will treat any members of the fourth estate as I do the callers who are convinced I need to switch broadband provider. Are you having a nice time in London? Oh good. Give my fond regards to Elliot, won’t you? Sorry, got to go – the Tesco delivery van’s just pulled up. Thank God I have some milk again – I’ve been stuck with your sister’s nut juice. Now I am out from under her yoke of oppression, I have snuck in some orange Penguins, too. It’s like Caligula’s Rome here.’

Meg was trickier.

‘I think there was a man outside in a car with a camera, but he’s gone now. You’re coming back to Nottingham today? But not the house?’ she said nervily, and Edie felt awful admitting she was at a hotel until Monday.

‘We can stay at the house if you’d feel safer?’ she said, to vigorous nodding from Elliot.

‘Hmm, no thanks. You and Elliot grunting and rubbing on each other every time I leave the front room.’

‘I’m sure Elliot and I could observe a no grunting and no rubbing rule, if need be.’

Vigorous head shaking from Elliot.

Meg said it was fine and being around their ardour would be worse than door steppers. Edie recognised this concession as her sister’s gruff version of consideration.

Edie reassured Meg that any pests would only be interested in photos of the actual girlfriend, hoping that was true. She was also aware that Meg had the capacity to give paparazzi serious trouble.

‘Even if she hits them with an umbrella, your sister kicking off doesn’t really feed any narrative they want to tell,’ Elliot said, once Edie was off the phone. ‘It’d play too much as here we are, harassing her family. And our being prepared to confirm we’re together means Lillian can do deals with them, so try not to worry too much. I know it’s easier said than done.’

‘Are you used to this?’ Edie said. ‘Does it ever feel usual?’

‘Erm … I wouldn’t say it ever feels usual, but it starts to follow patterns and vague rules. When you can predict it, it’s slightly less overwhelming. Remember that writer bothered my gran though? They always retain the capacity to disgust you.’

Edie had a flood of follow requests on Instagram, shoals of unknowns trying to add her on Facebook, and her mobile flashing constantly with unknown numbers.

‘This is the worst of it,’ Elliot said, squeezing her hand, as their people carrier wove its way into central London traffic. Fancy five-star places had fancy car parks, which meant you didn’t need to leave by the front door. ‘You can’t be the new girlfriend forever.’

‘Oh, good luck to the next one.’

‘That’s not what I meant, and you know it! What do you want to do tonight? Free choice, completely up to you. I’m at your service,’ Elliot said. ‘I more than owe you.’

‘Hmm.’ Edie sat back against her leather, heated seat. At her service sounded promising.

‘I’d like pints in an ordinary pub, a curry, and back to the room to watch RoboCop, which starts at ten p.m.,’ Edie said, much to Elliot’s delight.

‘I mean, Cameron says I can use his private jet if I want, but OK, sure. Wife beater, Nottingham’s finest Ruby Murray, and a film that came out thirty-five years ago.’

‘It’s a classic – maybe you’ve not heard of those, Void boy.’

‘Nice attitude. How about some respect for the way I pay for your prawn jalfrezi?’

Edie was free to be irreverent, because Elliot, who always remained fairly pragmatic about work, had told her ‘some sort of rare magic’ might be going on with Your Table. (‘The script is incredible, as you know. I’ve seen the rushes, and everyone was slightly delirious afterwards. Edie, for the first time, I think I might be making something that people are still rewatching and name checking as a true great in twenty years, you know? I’ve never been part of that before.’)

‘Oh, Fraser and Molly are continuing the Indecent Haste Tour by following us up north and seeing my shellshocked parents,’ Elliot said now. ‘Don’t worry – I’ve made it clear we’ll be on our own this evening. If I try to find time to see Fraser this afternoon for The Talk, is that all right, though? It looks like my only opportunity, and once they book caterers, that’s that.’

Edie said: ‘Of course.’

To facilitate this, Edie made herself scarce when Fraser was heading over. (‘He wants to discuss the stag do with me. Apart from the fact there’s no time for that now, my urge to spend a weekend in Dubrovnik with his zoo of lowlifes versus using that time to see you is zero.’ Edie insisted Fraz’s stag was a one-off and he had to do it. ‘Let’s hope it’s a once in a lifetime?’ Elliot said, rolling his eyes.)

She’d never walked down the hill into the city centre from the vantage point of a boutique hotel on its outskirts before, while her perfectly good home for which she paid a mortgage sat half vacant nearby. Even when Elliot was doing Normal for her sake, it was Normal tilted off its axis a little. Bundled against the cold, she breathed into the red and blue woollen scarf she had wrapped round her face and grinned to herself: I hope no one thinks I am doing this to go incognito. She didn’t think Elliot’s fame had conferred any upon her.

Edie enjoyed an aimless mooch around the shops, phone scrolling over a coffee stop. She had time to skim endless brazen attempts at vague acquaintances trying to reacquaint themselves on her social media.

How did Elliot trust anyone in this environment? No wonder he’d largely sworn off it. Even second-hand, she felt as if she’d opened a door to every false flag and scammer in her orbit, a tsunami of snaky pretenders.

Speaking of which, who should be skulking in Message Requests on Facebook, but last year’s Groom of the Year, accompanied by a wildly hopeful friend request for good measure.

Jack Marshall

Little ET! Well, goodness, I kept meaning to check in and ask how you’re doing, and then bugger me if I find out on the Sidebar of Shame! (Do they even still call it that? We’re so old ) Glad it’s apparently going great guns with the actor. I’ve not seen his show, but I hear it’s very popular, dragons and such? I don’t know if you consort with the unfamous these days, but if you ever fancied mending some charred bridges, I’d love to share laughs like we used to again. I know you’ve got your grievances – you made that very clear – I don’t blame you whatsoever, but life’s too short. Ping me for a pint anytime, same number. We certainly have a lot to laugh about, huh

ALSO, there’s something in particular that’s come up in my inbox … I want your views on it, and you have a right to give your input.

And finally … Charlotte’s engaged again, don’t know if you’ve heard. I’m really happy for her. She deserves someone who wants what she wants. Sod it, I’ll put it in three honest words instead of all this verbiage. I miss you. xx

Edie reread it in wonder.

ALSO, there’s something in particular that’s come up in my inbox … I want your views on it, and you have a right to give your input.

Did he think her too dim to spot a lump of cartoon cheese in a figurative mouse trap?

Charlotte’s engaged again, don’t know if you’ve heard. I’m really happy for her. She deserves someone who wants what she wants.

Hahaha. Only Jack would try to win a Goodwill Ambassador Award from his greatest disgrace. Collecting his ‘Golden Rat’ trophy on stage: I’d like to thank all the trusting women and the casual instant messaging formats that made this possible.

Raising Charlotte at all – a topic Edie assumed he’d go nowhere near – reminded her of Jack’s brand of stealth: normalising what should stay not normal.

Three honest words: well, honest-ish, Edie amended. You miss having power over me. Having a tiny Edie figure to play with, in your little romantic diorama you’ve built. That’s what you love, not any woman.

Edie grinned as she reread his crawling. It was desperate. It positively reeked of his struggle to accept he’d been bested and binned. She didn’t miss him, and she revelled in his total absence from her thoughts. Excellent.

She left Jack’s message as seen.