chapter059
They stared into each other’s eyes for a few long seconds. This hadn’t been real for Edie, not yet. His next words would be definitive, and she’d abandon hope. Edie expected he’d repeat it was agony for him, too. She was on the edge of a cliff, grey sea far below.
‘What do you want to happen with us? Say in a year’s time? If we’re being completely cards-on-the-table honest,’ Elliot said, in a gentler register than before. ‘I know New York right now isn’t it, though I appreciate you offering it.’
Completely honest? Edie glanced at the marquee, from which the sound of ‘Maneater’and excitable shrieks were now emanating. There wasn’t any benefit in Cool Girling this. She knew what she wanted; she’d known since the roses on the doorstep. She didn’t want anything less than everything.
‘Honestly?’ She pointed at the reception. ‘I want that.’
‘Hall Oates?’ Elliot said. ‘Or you want to marry me?’
‘… I want to marry you. Not sure “Maneater”is a smart choice for me.’
‘Really?’ Elliot said, taken aback. ‘A big white wedding like this? That’s your thing?’
If they were flaming out, Edie was certainly doing it in style. ‘Yes, definitely, if it’s with you.’
Elliot frowned. ‘Even the mobile churros cart?’
‘… What?’ Edie said.
‘It’s got You Make Me Melt written on the side.’
Elliot’s face was completely straight, and Edie didn’t dare let herself believe. Was he …? Were they … going to be all right? Oh my God …
‘What do you want?’ she said, heart in throat.
Elliot put his hands in his pockets. ‘Although I didn’t know it until a minute ago, I wanted to hear every last thing you said.’ He paused. ‘Thank you.’
The night was starless and blowy, but no longer cold away from the patio heaters.
‘Including your proposal.’
‘I proposed?’ Edie said, feeling weightless. ‘Fuck, I suppose I did?’
‘I’m afraid so, and even worse, I accept it. My answer is yes.’
Elliot was looking at her from under his brow, smiling, and Edie thought she was smiling – she wasn’t sure.
‘Where the hell is Elliot? Has anyone seen my other best man? I’m downgrading him to Merely Adequate Man,’ came Fraser’s voice, from the din in the tent.
‘We better go back,’ Elliot said, reaching forward and putting his hand in hers.
‘Sure,’ Edie said.
They walked a few steps.
‘Edie.’
He stopped her, spun her round, and kissed her. Edie threw her arms around his neck. Since their first kiss, none had meant quite as much as this one. Elliot had this way of expressing so much in the way that—
‘UNBELIEVABLE!’ came a male voice.
They broke apart to see Fraser right by them.
‘I’ve met some filthy shits in my time, but you two are a class apart. You couldn’t last my reception? Seek medical help.’
‘We’ve been talking, Fraz,’ Elliot said, faux-wearily. ‘Grownups were talking.’
‘Yeah, it looked like it,’ Fraser said. He looked from Edie’s rapturous expression to Elliot’s guarded one. ‘You were talking? Really? About what? Something’s gone on here. Edie’s pregnant, isn’t she?’
‘I’m not pregnant!’ Edie said. ‘I’ve been drinking like a sailor on shore leave.’
‘Well, something’s up,’ Fraser said. ‘Elliot’s got his Mr Important Decision Maker face on. There’s a feverish mood, like I threw water over mating cats.’
‘OK, look. We got engaged,’ Elliot said, under his breath, looking at Edie for her approval. She’d thought it was more of a private pact between them about the intended direction of travel, rather than an official decision. Elliot really meant it? Enough to tell his family? Her heart might burst.
‘DO NOT tell anyone tonight, no one, promise? When everyone’s pissed, it’ll spread like wildfire, and you’ll give our parents’ nervous system dysregulation after your antics,’ Elliot said.
‘At our wedding?! OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE COOLEST THING TO …’
Molly appeared at Fraser’s side, white dress making her a moth in the late twilight. ‘What’s happened?’ she said, agog.
Fraser looked panicked by the pressure to dissemble. ‘Erm … they shagged on the swing.’
Elliot made a disapproving exhalation. ‘We did not shag on the swing!’
‘I used to play on that as a child,’ Molly said, dismayed.
‘Fraz, really!’ Elliot said.
Molly looked appraisingly at Edie. ‘That dress Edie’s in wouldn’t go above her knees. You’d have to unzip it and take it off entirely – I call bullshit, Fraser.’
‘Thank you, exactly!’ Edie said, appreciating Molly being a ‘fashion buyer’ at last. She sensed she could derail further enquiry if she moved fast enough.
‘Molly, can I say, in all sincerity, this is the best wedding I’ve ever been to. Not top five, top one. Best day of your life, but for others, too.’
She squeezed Elliot’s hand, and he squeezed back.
‘Really?! For real?’ Molly said.
‘Swear,’ Edie said. ‘The standard that all weddings will have to meet for me, from now on.’
‘You next!’ Molly cried, and Elliot saw the moment to smile indulgently and herd them all back into the party.
Inside the tent, it was a sensory overload, with the tumult already inside Edie. The music had returned to something Bon Iver romantic, and Edie saw a chance to be sort-of alone.
‘Can I have this dance?’ she said, leading Elliot back onto the monochrome floor. ‘I feel we could improve on the last one.’
‘That’s a low bar,’ Elliot said, as they resumed a dance hold. ‘Are you knobbing someone else? I wanna be your Ford Cortina and run you down.’
Edie laughed until she shook. ‘I was collapsing, playing out hideous scenarios in my mind. Tormenting myself with corrupted imagery.’
‘I know the exact feeling,’ Elliot said. ‘Shall we draw a line under all that?’
‘Let’s,’ Edie said.
‘There’s no way Fraz doesn’t tell Molly our news later, by the way,’ Elliot said quietly. ‘In light of that, do you mind if I break it to my parents in the morning? We don’t need to rush into doing any marrying. They have to see so much second-hand blather about me in the papers – I can’t stand them hearing about this from some in-law of Fraser’s and saying Elliot, what on earth?’
‘You could tell them we shagged on the swing and constructed the engagement as a cover?’
Elliot grinned. ‘It’s an option …’
They tightened and relaxed their hold on each other; Edie laid her head on his chest. They spent a minute appreciating the moment they’d arrived at.
‘We’ve come a long way since I was hired to write your life story, haven’t we?’ Edie said.
‘Fair to say, you understood the assignment,’ Elliot said. ‘You haven’t stopped writing it since.’
‘When I think about how many things needed to happen for us to end up here, it gives me vertigo,’ Edie said. ‘The chances we would ever even meet were so incredibly low.’
‘You don’t believe in “meant to be”?’ Elliot said.
‘I don’t think we were meant to be,’ Edie said. ‘That suggests we could simply wait. I didn’t wait for you, Elliot Owen. I was busy finding myself – at the same time, I found you. Then you chose me, and I chose you.’
‘A division of labour that’s worked. We can bear that in mind for the future? We’ll keep choosing each other. Maybe the trick is to spot if it’s your turn.’
‘That must be what they mean in golden wedding anniversary write-ups when the couple say it’s about “give and take”,’ Edie said.
‘We’re trying for golden?’ Elliot said. ‘Ambitious.’
‘We are. I’m going to try. I think that trying is the lesson I’ve had to learn. I thought I feared failing, but actually I was used to that. I was scared of trying.’ She leaned up to kiss him, in a crowded room. ‘But not any more.’