25. Night Shift
CHAPTER 25
NIGHT SHIFT
Sadie
M y hands are doing that thing where they move without me realizing it.
Tapping fingers, trying to crack knuckles, and shaking my hand back and forth until my wrist aches. Pushing my sleeve towards my mouth, wanting to bite and suck at my fingers.
Anxiety .
I’ve been going to the gym for a month. And the boxing gym is owned by Paxton, so I know it’s a safe space. I’m even in his office, where I have a key to change as the boys work in the women's dressing room they’ve already started to install because of me.
They want me to be safe and work so hard to make sure that I always feel comfortable.
Maybe that’s why I feel guilty as I drag the scale out from where Paxton has it for fight weigh-ins. Stepping on it, I track my progress, watching the numbers as I sweat in the yoga pants and sports bra I’m wearing.
I’ve already warmed up with jump rope and some punches but it’s been on my mind. The number on the scale. Something I hate seeing even though over the past month I’ve lost around twenty pounds.
This has mostly been because of the huge amount of exercise I’ve added to my everyday life. But there's also the Lexapro that took my appetite away for weeks and the healthy food Ant always makes. And the fact that I try to not snack and have been skipping whenever I could. Instead of eating I’m walking and chugging water down.
But none of them have noticed my weight loss.
And every time I look in the mirror I see the same fat girl I’ve always been. The same omega that everyone looked over and I feel the insecurity like a cloak falling over my shoulders.
Someone at work mentioned my clothes being baggy and it made me feel unprofessional, even though it was meant as a compliment. I couldn’t see it. I could just see something was wrong and I needed to fix it.
I couldn’t see any of it and it was making me spiral out.
Maybe the scale was lying to me?
It could be broken.
Or I was broken.
Because right now it was saying that I was officially twenty three pounds lighter than when I had met the boys. And my eyes couldn’t see it.
I needed to see it before I bought new clothes because I could already see myself in a dressing room, crying over things that weren’t the right size.
How did numbers on a tag make me feel so small and so big all at once? It felt like women’s clothing was created as a psychological warfare to always keep us on our toes.
I had messed up when I had sleepily muttered to Cam I was getting new clothes and he would say something to the others about it. I didn’t want them saying anything to me until I had at least ordered a few things and knew what size to try on. Now there was no choice in the matter because no one in the house noticed I had lost weight but as soon as Cam mentioned I needed clothes the stupid knot brains would shift into alpha mode and need to protect me.
I didn’t need them to protect me. I just wanted them to notice me.
Maybe if I worked out just a bit longer….
Sliding the scale back where it had been, I tucked my phone away in my pocket. Just a little longer, I rationalized. Ignoring the fact that I should take a pill to calm down but instead I was putting the headphones on and heading back to the bag to work out some of the aggression.
Paxton had taught me how to wrap my fingers, which I had done earlier, following his technique so I didn’t injure myself.
Now, I was facing off with the bag, looking at it and thinking about how Ant had stood beside me, explaining punches. How I could use it as a tool for when I was upset.
Cameron had kissed my sweaty shoulders, aiming my fists to show me howto turn my body into it.
Jace brought water, making sure I stayed hydrated so I could continue.
All of them doted on me so that I could learn.
A figure was too close to me as the bag swung from my hits. My face probably beat red from exertion. I had gotten lost in the workout as my mind had reeled. I reached out, steadying the bag as I turned to see the man who had watched me box before on the first night I had been here.
I forget his name but the way he is looking at me makes me wish I hadn’t taken off the oversized shirt I had been wearing earlier.
Usually no one came to the gym at this time. It was locked up and people respected that I was an omega that was being courted by the pack who ran it. Since it was mostly alphas and a couple of random betas who sometimes came for the classes that were taught on Thursday’s, they respected a pack's omega. I hadn’t even put on scent neutralizer for my workout because I was so sure I’d be alone.
“So they let you work out here without them, little piggy.”
My heart is in my throat at the cruel name he calls me. Everything I had been feeling when I stepped on the scale hitting me full force. Not only the recent insecurity but the one pushed into me. It’s like being around my family all over again. My alpha fathers were unsure what to do with me and sneering at how I wasn’t what they wanted anymore.
“I bet you squeal real pretty for them, don’t you?” He licks his lips and I step back.
I can smell the way his breath is rotten, sickening me as I wish I heard him come in. I would have ran a lot sooner .
Now I’m here and he’s too close to me. Alarm bells are blaring in my head, blocking out the logic that should be there.
I’m a Freshman in college again and the alpha I’m seeing is holding me down on the floor of my room. Sneering at me as he looks at my stomach. He hated how I looked. Said that an alpha deserved a proper omega, not a jello cutout omega.
“Do you fuck all of them? Are you their little toy to play with? A little cushion is probably good when you’re taking four cocks like the whore you are.” He reaches out to stroke my face but I’m stepping back, my heart hammering so hard in my chest I’m afraid it’s going to burst out.
He smells all wrong. Maybe it’s from being around the pack so much but now around him it’s hitting me how bad other alphas smell. My eyes burn as I try to stay calm. Try not to let his words hurt me.
I’m not safe and my body wants to run and throw up all at once.
“What’s wrong, little piggy? What’s one more cock? Why don’t you get down on your knees for me like the omega whore that you are?” His hand goes to the red silky gym shorts he’s wearing, pulling them down in one tug. I turn my head at the sight of his half hard cock bobbing free.
But the man is jerking it towards me, stepping closer as I try to back away from this.
“L-leave me al-lone.”
I need to fight him but all I can remember is my ex standing over me. The way he called me a whore as he pissed on me in the bathroom as part of his abuse. Covered in cum and piss as he screamed about how disgusting I was. The feeling of him dragging me through the apartment as he locked me in the dark closet alone during the thunderstorm.
A storm outside that had woken me up and had made him get up frustrated that I had moved in bed. He had accused me of messing with him. Accused me of being the reason he wasn’t sleeping, why class wasn’t going right. How I was supposed to be the omega and soothe his alpha but all I did was make it all worse.
“Oink for me, piggy. Here, “ With one hand stroking his cock he shoves the other in his pocket he pulls out a candy bar. At the sight of that I realize he came here with the intention of hurting me, “Come lick my cock and I’ll feed you. Come on little piggy.” I look past him for a way out.
Run .
Shoving him while his hands are full, the man falls backwards as I run as fast as I can to Pax’s office. I throw the door closed, locking it and jamming a chair under it as I dive under his desk as I slam my eyes closed
The door rattles.
“You fat bitch! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!” My hands cover my ears as I curl into a ball.
Please don’t. Please don’t. Please don’t
I’m going to kill you, Sadie.
No one will ever love you but me.
I’m all you have.
You ungrateful whore.
You fat bitch.
No man wants to look at you.
You’re disgusting.
Open the door.
Sadie.
If I have to break it down you’re dead.
YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD SADIE.
Dylan was going to kill me. He was going to find me and kill me. He was going to get out of jail, find me and kill me.
He had ruined my life. Gone so far that I had to drop out of school because I was too scared even after he was locked away from almost killing me during one of his rage moments.
The man was beating at the door as I squeezed my legs together, the terror overwhelming me. My bladder loosened as I squeezed my eyes closed, pissing myself as I sobbed into my hands.
Disgusting . Piggy. Worthless . Whore. Fat bitch.
The words were on repeat, so loud in my head I didn't hear the man leave until it was so quiet that I was jumpy.
Paxton kept his cleaning supplies in a closet in his office. On my hands and knees I cleaned up the piss puddle under his desk. The smell of bleach covering the way my dignity left me.
Tears mixed with the water I used to clean up the mess.
Quiet tears, too afraid to be loud because what if he was outside waiting for me to slip up and make a sound?
Peeling off my wet leggings, I wiped myself with tissues, tossing them in the trash as I slid the dress I had worn earlier on. I shoved my wet clothes in the bag, thinking about how I needed to clean them before Jace did laundry and asked questions I couldn’t answer.
Shame washed over me in huge waves.
How were the guys going to react when they finally saw me how everyone else did? When were they going to open their eyes and realize that they had made such a terrible mistake with me?
Maybe they were too kind and wouldn’t kick me out. Maybe I needed to just leave them so they could find an omega that was good enough for their pack.
My hands slid through my phone, ignoring the texts that they had been sending me. Ignoring the missed calls from them. I was searching for the parole board, seeing when Dylan got out of prison.
Two years.
I had two years until he was free.
Two years didn’t seem long enough. But maybe it was long enough that I could run, creating distance between me and the guys so they wouldn’t be caught up in this.
I could move to Florida. People from Massachusetts loved moving to Florida. It was like something about the orange trees and Disney that drew us in.
I could work anywhere. I didn’t mind hard work and was willing to do anything if it meant that I could take care of myself for a little while longer.
Hitching myself up, I drop my bag into the alley before climbing out the window, pulling it close enough that I’m not worried about a raccoon making its home in Paxton’s office.
I freeze when I hear a car pull up, ducking behind a trash can as I go still, praying that it’s not that man .
“Her car is here.” Jace’s voice sounds as I shut my eyes tighter.
Part of me wants to run to them, cry, and let them make me feel like I’m safe but the other part of me stays hidden. I don’t want to be around anyone right now. I want to call my best friend and just cry on the phone with her.
“Lets just go inside and check it out. She probably got distracted.” Ant is making excuses for me, having to believe that I’m okay.
But I’m not.
I’m not okay.
As I hear the door open to the gym, I run.
I run for the bus that is just about to pull up, going god knows where and I call my best friend as I sit in the back.
“Girl, I know you have four dudes who worship you but-” She stops talking, “Who do I need to kill, bitch? They’re dead. All of them.” My best friend's voice makes me feel safe and I love her for that. Love that I can lay all my vulnerabilities at her feet.
I’m safe.
I have to remind myself this several times because as I ride this bus to God knows where I feel anything but safe.