Chapter 17
Seventeen
GARRETT
One Day until Christmas
When Nat texted me to check on Jonah, I could’ve texted her back. Should’ve texted her back. But I called instead, needing a break from too much family time. I realized this was a mistake when, after discussing Jonah, she asked about Aidyn.
“Did you propose?”
“No. Of course not. You don’t propose on Christmas.”
“Some people do.”
“I don’t.”
The screaming and yelling and then a crash caught my attention, and I rushed to investigate.
I wasn’t prepared for what I found. My mother and Lanie standing on my couch. Justine squawking in Miles’s arms. The Christmas tree slumped against the bookcase while ornaments and crystal Christmas trees littered the floor.
Vivian and Jonah glaring at each other with Chad standing behind them. The air smelling like pine needles, shit, and…wine.
I’d almost gasped at the sight of Reginald cleaning red wine out of my carpet. But it was Aidyn’s face—a mixture of guilt and fear—that caused an uneasy feeling to crawl up my spine. And then I heard it…
Emily’s voice. “I love you, Aidyn. You big goofball.”
I couldn’t look away from the television as a much younger Emily and Aidyn stared lovingly at each other.
Aidyn was just as I remembered. So handsome. Rugged. His blue eyes shining with love. Love for my sister. My chest ached as I gasped for air. As Aidyn told Emily how much he loves her, my heart broke all over again.
“I love you more than anyone and anything in this world.” The proof was in his eyes. His smile.
The silence of the room brings me back. On screen, Aidyn drops to his knees. “I never want to spend another day without you, love. Will you marry me?”
It broke me the first time it happened. But now it’s so much worse. Now I know what it feels like to be loved by Aidyn. For him to call me love in that adoring tone.
Lanie sighs, and Aidyn whispers harshly for Isaac to turn off the video.
I still can’t look away. His eyes are full of love. Adoration. But not for me. Aidyn is the love of Emily’s life. Her happily ever after. Her soulmate.
Their love was tragically interrupted, but that doesn’t change the fact that Aidyn was never meant to be mine.
Isaac finally manages to pause the video just as it turns sideways, as if the person behind the camera didn’t realize it was still on.
This is something my mother used to do quite often.
Half of Emily is on the screen, her arms around Aidyn, but the camera focus is now on the person in the background.
Me.
On my gigantic seventy-five-inch television, in startling detail, a younger me stares at Aidyn, love and devastation written all over his face.
My face.
I remember that moment. The shock of realizing their love was forever. At the time, no one noticed my distress.
That isn’t the case now.
Isaac clicks off the TV, but there’s no way to erase the damage. “Oh my gosh,” Zye whispers, covering his mouth with his hands. Realization dawns in everyone’s eyes as everything clicks into place.
“Garrett…” Aidyn says, and I shake my head.
I can’t talk to him right now.
Jane blinks away tears. Adrian and Isaac exchange looks. Even Simon frowns. The pity on their faces makes me want to hide. Or scream. “So that—” I clear my throat. “I can explain.” But can I? Really?
“I hope so, dear. Aidyn is your brother-in-law. And he’s straight.” My mother whispers the last part.
“Now, hold on, Ellen, this was twenty years ago,” my father says, standing to address my mother and the room. “We can’t blame Garrett for something that happened so long ago. I’m sure he’s moved on.”
I’m so fucking tired of lying. Of pretending.
I’m just done. “No. You’re wrong. I haven’t moved on.
” I don’t look at Aidyn. I just hope he doesn’t hate me.
“The truth is, I fell in love with Aidyn Christy the first time I met him at his father’s bar in Dublin.
” I only pause for a second, needing to get the words out.
“And I’ve been in love with him every minute of every day since. ”
Mother makes a shocked sound. “But he’s your sister’s husband.”
“Emily is gone, Mother,” I say in a harsh tone. “She died. And I wish…” My voice breaks, and I squeeze my eyes shut. “I miss her. We all miss her. But she isn’t here—” I stop myself before saying the rest. And I am.
“Is this why you’re still single? Because you said —” Mother doesn’t say the words aloud, but I remember them. I’m in love with someone. She covers her mouth with her hands. “Garrett… My poor darling—”
“Stop, Mother. Please just…stop.” My frustration isn’t directed at her. Is it for my sweet sister? Or because Aidyn still hasn’t said a word?
She blinks rapidly. “I don’t want you to make this difficult for Christy. He’s been through so much.”
Of course she’s not worried about me. “God forbid, I make things worse for Christy.”
At the mention of his name, everyone turns to Aidyn. While I’m glad not to be the focus of their attention, I don’t know what to expect. Aidyn clutches his hands by his side. Is he frustrated? Angry?
“Were you aware of this, Christy?” Mother asks in a soft tone because she likes to torture me.
Aidyn lowers his eyes. “Um, yes. I…became aware…” And then he stops. But I need more.
“Aidyn?” My question is only for him. His eyes meet mine, and I can see the fear. The panic. This is the perfect time for him to admit he loves me, but I know in this moment he won’t. Can’t, for some reason. At least, not today. Maybe not ever.
My heart breaks all over again. I will always love Aidyn. But he will always be my sister’s husband. That will never change.
I refuse to break down in front of my family, so I wipe away my tears and clear my throat. “I have to go.”
It’s easy to pretend that Nat is still on the phone even though it died at the end of our conversation. I take the coward’s way out. Or self-preservation. It still amounts to the same thing. While my family watches, I rush from the room, determined to flee from my own house.
As soon as I open the door, the icy wind slices through me. I slip back in to grab my coat and trudge through the snow to my car. That’s when I realize my mistake. I should’ve grabbed the keys to the truck. My Lexus isn’t made for winter conditions.
But there’s no way in hell I’m going back. My remaining tears freeze on my face as I get into my car. Gloves would also have been helpful. I let the car warm up, and then I chastise myself. What am I waiting for? Aidyn isn’t coming after me.
No one comes out of the house. After another moment of disgust at myself for believing Aidyn and I had any chance of working, I leave, maneuvering the snow-covered roads as I finally let myself break down.