Chapter 6
B y the grace of the god I don’t believe in (most of the time, anyway), I didn’t actually run into Myah at that first festival. I wasn’t sure how, or even if, I could handle coming face to face with Sebastian’s fiancée again after our little side stage moment.
The day after the festival was a travel day so we could get to the next festival.
Due to Australia’s sheer size, we had to catch a flight to the next city but thanks to Kelly’s remarkable organizational skills, everyone in the Reliant team made it to the airport in one relatively sober piece, we got on the plane and we got to the next festival site with a minimum of fuss.
Sara was fascinated with the whole process.
At the airport check in desk, Kelly had balanced her on her hip and let Sara hold the clipboard while she called out everyone’s name to make sure they were there before we checked in for our flight.
My little girl had loved every second of it, furrowing her brow as she scanned our little group every time someone responded to their name.
Burning Bright obviously didn’t have to deal with anything as mundane as checking in for their own flights.
Kelly explained that the airport had requested it specifically – there’d been rumors online that the band were flying out that morning and the airport staff didn’t have the capabilities (read: the patience) to deal with a crowd of over-excited, screaming fans.
I tried to force down my disappointment that I wouldn’t be seeing Sebastian until we reached the festival, if I saw him at all.
I didn’t want to get my hopes up, just because things had felt so easy, so right at the first stop of the tour, that didn’t mean everything was going to be rosy all the time.
I wanted to be smart about my whole exposure therapy plan.
Seeing that photo of Sebastian, Sara and I had punched a hole through whatever wall I’d built in my brain that kept my fantasies of a life with Sebastian at bay.
I’d wanted to get in touch with him when Sara was born – the news would’ve gotten out eventually, and I kind of wanted him to hear it from me – but it was because I knew it’d keep him away.
We were 23 years old, and he wasn’t exactly the fatherly type.
If anything, I’d always thought Sara was the nail in the coffin where we’d buried whatever the hell we’d had.
But I’d been wrong. I’d never say it out loud, of course, and certainly not in Sebastian’s presence.
I’d underestimated him. He was great with Sara.
He didn’t baby her, but he didn’t speak to her like an adult either.
Sebastian met her on her level, talked to her about the things she was interested in, played with her even if it meant getting sticky handprints over his overpriced designer clothes.
That photo, that seemingly inconsequential picture, was like a window into another world – a life where Sebastian and I had never gone our separate, snarling ways.
A life where we’d stayed together, built a proper mature relationship on the foundations of our lust for one another.
Maybe in that other life, we’d gotten married.
Maybe we’d decided to have kids of our own. Maybe we were raising Sara together.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, every single word coming from that photo was maybe .
I couldn’t listen to those maybes, though.
Couldn’t let my mind run away with them.
Sebastian was engaged to someone else. He was going to get married, and settle down, and have kids with someone else.
That photo might have been a window into another world, but the window was firmly closed. I had to accept it.
So I didn’t want to speak to Myah, if I could avoid it.
Annabelle and Mira assured me she was nice enough, although maybe she was a little stuck up.
A little uptight. I wondered if that’s what Sebastian liked most about her, that she held herself together so tightly.
She was just another puzzle for him to solve, like I had been, except he’d taken the time to find the keys to her heart. He’d taken a sledgehammer to mine.
Of course, Myah took my friendly but noticeable distance as a challenge and sought me out as soon as we’d gotten to the second festival site.
Reliant were high enough on the bill to earn ourselves a little portacabin in the artist’s village.
We’d be staying in a hotel in the nearest city overnight, but having the cabin meant we had a little base of operations while we waited to play our set.
Mira stormed into the cabin to inform me that the members of Burning Bright had a cabin each – the string of expletives that followed that little revelation was enough to make me blush – and apparently Sebastian had a nail tech set up in his cabin so Annabelle, Mira and Abbey were heading over for mani pedis or something equally ridiculous.
Abbey called me about twenty minutes after they set off to ask if Sara could have her nails painted – she’d spotted a glittery pink on the nail tech’s sample board and was in love with it – and I said yes because it’s ridiculously difficult saying no to a four year old.
I was just hanging up the phone when there was a polite but firm knock on our cabin door.
Kelly was typing away furiously on her laptop and Shep had gone off with Jet to try some locally brewed IPA or some other hipster shit so I unfolded myself from the little Ikea couch and pushed the door open.
Myah was standing there, looking way too polished for someone who’d spent the past 24 hours at a festival and then traveling on to yet another festival.
Her long hair was pulled back in a sleek ponytail, and although she didn’t look like she had any make up on, she was flawless in the late morning sunlight.
“Hi Max, can I come in?”
I glanced over my shoulder at Kelly, who’s eyes were about five times bigger than usual. She’d clearly been as surprised as I had been to see Sebastian Jacob’s fiancée standing outside our cabin door.
“Sure. Um, it’s just me and Kelly here right now, the girls have gone to get their nails done and uh, I think Shep has wandered off with Jet somewhere,” I informed her, rubbing the back of my neck as I stepped back to let her in.
“I saw the girls on my way over,” she smiled, warmly enough, as she held up her perfectly graceful hands to show me her freshly done nails. “Hailey’s a genius, she’s one of the best nail techs I’ve ever been to.”
“You know, maybe I’ll see if she can squeeze in one more,” Kelly said, scrambling to her feet a bit quicker than I thought was necessary. “I’ll be on my cell if you need me.”
She clapped a hand on my shoulder on her way out, like that could make up for the betrayal of leaving me alone with Sebastian’s fiancée in an enclosed space with no witnesses, no buffer, nothing.
My anxiety ratcheted up with every step Kelly took towards the door, the sound of it swinging closed was surely my death knell.
“How can I help?” I asked, turning to Myah with what I hoped was a friendly, sincere smile.
I probably missed by a mile, but I was trying and that was the main thing.
My mom always taught me that if you’re in a situation you don’t know how to deal with – like chatting with the woman who’s about to marry the man you spent months secretly fucking five years before – the best thing to do was to be polite.
There’s no awkward social situation that can’t be navigated with just a set of really good manners, apparently.
“I wanted to talk to you about Sebastian.”
“Oh.”
Of course she did. What else would we talk about? If the half-bitten nails on my hands were any indication, we sure as hell weren’t going to swap nail tech recommendations (although I later found out from Abbey and the others that Hailey really was a genius).
It’s not like Myah and I had much in common other than we both knew what Sebastian’s O face looked like.
I’d heard she was an Instagram influencer, or some sort of social media mogul.
I could barely remember my logins and only posted when inspiration struck.
In fact, it was so rare for me to post on Instagram that my name trended every time I did.
I’d always thought it was a weird thing for people to get excited about, but whatever tickles their pickle I guess.
“We should sit down,” Myah told me, her sharp eyes flicking over to the couch then back to my burning face.
“Ok,” I agreed, nodding and following her to the couch like a scorned school kid.
I was so far out of my depth that I was fit for drowning, following her lead seemed like the best option. Letting her steer the conversation meant I could put in minimum effort and hopefully escape it with the least amount of pain possible.
We sat down beside each other, but she turned to face me and I did the same.
It seemed like the polite thing to do. Still, I couldn’t quite bring myself to look her in the eye so I focused my gaze on the MDF wall behind her, which had been painted a truly vomit-inducing shade of green.
It was still more comforting than looking at her pretty face.
“You know, Sebastian is like an open book when it comes to his past relationships. I guess he kind of has to be, when he’s as famous as he is,” she began, her voice surprisingly steady considering we were already on rocky ground.
“It’s never bothered me, that he’s bisexual.
A few of my friends told me when we first started dating that I was just setting myself up to have my heartbroken.
After all, dating someone who’s bisexual just gives him double the options for cheating on me. ”