10 - ANYSSA/CAMILA
10
ANYSSA/CAMILA
ANYSSA’S THIRTY-BEFORE-THIRTY LIST
“H i, beautiful people! I wanted to drop in and check on you. I know you’re used to seeing videos from me everywhere I go, but I’m taking a bit of a hiatus. So, I’m checking in with you from a personal and undisclosed location. However, I dropped in for a couple of reasons. I wanted to see where you guys think I should go next. Two, I wanted to show you something cool I did today, which allowed me to check off item eleven on my list.”
I’m in the glassed-in shower in the bathroom of my suite. Sitting on the shower bench with my back against the tiles, I know my viewers can’t possibly discover my location. The black and clear glass shower tiles against my back don’t give too much away.
I’ve been going crazy all morning not connecting with my viewers. I’d gone down for breakfast earlier and chatted with some of the guests, then made my way to the Black Room in Studio BoDSMe. As expected, no one was there this early in the morning, and it wasn’t Jules who was on staff this time, but Nelson.
I waited around for half an hour, and he never showed up. After his cryptic message yesterday evening, I was sure that I would be seeing him again soon.
Honestly, his arrogance and treatment of Felice had pissed me off, and the fact that they’d been lovers at some point. Yet, after tossing and turning and seeing him in my dreams overnight, I couldn’t help but look for him this morning.
Unfortunately, I never found him. So, I caught a ride off the resort to a little tattoo shop about fifteen minutes away. I ended up with my ass exposed and getting inked up. Afterward, I shopped and grabbed some lunch before returning to the resort.
I came to my hotel room looking for something else to do. Hence, me on my YouTube channel.
“Hi @kitten357. Yes, I danced in the rain, and it was so much fun! So simple, and this sweet and beautiful man I met in Curacao graced me with that wish.”
I smile as the comments flow and scroll through a few until I get to the next one.
“Yes, that’s what I wanted to share with you tonight, @ jorje_7821. I went to this awesome little tattoo shop today and got my ass tatted up,” I say, laughing. “It didn’t hurt, not like my other tattoos, and I guess that’s because of the fatty meat back there, but there are also muscles in your glutes. Anyway, it took him a while to complete it, but I love the results,” I say, shifting on the shower bench.
I angle my phone in such a way as to show my viewers my left cheek, where a lioness paw is tatted. The lioness’s face can be seen through the individual features depicted in each claw.
When I pull the phone back up, I laugh at the comments.
@philbryan701: “Great ass.”
@cruztrader: “Nice tone.”
@tripled3889: “Can I kiss it?”
@dedrickbabymama517: “Where did you get your work done?”
@adamridge_00: “Great body. You stay in shape.”
@damarisxxx: “Who’s your trainer?”
Several more comments like those come through.
“Okay, peeps, I upheld my part. I showed my ass, literally and figuratively. Now, I need to hear your suggestions about my next destination.”
Again, the comments roll through, and people suggest places like the Philippines, Madagascar, Sweden, Finland, Turkey, and Chile. There are several others, but I notice that I have several suggestions for Colombia so that I can see the Rainbow River.
@egyptdiamond: “No, I haven’t found my true love yet. However, I met a very interesting man on this trip. He’s different from any of the others that I’ve met. At first glance, he seems detached and unapproachable, but I sense some layers need to be peeled back.”
@derbywright: “No, he’s not one I want to leave behind like the others. Yet, I don’t know him well enough to call it love, but I do know that I would like to know him better. It’s not a sexual thing with him, but . . . Honestly, I don’t know how to explain it.”
I laugh at the responses and answer a few more questions unrelated to love and Nazário Rivas to keep my ass out of hot water.
“In my next video, I hope to have more to tell you about my next destination. Again, I’m taking some time away to rejuvenate and refresh. So, don’t freak out if you don’t see me on here for a week or so. Everything’s fine. Don’t send out any BOLAs or Ashanti Alerts because I’m tucked away in a quiet little corner of the world, getting my spirit together. Until the next time . . .”
I blow a kiss and end the video. My thoughts wander back to my last conversation with my friends before leaving the States. While I haven’t said as much to anyone and have barely acknowledged it myself, I can’t help but feel heavy about their comments about my life.
I stare at my phone for several minutes before giving in and calling Karin.
“Hey, beautiful.”
“Hi, Mamas. How are you and the baby?”
“Oh, ready to pop, but doing great. My feet are swelling, but other than that, all is well. How about you?”
“I’m good.”
She’s quiet for several seconds before saying, “How are you really , Nys?”
Sighing, I say, “I’ve been thinking a lot, especially after the conversation at your place.”
“I’m sorry that Logan was such an ass. We had a long talk about that.”
“No apologies needed. It forced me to do some thinking too. Don’t get me wrong, I was thirty-eight hot leaving out of there, but I’m really considering the meaning behind his words.”
“Such as?”
“Logan’s words could have reflected many people’s thoughts. People who are too kind to voice their comments or too distant even to care.”
“People like who?”
“Like my viewers. I wonder what my viewers really think about my numerous affairs. I don’t have sex with men everywhere I visit, but I have a lot of sex with many different people. I’m always cautious, and I use protection. Usually, the men are guests at the hotels I’m staying at. Occasionally, the men are random strangers in the city,” I admit, realizing that I feel the confines of depression creeping in on me.
“Are you happy with your choices, Anyssa? Because at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with those choices. Not Logan, not me, not your viewers, or anyone else.”
“For the most part, I am. I’m just ready to settle down.”
“Have you ever considered just being alone and not having a man in your life?” Karin challenges.
“This shouldn’t be a thing, but just hearing you ask me made me afraid.”
“Why?”
Blowing out a breath, I say, “I think about my mother and know that I don’t want to live life as she did. Mommy took me away from my father before I was born. He was abusive, and it was the only way she could ensure she didn’t lose her life and, potentially, mine. She ran away and never looked back.
“Unfortunately, that’s all that I know about my father. I don’t know his first or last name or even what he looks like. I only know that Mommy took her maiden name again, which became my last name. I saw her lonely throughout the years as she worked to provide for me and make a decent home for us. Although she never begrudged me anything that she could afford nor friendships, she did place limitations around allowing people into our home. We have no family other than the two of us.”
“Damn, Nys. I never knew all of that about you and your mom. That’s hard.”
“Throughout the years, I resented that, especially during the holidays when other kids were surrounded by family. It was always just Mommy and me. In my teen years, she would allow me to spend some holidays with friends after spending the first half of the day with her.”
“She must have been lonely, but how much does that speak of her love for you to make that sacrifice to ensure your happiness?”
Tears prick my eyes, and I say, “Does it make me selfish that, while my heart was breaking for me, I was angry with Mommy?”
“Not at all. You were just a kid, honey, and as kids, most of us have selfish thoughts. It takes training, bumping our heads, getting up again, and then maturing and growing to get through those years. I will say that you’re the least selfish person that I know now. You give endlessly to everyone you love. And your mom? She’s your world. You take such good care of her, Nys,” Karin reassures me.
“I have been so heartbroken for her because her life centered on me. I know that she’s lonely even after all these years. My travels don’t help matters because all she has is her church family. But at night and throughout the week, except for Wednesdays, her Bible study days, she’s alone after work.”
“You know my mom and dad have been together for a couple of lifetimes. I admire what they have. It’s strong genuine, and they’ve weathered many storms together. Just like your mom chose not to take a risk on love again, they chose to take that risk. That’s who I modeled my relationship with Logan after. I saw what my parents had and how happy it made them, and that’s what I knew I had to have in my life. Maybe that’s what happened to your views on relationships and men. You chose to run so hard and so far in the opposite direction that you created something that maybe you didn’t recognize or possibly even want. Have you ever considered that?”
“That’s true. I vowed that I didn’t want that for my life. I know that a therapist would look at me and say I have abandonment and commitment issues all rolled into one. I fear being alone like Mommy, so I always seek male companionship. I worry that one day, I’ll look up and have no one, not even a child, to share my life with, create new memories, and share my deepest secrets, greatest fears, and biggest dreams.
“My fear of being abused or left behind prevents me from being able to commit to any man, which is why I can’t hold a relationship. The same thing that happened to Kyrie and me, the fizzle going out, was the same excuse I’ve used with others before and after him.”
“Honey, you have to make a choice. You can either keep going the way you are to avoid being hurt, or you can do what my parents and Logan and I chose to do: Take the risk, fall, and fall hard. If you get hurt again, get up and dust yourself off again. Wash. Rinse. And repeat. Trust me, baby girl, it’s worth the risk to find the right one.”
“We’ll see,” I say.
“I love you.”
“Love you too, Rin. And thanks for listening.”
“Any time,” she says before I end the call.
I push off the shower bench and step outside the bathroom. Grabbing my beach bag and sunhat, I tuck my phone into the bag and head out of my hotel room.
Within ten minutes, I’m on the beach. It’s a little after two in the afternoon, and I decided that I’m going to conquer one of my fears today . . . the nude beach.
“Hi!” I hear a voice call.
Turning around, I see Felice waving from her spot on a sunflower yellow and navy blue towel. I walk to where she’s set up and roll out my towel.
“You’re back. I was sure the wrinkled asses, shriveled dicks, and hairy cooches had run you off.”
Laughing, I reply, “I wish I could say you were wrong. I’m not as brave as I might pretend to be. Initially, they did run me off.”
“And?”
Sighing, I say, “I’m tired of living in fear. I want not only to live life but also embrace it. So, I decided today to conquer one of those fears. I’m going to get off this stunning white sand and walk my sexy ass down to those gorgeous, turquoise waters in all my naked glory.”
I punctuate that statement by removing my top and, slowly and cautiously, look around. No one’s watching me except Felice, whose eyebrows lift slightly above her sunglasses. Beyond that, I can’t see anything.
I untie my string bikini and let it fall onto my towel before I sit down.
Clapping, Felice says, “I’m proud of you. Don’t worry; they may check out your body from afar, but no one will approach, assault, compliment, or condemn you.”
“I didn’t think that,” I say shyly, pulling my knees up to my chest to cover it.
“Word of advice?”
“What’s that?”
“With a body like yours, you don’t need to hide anything. Besides, in that position, you may be covering your tits, but you’re exposing your ass and twat from the other angle.”
Mortified, I stretch my legs, crossing my arms over my breasts.
Felice laughs at my reaction and lies back, shaking her head. It’s not long before she’s returned her attention to some book with a beach cottage on the front.
“Hello, friend!” I hear another voice call.
Looking up, I see the couple from yesterday. Unfortunately, they set up on the other side of me as if we didn’t have this large expanse of beach to choose from. I turn to Felice, who’s still reading but smirking her ass off.
The husband is the first to remove his clothing, but I don’t look. Hell, I’m afraid to turn one way or the other. A nude man standing beside me is hard to ignore, especially when I want to look. Damn, I want to look so bad, but I don’t. I continue staring forward even after knowing he and his wife are undressed.
“Claudia, rub some lotion on my legs, baby.”
“Greg, you can’t do anything for yourself, can you?” she asks.
“You love me like this.”
“I do,” she says.
After a few seconds, I risk a glance at them. She’s got her back and ass turned to me, and she’s rubbing lotion on his shoulders. His dick is hanging free, resting on his upper thigh. Not that I’m trying to check for either of them, but they’re both in great shape.
I turn my eyes away again and wonder what I was doing coming down here like this. I thought I was ready, but obviously, I’m not.
“Breathe,” Felice says, resting a hand on my shoulder.
“Huh?”
She leans closer and whispers, “You look ready to bolt.”
“That’s because I am.”
“Conquer your fears. You’re greater than they are. Besides, this is easy work compared to what will be asked of you in the coming days.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nazár.”
“What about him?” I ask, going on alert.
I wonder what she’s heard or what he may have said to her. After all, I haven’t seen him all day.
“He’s set his sights on you. When Nazár wants something, he gets it.”
“I’m not a toy or some property.”
“No, you’re not. Trust me, he recognizes that. But you’re a beautiful girl. Young, fresh, and na?ve. You’re a dream for a man like him. Nazário is very persistent and persuasive. He’ll take good care of you, but be careful with your heart. If you give it to him, he’ll never give it back. And he won’t give you his in return.”
“I’m not . . . I’m not interested in him like that.”
“Liar,” she scoffs.
“Well, I’m not,” I say calmly.
“Honey, your nipples are hard, you’re clenching your legs together, your fists are balled up, and your tone and posture are all defensive. Trust me, when you were looking at Buddy Balls next to you, your nipples did not get hard.”
I instantly cross my arms over my chest again.
“He’s an attractive man, but I’m involved with someone. I don’t want Nazário.”
“Do yourself a favor, hon.”
“What’s that?”
“Give in to the attraction. I promise that you won’t be disappointed.”
“Why? Because he’s good in bed?”
“He’s a master in the bed, but he’s the lord of mind games. Whew! That might be almost as good as him fucking you.”
The last thing I want is to have this conversation with a former lover of Nazário’s about Nazário. Besides, my curiosity is begging me to ask her if she’s seen him, and I don’t want to give her ammunition against me. That would be as good as admitting that I do want him.
Instead, I stand and say, “I’m going for a walk on the beach. Trying to get comfortable with this new me.”
Shrugging, she says, “Okay. I’m taking a nap, but holler if you need me.”
I glance at the couple on my side, and they both look up, smile, and wave. I give a tiny wave and head away from our little group.
I swear it feels as if one or both are watching my ass. Or maybe that’s just my imagination.
ANNY’S ANNALS
Aloha!
Hey, it’s me again . . .
I had a very disappointing day. I’d gone out this morning to meet the sexy man again. By the way, his name is Nazário Rivas. How sexy is that?
After meeting him yesterday in the BDSM room, I found he was the tour guide for the vineyard and the wine tasting. It was so damn embarrassing. I hoped I wouldn’t see him again after the kink bedroom incident.
Worst-case scenario . . . I was hoping it might be a day or two. But no, to my dismay, it was only hours later. He was watching me when I didn’t think he was, and whenever I’d look up, he would look elsewhere.
He’s Felice’s former lover. The only person here that I kinda know. After dropping that tidbit on me, he chastised her about it. She left us and went to the restroom for a moment. He made a cryptic comment to me yesterday before he left me. He said, “Oh, what fun I will have in showing you that you’re wrong and I’m always right.”
I hoped to see him today, but I’ve been everywhere, and there are no signs of him.
On another note, I returned to the beach today and got up the nerve to remove my clothes. A couple that I met on the vineyard tour yesterday was there, as well as Felice. They acted as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
It was before Eve bit that damn apple and enticed Adam to do the same. Damn, we women have been hell since the beginning of time.
Anyhoo, I shed my clothes and strolled down that damn beach like I was born to do it. No one bothered me or made me feel uncomfortable. Just some waves, hellos, or head nods.
A group of people playing volleyball invited me to come and play. It was funny watching all of them playing in the nude. Guess the same could be said of me because I damn sure played . . . titties and ass bouncing all over the place.
Well, maybe tomorrow I’ll go on the hunt again in search of Mr. Dark and Kinky. I hope I find him.
Until next time, Anny!
Nys