11 - NAZÁR
11
NAZáR
“D eeper, Nazár?”
“Yes.”
“Harder?”
“I can barely feel it.”
“What about now?”
“Yes, love. That’s the perfect spot. Stay right there for a moment and work it out.”
My eyes shut momentarily at the sheer perfection of how good my body feels. Suddenly, a sharp pain forces my eyes to open, and I tense.
“Relax.”
“I can’t. It hurts.”
“Nazár, you’re a big baby. I’ve told you about allowing yourself to get this worked up. It’s been two months since your last massage. You’re tense all over, and the stress of your work, your workout regimen, and failure to get routine massages have every muscle in your shoulders, neck, and back knotted like a pretzel.”
“Not being a baby,” I mutter.
“You even sound like one,” Yoni chides.
“Whatever. Just . . . Can you work the shit out, please?”
“Well, since you asked nicely,” she teases, rolling her fingers over my left deltoid muscle while her thumbs rotate in tight circles.
I relax under her careful manipulation of my muscles, thinking about what I want to accomplish the next day.
“How did your business trip go?”
“It went well. The property was just what I’d hoped it would be. Now, my lawyers will have to play hardball with their lawyers, and we’ll see who wins in the end.”
“Your lawyer knows your final number, I’m assuming.”
“He always knows.”
“If they don’t meet you where you want them to, what happens next?”
“They’ll find another buyer, and I’ll search for another property.”
“So, is there ever a time you would go beyond your final number to secure a property?”
“At the end of the day, it’s about business and about making money. I set the final number for a reason, and I’m not in the business of incurring losses, Yoni. It would take a special property and circumstances to change my mind.”
“Do you apply that same tactic to your relationships?”
“Where is all this coming from?” I ask, turning over to look her in the eyes.
Her face flushes a deep shade of red, and her brown eyes flitter away momentarily before landing back on me.
“It’s just that there’s this guy I’ve been seeing. He’s a businessman who is a shark when it comes to business. He reminds me a lot of you with those same hard limits as you, but he seems softer and more caring in our private lives. He’s attentive to my needs, making me feel like I’m the most important thing to him.”
“What’s your problem then?”
“Whenever I want to discuss where the relationship is going, he clams up and becomes business-minded.”
“Why do women always want to discuss where the relationship is going? Why can’t you be satisfied with where we’re at now? Enjoy every day and moment and take advantage of the opportunities to appreciate each other now. Relationships don’t have to have limitations, restrictions, and rules. That’s what messes them up in the first place.”
“You believe that?”
“I do.”
“So, we’re what? Just a piece of meat to you guys? Convenient for sex?”
Shrugging, I say, “You said that. Not me. I love good conversation with a woman and comparable companionship. I like to bond with them. I just don’t happen to think that one woman can satisfy all my needs.”
“Why not?”
“Women fight for their identity, and a man wants a wife to come home to. A woman who takes care of the house, the kids, and business concerning the family so that he can handle his business in the world. A yin and yang that works out. If her fight for her identity clashes with his goals and objectives, she wants him to compromise or sacrifice his hopes and dreams. Women walk through the door saying what they will do and then change somewhere along the road. They don’t always know what they want sometimes but want you to believe what they say.
“Women play mind games to control a man and want to be judged equal to men where there is no equality. Men are men, and women are women. Women no longer want to be narrowed down to wife and nurturer; they want to be out there chopping trees with the men. But who cares for the house and the kids if she’s out chopping trees?”
“That’s why you hire a housekeeper and a nanny if necessary,” Yoni says.
Shaking my head, I reply, “And why would I do that when I don’t want another woman caring for my kids and home? In that case, I should marry the nanny and housekeeper, don’t you think?”
“The two are not the same.”
“But they can be. Sometimes, for a man trying to be the best he can be, committing to a woman can be his worst mistake. Rather than stressing out the woman, I’d rather allow her to serve her purpose in my life for the space she thinks she should fill and vice versa. Wherever the gaps lie, I can find someone else to fill those areas. Why should I impose my desires on a woman who isn’t interested in being that woman?”
“And yet, I never see you with any woman,” Yoni says smartly.
“Point made. No one can claim me as theirs, and I’m okay with that, Yoni. Right now, I have no time to cater to any woman’s emotions or needs.”
“And what about your needs?”
“Conversation? That’s fulfilled with family, friends, and constituents. I can have engaging conversations with a stranger. Companionship? I have that with travel partners.”
“And sex?”
“I have no problems in that area.”
“So, you agree that’s all that men want or need from a woman?”
“Why does a woman work so hard to be enticing, and when the man falls for it, she turns around and says he only wants sex? Many times, the woman is only offering up the possibility.”
“That’s not what I’m asking of this guy, though.”
“Only time will tell.”
Yoni grows silent and returns to massaging my muscles. Though I know I’ve given her a lot to think about, and she doesn’t understand why my beliefs are what they are, she doesn’t take it out on me. She remains the consummate professional caring for my body as she always has.
After all, she’s the only one to whom I trust my body, other than the casual relationships I engage in.
“Sir,” Nigel calls near the end of my massage.
“Yes, Nigel,” I reply with my face still buried in the hole of my massage table.
“Your mother is on the line.”
“I’ll take it,” I grouse.
Yoni steps away and begins packing up her items as I climb off the table.
“Hola, Mamá,” I greet after stepping off the lanai and into the garden that overlooks the ocean.
“Nazário! ? Cómo estás , mi amor?”
“I’m fine, Mamá.”
“Gabriel just found out he and Luciana are expecting another little one.”
“That’s great, Mamá.”
“And Matias said he and Salome are trying for a third.”
“Wonderful, Mamá.”
“Your cousin Selene and Antonia just had their sixth child.”
“Amazing, Mamá. You want me to send them a gift?”
“Nazário Sebastian Rivas! Behave yourself!”
“Mamá, I was busy with a business call. If you only called to talk about kids—”
“There is no call that is ever more important than your family. I don’t care what type of business you are taking care of. I called to talk about kids because children are a reason to celebrate. If you were to have your own, you would understand. But you have lost your sense of family in the world!”
I don’t mean to disrespect my mother, but this is my second conversation about what women want in less than half an hour. What the fuck ever happened to what a man goddamned wanted?
“Mamá, I have to go.”
“No! You waltzed out of here angry when you visited last. Then when you returned, it was so late that your father and I had gone to bed. The next morning, when I woke up, you were gone. Is that any way to treat your family, Nazário?”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I close my eyes and breathe deeply several times.
“Nazário! Answer me!”
“It is the way to treat my family when they cannot respect my wishes,” I say slowly.
“What do you know about wishes?”
“Mamá, I am not a little boy anymore.”
“So your father keeps telling me. As a man, you should understand the importance of appreciating and respecting family.”
“As I said, I am a man with his own thoughts, ideas, and opinions. I have given you everything I have to offer, but you won’t continue taking my dignity. I tolerated your and Papá’s opinions about my marriage for so long that I allowed them to weave into every aspect of Bella’s and my lives. She’s no longer here to defend herself. But I won’t tolerate the two of you continuing to disrespect her or impose your opinions on my life.”
“What has gotten into you, Nazário?”
I don’t think she will ever see what she does to me in a million years. This argument is in vain.
“I have to go, Mamá. Te amo . Tell Papá that I love him too.”
I click the call off without waiting for any further responses. It’s too much, and I just can’t take it. I need to unleash all this pent-up anger inside of me.
“Why don’t you go to Noir tonight?”
Turning around, I spot Leona leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed. She knows that whenever I speak with my family, I’m not often in a good place afterward.
“Thank you, Leona, but I don’t have a suitable companion. And I’m not in the mood for meditating and creating a scene tonight.”
“Maybe you should invite the ‘Princesa’ and see if she’s up to the challenge.”
My eyes darken and flash, and Leona shakes her head. “At least it will allow you to put that thing to good use,” she says, waving a hand at my dick before she walks away.
The next time I get a massage, I’ll be sure to wear a towel. Running into the house after her, I call, “Leona.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” she teases.
“You’re testing my patience. You must be up for a spanking tonight.”
“We stopped playing those games with each other years ago.”
“And yet, you continue to provoke me.”
“I doubt Gary will be happy about that.”
“Then stop testing my limits, woman.”
“If you were to stop playing games and tell the Princesa what you really want from her, then you wouldn’t have to worry about me or any other woman testing your limits.”
“I think it’s time for you to head home for the evening. I’m sure Gary would love nothing more than to spank that tight little ass of yours for that snarky mouth.”
She blows a kiss at me, grabs her bag and keys, waves goodbye, and disappears. My chest rises and falls in frustration. I have nothing or no one to take out my frustrations on.
God, how I would love to spank Camila tonight. To see how she creams at the feeling of my hand on her ass, caressing and spanking her. I head to my room to shower and dress. Sometimes, a walk on the beach settles my spirit when I’m agitated.