7. Eli
CHAPTER 7
ELI
E li spent the rest of the day thinking about Maddie laying out by the pool and cursing the fact that he couldn’t seem to get her off his mind.
He’d found her attractive in her lifeguard suit, but there was a part of him that had long been conditioned not to stare at hot women who were just trying to work. He knew better than that. He had noticed her, but he hadn’t let it linger in his mind.
Of course, it was difficult to justify the fact that he was noticing her again now in light of that fact. She wasn’t just working — she was working for him . He was her employer, and he had been checking her out as if she was a hottie on the beach.
It embarrassed him to think about the way he had stared at her earlier. He knew that she had noticed it, because he had seen her eyes widen as she had taken it in. He’d seen the way she had reached for her towel, as if she was embarrassed to be seen by him.
And there was no reason she should have been. He’d given a lot of thought to it, trying to decide whether her swimwear had been inappropriate for a nanny, but it hadn’t been, of course. It was a pretty swimsuit, but she had been perfectly covered up — nothing he wouldn’t have expected to see on any young mother at a pool with her children.
No, he had been the indecent one, looking at her like that. Thinking about her like that now. He was the one who was behaving inappropriately.
Even now, thinking about her made his head spin. All that smooth, tan skin, those perfect curves…
This had never been a problem with Katie. And it wasn’t as if she’d been particularly unattractive. He simply hadn’t noticed her the way he was noticing Maddie now. She’d been his son’s nanny, nothing more. Thinking back about Katie now, it was almost as if he couldn’t remember what she’d looked like. He could have described her, of course — skinny, brown hair, freckles — but he couldn’t call an image of her to mind.
Meanwhile, Maddie was burned into his thoughts, a filmstrip playing on repeat.
He needed Maddie to be nothing more than a nanny to him. He really couldn’t allow himself to think about her like this. It was entirely unprofessional.
He was glad to be coming home late that night, thinking that she might already be in bed. He’d even planned it. He could have gotten away a few hours ago, but — somewhat guilty — he had chosen to stay at the office. He had told himself that he was doing it to catch up on a backlog of emails that needed to be responded to, but that was the kind of thing he would ordinarily have done from home and he knew it. He had stayed away because he wasn’t ready to face her again.
So he was a little surprised to hear the sound of music as he walked through his front door. It was soft enough that he knew Charlie’s sleep wouldn’t be disturbed by it, and it was pretty and melodic, instrumental stuff, but it was coming from the living room. What was Maddie doing in there?
He went in and stopped in the doorway, taking in the scene.
She had pushed all the furniture back against the walls to create a vast, open space at the center of the room. She was on her toes, and she was dancing — bending and flexing gracefully to the music. She had her back to him, and he watched quietly, not wanting to disturb her — it was a pleasure to watch this. Eli recognized ballet — he’d been to a few performances in his life — and though he didn’t know much about the art, he could tell that she was good at it. The point in her toes never went away. Her fingers were fully extended. It was clear that she knew, at every moment, what every part of her body was doing, and that every move she made was intentional.
She turned toward him and stopped in her tracks. “Oh.” Her face went bright red with embarrassment at having been walked in on.
“It’s all right,” he told her. “You don’t need to stop.” He leaned against the doorframe casually, hoping that she would go on. He had been enjoying the show. And the best part was, there was nothing unprofessional or inappropriate about watching her while she was dancing. It was completely understandable that he should be drawn to that. He didn’t have to pretend he hadn’t noticed her — at least, not right now.
“I shouldn’t have moved the furniture,” she said. “I meant to have it all put back before you got home.”
“Don’t worry about it. We’ll get it all put back where it was,” he assured her. “There’s no hurry.”
“I hope I didn’t damage anything.”
“I’m sure you didn’t. Unless you picked up the armchair and threw it over there.”
“I pushed it.”
“So it’s fine,” he said, offering a smile in hopes of relaxing her a bit. “I’m guessing your room wasn’t big enough for this?”
“I know I’m supposed to stick to my room after hours. I’m sorry.”
“No, hey, that wasn’t what I was saying,” he said. “I just wondered why you chose to dance out here, and I could only guess that there wasn’t enough space for you upstairs.”
“Not really,” she confessed. “I tried dancing in the suite, but that couch is so big that I wasn’t able to move it. Not that I’m complaining,” she added quickly. “It’s a great couch. I love it. But I did need more space.”
“Well, it isn’t a problem. The suite is your private space, but of course you’re welcome to the rest of the house as well. You’re acting as if you’d done something wrong, but I don’t have a problem with you being in here at all.”
“Thanks,” Maddie said, smiling at him. Some of the pink had left her cheeks now, and she looked a bit more relaxed. It only led Eli to notice how sweet her smile was, though. He was sure that smile bewitched everyone who saw it.
Oh, this wasn’t going to be easy. Now he was thinking about her in that swimsuit again, which was the very thing he had wanted to avoid tonight.
He cleared his throat. “I hadn’t realized you were a dancer.”
“Oh, I’m not,” she said. She actually looked surprised, which made him feel surprised in turn.
“Of course you are,” he protested. “No one dances like that without proper training.”
“You know about ballet, then?”
“I know about recognizing quality when I see it. You knew what you were doing.”
“Okay, that’s true,” she agreed.
“I knew it. So how long have you been a dancer?”
“I’m really not a dancer,” she said. “I used to be. But I’m not anymore.”
“You quit? You shouldn’t have. You’re so good at it.”
She looked down at her feet.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Was that not okay to say? I wasn’t trying to tell you what to do with your life.” Maybe he had come across as bossy, but he hadn’t meant it that way. “All I was trying to say was that you’re really good at this. You’re a beautiful dancer.” Oh, now he was talking too much. She was going to think he was ridiculous.
And why did he suddenly care so much what she thought, anyway? He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this worried about another person’s opinion. That had certainly never happened when Katie had been his nanny.
“I didn’t exactly quit,” she said. “I was injured, and I had to stop.”
“Oh.” He was quiet for a moment as he understood the depth of what she was telling him. He had never been a serious athlete, but he knew how devastating a sports injury could be. No wonder she had been reluctant to talk about her dancing. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks. It was a while ago,” she said. “It’s really okay now.”
“You must miss it.” He felt silly, having said that — obviously she missed it. Why else would she be dancing around his living room?
Maddie smiled. “Dance will always be a part of my life,” she said. “I may not be able to be a professional dancer the way I used to dream about, but I still have my love of dancing.”
“That’s a great outlook,” Eli said. “And I can see that you have that. I mean, it’s obvious from the way you dance. You looked really lost in the moment.”
“Yeah, that has a tendency to happen.” She smiled a little sheepishly. “When I’m dancing, it’s like I forget about everything else. I feel like I’m in my own little world.”
“I could tell. You must have been amazing to watch when you were a dancer.”
“I’ll put everything back,” Maddie said. She went over to her phone and picked it up, presumably ready to turn off the music.
“No, don’t,” Eli said hurriedly.
She looked up at him. “Why — do you like the room better this way or something?”
Eli chuckled. “It’s not that,” he said. “I just want you to finish what you were doing.”
“Oh.” Her cheeks colored. “Um, I’m not used to having an audience. I mean, not anymore.”
“No, sorry, I didn’t mean that I was going to stand here and watch you,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry — you’re right, that would be incredibly awkward. I just meant that I wanted you to take the time to finish up what you were doing. Enjoy your time dancing. You work all day, and I know you must be glad to get some time to yourself — I’ll get out of your way.”
“I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this here,” she confessed. “It was different when you weren’t home. Now I feel like I’m driving you out of your own living room.”
“You’re not doing anything of the kind,” he assured her. “I was going to go take a shower anyway. It’s been a long day and I could stand to relax a bit. You finish practicing.”
“Are you sure?”
“Completely sure. And don’t worry about moving the furniture back when you’re done,” he added. “My house cleaner is coming tomorrow, and this will make it easier for her to vacuum in here. You’ve done me a favor.”
“Okay, but I will put everything back when the cleaning is finished,” she vowed.
Eli nodded, knowing that he wasn’t going to let her do that either. It wouldn’t be very chivalrous to allow her to move all that furniture by herself. At the very least, he would help her with it.
Or maybe he would leave these things where they were. If she couldn’t practice dance in her suite, she ought to have a space. He could also think of clearing the boxes out of the big upstairs room that had probably been intended by the house’s builders to be used as a conservatory. Eli had never had any use for that space — he didn’t play any instruments. He’d though of getting a piano and starting Charlie on lessons, but it was one of those things that had gotten lost among the everyday responsibilities of trying to balance his job and fatherhood.
If Maddie needed a dance studio, though, maybe that was a space that could be converted. It was definitely an idea worth thinking about.
He wondered what she would say if he were to suggest that idea. It seemed likely, based on everything he had observed from her so far, that she would try to refuse the offer — but maybe if he made the arrangements without telling her she would like that. He doubted whether she would refuse to dance in the conservatory if he had already turned it into an appropriate space for her.
He went upstairs to take his shower, his head spinning, his mind full of ideas.
It seemed like something out of a fantasy that his new nanny had turned out to be such a deeply attractive, sensual woman.
But that was a fantasy Eli knew he couldn’t afford to indulge.
She’s the nanny, he told himself firmly. She works here. This is her job.
And he couldn’t afford to risk losing her as a nanny, not now that he had found someone who seemed to fit in so well, someone who suited their family’s needs. Someone who understood Charlie, and who Charlie liked. That wasn’t something he was willing to give up, no matter how attractive she was. He was just going to have to keep these feelings under control, that was all there was to it.
He turned on the shower and stepped under the spray to wash away the stress of his day — and, hopefully, all these errant thoughts about Maddie Foster.
But by the time he stepped out, his thoughts were no more under control than they had been. He could still hear the sound of distant music coming from downstairs as he left the bathroom, and he knew she was still dancing. It made him want to go down and see her again.
It made him want to spend time with her.
The next thing he knew, he was halfway down the stairs on his way to ask his nanny — his devastatingly lovely nanny — to join him for an evening glass of wine.