10. To be alive.
To be alive.
HARLOW
T he familiar terror, buried deep for so long but never forgotten, surges back with vengeance as Alduin sets fire to the surrounding trees. The skin on my back burns with a phantom pain.
It’s not real , I tell myself.
I know I haven’t been burned, Jayce made sure of it. He’s protecting me with his body, and I’m safely cocooned in his arms, crying like a baby. I can’t stop the tears from soaking his tunic.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” I sob quietly.
This is my fault. If only I hadn’t insisted on entering the dragon’s lair. We might die today, and it’ll be my doing. What if Jayce is already burned? What if his dragonhide coat isn’t enough to protect him? I know the pain inflicted by dragonfire, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
“Shhh baby,” he whispers, as if the entire world isn’t ablaze. “She doesn’t know where we are. We’re fine.”
Fine?
I bite my bottom lip to stifle my sobs, and the copper taste of blood touches my tongue.
Jayce’s hand slides along my neck, and his fingers caress my hair and skin as he shushes me gently. He should abandon me to the fire, not comfort me.
But he… he…
Jayce hums a tune softly, close to my ear, and Alduin’s earth-shattering roars suddenly feel less terrifying as I focus on the melody.
I know that song. It’s a silly drinking song people sing in taverns, about a man who gave his favors to too many lovers, but eventually got his heart broken by a bard.
I always wondered if it was a true story, and the bard in question was the one who wrote it.
Like any drinking song, of course, it’s raunchy and inappropriate, so at odds with our situation.
But the silly ditty, combined with the scratch of Jayce’s fingers along my neck, finally dries my tears.
Alduin’s roars get distant as she hunts for us farther over the forest. By some miracle, she didn’t burn our patch of tall grass, and the green blades tickle my arms.
Jayce eventually quiets down, but he doesn’t let go.
A sudden downpour is our salvation. The rain kills the flames and cools our heated bodies.
We stay like this for hours, until night falls, not wanting to risk leaving our precious hideout. Eventually, Alduin comes back. There is the impressive sound of her wings catching the wind, then she must have gone back into her lair, judging by the loud scratches of her claws on the rock.
We wait.
“What do you think, my dearest dragoner?” Jayce asks quietly.
I let out a shaky breath. I’m exhausted to the soul. “She shouldn’t emerge until morning.”
Dragons are powerful beasts, but they require a lot of rest and food to maintain such a high metabolism.
Jayce slowly gets to his feet, looks around, and then offers me a hand. As I rise, I realize how close we came to death. Alduin scorched everything within a three-hundred-foot radius, only sparing the area where we were hidden.
“Well, let’s not do that again,” Jayce jokes.
I laugh, fresh tears welling in my eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry…”
He reaches for my clammy face with his hand and catches my tears with his thumb.
“Don’t be, Your Royal Highness. You’re not the one who caused her rage and the destruction of Bershine.
And now we know what happened. Come on. Let’s get back to the Blunder .
I think we both deserve a bath, food, and a potent drink. ”
We follow the path we took a few hours ago, now covered in smoking trees. The rain has ceased, but it stopped the fire from spreading.
The climb down the canyon is more difficult than on the way out; fear has tensed all the muscles in my body, and they ache. Jayce offers me a hand more than once, and I accept his help without comment. I’m only alive because of him.
The smell of burned things clings to our skins and clothes, and regrets to my every thought.
Kuroki swears from his vigil on the Blunder as he sees us approach.
Powerful arms hoist me overboard as I reach the end of the rope ladder. Freddy. In the moonlit darkness, I can still tell his face is solemn.
“Oh my fucking god,” Kuroki says. “You’re alive…”
“Told you,” Alara says, grinning. “Not even a dragon can kill our captain.” She pats my body, looking for wounds.
Gia turns on a liquid-fire lantern, banishing the dark—they must have kept all the lights off to be sure Alduin couldn’t find them.
Kuroki is crying in his cousin’s arms. “You motherfuckers… I was worried sick…”
Jayce pats him on the back. “There, there, lil’ man. We’re fine.”
Are we? I want to ask. Jayce seems barely shaken by our brush with death. But he’s a convicted pirate who survived the Crimson War, so it shouldn’t surprise me.
“We had to threaten to tie him up,” Alara says, gesturing toward Kuroki. “He wanted to go rescue you, but would have gotten roasted in the process.”
Jayce smacks the back of the young Mandinkan’s head. “My orders were clear. Stay on the Blunder , and keep my crew and ship safe.”
“I know, but—”
He smacks him again. “Get ready for takeoff. We’re not spending the night on Alduin’s territory. She’ll hunt us down again come morning.” As soon as Kuroki has obeyed, he turns to Gia. “Can you prepare us some food and bring it to my cabin, please?”
She nods. “Of course.” Before leaving, she squeezes both our hands. “Welcome home.”
My heart swells.
Jayce walks to me. “Come on, Your Royal Highness. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He’s dark with wet soot and ashes, and I doubt I appear better. It looks like we crawled out of hell’s asshole.
Before I realize what’s happening, he has led me to the stern and opened the door to his quarters.
“But—” I say.
“A warm bath will do wonders. Or do you prefer to wash with cold water in the crew washing room?”
“I… no. Thank you.”
I sit on the floor, at the end of the red carpet, to avoid putting soot on anything as I watch him turn on the lamps and the liquid-fire heater at the bottom of his tub. He opens an ornate tap, and it fills with crystal clear rainwater.
“It’ll take a moment,” he announces right as Gia enters with a tray of food.
But the first thing I set my eyes on is the bottle of water Jayce offers me. I’m parched.
Gia kisses me on the cheek before leaving. Her smell is comforting—spices and flour—so different from the ashes and smoke clogging my nose and throat. I feel terrible about having worried them so much.
The Blunder shakes around us, and I know we’re taking off, at last. I let out a shaky breath. I’ll be glad never to see the Forsaken Mines again. Their name has never made so much sense to me. No one in their right mind would come back after facing Alduin’s fire.
“Eat,” Jayce says, sitting in front of me cross-legged.
There are two bowls of soup on the tray, thick slices of bread with butter, and sweet cakes.
Nothing has ever looked so good. The cakes’ icing shines in the wavering light, tempting me to eat them before even touching my soup.
I almost died today, and I think I deserve to eat dessert before the main course if I want to.
Jayce smiles as I devour a pastry in one ravenous bite. His face is so dark, covered in soot, it makes his eyes glow uncannily in the semidarkness of his quarters.
This man, who barely knows me, kept me safe for the last hours. He protected me from the flames with his own body. I can’t help but think that it would have been nice to have someone like him at my side when I was eleven.
But of course, I had someone, but they all died before I did, their skins melting off their bones.
“Where did you go?” he asks. “Just now.”
I chew a second sweet cake and shake my head. “Just memories.”
“Something tells me they aren’t happy ones.”
“No… No, they’re not.”
He pours us two glasses of amber liquid: liquor. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t care. It tastes sweet and warms my aching body. We finish eating in companionable silence until Jayce puts the tray away and rises to check the bath.
“The water is hot,” he announces, turning off the liquid-fire heater at the bottom of the tub. Then, he offers me a hand to help me stand up. My legs are shaking from exhaustion. “Get in, Your Royal Highness. I’ll get your clothes while you get into the bath.”
“What? But—” I sputter. “It’s your cabin. And I’m dirty—”
“Harlow. I don’t mind waiting. Get in. I’ll be right back.” And he disappears outside.
I find myself standing alone in the middle of his quarters; the tub beckoning me with tendrils of vapor.
Rainwater drenched me for hours, and the heat from the dragonfire has long since vanished.
I make quick work of my dirty clothes and fold them into a sooty pile on the wooden floor.
I don’t know if they’re salvageable, and I don’t care right now.
I use a stool to get into the tub. The water sloshes gently with the motion of the Blunder . Delicious shivers run along my limbs as I lower myself into the bath. I moan openly, my sore muscles welcoming the warm embrace. It’s even better than food. The water is almost too hot, but I don’t mind.
I let my head fall back on the edge of the tub and close my eyes.
I must have fallen asleep, because I come back to myself moments later as Jayce enters the cabin.
“Sorry,” I mumble, groggy.
“Don’t be,” he says, putting my new clothes on the table. “Do you want me to wash your hair?”
My eyes widen. “What?”
But he’s already coming closer and grabbing scented soap in the rack bolted to the bulkhead.
“Wet your hair,” he instructs.
I plunge my head into the hot water, and when I come back up, Jayce’s hands slide in my hair, his fingers rubbing the soap into my scalp. I moan with pleasure, and he chuckles.
I don’t know what I did to deserve such attention and kindness. Jayce has protected me, fed me, and now is washing my hair. Especially after I almost got us killed.
“I’m sorry…” I mumble.
How can I ever make up for it?