10. To be alive. #2
He shushes me, just like he did hours ago, as I cried into his arms. “Stop it. I don’t regret going to the mines.
We did what came to do, didn’t we? We found answers.
And we’re alive. It’s not the first time we’re risking our lives, and I daresay it won’t be the last. We’re fire scroungers.
So stop feeling so sorry and start enjoying being alive, Harlow. ”
Being alive…
“What does it mean to be alive?” I ask him.
Because I realize I might not know. Since the day dragonfire reduced my life to ashes, I’ve been barely keeping my head above water.
No matter where I was, no matter what I was doing, either at university or at my adoptive father’s estate, I’ve been living with a fire under my skin, burning from within.
A blazing fury aimed at the entire world.
I wanted to know what had occurred that day on the road and how to fix it.
“Is it a rhetorical question, or do you really want to know?” he says, rubbing the soap at the base of my head.
I lean into his touch. “I really want to know.”
He hums. “It means living in the present, as obvious as it sounds. If you let them, your thoughts will devour your every waking moment. Life is not all about great deeds or memorable adventures. What makes the essence of living are the small things and brief pleasures. Like a drink of cool water on a hot summer day, or warming your stiff hands over a fire in the dead of winter. The laugh of a friend after a terrible joke or the kiss of a lover as you leave their bed. Neglect those simple pleasures, and you’ll have a miserable life . ”
“Oh”, I say.
His thumbs rub my neck and shoulders, and I melt under his touch. If this means living in the moment, then he’s right. I fucking crave it.
“Life was never meant to be understood,” he continues. “It was meant to be felt.”
His hand brushes my right cheek, and I grab it with my own. I kiss it tentatively.
“Join me?” I ask.
Coming close to death has a way of making you braver in all the other aspects of a human life.
Jayce stays silent for a moment, then says, “Are you sure, Harlow?”
I nod.
There’s the rustle of clothes behind me as he undresses. Jayce isn’t as tall and wide as Freddy—who’s a monster of a man—but our size difference is still notable, and I wonder if the both of us will fit in the tub.
I try to avoid obviously staring as he lowers himself naked into the water, even though all I want to do is let my eyes travel over his muscular body.
He fits in the tub without a problem. I shouldn’t have worried; it was crafted for royalty.
His legs touch mine underwater, and I barely contain my horny gasp.
We’ve bathed together before, at the natural pool, but this is wildly different.
Undeniably more intimate. And after today, I feel raw and vulnerable.
Jayce plunges his head underwater to wash away the soot and comes back out, sighing in contentment.
“Indeed. The simple pleasures of life,” he says with a smile.
Darkened water drips from his hairline and along the scar on his cheekbone. I reach for his face, emboldened, and wipe it away with my thumb. His eyes are on me, unwavering, and blood rushes to my groin.
“If you turn your back to me, I’ll finish washing your hair,” he says.
How can I ever say no to having his hands on me again?
I obey without a word, untangling our legs so I can pivot in the tub. When I find myself with my back to him, he pulls me closer until I sit between his thighs.
Oh gods . If I scoot closer, my ass will touch his cock.
I’m not a virgin. I’ve had partners before, at university, but I wouldn’t say I’m experienced.
Like most dragoners, I dedicated my adult life to my studies.
Very few students get to the end of the diploma, and the competition is tough.
We were all stuck in a race until the day when we finally reached the finish line and became dragoners.
Sex was only a distraction, something to indulge in the dark to take the edge off.
Jayce was a pirate, and now he’s a fire scrounger who often visits pleasure houses like the Tender Caress. I’m seriously out of my depth.
Most of the time, I’m wondering if he’s flirting, or if he’s just being nice to me.
His hands appear on my shoulders again, and I sigh with pleasure as he rubs more soap into my hair. His fingers travel along my scalp and neck, and I can’t contain the moans from escaping my lips as he releases the built-up tension under my skin.
Jayce hums after a minute. “You should stop making such lewd noises, Harlow, if you don’t want me ravaging you in this bath.”
I freeze for a moment, caught between elation and embarrassment. He’s definitely flirting now. I’ve never backed down from a challenge, and it definitely sounds like one.
And I would love nothing more than to be ravaged right now. Live in the moment , as he put it. It’s all the confirmation I needed to know that I can tempt him.
I lean back, dipping my hair underwater to rinse off the soap. And this time, when I come back up and his fingers travel along my shoulders, I let out a long moan.
His hands stop their movement for a heartbeat, and he chuckles quietly.
My face burns with embarrassment and anticipation. Have I overdone it? Do I look ridiculous? Was he making fun of me?
But then he continues his massage, going over my shoulders and to my pecs.
My little sighs and moans are real. It feels amazing to be touched.
I can’t remember the last time that someone gave me attention like this.
Preliminaries or aftercare weren’t really a thing with my quick hook-ups at university.
I lean into his chest and drop my head over his shoulder just as he reaches for my nipples.
Oh, fuck… yes.
Jayce’s lips touch my ear, and he whispers, “Aren’t you a delicious little thing, my prince?” before licking the tender skin of my earlobe.
I gasp, desire zipping through my body like electricity. Water sloshes to the edge of the tub as I arch my back.
Jayce’s right hand comes up to encircle my throat, keeping me in place along his chest, as the other rubs over my perking nipple. I can feel something hard rubbing against my lower back: his erection.
Yes… Yes…
“Sing for me, baby,” he says in my ear as his left hand travels over my abs and to my groin, and I know he doesn’t mean a lullaby.
It’s the second time he’s called me baby today, I realize. I didn’t dwell on it the first time because survival was our priority. But this one… oh , this one I register.
I moan unabashedly as he reaches my groin. He trails his fingertips along my cock, and the light touch is almost enough to make me come already.
When was the last time I masturbated? I can’t remember. We’ve been so busy.
I bury my nails in the first part of him I can reach, his powerful thighs, and rub my lower back on his erection.
He purrs in my ear. “Oh, sweet thing. Do not tempt the devil.”
“But I want to,” I moan.
Jayce chuckles, then pushes my head to the side gently and licks the water off my skin.
It must taste like ashes, but he doesn’t seem to care.
I shiver and bite my bottom lip not to shout in delight as he finally grabs my cock.
The wind is howling outside as the Blunder travels, but I doubt it’ll be enough to cover my screams.
His hand is larger than mine, and his hold on both my throat and my cock is almost enough to make me come.
“Jayce… please…”
He sighs. “Let’s get you on the bed. Right now.”
The pressure around my throat loosens as he lets me go.
I feel unmoored for a moment, ready to float away into nothingness—lost. But Jayce gets out of the tub, water dripping everywhere, and before I can feel the betrayal of his abandonment, he has grabbed me under the armpits and is pulling me out, too.
I let out a gasp of surprise as he hoists me, naked, in his arms to carry me to the bed. I laugh and hold on to his neck.
He drops me gently onto the bed and climbs on top of me. The light from the liquid-fire lamps dances along his muscles, and I let my eyes travel over his body without shame—the body that remained glued to mine all afternoon while he protected me from the dragonfire.
Jayce’s smile is predatory as he looks down at me. “Do you give me permission to devour you, my prince?”
Fuck yes … I want to say, but I’ve lost my voice on the way from the tub, so I nod instead.
He comes closer, and I part my lips, ready to be kissed, but after a moment he disappears lower.
Seconds later, I feel his hot breath on my cock.
I cover my mouth with a hand to stop from moaning too loud as his tongue trails a path over the wet and taut skin.
His mouth feels incredibly warm as it surrounds the head of my cock.
“Jayce—!” I warn.
I won’t last long. I was already too close before leaving the tub.
“Shhh, I know, baby,” he says. “Don’t hold back.”
This infuriating man. He knows what he’s doing as he swallows me whole and my cock hits the back of his throat.
Oh, gods. My captain is giving me a blowjob.
I wish I could explain how we ended up here only a few weeks after I got hired as a dragoner, but I can’t. I should write a report about Alduin and my theory right now, not be squirming on Jayce Hawkins’ bed as he devours the remnants of my sanity.
But I can’t find it in me to care. Life feels too good right now, barely hours after our brush with death.
Jayce’s hands caress my body as he sucks me, and my eyes roll back. I sob, my fingers in his wet hair, as I come in his mouth. He swallows it all, his tongue lapping one last time as I fall limp on the bed. He hums in appreciation.
I’m out of breath, spent to the point of losing my grip on reality. Exhaustion is pulling me down, down, down…
I reach for him, intent on reciprocating the favor. “Jayce…”
But he wraps me in a blanket. His sheets smell good, like lavender and him. “Sleep, Harlow,” he says. “Tomorrow is coming too soon.”
Thank you , I want to say, but I’m already dragged into a dreamless slumber.