Chapter 5
FIVE
The crib creaked just a little when I leaned down to scoop her up. Jenie was whimpering with that pouty bottom lip poked out like her whole lil’ baby world had just ended. She had kicked her blanket off again, wilding in her sleep like she wasn’t three months fresh out the womb.
“Shhh, Daddy got you, mama,” I whispered, kissing her soft cheek while I cradled her to my chest. She was warm and smelling like cocoa butter and baby powder, her little fists balled up on my collar.
Her cries quieted some once she felt me, but she was still fussy, rubbing her face against me like she couldn’t get comfortable.
Probably gas. or something I couldn’t fix but was gon’ try to anyway.
I moved slowly, bouncing us both real gentle while I rubbed her back. Her hair was all thick already, just like her mama’s, and I let my hand rest against the back of her head while I talked low.
“Why you up terrorizin’ folk at three in the damn mornin’, huh?” I asked, smiling tiredly. “I was knocked out next to your mama…dreamin’ ‘bout peace, a lil’ head, and some sleep but here we are.”
She hiccuped, blinked up at me with those heavy lids like she knew she had me wrapped. I kissed her forehead again.
“I swear, you gon’ be spoiled rotten if you keep pullin this pick me up now or die cry. Lucky Jr. don’t even cry like this. You somethin’ else.”
I eased us into the rocking chair, pulling the bottle from the warmer on the table next to us. I tested it on my wrist then slid the nipple in her mouth, watching her latch on like she hadn’t just had one two hours ago.
“Lil’ greedy self,” I chuckled.
The whole room was dim. Just the hallway light spilling through the cracked door and the soft creak of the chair moving. I leaned my head back and exhaled.
Shit was hard sometimes. The late nights. The back-to-back diapers. The whole house feeling like a daycare with no off button, but I wouldn’t trade it for nothin’. Not one thing.
I looked down at her.
“Niggas be braggin’ on whips and watches, but you? You and your brother? Y’all my real flex.”
She stopped sucking long enough to sigh and smirk eyes closed, drunk off milk and safe in my arms.
“Sheesh,” I whispered, rocking her slow. “You look just like me too. Your mama didn’t stand a chance.”
The next thing I knew, light was starting to creep through the windows and Jenie was curled against my chest, knocked.
My neck was tight from how I’d fallen asleep, slouched in the rocking chair, but I didn’t care.
Her little fingers were still wrapped around the collar of my tee like she didn’t wanna let me go and I wasn’t tryna move.
Jream’s bare feet padded soft across the nursery floor, silk press wild from sleep, bonnet slid halfway off, eyes low like she was just starting to wake up but already watching me like I was the best damn thing she ever seen.
“You slept in here?” she whispered, crouching in front of me, her hand brushing over Jenie’s back first, then mine.
“She wouldn’t settle. I had her, mama.”
Her eyes softened, lips curling like I’d said something sweet when all I did was what I always do; show up for mine.
“You didn’t have to,” she said.
“I wanted to.”
We stayed like that for a second. Quiet. Breathing each other in. Then she stood up and leaned in, kissing my forehead.
“Come back to bed. I’ll take her.”
“Nah, let her sleep,” I said, easing up slow so I didn’t wake Jenie. “We’ll both come.”
Jream led the way, and I followed behind her, baby still on my chest, feeling like the luckiest nigga alive. The house was warm and smelled like eucalyptus and the shea butter she always used. I laid Jenie down in her bassinet beside the bed and slid in next to my wife.
Jream immediately tucked herself against me, one leg thrown over mine, her hand restin’ right over my heart.
“You good?” I asked.
She nodded against my chest. “I love you, Lover Boy.”
I kissed her crown and closed my eyes.
“I love you too, Mrs. Bleu.”
I was carrying the last bag of gifts up from the car when I heard my mama voice talking to her in a nasty tone.
It was low, but I caught it. That syrupy sweet kind of fake concern she did when she was tryna slide disrespect under the rug.
“I mean, I’m just sayin’, baby… you were always so shapely but after these babies, you lettin’ yourself go a little, don’t you think? Look at your arms, and them hips gettin’ wider every week. You don’t want my son losin’ interest…”
I stopped at the hallway entrance, dead in my tracks.
Jream was on the living room floor, wrapping gifts with that pretty little focused look she always had when she was trying to make sure every corner was tight, every bow perfect.
Her silk press was pinned up, glasses slid down her nose, and her bottom lip was tucked between her teeth as she folded the paper with care.
She didn’t even look up at my mama. Just pressed a finger down and slid the ribbon into place like she was usin’ that concentration to hold herself together.
That’s how I knew she heard every word and that shit hurt.
“Ma,” I said, my voice deep, low, and even, stepping fully into the room.
She turned. “What?”
“Don’t say another word.”
“Boy, I was just sayin’—”
“I said don’t.” I set the bag down and walked over to Jream first, kneeling beside her. “You good?”
She didn’t say nothin’ at first. Just nodded, even though I could see her swallow hard, eyes still low.
I turned to my mother. “Don’t ever come in my house and speak on my wife’s body. You don’t gotta like her weight. You don’t gotta understand her motherhood. You don’t even gotta be comfortable with how I love her but you will respect her or you can see your way the fuck out.”
“Lucky—”
“I’m not gon’ say it again.”
The silence was cold after that. She grabbed her purse and left without another word, heels clicking all the way out the door.
I looked back at Jream, who was still sitting there, hands still on the same piece of wrapping paper like she froze herself mid-movement.
I eased behind her, pulled her into my lap, wrapped my arms around her waist, every inch of her.
“You don’t gotta shrink for nobody,” I said against her neck. “Fuck her. You gave me life, literally. You think a number on a scale or a roll on your stomach could change that? You still the baddest woman I’ve ever seen in my life, Jream.”
Her breath hitched a little, and I felt her melt against me.
“I’m just tired,” she whispered. “I’m tryin’ so hard and some days I don’t even recognize myself. And when she said that it just?—”
“I know.” I kissed her temple. “And if you ever need a reminder, I’ll show you in every way. Just say the word.”
She tilted her head up, eyes glistening. “You promise?”
“I bleu swear.”
She laughed, and it was soft, but it was real and that was all I needed to hear.
She stayed in my lap a long while, her body warm against mine, like her soul was slowly settling. I didn’t ask her to talk more. I just held her, my chin tucked into her shoulder, arms cradling her the way I knew she needed most.
Eventually, her fingers drifted up and curled into my curls, and she leaned back just enough to kiss my jaw.
“You hungry?” she asked, her voice a little steadier now.
I looked at her like she lost her mind. “Woman, you askin’ me that? You been wrappin’ presents, dealin’ with drama, feedin’ babies, and lookin’ like a full-course meal in them sweats… you the one needin’ a plate.”
She smirked but her eyes still looked tired. “There’s some smothered turkey wings left. I can heat us up?—”
I stood up with her in my arms like it was nothing, her legs locked around my waist. “Nah. We eatin’ in the bed tonight. You gon’ relax.”
She laughed, head pressed against my chest, and I swore that sound fixed somethin’ deep in me.
I carried her to the kitchen like the floor was lava and made her sit on the counter while I heated up our food.
She kept tryna help, pointing out which plate had more sauce, which bowl she wanted to use for her yams, but I just fed her bites between kisses, letting her talk while she unwound for real this time.
After we ate, I ran a bath. Lit the candles she liked. Used that eucalyptus body oil she kept for “special days.” I didn’t say nothing about how she looked in the mirror, or the stretch marks on her hips, or the little belly she was still making peace with.
I just knelt beside the tub and washed her hair, ran my hands over her body and told her all the ways she was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
We made love slow that night. My soul talking to her soul under dim light and steam-slick skin. Her eyes stayed open the whole time, locked on mine, like she needed to see every bit of the way I wanted her.
Later, she fell asleep across my chest, her hand on my heart and her breath slow and easy.
And I stayed awake long after, watching her, thanking God that this was my life.