Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Octavia was trapped in a state of not knowing.
She wanted to believe one thing about her current situation and what it might mean, while she also refused to accept that it was nearly so simple.
It couldn’t possibly be! Common sense, paired with a sense of self-preservation, screamed at her to not be such a fool because things like this did not happen to people like her.
But it did happen… it is happening… why do I feel such a need to refuse it?
The day following her intimate moment with the Duke was a most confusing one. When she broke her fast that morning, with Aaron and Henry joining her, she spent the entire meal watching the doorway, expecting the Duke to join them.
She wanted him to join them… while also hoping at the same time that he might not.
While she yearned to experience what had happened between herself and the Duke last evening, she knew too well that such a moment could only be an isolated experience.
The Duke had been emotionally vulnerable; he had not meant to do those things with her, and he was likely regretting it more with each passing moment.
Still… she watched the doorway, and she hoped…
The Duke did not join them for breakfast. Aaron was clearly upset, and his mood was despondent because of it.
While Octavia knew she should have comforted the poor child, assuring him that it meant nothing, she was far too trapped by her own sense of depression and desperation to do as was needed of her.
Of course, he wasn’t going to join us. Likely, he will avoid me now for as long as he possibly can.
Octavia tried to tell herself that this was a good thing, the right thing, and what was needed.
But as she sent the boys to clean up before their lesson, she could not help but look at the doorway again, her heart stopping as she pictured the Duke waltzing into the room, seeing her alone, and taking her as he had the previous day.
She heard no word from the Duke for the rest of the day.
It was a long day. It was a hard one. Octavia spent it teaching the boys, as was her charge, but her mind could not focus.
Whenever there was a moment of silence, whenever she heard footsteps that might belong to the Duke, she would stop, she would listen…
and her mind would go back to that which she was desperate to forget.
She felt his lips kissing her. She felt his body panting beneath her own. She felt his hands on her thighs, and his fingers inside of her so that she literally spasmed and shook as if he touched her from afar.
That he did not come to see her told Octavia the truth of the matter, and as the day wore on, she came to accept her reality. It hurt. It stung. It was a shock to her senses, and it would not be easy to move past. But… and this was the hardest thing to accept of all… it was right.
It is for the best… A one-off… A mistake, is what it was. The Duke is right to forget about it, for Aaron’s sake, if nothing else.
Still, Octavia struggled throughout that day.
Common sense was one thing, but it did little to dull the voice in her head that cried for her to seek the Duke out and demand answers.
What they had shared was more than a physical connection.
He had opened up to Octavia, she had helped him through his suffering, and she truly believed that things had changed for the better between them.
Or so she had thought.
So it was that when the day came to an end, Octavia slumped into her bedroom, her mood dour, her self-esteem at an all-time low. It was one thing to know that this was right, but to accept it, to live with it, was something else entirely.
That was when she saw it.
The gown lay across her bed, positioned so the late-day sun streamed across its silk weave and made it glow.
Its color was dark yellow, woven with silver hems, a floral pattern growing from the skirt and climbing toward the neckline like vines wrapping a tree.
A pair of white gloves lay beside it, as did a silver necklace positioned so that Octavia could just imagine how it might look hanging from her own neck.
She started at the sight of the gown, wondering for a brief moment if she had walked into the wrong room.
Surely not… this must be a mistake…
She inched deeper into the room, not once looking away as if to do so might see the gown vanish. But it called to her, beckoning for her to come closer, to touch it, to take it, to hold it against her skin and claim it as her own.
Octavia’s heart started to race.
At the edge of the bed, Octavia yearned to reach out and touch the dress.
But she hesitated, still unsure. All day, she had worked tirelessly to convince herself that what had happened between her and the Duke was a one-time thing and that he would see it that way.
It was a mistake. It could not happen again. He would not want it too!
But that gown… it told a different story entirely.
“It won’t bite you,” a deep voice spoke from over her shoulder.
Octavia’s heart rose and then exploded from her chest, and she turned to find the Duke standing in the doorway. He did not smile. He did not smirk. He just looked at her, those dark eyes drinking her in as if she were a tonic.
“It… the gown…” She tried to keep her smile hidden, still not willing to believe what she knew to be true. “Who is it for?”
“Who do you think it is for?” he said.
“That is not an answer.”
He shook his head and sighed loudly. “Just this once, can you not be so… stubborn?”
She allowed a smirk to touch her lips. “I thought that was what you liked about me?”
“I like many things about you, Miss Finch.” The Duke started into the room, each step slowly taken, and not once did he break his stare from her. “But I think the sight of you in that dress is something I will like, especially.”
“It’s for me?”
He came within a few feet of her before stopping. Her breath caught in her throat, faint memories of last evening crashing down on her as they had all day. Her eyes flicked to his hands, wanting them to take her. Her eyes flicked to his lips, wanting them to claim her.
“Tonight, I am hosting a small…” He paused, his eyes roaming her body, a smirk finally finding his lips. “A social drum with some friends. I expect Aaron to attend, if only for a short time, which means that your presence will be required also.”
Octavia might have liked to have told herself that he was only doing as expected, because she was his governess, and if Aaron was to be attending, then she needed to as well. But that explanation felt forced, and from the hungry look in the Duke’s eyes, she knew it was not the true reason.
An excuse he has made, perhaps, but not what he truly wants.
He wanted her there. He wanted her with him. He wanted to show her off, to have her on his arm, to pick up from where they had left things the previous evening. That was the only possible explanation.
Just like that, Octavia knew exactly where she stood in the Duke’s eyes, just as she knew what was to come. And her excitement at this realization felt so good that she nearly wept.
“It is lucky then that I suddenly have something to wear,” she said with a coy smirk of her own.
“My guests will be arriving shortly.” He took a step into her. And then another. Standing over her, his right hand moved to her waist, gripping her tight. “I expect you to look the part.”
“I will,” she breathed, looking up at him, wanting him to see in her eyes exactly what was on her mind. “And thank you for the gown.”
“And thank you,” he said.
“What for?”
His smirk grew. His eyes flashed. And then, without another word, he pulled her forward, their bodies pressed together, and his lips found her mouth so that he devoured her as if he was a starved animal in the wild, and she was his prey.
That kiss ignited something deep inside of Octavia.
The doubt that had lain dormant all day, the questions that she had fought against, and the lust that she had tried to ignore and forget and push down because such feelings were dangerous…
they exploded like a powder keg, rising up her body, wrapping her completely so that she burned from head to foot.
Their lips pressed together. Their mouths opened, and their tongues danced. The Duke’s hand squeezed her waist, he groaned and he growled as he attacked her, and she let forth a whimper that told him how she wanted this… and how she was his completely.
The sound of footsteps coming down the hallway broke them apart.
The Duke released her quickly and took a step back. She gasped and gulped for air, her chest tightening as if her heart had stopped its beating.
“Your Grace!” a footman appeared in the doorway. “I am so sorry to disturb you, but your guests… they will be arriving shortly.”
“Thank you,” the Duke said without turning around. He held his gaze on Octavia, just for a moment, just long enough to let her know his thoughts. “I will be down shortly.”
“Your Grace.” The footman bowed and ducked from the room.
“That gown,” the Duke said. “I expect to see you in it shortly. Just as I expect you to look the part tonight, Miss Finch.”
“I will,” she said. “I promise.”
“A promise…” He chuckled. “I would hate for you to break it.”
“I never would.”
He held her stare a moment longer. She did the same. The world around them vanished; nothing mattered but the Duke and the look in his eyes, and Octavia felt his hunger and his desire as if his lips covered her body.
He then broke the stare, turned, and strode from the room without looking back.
Once he was gone, Octavia turned back and looked upon the down a second time. This time, there was no hesitation or sense of uncertainty. She reached forward, scooped the gown into her arms, and beamed as she held it against her body so that it flowed like water down a river.
I cannot believe he has done this…
Her heart still raced from their kiss. Her body still shivered. And her lips tingled as if they were on fire. Last night was real; it had meant something to the Duke, and it was sure to happen again before the night was over. Octavia would make sure of it.