Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
“I’m bored,” Aaron complained as he stabbed at his empty plate with his knife.
“Master Aaron, behave yourself,” Octavia told the boy. “Your father is watching.”
“No, he isn’t.” Aaron scrunched his face into a tight ball. “He isn’t paying attention at all.”
“That is not true.”
“It is,” Aaron said. “He does not even care that I am here.”
Octavia wanted to tell Aaron how wrong he was. She wished to explain that his father was happy that he was here, that his goal tonight was to show his son off to his friends, to make it known that he was every bit his son and slowly growing into a man whom he might one day be proud to call his own.
But is that a lie? I do not think it is… even if it is a hard truth to swallow.
Sadly, the events of the evening threw this claim into question.
There were twelve guests in total at the Duke’s social drum.
Lord and Lady Amberhall were two whom Octavia recognized, and when they had first arrived, both were sure to greet her politely.
The other ten, however, were unknown to Octavia, and they made no such efforts to pay her any attention whatsoever.
The night started with supper, hosted in the dining room, each guest was shown to their seat along the table.
As Arron was still considered a child, he was seated at the very end, away from the guests.
And, as Octavia’s role was to watch over him, she too was seated down at the far end of the table.
For this reason, she was cut off and isolated from the conversation that flowed from the other end of the table.
The guests spoke lively, their laughter flowed like waves rolling onto the shore, and while it was loud and easy to hear, Octavia was unable to make out most of it because not only did she not understand half of what was said, but none of it was directed toward her.
So, she sat and ate in silence with Aaron. It was not awkward, because nobody noticed her, but that was not the point.
Octavia had been so sure that the Duke wanted her there because he wanted to show her off, to be with her, to remind her that he desired her and saw her as more than a mere governess.
But not once had he spoken to her or tried to pull her into the conversation.
In fact, not once since sitting down had he even looked at her!
I could have worn a canvas sack, and it would have made no difference.
“Where is Henry?” Aaron complained. “Why is he not here?”
“I told you this,” she said to Aaron. “Such events as these are not for him. He is upstairs, but you may join him before bed. Only when your father dismisses you.”
“He won’t even notice…” Aaron slunk down in his chair.
She could not help but agree with him and, despite herself, Octavia cast a rueful glare down the table, hoping the Duke would see it. He sat at the very head; he was engaged in conversation with Lord Amberhall, and not once did he notice her at all.
Octavia felt like a darn fool! In her pretty gown, her make-up done up, her hair curled, she had been so certain that tonight would be special. Now, she was forced to question everything that she thought she had known about herself and the Duke.
He did not care about her at all…
Suddenly, everyone started to stand from the table.
“What’s going on?” Aaron perked up. “Is it over?”
“I…” Octavia watched as the guests slowly walked from the room. They were all in deep conversation, none sparing her a glance. “I am not sure.”
She stayed seated, and she indicated for Aaron to do the same.
As she did, she watched the Duke, who pulled away from Lord Amberhall and finally deigned to look in her direction. He did not smile. There was no hunger in his eyes. But there was a command, one which told her to stay seated.
“Miss Finch…” The Duke approached her. “How was everything?”
“It was perfectly fine,” she said stiffly, with a touch of coldness in her voice; it matched the look she held him in. “Thank you again for inviting me.”
Whether he noticed her icy attitude or not, she could not say because as soon as she spoke, the Duke looked away and addressed his son.
“Aaron, you did well tonight,” he said to the boy. “I am proud of you.”
“You are?” Aaron looked at him hopefully.
“I am,” the Duke said. “But the hour is late. My guests and I are about to adjourn to the drawing room for a drink, and it is time for you to go to bed. Miss Finch, if you might see him off?”
She glared at him, and she did not care.
Again, he either did not notice or did not care. He patted his son on the shoulder, stepped around them, and exited the room.
Octavia felt like a fool! She had been so certain… No, Octavia. Do not give him the satisfaction. He only wanted you here to watch over Aaron, and he has made that perfectly clear.
Octavia led Aaron upstairs, and they found Henry in his room, reading. She allowed the two boys to play together for a few moments, during which time she sat on her brother’s bed and steamed silently.
As tragic as Octavia felt, she decided that this was probably for the best. While she had dreamed that something might happen between herself and the Duke, she saw now how futile such a dream was.
Not only was she a mere governess, but there was a time limit on her presence in this home.
In six months, she would be free to go, and she sensed now more than ever that the Duke would want her to leave when that day finally arrived.
“Master Aaron, it is time for bed,” she said to him.
“But –”
“No buts,” she cut him off. “To bed with you. I will say goodnight to Henry and come and see you in a moment.” She raised a warning eyebrow at the young child. He furrowed his brow as if to argue, but relented.
Once Aaron was gone, she had Henry sit with her on the bed.
“I am sorry you could not join us this evening, Henry,” she said to him. “You know why, I hope?”
He shrugged. “Because we are different.”
“Not different,” she said, taking his hand. “Do not think but. But the Duke and his friends…” She sighed. “They are of a different world to our own, and we must remember that.”
“Aaron is not like them,” Henry argued.
She laughed. “Perhaps not. But you will do well to remember that our time here is not forever, so try not to get too attached.”
The look of sadness on her brother’s face broke Octavia’s heart.
She had been so certain that this was their new home, one where they might be able to carve out a life for themselves, a future that had once felt impossible.
Now, sadly, the truth was laid bare, and it was time that Octavia accepted it.
Once Henry was tucked into bed, Octavia said goodnight and left him alone to sleep. Then, she started down the hallway toward Aaron’s room.
“Octavia!” a voice called from behind her. “Wait, won’t you?”
Octavia turned, and she smiled when she saw Lady Amberhall coming her way.
That smile, however, faded quickly, because despite how much she liked Lady Amberhall, Octavia could not help but see her as an extension of the Duke.
Yes, she was kind. Yes, she was friendly.
But she was also of the peerage, and they would never truly be close.
“I am so sorry I did not get a chance to speak to you at supper,” Lady Amberhall said. “I wish you were not seated so far away.”
“Oh, it is fine,” Octavia said. “I was tasked with watching over Master Aaron, as is my role.”
Lady Amberhall waved her down. “He is in bed now, yes? Will you be joining us for a drink?”
Oh, how Octavia wanted to say yes. Lady Amberhall sounded sincere, even eager, and maybe she was. But, once again, Octavia could not ignore the feeling that this made no difference in the grand scheme of things. Why get her hopes up when they were sure to come crashing down?
“Maybe,” she offered. “I will see once I finish putting Master Aaron to bed.”
“Please, do.” She took Octavia’s hands. “I mean… that gown!” Her eyes flashed as she looked Octavia over, and Octavia flushed bright pink. “Where did it come from?”
“Nowhere,” Octavia said with some embarrassment. “It is… a family heirloom.”
Lady Amberhall looked at her as if she did not believe it. “Is that right? Whoever this family member was, they had quite an eye.” She winked knowingly. “I will see you shortly, I hope. Oh, and I must say again, you look divine.” She leaned in and kissed Octavia on the cheek before hurrying away.
Octavia slunk down the hallway, feeling worse off than ever. It was so hard to believe that earlier this evening she had buzzed with excitement, brimmed with confidence, and spent more than a few hours picturing her life and where it might lead should things tonight go well.
Now, to think about such things made her feel sick.
It was thus a surprise to her when she came upon Aaron’s open bedroom door, only to hear a male voice speaking softly from within the room. She frowned as she listened, creeping closer, and her eyes widened when she realized what she was hearing.
It was the Duke, and he was not speaking so much as he was reading.
Octavia crept to the doorway, and she did not hide the look of surprise on her face when she found the Duke seated on Aaron’s bed, reading his son a bedtime story.
I never would have guessed… not in one million years.
Aaron looked at his father with utmost infatuation. Love shone from his eyes so that Octavia felt it across the room. And the Duke, while he had his back facing her, appeared completely lost in the story, reading to his son as if this was the hundredth time he had done so.
“Miss Finch!” Aaron said when he saw Octavia lurking.
The Duke turned, saw her there, and smiled knowingly. Octavia’s cheeks flushed, embarrassment felt as if she was doing something wrong. She thought about turning and leaving, but knew that was not an option. So, with no choice, she stepped into the room…
“I hope I am not interrupting,” she said, watching the Duke closely for his reaction, sure he would suddenly act dismissively.
“Not at all,” he said as he groaned, shut the book, and stood. “I was just keeping Aaron entertained until you came by.”
“Do not stop on my account.”
“I am needed elsewhere,” he said as he set the book down. “Aaron...” He turned to his son. “Sleep well, son. I am proud of how you held yourself this evening.”
Aaron could not have looked more pleased.
“And Miss Finch…” The Duke crossed the room, his eyes trained on her so that she could not possibly look away. For the first time tonight, he looked at her as she wanted him to. “I am sorry about this evening.”
“You… you are?”
“Please know that if I had things my way, you would have sat at the head of the table.” He shook his head. “Please, do not think I was trying to hide you.”
“I… I did not… I know it,” she stammered, her heart suddenly racing, all her doubts and misgivings vanishing like tears in rain.
“I am needed back downstairs.” He reached her in the middle of the room and stopped right in front of her.
His eyes roamed her body; the hunger from earlier was back, and Octavia almost wished that Aaron would climb from his bed, walk out of the room, and leave the two of them alone.
“And while I would ask if you wished to come, I will understand if you do not want to.”
“I…” She wanted to. Oh, how she did! But this evening had struck an uncomfortable chord in her, and she did not think that she was capable of being around so many lords and ladies who clearly thought so little of her.
The Duke, though… is he different from them? Dare I believe it…
“A shame,” he said, noting her hesitation. “Because that gown…” His eyes looked her over again, a smirk found his lips, and a soft growl emitted from his throat. “It really does look good on you. A little too good, if I do say so myself.”
She had no idea what to say, so she said nothing.
A good move, she thought, as the Duke chuckled, shook his head, and then stepped around her as he strode from the room.
Octavia gasped the moment he was gone. Her body lurched forward. And her heart tore through her chest as if it had grown too big to be contained within her. Shaking. Legs trembling. Breathing heavy. She turned and eyed the doorway, unable and unwilling to stop herself from smiling.
She had been wrong about tonight. The Duke did not regret his actions. He did not want to hide her. And he certainly did not want to go back to how things had been.
This changed everything! This time, Octavia determined that when that moment came, when she had another chance with the Duke, she would not balk or hesitate. She wanted it… all of it. Just as she was certain he wanted her.