Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
It all happened so fast. One minute, Lady Redgate… no, Dorethea, she told me to call her that. How strange. One minute she was telling Octavia that she was her long-lost grandmother, and the next she was insisting that Octavia and Henry come and live with her at once.
Octavia, so swept up in the moment, so enamored with images of what her future might now hold, had agreed without pause. Why would she not? This was more than she could have ever dreamt, and it was her right.
It wasn’t until Dorethea left and Octavia was given time to reckon with the consequences of what had happened that she began to realize that things were nowhere near as simple as she wanted them to be. Then again, when were they ever?
Really, she could not stop thinking about the Duke.
It was as Henry raced around her bedroom, already speaking about their new life as if he had lived it every day since birth, that she sat silently on her bed and pictured the Duke’s face when he had learned who she was and what this meant for their future.
He told me he was happy for me, which I do believe. But one can be happy and disappointed at the same time.
“When are we leaving?” Henry asked as he jumped onto her bed. “We are going to live with Grandmother, yes?”
She laughed and pulled him into a hug. “Were you not today begging me to stay here?”
He grimaced and looked away as if embarrassed. “I… I do love it here, Octavia. But just because we live somewhere else does not mean we can’t come back.” He looked at her hopefully now. “Aaron and I can still play. Every day.”
“I am sure he will like that.”
“And you and His Grace will still be friends,” he pressed on her as if he needed her to confirm it. “Now that we are the same, it will be better. Won’t it be better?”
Oh, how she wanted to tell him that it would be. And how she wanted to believe it. On the surface, such wistful aspirations made perfect sense, and Octavia wanted to be able to say without thought that this revelation could only lead to greener pastures.
She had wondered for so long about herself and the Duke, knowing that nothing could come from their relationship because of their differences in birth. Now that this was not an issue… should this not be good news?
And yet, she could not stop thinking about how the Duke had reacted to the news. He had feigned happiness, but she had seen the sadness in his eyes. The sense that he was losing something… someone.
“It will be better,” she said, hugging her brother tight. “And we leave tomorrow, I think. Best to make a fresh start quickly.”
Octavia had to speak to the Duke. She had to hear him tell her that everything would be fine.
This was not the end of them. This was not how their story concluded.
Before she learned of who she was, Octavia had sensed their connection growing, just as she had felt what could only be described as passion and even love blooming between them.
She had to believe that this changed nothing.
So it was that when Henry was put to bed, Octavia made her way toward the Duke’s office.
He had been locked away inside since Dorethea had left, claiming he needed to work, even if it felt more like he was hiding.
He knew that Octavia would leave tomorrow, so he should have wanted to see her tonight…
to spend as much time with her as he could.
She reached the closed office door. She hesitated, her heart racing, nerves spiking through her. It felt similar to when she had first moved here, as if she was doing something wrong by seeking him out. As if he did not want to see her…
Do not be silly, Octavia. You are reading into this. This is a good thing. It must be!
With that in mind, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
There was no answer.
She knocked again, and once more, silence was what greeted her.
Octavia scrunched her face, wondering if perhaps the Duke had retired to his bedroom. But it was too early for that, and she could see a slither of light creeping out from beneath the door. He was inside, he was avoiding her, and Octavia knew why.
“Your Grace…” She gently popped the door open. “Are you free to talk for a moment?”
“Miss Finch,” came his growl. “I am working.”
“It will only take a moment.” She pushed the door wide and stepped inside.
The office was cloaked in darkness, the only light from a single candle on the Duke’s desk. So small was this candle’s flame that it hardly reached him, as if even the light feared getting too close to his brooding mood.
“Very well,” he sighed and put down his quill. Then he folded his hands on the table and looked at her plainly, an expression free of emotion, one that she was sure he used when conducting business. “What is it that you wish to speak of?”
This wasn’t like that first time when Octavia had gone to see the Duke, knowing she was not supposed to. This was much worse. Anger she could deal with. Hostility was expected. But this… the apathy that he fixed upon her. It hurt more than anything.
“I…” Her voice cracked as she stepped into the room. “I thought you should know that Henry and I plan on leaving tomorrow. Doretha has asked that we stay with her, and I have accepted.”
“I know,” he said simply. “I was there when she said it.”
“I thought you might…” She swallowed. “I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for taking Henry and me in. Thank you for giving us a chance.”
“You did well by Aaron,” he said without emotion. “There is no need to thank me. I am happy with the result.”
“I know that I promised you six months,” she tried next, desperate for a reaction of any kind.
“If you would like it, I can… I might…” She searched him, needing to see that he cared.
“Redgate Estate is not so far from here. I am still able to return each day to continue in Master Aaron’s lessons, if it pleases you. ”
“You wish to be his governess?”
“Only if it pleases you.”
She saw it then. It was subtle. It was hidden in the dark. But behind his eyes, there was a shadow, what she thought to be hope… even relief that she had given him this olive branch.
Sadly, it was gone as quickly as it came.
“That will not be necessary,” he said. “I will find someone else for Aaron.”
“But –”
“You are a lady of the ton now,” he cut over her. “It would not be proper for to continue as a governess. Just as I doubt that Lady Redgate would allow such a thing.”
“I made you a promise,” she said, taking another step into the room. “And I am a woman who keeps her promises.”
“You did,” he agreed. “But as that promise was made to me, I am perfectly within my rights to release you from it. Do not labor yourself with unnecessary feelings of guilt, Miss Fi –” He caught his tongue. “Miss Redgate.”
“Octavia,” she said.
“Excuse me?”
“Please, call me Octavia.” Another step closer, her eyes never once leaving his face. He pushed against her. He fought her. But she could see how hard it was for him. She had to believe that it was.
“What I call you is irrelevant,” he said, still without emotion. “I appreciate your offer, as I do your concern for broken promises. But do not worry about such things. You have a new life ahead of you, as you deserve. Now…” He picked up his quill. “Will there be anything else?”
Octavia’s heart broke in two.
For weeks now, Octavia had borne witness to the changes that had slowly taken over the Duke.
She had seen with her own eyes the way that he shed his old skin, willingly opening his heart to her, admitting to himself who he was underneath the cold, dispassionate shell that had never looked truly comfortable on him.
He had wanted to be a better person. He had wanted to love and be loved. He had wanted to be a good father to his son, a good man to those who cared for him. Most of all, he had wanted Octavia to see this man whom he was growing into.
Now, in one fell swoop, that man had vanished.
The Duke was back to his old self, emotionally detached, uncaring, and unconcerned for those who loved him… Octavia especially.
She had loved him, too. She knew that now. As she looked at this stranger, she remembered who he had been and how she had felt when she was with him. As she had changed him, he had done the same to her.
“I… I will miss it here,” she tried a final time. “I will miss you.”
He looked at her plainly. “I doubt that once you leave this estate, you will think about me at all.”
“That’s not true!”
“It is,” he said, sadness touching his tone for the first time. “Saying otherwise does not change that.”
“Your Grace –” She took another step toward him, but his head was already down.
“I have much work to do, Miss Redgate.” He started to scratch at the ledger on his desk. “If there is nothing else…”
There was so much else. So much that Octavia wanted to tell him.
So much that she wanted him to tell her.
This was not the man she knew, he who had drawn her with such passion, he who had told her about his past, his fears, his hopes for his son…
he who had kissed her as if she were the only person in the world who mattered.
I might remind him of it… But the man who sits before me is not that same man whom I remember.
“No,” she said, dropping her gaze as a knife plunged through her chest. “There is nothing else.” She looked at him a final time, he did not bother looking up, and that was when she knew that this… whatever it was… was over.
Octavia had a new life ahead of her, one she ought to look forward to because it was all she ever wanted. But this life, it would be one without the Duke, and for that reason, it no longer felt as wondrous, as perfect, as it had done.
Once again, Octavia was reminded that rarely in life does one get what they want. In her case, almost never.