Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Octavia could remember the first day that she arrived at the Ironvale residence as if it were yesterday. Rarely had she dared to enter this part of London, because she knew that she did not belong. Even just looking at it from afar had felt wrong…
But when she and Henry had approached the mansion, knowing that it would be their home for at least six months, she had dared to picture a life that had never felt like one she would have, but was now hers for the taking.
Hope was what had filled her on that day, and the Duke’s home was a dream come true, one she prayed she might never wake up from.
It was strange how quickly things could change.
Octavia sat ready in the carriage as the last of her things were packed and strapped on. She had already said goodbye to the staff, as well as Aaron, and she was desperate to be away before she broke.
Through the window of the carriage, she watched Henry hug his friend goodbye.
They laughed as they did so, both willfully ignorant of what this departure meant.
Likely, they believed that they would be seeing one another every other day, and that this was just the start of something new and better. Only Octavia knew the truth.
If there was any chance that this was not a final goodbye, it was made clear when the Duke did not come outside to see them off. The carriage was parked in the driveway, the staff stood by the door and watched as the carriage finally pulled out, and the Duke was nowhere to be found.
“I told Aaron he can come and see us as soon as we’re unpacked,” Henry said happily as he looked out the window, waving goodbye. “Do you think he will be allowed?”
“Of course he will be,” she said as she stroked her brother’s face, smiling, wanting to appear happy because he needed this. “I will make sure of it.”
Octavia dared a final glance out the window, her last chance to say goodbye to her once home. It looked different from how it had done. Somehow smaller. Somehow not as welcoming. Once again, it almost felt wrong of her to look upon it, as if even the manor knew that it would never see her again.
As she watched it, she looked up, finding the window into the Duke’s office. It was too dark to make out clearly; perhaps it was just a shadow that she saw, but Octavia could have sworn that she found the Duke lurking in the window as he watched them go.
Is he just angry with me? Is he upset with himself? Or does he really not care…
Octavia turned away, refusing to focus on such things because they only made her sad. This was a good day, one that she should celebrate and be grateful for. But if that was the case, why did it hurt so much?
“And how is everything?” Dorethea sat at the head of the table, and she watched Octavia and Henry eat as if her life depended on it. “I did not know what you might like for supper – I should have asked before you arrived. Forgive me.”
“It is perfect,” Octavia assured her. “Truly, the best we have ever eaten. Henry?” Octavia looked across the table where Henry shoveled a second helping of roasted lamb into his mouth.
“Tis good,” he said thickly. “So good.”
Dorethea looked relieved. She had hardly touched her own plate, far more concerned with Octavia and Henry. As she had been since they arrived.
“I will have the head cook speak to you tomorrow,” she said. “Tell him what you like and what you do not like. He is a wonderful cook, able to do things in that kitchen I cannot believe. Whatever you need…”
“I am sure we will be fine,” Octavia said with a grateful smile. “But we do appreciate it. Henry…”
“We do.” Henry nodded eagerly before frowning at his empty plate. “Is there dessert?”
“Henry!”
“Of course there is,” Dorethea laughed. “I was hoping you would ask! A growing boy like you, dessert must be the first thing on your mind.” She turned in her chair and indicated to the valet who stood in the corner. “Tell the kitchen staff that Master Henry is ready for dessert.”
“Master Henry?” Henry said with a scrunched face.
“Get used to it,” Dorethea chuckled. “Get used to this…” She gestured to the dining room. “This is your life now, Henry. Both of you. It is high time you started to live it.”
It was their first supper together as a new family. It was their first supper in their new home. It was their first supper as their new selves, and Octavia knew that she should have been grateful.
I am grateful. I am beyond thrilled for this blessing. I… I… I am just tired, is all. Tomorrow, surely, I will feel better.
Octavia had been feeling off ever since they arrived at Redgate Manor. Not that she allowed it to show.
Dorethea had greeted them upon arrival, and her happiness, as well as her excitement, was enough that Octavia was able to forget her troubles for a short time.
The woman was undoubtedly elated and overjoyed that she had finally found her grandchildren, and such was her happiness that Octavia did not want to ruin it.
She spent the day showing Henry and Octavia their new home.
It was a large manor, similar to the Duke’s, although not quite so big, and not nearly so rich. A two-story affair, made of large rooms and expansive hallways. There was a small library. There was a music room. There was everything that Octavia could ever need or want from a home.
They were introduced to the staff, also, and told that whatever they needed, whenever they needed it, all they had to do was ask.
Dorethea showed Octavia her room, promising that they would go shopping and buy her a new wardrobe. She did the same for Henry, and Henry’s confusion at the concept was as adorable as it was heartwarming.
By far, the most tender moment came when Dorethea showed Octavia and Henry a portrait of their mother. This saw Dorethea burst into tears, and before long, they were all hugging, while Dorethea thanked God that she had found them.
The woman wanted to do right by Octavia and Henry. She was determined to make their lives as perfect as she could. Again, Octavia was grateful… she just struggled to feel it, in the moment.
“Now, to business.” Dorethea leaned back as her plate was collected. She folded her hands on the table and looked at Octavia. “Oh, do not look so worried!” she laughed. “But I do feel that some things need to be discussed. Better to get it out of the way now than later.”
“Discussed?” Octavia frowned. “What are you…”
“Henry’s education will be taken care of, of course,” she said. “I have already sent out for a new governess. He will have the best education. Isn’t that nice, Henry?” She looked at Henry who pushed his lips together as if in protest.”
“Henry…” Octavia warned.
“I thought I would… Aaron said we could do our lessons together.” He looked hopefully at Octavia.
“Maybe in the future,” Octavia said. “For now, your grandmother is right. You need your own governess.”
“As for you, dear.” Her grandmother turned on her. “It might be in bad taste to discuss such topics, but you are… how old? Twenty-seven, yes?”
“That’s right.”
She sighed. “As I feared. Not a disaster, yet. But we ought to hurry if we are to avoid a scandal.”
“I don’t… what scandal?”
“That you are single, dear,” she said simply. “Without a husband. Now that you are a baroness, it will be expected that you are courted. If you were a little younger, we might not be in such a rush, but…” She sucked through her teeth. “You see the problem? You know how this darn town is!”
Octavia’s stomach sank.
It was not such a crazy notion, she knew. Just as she knew that her grandmother was only doing what she thought was best. At twenty-seven, a woman of the peerage ought to be married because if she were not, people would begin to question why.
Nonetheless, such reasoning did not make Octavia feel any better. And despite herself, knowing how foolish it was, she wondered if maybe the Duke… would it be such a crazy notion?
“Oh… yes,” she said, doing her best not to appear uncomfortable. “Do you have any thoughts of who I might…” She laughed awkwardly. “I am a little unsure of the process.”
“Leave that to me,” her grandmother said with a wink. “I will find you a good man. An honest man. Someone who is worthy of you, I promise.”
It was right there on the tip of her tongue. All she had to do was ask it… mention the Duke… suggest him as a possible match. However, as she went to say it, Octavia was reminded of their conversation last evening, just as she remembered that he had not come to see her off today.
Even if she asked the Duke, she doubted that he would want her. What they had, whatever it was, was gone now, and likely not nearly as special as Octavia had once thought.
“Very well…” She sighed and bowed her head. “I trust you…”
It was not about trust. Octavia had tasted love, she had felt it in her soul and her heart, so she knew that whoever her grandmother picked, no matter how nice a man he was, would not compare to the Duke. How could he?
There was an irony there, Octavia was sure.
When she had nothing, she had been happy.
Now that she had everything, she was crestfallen.
If a middle ground existed, she could not see her way to it.
Octavia had wished for everything, and she had finally gotten it…
save for the one thing she wanted most of all.