Chapter 25
Finlay knocked on the door to Thalia’s room. It was late, but not late enough that he thought she would be asleep.
There was no answer. Rather than knock again, he put his hand on the doorknob and entered the room.
Thalia’s back was to him as she sat at her desk. Her quill quivered in the air as she wrote something down. The only sound in the room was the scratch of the nib on the paper.
“Thalia?”
She stiffened for a moment, her quill freezing, but then it quivered again.
“Ye really should have waited until I told ye to come in,” she said, without taking her eyes off her task. “I could have been naked, for all ye ken.”
He didn’t like that she had yet to turn to look at him. He curled his hands into fists as he strode further into the room, kicking the door closed behind him.
“I own this castle, lassie, and I own ye, naked or nae. I havenae seen ye in days, and I wanted to check that ye’re ready for tomorrow.”
She finally turned to him, and he could see nothing but exhaustion on her face. Deep purple bruises rested under her eyes, and her normally bright face sagged with resignation.
“I willnae be.”
The words shocked him more than her appearance. “Excuse me?”
She stood up from her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “I willnae be ready for tomorrow because I am callin’ off the betrothal.”
“Thalia.” He stepped forward.
He didn’t know if he was going to grab her or hold her, but she stepped back from him, her back hitting the desk. It wobbled on its legs, and she turned away from him.
“I daenae wish to make this any harder than it already is,” she muttered to the floor.
“But I’ve finally accepted what ye’ve been tryin’ to convince me of this entire time.
That this betrothal was a mistake. I… I want to say again how much I am grateful to ye for yer protection, and for yer kindness.
I ken I willnae be able to repay ye properly. ”
“Ye daenae need to repay me for anything,” Finlay said. The words sounded foreign to his own ears. It was not what he really wanted to say, but he did not have the courage to say it out loud. “What brought on this sudden… revelation?”
“We daenae want the same things for this betrothal,” she explained. “And I cannae stay here any longer. Ye say that being around me is hard. Well, it’s hard for me, too! I cannae keep seein’ ye day in and day out and nae be able to be with ye. ‘Tis its own kind of torture.”
“Thalia…” He swallowed. “Ye ken who I was when ye agreed to this betrothal.”
“Aye, I thought I did,” she relented, turning her face up to his.
Her eyes shone in the candlelight, but there were no tears on her cheeks.
“But I cannae be around ye when ye want me one moment, and then ye push me away the next. Ye’re followin’ so blindly some decision that ye made years ago to be a rake. ”
He let out an unamused chuckle as he stepped towards her again. This time, she held her ground. “Ye think I made that decision lightly? Nay, I swore I would never marry so that I would never do to a woman what was done to me sister. I couldnae bear it.”
“Ye think ye would do that to me? Is that why ye keep shutting me out?” she asked.
“Nay.” He shook his head. “I would never do that to ye, because I wouldnae let ye fall in love with me.”
She glared at him, her face flushing. “Who said anything about fallin’ in love with ye anyway?”
“Maybe nae intentionally, but I’d never risk it,” he explained.
She shook her head, pushing past him as she paced the room. “Still, I cannae be here anymore. I only get more and more confused by the day, and I daenae want to feel like this any longer.” She paused, turning back towards him as she clenched her fists into her skirts. “I’m going back to me uncle.”
“What?” He went to her again, grabbing her roughly by the shoulders. “After everythin’ ye did, ye’re just going to go back there? He’ll marry ye off. Marry ye off to him.”
Finlay could not even utter the bastard’s name. The thought of her being sold off to that man made the blood in his veins boil.
She pushed him off, determination coloring her features. “I’ll take care of it.”
“He tried to have ye kidnapped,” he growled.
“Then I’ll tell me uncle that and escape it!” she snapped.
She was angry now, too. They both were. Neither was ready to back down.
“Ye really think it will be that easy?” he scoffed. “That man willnae back down without a fight, especially if he kens ye’re free again. Ye daenae ken what he’s been up to, or what he has planned—”
“I’ll take me chances,” she interrupted.
He stared at her. His anger fizzled when he realized that she was serious.
“Ye would really risk marriage to him rather than stay here?” he asked, his voice quieter now.
She noticed the change in it too, and her shoulders dropped as she realized what she was implying. That it was better to take the risk with a known threat than to spend another day in this castle with him.
“It might nae come to that,” she tried. “Perhaps Uncle Archibald might just let me be a healer.”
He did not say that he did not think that was likely. She had made her feelings quite clear, and he would not try to dissuade her again.
“I thought we had a deal,” he said.
“Ye didnae keep yer word either,” she shot back.
They stared at each other, and Finlay scrambled for something to say. If he could just find the right words, maybe he could convince her to stay. They did not come to him.
Thalia sighed, and she went back to her desk to finish what she had been working on before he barged in.
“I’m tired,” she muttered. “I’d like ye to leave.”
He stared at her back for two more breaths, and then he left.
Thalia had packed up her things the night before, so when she woke up that morning, all she had to do was get dressed. She wouldn’t cry again. She had already done far too much of that, and she suspected she didn’t have any more tears left within her.
The note she had written for Daisy lay folded neatly on her desk, and once she was ready, she grabbed it and left the room for the final time. Ava waited for her at the bottom of the stairs.
They had discussed her plans to leave before she had spoken with Finlay, so she was already prepared for the journey back to MacCabe Castle.
She must have still looked upset, because Ava placed a kind hand on her back.
“Ye are sure this is what ye want?” she asked again.
Thalia nodded. “I think it is best for everyone if I am nay longer here.”
“I sent out a message to Caden. A carriage should be sent for us later in the day,” Ava explained.
“Ye need nae have to wait.”
They turned to see Finlay coming down the stairs. He was dressed in the same clothes he had worn yesterday, as if he had not bothered to go to sleep after their discussion last night.
Thalia pushed down the guilt that rose in her chest. She had given him many chances to change his mind, to convince her that he could be the person she needed, but he had refused to give in. She had to give herself the chance to move on.
“I can send ye out in me carriage,” he added. “It will take ye wherever ye need to be.”
“I daenae need more favors from ye,” Thalia said.
“It’s nae a favor,” he assured. “Ye can consider it an apology.”
“Thank ye,” she said, though she was not sure what exactly he was apologizing for.
“And if ye ever want to flee another wedding, ye ken ye can always come here, and I’ll help.”
The statement was clearly meant to be a joke, but it left a bitter taste in her mouth.
“As a friend,” she said curtly.
“Aye.” His jaw clenched. “As a friend.”
“Thank ye, but I think I’ll be just fine, me Laird.”
Finlay nodded once to her, then to Ava. “I’ll go make sure that the carriage is ready.”
He left through the front entrance, and Thalia and Ava were left alone again.
Ava stared at her sister, while Thalia fought to meet her gaze.
She had only explained that she and Finlay had not been able to settle their differences, but from their conversation, she knew that Ava was now starting to put some of the pieces together.
Thalia already felt wretched enough; she didn’t need a lecture on top of that.
There was a slapping of boots against the stone floor, followed by a loud cry. “Daisy! Please stop runnin’!”
The girl appeared at the top of the stairs, her chest heaving from exertion. As soon as she saw Thalia, she flew down the stairs, leaping off at the second-to-last step. Thalia caught her as the girl wrapped her legs around her waist, her arms clinging tightly to her neck.
“Say it’s nae true!” she wailed. “Say ye’re nae leavin’!”
Thalia’s heart broke as she held Daisy tighter to her chest. “I’m sorry, Daisy. I’m so very, very sorry.”
“I daenae want ye to leave! Please! I promise I’ll be good!” Daisy’s voice cracked as her tears began to soak Thalia’s shoulder.
Thalia gently put her down, making sure her feet touched the floor before she let go. Daisy complied reluctantly as fat tears streaked down her cheeks. Thalia knelt down so that the two were at eye level.
“Ye are already good,” she told her, combing her fingers through her hair. “And this doesnae have to be permanent. We will write to each other, and ye can come and visit me once I am settled back home.”
As the words left her mouth, she hoped that they were not a lie. She had no idea what fate awaited her after she left MacAinsley Castle, and she was not sure when she might ever see Daisy again, or even if she would ever see her again.
“But what about me lessons? How am I supposed to become a healer like ye now?” Daisy protested.
Thalia gave her a small smile.
“I left somethin’ on me desk for ye, and I have left behind some of me books as well. They’re just in me old room, waitin’ for ye. As I said, I shall write to ye, and answer any questions ye have. At least until Finlay finds ye a proper tutor.”
Daisy shook her head. “I daenae want to learn from anyone but ye. Like how ye said ye had learned from yer maither.”
Thalia’s breath lodged in her throat, and she closed her eyes tightly as she felt tears well up.
“I’m sorry, Daisy,” she murmured, her voice thick and sorrowful. “I promise, I wouldnae be leavin’ if I didnae have any other choice.”
Daisy gave a sob and threw her arms around Thalia’s neck. Thalia returned the hug with just as much enthusiasm, and they held each other for several moments.
“I love ye, Thalia,” Daisy whispered against her hair.
Thalia took a deep breath, willing herself to stay strong as she whispered back, “I love ye, too, Daisy.”
“Apologies, me Ladies.”
Thalia pulled herself out of the hug as Anna approached them.
“I believe yer carriage is ready,” Anna announced. She also had a sad look on her face.
Thalia stood and gave the maid a smile. “Thank ye, Anna. For everything ye did while I was here.”
“It was me pleasure,” Anna replied, returning the smile.
Ava and Thalia left, carrying their things to the carriage that awaited them by the gate. Thalia glanced around and noticed that Finlay was nowhere to be seen.
That’s just fine. We already said our goodbyes. There’s nothing else to add.
Once their luggage was loaded, Thalia turned to look once more at MacAinsley Castle. Daisy stood by the front entrance, joined now by Rowena. They both raised their hands in farewell, and Thalia returned the gesture.
Foolishly, she still wished that Finlay would not let her go.
A part of her, a rather big part, still wanted very much to stay.
Yet she knew she could no longer stand the ache in her heart.
She would not survive a full year of it, and she feared that after all of that time, it would be even harder to leave.
It was this fact that made her finally turn away and climb into the carriage. She was doing what was best for her in the long run, even if her heart broke as she did.