Chapter 26
Thalia finally let her tears fall as the carriage exited through the gates. She dropped her head into her hands, pouring out all the sorrow that was overwhelming her.
Ava sank into the seat next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and gently laying her down so that her head rested in her lap.
She hummed a tune from their childhood, letting her cry as long and as hard as she needed.
Her fingers traced slow trails through Thalia’s wild curls, and the repetitive motion helped to soothe her pain.
“Ye daeanae have to tell me anythin’ now,” Ava started, as Thalia began to quiet down. “Just ken that I am here for ye however ye need me.”
Thalia sniffled, her throat raw from sobbing. She closed her eyes, letting her sister’s humming lull her into a calmer state. It was a song about their home. The beauty of the trees and the flowers, and how the singer wanted to lie down in the splendor and soak up all of the good in the world.
It was fitting, for Thalia now wished to be back home. She wanted to go back to what she knew, and hoped that the comfort of familiarity would help her to forget all of the mistakes she had made.
The rest of the ride continued in silence, and after a few hours, they finally made it back to MacCabe Castle.
Thalia sat up gingerly, her head throbbing slightly from her crying, but that pain was nothing compared to the one in her heart.
She exited the carriage and was immediately greeted by a small boy running towards her.
“Aunt Thalia! Aunt Thalia!” Nathan cried, launching himself at her skirts.
Thalia returned the hug, ignoring the pang of longing as she was reminded of Daisy. She did her best to smile at him, but she was quickly forgotten as Ava exited the carriage from behind her.
“Oh!” Ava cried, lifting the boy into her arms and resting him on her hip. “Me sweet boy, I missed ye so much!”
She kissed his cheek, and he giggled at the affection.
Caden came out next, followed by Archibald.
“Thalia, I was prepared to leave for the cèilidh, yet I was told by Laird MacCabe that it wouldnae take place…” he trailed off.
“Nay,” Thalia confirmed. “I have called off the betrothal.”
He nodded. “Ye made the right decision. We can discuss it further on our way back to MacFinn Castle. I daenae want ye stayin’ here any longer. It would be best if ye returned home, where ye belong.”
“Aye,” she agreed. She did not want to stay so close to Finlay or Daisy. The distance would be good for her. “Uncle, I apologize for runnin’ away, and for causin’ so many problems for ye and our family. I’ll return home with ye, but I’d like to retire now to be ready for the journey tomorrow.”
“That will be just fine,” Archibald assured. “I’ll be sure to inform Laird MacGibbon as well that yer betrothal has been called off.”
That made her pause, and she glanced at him with curiosity. “Is he nae here?”
“Nay, he received a message a few days ago, and explained that he would have to leave before the cèilidh. Shame that,” Archibald replied.
At least there was one bright spot. She had expected to receive sneers or comments from the man, and she was happy to hear that she would not have to endure that today. She let out the breath she had been holding.
“Aye,” she said. “A shame.”
Ava caught her eye, and she set Nathan down. “I’ll go help Thalia settle into her room for the night,” she said, looping her arm through her sister’s. “Excuse us, Uncle. Husband.”
The two women walked into the castle.
Thalia let Ava take the lead despite knowing the way from her years living there. When they arrived at her room, she was almost surprised to see that everything was exactly as she had left it. She had only been gone for two weeks, but it felt like she had lived an entire lifetime since then.
She sank down onto the bed, and Ava settled next to her. They kicked off their boots, curling into each other with their backs against the headboard, as they used to do when they were small. Thalia sniffled again, but remained calm enough that no more tears fell.
“Do ye want to be alone?” Ava asked after a moment.
“Aye,” Thalia croaked. “But ye count as alone right now.”
Ava gave a small smile, then let out a long sigh. “Do ye want to talk about what really happened between ye and Finlay?”
Thalia hesitated. She had not revealed the full story yet, not to anyone, and she didn’t want to upset her sister.
“I daenae ken,” she sighed.
Ava rested her head atop Thalia’s. “I promise I will hear ye out, and I willnae be upset with ye.”
“Ye willnae?” Thalia asked in a small voice.
“I cannae promise I willnae be mad at Finlay, though I willnae go and storm into MacAinsley Castle either.”
That made Thalia chuckle, the pressure in her chest lightening just a bit. It made it easier to get the words out.
“He couldnae be what I wanted. What I needed,” she began. “I found meself… caring for him, more than I’ve ever cared for a man before.”
“Do ye love him?” Ava asked.
The question made Thalia flush. “I… I daenae ken if that is what it is, but…”
Finlay made her feel things she had never felt before.
Not just when they were engaging in pleasurable acts.
The way her heart would race when she saw him, the way he could make her laugh by just being himself.
How she could be so happy and so angry at him at the same time.
She doubted anyone would ever make her feel like that ever again.
Ava nodded as if she could read her sister’s thoughts. “I was worried something like this might happen. I cannae help but feel like I am partially to blame.”
Thalia sat up straight in surprise. “Why would ye say that?”
Ava sighed. “I feel like I was too protective of ye. I tried too hard to shield ye from everything, including Finlay. Maybe if I hadnae kept the two of ye apart for so long, things could have been different.”
“Ye couldnae have ken about us,” Thalia argued.
“Nay,” Ava agreed. “But I did have me suspicions. Which is why I wanted ye to stay away from him in the first place. If he werenae so set on remainin’ unwed, ye two would be perfect for each other.”
“Ye think so?”
“Aye, I ken it.”
Thalia took a shaky breath. She knew that her sister was trying to reassure her, and it did a little, but hearing the confirmation that she approved of them being together only made her frustration grow. It simmered within her, like a pot left to sit too long over a fire.
She stood and began to pace the floor by the bed.
“Damn him,” she hissed. “Damn him! I’ll never forgive him.”
“Thalia?” Ava climbed out of bed. “I’m sorry, did I say the wrong thing?”
“Nay, I’m just…” Thalia paused in her pacing, stomping her foot in anger.
“I’m so mad at him! I daenae ken why he doesnae trust himself enough to be with me, why he thinks he’ll hurt me or change his mind.
Doesnae he ken that he’s hurtin’ me now?
Doesnae he care about that? Or does he think I could just forget about all of it? ”
Her breath came quicker, and her lungs burned as if there weren’t enough air to fill them. She wanted to scream, to cry, to break something.
Her sister stood silently in front of her, as if she knew that Thalia just needed to get it all out. She wrapped her arms around herself, willing her body to calm down again. The pressure helped, and her breathing slowed.
“As if I could just forget it all,” she continued, her voice lowering to a whisper. Regret filled her as she questioned her decision to leave again. “Do ye think I made the right choice?”
Ava frowned. “I daenae ken. I trust that ye made the right choice for yerself, and I do agree that if ye werenae happy, ye shouldnae have stayed. I wish ye could feel better about yer decision, but I suspect that will come with time.”
Aye, only time will tell now.
Thalia felt tears prick her eyes again, and she took a deep, steadying breath. “I think I love him, Ava.”
Ava crossed the room to put her hands on Thalia’s shoulders. She pressed a kiss to her forehead, the action comforting.
“He’s a fool to let ye go,” she huffed.
Thalia chuckled. “Aye. The biggest dobber ye’ve ever seen.”
Ava giggled, too. “Maybe one day he’ll realize what he’s lost. But ye will have already found something or someone better.”
“Ye think so?”
“I ken it.”
The two women embraced tightly, and Thalia buried her face in her sister’s hair. “Thank ye, Ava.”
“I love ye so much,” Ava whispered back.
Thalia knew that she still had people who cared about her. People who loved her. She could survive without Finlay’s love, and she would. All she needed was time to heal, and to keep him as far away from her as possible.
The one thing Thalia was not looking forward to was the carriage ride home with her uncle. Most of her stuff had been packed once she had arrived at MacAinsley Castle, so she hadn’t been able to delay the trip for very long.
The afternoon sun hung high in the sky, and the heat bore down on her with an unsympathetic relentlessness.
Everyone from MacCabe Castle had gathered outside to see her off, which was a much nicer goodbye than her previous one.
The last time she had left the castle, she had been in a rush, and she hadn’t even thought to say goodbye since she had assumed she would return.
She glanced at her uncle, who was deep in conversation with Caden. The two were whispering low enough that she could only assume it had something to do with the other clans. She just hoped that it wasn’t too dire.
She hugged her sister longer than was truly necessary, but Ava didn’t seem to mind.
“Please ken that ye’re always welcome here,” Ava whispered. “Nay matter what.”
“Thank ye, Ava.” Thalia smiled, even as her heart squeezed painfully in her chest.
They were only a few days’ carriage ride away from each other, but as Ava grew more comfortable in her role as Lady MacCabe, Thalia felt that they would see each other less and less as time went on. Living together for the past two years had been wonderful, but she had to move on.
“Thalia? Are ye ready?” Archibald called. He stood by the carriage, holding the door open as he waited for her to join him.
“Aye, almost.” Thalia turned to her nephew, who had been surprisingly patient as he waited for his goodbye hug.
“Will ye come back for winter, Aunt Thalia?” Nathan asked with wide eyes. “I want to go ice skatin’ again!”
“I’ll try,” she said as she wrapped him into her arms. The words weren’t a complete lie, but they still tasted bitter on her tongue.
She let the boy go and went to her baby niece, who wiggled in the nursemaid’s arms.
“Goodbye, me sweet.” She placed a kiss on the baby’s temple. “Daenae grow up too fast, do ye hear me?”
She sighed and peeled herself away to go to the carriage. Archibald held out his hand to help her in, and she took it to appease him. They would be trapped together in the carriage for a while. She did not want to start off the trip with a fight.
The carriage tilted with her weight, and straightened again as she entered the small compartment. She sat as close to the other end as she could, not trusting herself to keep her emotions in check if she got another glimpse of the family she was leaving behind.
Archibald climbed in right behind her and settled on the other side. He closed the door, raising his arm in farewell as the carriage lurched into motion.
They spent most of the first day in silence. Neither of them wanted to be the first to break it. Thalia flipped through the book she had brought for the trip, turning the pages one by one without really reading any of the words.
Archibald leaned his head back against his seat, keeping his eyes closed. She assumed he had been sleeping, but every time she shifted in her seat or cleared her throat, his eyes would snap open like he was worried she was going to make a run for it again.
She didn’t tell him not to bother. What was the point? He didn’t realize that she was already running away from Finlay, and she didn’t want to explain that to him. She doubted he would care.
As the sun sank below the horizon and she lost the last of the light, she gave up on pretending to read and curled up against the door. She didn’t expect to get any sleep, yet within minutes she was pulled under by waves of drowsiness.
Mercifully, she was blessed with a dreamless sleep.