Chapter 7
Luci
“We still need to talk about when you want to come over on Christmas Day,” Theo told me as he came up the stairs, his cheeks and nose bright red from the cold that still clung to him.
He smelled of snow, the crisp scent a stark contrast to the warm vanilla and cardamom notes wafting over from Mrs. Johnson’s apartment.
He looked so cute with his dark navy wool coat and his matching set of blue-and-white hat and scarf; I wanted to kiss and cuddle the fuck out of him.
Hell, I wanted nothing more than to take his red, obviously cold hands in mine and warm them up.
Maybe make him a tea or hot chocolate, or coffee, for him to have a warm mug to wrap his hands around.
I could definitely see him lounging on my couch, his feet in thick wool socks, me sitting behind him, my arms wrapped around him, my chin resting on his shoulder…
“Yeah, we definitely need to talk about that,” I said, placing a way too short, chaste kiss on his cold lips. “But I need to run, so I get to Santa’s Village in time.” Shaking my head, I made the bell on my elf hat jingle. “Besides, we still have plenty of time.”
Theo raised one eyebrow, giving me a doubtful stare. “You call two days plenty of time?”
Two… ohhh…. Oh, fuck.
I winced, my cheeks heating.
Maybe I’d completely forgotten how much time had gone by. Between the elf job, my art, the custom covers I’d been designing, and the community classes I taught, time had just… escaped me.
“Uh, yeah, so we urgently need to talk about Christmas Day…” I said, pulling him close once again, inhaling his crisp scent. Not even the cold clinging to him could keep me away. “Tonight? We can chat on the phone while I’m on my way back from work. Or… I could come over once Hazel is asleep?”
Theo rested his head on my shoulder as the tension left his body. “Let’s talk on the phone, okay? Hazel is super excited about Christmas already, so I’m not sure when she’ll go down tonight. And honestly, I’m beat. I feel like I could sleep for days. I’m sorry.”
“Psshht.” I shushed him, kissing his cheek. “You have every right to want a quiet evening to yourself. I’m not mad at you; quite the contrary, actually. I completely get it.”
Theo chuckled, his body shaking against mine. “You’re the one working half a dozen jobs at the same time, yet you still have energy for impromptu dates or pub nights.”
I shrugged. “The difference is that I thrive on chaos. You thrive on order. Also, you have to care for a second human being. And I know from working with those little chaos gremlins that they turn into feral monsters in December. Most of them are so excited about Christmas that they’re constantly hyped up.
I never see parents as tired as they look around Christmas. Okay, maybe during summer break.”
Theo laughed, giving me a little squeeze. “Thank you for understanding. I won’t keep you any longer. I know you need to get going, and I need to get upstairs and thank Joseph and Linda for babysitting Hazel on short notice.”
I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to let go of him yet.
Truth be told, I never wanted to let go of him.
I cherished these little moments in between, the fleeting meetings in front of my apartment door or on the stairs.
Stolen moments during our busy days. Quick kisses and hugs, short updates on our days, gone in the blink of an eye.
His lips were still puffy from being outside, but not as cold anymore.
And they were oh-so soft as they ghosted over mine.
A last goodbye for the day, followed by a last hug.
Then he smiled at me before he continued climbing the stairs, taking two steps at a time just like he always did when he was on his way to meet Hazel.
For a moment, I watched him, waiting for the moment he disappeared from my view, feeling a pang in my chest when I heard his keys jingling, followed by his apartment door opening.
I could hear him call out for Hazel and her excited shrieking.
Damn. I wanted to be up there with them.
Instead, I’d be stuck in these fucking tights for three hours.
At least it was only going to be three hours, and then… fuuuuuck my life.
Then I’d need to go shopping for Christmas gifts. On the twenty-third of December. Because I was a fucking idiot. I had no one to blame but myself and my procrastination-prone brain.
“I’m so done,” I groaned, stripping out of my tights for the last time.
For good, this time. Maybe I should just burn the costume so I couldn’t get roped into doing another season.
My legs were tingling and itching from being confined in cheap, too-tight polyester for so long, the skin dry and flaking.
Dammit, apparently I needed to get some kind of lotion, too.
“Yeah, no kidding. Either the kids get worse every year or I’m getting too old for this shit,” Ben said, raking a hand through his fake beard.
I snorted a laugh. “Aren’t you younger than me?”
He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I can’t be too old for this shit.”
“True. Hey, do you know any cool gift ideas for almost five-year-old girls?”
Ben raised his eyebrows until they disappeared under his red Santa hat. “Isn’t it a bit late to start thinking about gifts now?”
I rubbed my hand over my face, letting out a whine. “I know. I messed up and forgot all about which day it is, and now I need to get gifts for Hazel and Theo today.”
Ben let out a deep belly laugh, his baritone vibrating through the small break room we’d claimed as ours for the season. “Oh, Luci, one day your brain will get you in big trouble.”
“One day? It feels like I’m in big trouble right now.
Hazel is an amazing kid, and it was so kind of her to invite me to celebrate Christmas with them when she overheard me telling my brother I’d spend the holidays alone.
I want to do something extra special for her.
I mean, she didn’t know me at all back then.
She just saw an elf talking about being alone on Christmas and stepped in. ”
Ben’s eyes widened, and he barked out another laugh. “Oh damn, that explains so much. Hazel is the little girl you had me stay late for, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah. She and her dad, Theo. Why, what did she say?”
My legs had finally stopped itching enough for me to put on a pair of jeans.
Then I made quick work of slipping on my sneakers.
A wave of nostalgia hit me as I took off my hat and top for the last time.
I was definitely done with this job. My heart just wasn’t in it anymore; it no longer fit me, like jeans that’d gotten too tight and restricting.
But… I’d worked here since my first year of college.
Letting go wasn’t easy, even if it was long overdue.
“Well, I did the usual spiel, you know? Asked her if she’d been naughty or nice, told her she definitely was on my nice list, and asked her if she had a special wish she wanted to tell me directly.
You know what she said? She told me no; she’d already sent a letter with all her wishes, so I should know what she wanted.
That wasn’t the reason she was there that day.
She said—and I quote—‘I came to tell you that you need to treat your elves better, Mr. Santa. They work for you, so you need to take care of them. You can’t abandon them at Christmas; they deserve a nice holiday.
But don’t worry, I fixed it. I invited your elf, and I’m keeping him. No taksies-backsies.’”
I let out a giggle. That sounded frighteningly like it could really be a quote.
“She’s fierce,” I said, my lips stretching into a wide smile. Damn. She’d stood up for me before she’d even gotten to know me.
“Yeah, that’s the impression I got from her, too.
She had her fists pressed on her hips as she was scolding me, too.
I had no idea what she was talking about, obviously, but I’ve got to admit she was so cute and hilarious in her anger, I just nodded, apologized, and promised to do better in the future. ”
I couldn’t hold my laughter any longer. “The mighty Ben, thoroughly chastised by a pint-sized kid.”
Ben shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a softie.”
He really was. A big, muscled softie.
“Thanks for sharing that story. Now I need an extra-special gift.”
Ben slapped me on the shoulder, almost sending me flying. “Good luck, man. And hey, let’s keep in touch, okay? And I don’t mean in a ‘wishing each other a happy birthday once a year’ kind of way.”
“Sure.” I nodded. I got what he meant. For the past seven years, we’d basically spent an entire month together each year.
Then we went without contact for eleven months before meeting up right at the beginning of December again, catching up on what’d happened during the last year and going right back to spending all our days together.
“But just to be warned, I suck at keeping in touch. I’m sorry.
Object permanence is a real problem for me.
It’s kind of an ADHD-thing, sooo… I’ll try to stay in touch, but if I don’t talk to you for a couple of weeks, it’s nothing against you.
” Maybe I should add a reminder in my phone, so I don’t forget.
I really wanted to keep in touch with Ben.
“No problem, I’ll just invite you over to watch football with my guys.
Or hockey. Or hey, sometimes we watch baseball and soccer, too.
I’ll add you to my usual roster.” He could probably see my nose-wrinkle at the thought of having to endure hours and hours of watching sports, but it just made him laugh.
“No worries, I don’t expect you to actually take me up on my invitation.
I know you’re not a sports guy. But you will have to turn me down, and that’s a chance for us to make other plans. ”
That… was actually a great idea.
I nodded, giving Ben another hug. “That’s an awesome idea. Damn, I’d love to stay and chat, but I really need to get going if I want to have a chance at getting all my Christmas shopping done today.” And I desperately wanted to avoid having to come back here tomorrow.
Half an hour later, I was still wandering around empty-handed. Why was getting presents for kids so damn hard?
I mean, I’d seen a ton of things I was sure Hazel would like, but I didn’t just want something she liked.
I wanted to get her something she loved.
Sure, I could get her the cute puppy plushie I’d seen.
Or the unicorn backpack that sparkled in every color of the rainbow.
Or even a ton of art supplies, but… nothing felt right.
And getting something for Hazel didn’t mean I was done.
Nope, I also needed a gift for Theo. I mean, we hadn’t talked about getting each other gifts, but it was Christmas.
I couldn’t very well show up without a gift for my…
whatever Theo was. More than a guy I was dating, but not yet a boyfriend, though I felt like we were on a good track.
Hell, if I had it my way, I’d be calling him my boyfriend already.
I was all in, but I respected him a lot for being careful.
He couldn’t put his heart on the line all willy-nilly.
He had a daughter to think of—and, as far as I could see, he did a stellar job of putting her needs first.
Fuck, it was one of the things I liked most about him. His seriousness. The way he had both his feet firmly on the ground, rooted there to withstand even the harshest storm. While I sometimes felt like a strong wind could take me adrift.
With a sigh, I turned in a new direction, slowly walking by the huge, blinking glass fronts offering more and more ideas while not appealing to me in the slightest. I was drifting again, letting the stream of people guide me, but I was okay with it.
Even more okay when something finally caught my eye.
It was probably a bit cliché, but… I could picture Theo wearing it.
With a firm nod, I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around, and entered the store.
One down, one to go.