Chapter 8
Theo
The night before Christmas Day, there was a special kind of magic in the air.
A whimsical energy full of anticipation and excitement mixed with a dash of terror.
In the quiet of the night, Santa’s true helpers, the parents, came out to do their jobs, to create a magical experience for their children.
I smiled as I looked out the living room window, a cup of Christmas Tea in hand, watching the parents across the street working in tandem to get gifts out of their hiding places and arrange them beneath their Christmas tree.
In just a few minutes, I’d be doing the same, but I was going to do it alone for the first time.
For the past couple of years, I’d spent Christmas with Joseph and Linda, but this year, they were flying out to Boston to visit Linda’s sister and Hazel’s uncle, Calvin.
I didn’t mind them visiting family over Christmas one bit, but the prospect of keeping the Christmas magic alive all on my own had been daunting…
until my daughter had chatted up an elf in the stairwell.
Luci made everything seem lighter. Christmas was fun with him.
New. Exciting. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have my own childhood memories to draw from or that I couldn’t lean on Joseph and Linda; that faded to the background when Luci was there to tell me about his own memories.
He’d been the one to tell me they told him that this moment, when all the preparations came together, was one of his favorite things about Christmas. In fact, the only reason I was drinking tea, watching the families across the street was me trying to feel that magic he’d been talking about.
And it was working.
I smiled as I saw a frazzled father running from one corner of the room to the next, hectically opening drawers and cupboards, a Santa hat askew on his head.
He was clearly searching for something, looking almost like a squirrel trying to find its hidden treasure.
When his wife came into the room, opening one drawer the father had already opened twice and pulled out a smallish red gift, I let out a quiet laugh.
I watched the man hug her, but turned away when they started kissing in front of the tree, a pang of longing hitting me straight in the chest.
A part of me wished for Luci to be standing next to me, to have him experience the same magic his parents had told him about.
But it was way too early for that. We weren’t even boyfriends, were we?
We were… seeing where things went. And while I certainly knew which direction I wanted us to move in, I needed to talk to him about it first.
After Christmas.
Tomorrow was going to be a day of joy and magic, a mix of new things and traditions; I was going to make sure of it.
Drinking the last bit of my tea, I put the cup in the dishwasher and got to work. I tiptoed through the hall, holding my breath as I sneaked past Hazel’s room, always listening for a sign that she wasn’t fast asleep but trying to catch Santa in the act, but everything stayed quiet.
I took my time draping the gifts beneath our tree, the golden, red, and green ornaments glinting and shining, the pine needles tickling me when I brushed against them, their scent bringing a smile to my lips.
This was Christmas. Hints of pine and orange, and cloves.
Vanilla and cinnamon. Warm, welcoming scents waft through our apartment.
The clock on the stove showed almost midnight, so I quickly wrapped up the last preparations.
Standing in the doorway, I took one last look at the room in front of me.
The Christmas tree and gifts, the plate of oranges decorated with cloves on the coffee table, the string of lights in the window, and the plate of cookies on the kitchen table.
Of course, I’d taken a bite out of a few of them.
I’d even artfully placed a few crumbles on the white platter.
The room felt homey and warm. It wasn’t overly decorated; if anything, the room might be a bit understated, but I liked it just the way it was.
And I knew Hazel was going to love it, too.
“Daddy, Daddy, wake up. Santa was here! You need to get up and look at the Christmas tree. He brought so many presents. Daddy, come on. I’ve been good. I’ve been waiting for you for ages!”
I woke with a start as an almost forty-pound ball of excitement cannonballed into my bed, landing on top of me and punching the air out of my lungs. God, she was getting too big to do this.
“Daddy!” she shouted, jumping up and down on top of me, turning my bed into a ship on the ocean, getting tossed around by a vicious storm. “Wake up. It’s Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas,” I mumbled, my voice still a hoarse and scratchy mess. I blinked at the bright light shining from the ceiling, raising my hand to rub the sleep out of my eyes.
I felt like I hadn’t slept much at all. Fr—idge. What time was it?
“Can we go and get Luci now? I want to open my presents.”
“Sure, let me just… wait. What did you say?” I blinked a couple of times, trying to get my mind online.
“Can we go get Luci now?” she repeated like it was the most normal question to ask.
Which, in her mind, might be true. The mind of a child worked in mysterious ways, but… “It’s way too early to wake Luci. He’s going to join us for a late breakfast. That’s what we agreed on.”
Hazel furrowed her brows. “I didn’t agree on that,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest, her bottom lip slowly coming out in a pout. “I don’t want to wait to open my gifts. I’m always allowed to open them first thing in the morning. That’s our tradition!”
I sat up completely and pulled her into my arms. “Oh, sweetheart, you’re allowed to open your gifts now. Let me just put on my Christmas sweater, and then we’ll go to the living room. I can’t wait to see what Santa got you.”
Hazel turned in my arms, her bright blue eyes searching mine. “But what about Luci? I told Santa I’d fixed his mistake. I promised him that Luci would celebrate with us. And now he’s going to miss the best part!”
Oh fridge.
She looked at me like she might actually start crying any second. With her, big emotions could send her spiraling fast.
“I think Luci’s going to be just fine with joining us later.”
“But he’s missing the best part. He’s going to miss the hot chocolate and listening to Mommy’s favorite Christmas songs, and eating cookies before breakfast. Have you even asked him if he wanted to come?”
I shook my head because I hadn’t, in fact, asked my… my… my Luci if he wanted to get up before dawn to watch my daughter tear the wrapping paper to pieces.
“Okay. I’ll go downstairs and ask. I promise I’ll leave him be if he wants to keep sleeping, but I invited him to celebrate with us, and letting him miss the best part is just wrong.
” She nodded once as if she needed to confirm her plan with herself, then jumped off the bed and took off at the speed of light.
I wanted to call out for her, telling her to wait at the apartment door because I’d join her in a minute, so we could head downstairs together, but before I could even get one word out, I heard the apartment door fall closed with a loud bang.
Sighing, I rubbed a hand over my face and got out of bed. I put on the dark green sweater that turned me into a walking Christmas tree—lights and all—and quickly grabbed a pair of socks before leaving the bedroom.
I had every intention of reeling Hazel back in, but by the time I’d put on my socks and had grabbed my keys, she was already back, pounding on our door.
“Daddy, open up. I forgot to take a key. Daddy? Can you let us in?”
Us?
Hastily, I opened the door, freezing at the sight in front of me.
Hazel was giving me a triumphant smile, holding on to Luci’s hand as if she was afraid he might run off if she let go, while Luci looked a little like he might just keel over without anything to hold on to.
His usually wild curls were a mess, sticking up in every direction, his eyes half closed, and he was swaying on his feet.
“Merry Christmas,” he mumbled, his voice laced with sleep.
“Merry Christmas,” I said, opening my arms for a hug. Luci sagged against me, and a sigh escaped him. He didn’t move for such a long time, resting his whole body weight against me, that I was starting to think he’d fallen asleep again.
“Daddy, Luci, come on! We need to make hot chocolate and put on Mommy’s songs, and then I can finally open my presents.”
Luci laughed against my shoulder, hiding his face in the scratchy fabric of my sweater.
“You could’ve given me a little heads up,” he whispered. “When she started pounding on my door, I thought there was some kind of emergency. She didn’t even tell me what was going on, just said that I needed to come upstairs right now. I thought you were choking to death or something.”
I pulled back a little and looked down at him.
“Were you still asleep?”
“Theo, honey, it’s five thirty. I went to bed three hours ago. Yes, I was still asleep. No, I didn’t take the time to get dressed when I thought you might be actually dying. I put on a shirt before opening the door, but that’s it.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, pulling him in for another hug. What I really wanted to do was kiss the shirt out of him, but Hazel was here somewhere, and I couldn’t kiss him before we talked about what exactly we were to each other. No matter how much I wanted to right now.
So I opted for the next best thing and kept him pressed against my chest, his warmth seeping into me.
“Daddy, Luci… what are you doing? Come on. It’s cocoa and cookie time.”
Luci chuckled and took a step back. “Do you think I could have a coffee instead of cocoa?”
Hazel wrinkled her forehead for a moment, then nodded. “You can. But only if you use the peppermint stuff Daddy and I bought for you, so it’s Christmas-y. Okay?”
Luci nodded and let himself get dragged to the living room by Hazel.