Chapter Twenty-two #2
“So, which is it? Stop or go? I know I’m not great at relationships,” Tess confessed.
Just saying that brought home all the times throughout her life that Tess hadn’t lived up to what someone else expected of her.
“But I honestly thought we had something, or was I just fooling myself?” Tess watched Bree but couldn’t read her, so she sat back and took another sip in order to have something to do while she waited for a response.
“It’s true that I headed to Corazon Cove with the mindset that I didn’t want a relationship with so much new going on in my life and my divorce issues, but there’s so much more,” Bree said.
She took a big breath too, and Tess braced herself.
“A few weeks ago, after my strange experience being offered a bag, likely containing a bribe, in a parking lot, a law school classmate who now is an investigator for the CJP, Ned Donahue, called me.” Bree swallowed hard, fixed her gaze on Tess, then waited and studied her.
Tess tried not to react, but her emotions were churning. Where the hell was Bree going with this? This was not even close to what Tess had expected. She tightened her grip on her tea and took a long swallow before she forced her gaze back to Bree.
“There were complaints about a judge or judges at the Corazon County Superior Courthouse,” Bree continued.
“I don’t know the nature of the complaints or who is named in them.
I was asked by Ned to simply be eyes and ears in the courthouse for anything unusual and report to him.
And I was sworn to confidentially. I couldn’t tell you.
But last night I told Ned I couldn’t keep this secret from you any longer. ”
The shock blindsided Tess—Bree had never offered her a clue. Tess struggled to appear calm.
“I agreed for a number of reasons. Some asshole shot you, Tess. And we don’t even know who or why. There were issues here at the courthouse. I wanted those issues resolved, not just for me, but because I wanted you safe.”
“Did you think I’d done something worthy of official complaints and an investigation?” Tess swallowed hard. “I care about you.” She was afraid that she cared about Bree too much. And she’d hoped that Bree felt the same.
Bree shook her head. “Ned wouldn’t reveal the details of the complaints, but he did tell me that you weren’t involved. I’ve never had a doubt.”
Tess struggled with the weight of what Bree had revealed.
This was not simply about Bree needing to succeed at her new life, or heal after her divorce.
Or from her own point of view, making sure their relationship didn’t cause any professional issues—Tess knew that she was aware enough and mature enough to address any professional problems. She’d been ready to make whatever professional concessions were required in order to find out if she and Bree could make this work…
if Bree wanted that. But this. She didn’t know what to feel.
Tess wanted to be mad. To be furious. Even though she understood confidentiality and Bree’s actions in not telling her. She would have done the same. But what Bree had said—her words slammed into Tess. The reason Bree had given. To keep you safe.
Tess looked away. Bree was beautiful, even when she was upset.
Tess fisted her hands and dug her nails into her palms. She wasn’t going to touch her scar.
She knew it was still there and would never go away.
Not just the rough patch on her chest. It seemed that metaphorical hole in her heart that her close call with mortality had magnified a little over a year ago wasn’t going to go away either because Tess’s gut told her that there was no way in hell that becoming more deeply involved with Bree wasn’t going to suck Bree into danger too.
Danger way worse than a welcome to town bribe or flat tires—that was just someone testing the waters.
What if Bree had been walking out of the courthouse with her that night she was shot?
Or been with her tonight when she could have been killed in her car?
Tess cared enough to know that she would never want to live with the guilt of allowing something terrible to happen to Bree.
And now it was likely that both incidents were related to what Bree had revealed tonight. Bree wasn’t safe around her.
Tess had to convince Bree to leave her, for her own safety.
But Tess knew Bree—she wouldn’t accept her own safety as an excuse to end any chance at a relationship and just walk away if Bree had decided she was willing to take a chance on Tess.
And what if Tess was wrong? What if, despite how close they’d grown, Bree was about to break up with her, that she’d decided she had too much on her plate or wasn’t ready for a relationship or was worried about the ongoing workplace challenges two judges on the same court would face as romantic partners?
Tess was in no state of mind to be rejected by Bree.
God, she wouldn’t deny they’d met with so much personal baggage.
What she really needed to do, both for herself and for Bree, was convince Bree there was no room for negotiation, that she was making the call.
She needed to pull herself together long enough to do what needed to be done.
To do what was necessary so Bree stood no chance of being collateral damage, or she’d never forgive herself.
Tess blinked several times as she looked across the table at Bree. Then she took a fortifying breath and fought the turmoil playing out as the lump in her throat and the roar in her head—and the terrible ache in her heart.
“Bree, until tonight, I lived in hope we could find a way to move forward together, but maybe I should have paid better attention. But now you’ve added all of this information about the courthouse.
It’s in both of our best interests if we don’t keep trying to pursue any kind of relationship.
We need to leave Tahoe in Tahoe.” Tess did everything she could to sound resolute, to filter the sadness approaching despair from her voice.
This was Judge Fairchild issuing a final verdict.
“I’m sorry, Tess. I’ve been so torn,” Bree said. “It’s true that I didn’t want a relationship with so much new going on in my life, but…”
“I’m not changing my mind, Bree.” She needed to be strong if she was going to keep Bree safe.
She had to leave before she changed her mind.
“We need to be done.” Tess stood up. She left her unfinished cup of tea on the table and picked up her purse.
She didn’t want Bree to see her cry. She’d learned not to cry in front of anyone, and she wasn’t going to start now. “Be safe, Bree. Please be safe.”
Tess stumbled out the door of the small room.
She continued on without looking back because she felt like she was falling into a deep hole that contained more conflicting emotion than she could deal with right now.
She wasn’t just dealing with Bree, she was dealing with so much more.
Tess held it together until she reached her car.
She drove a block and had to pull over. She cried for the forty-seven years she’d never measured up.
She cried for the close call she’d had tonight.
She cried for the bullet hole that had been put in her chest last year. And she wept for the loss of Bree.
“Okay, what’s going on, sis?” Hank asked as he looked down at Bree from the ladder with a light bulb in his hand. “You pleaded. You begged. Me and my ladder—it was an emergency. When you called a week ago, I couldn’t get my old ass over here soon enough.”
Bree knew she look tired—her exhausted image stared right back at her in the bathroom mirror.
Sad was probably a better word. And the bathroom wasn’t the place to have this discussion she didn’t want to have, but there was probably no better place either.
She hadn’t been in any mood to see Hank after her disastrous meeting with Tess, but he’d called her every day this week about the light bulbs.
She’d finally agreed to a plan for him to swing by this evening and help her change out the old, flickering bulbs in the closet and the bathroom with the LEDs she’d purchased. Bree knew that her reticence to see Hank had offered him a heads-up that something was going on.
“That’s not true,” she replied. She’d only asked him once for his help.
“So, I don’t have an old ass?” Hank chuckled and waited for her comeback. When she didn’t answer him right away, he persisted with the questions. “Girlfriend problems?”
Bree had gone to work every day this week and done her job, but she hadn’t seen Tess except for a moment Tuesday afternoon when Tess had swept through the judges’ suite wearing her black robe. She’d shut the door to her chambers when she’d caught a glimpse of Bree.
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“You could have fooled me.” Hank studied her. “And I’m no fool. Don’t tell that to Gabby either. She’s taking credit for getting the two of you together. You’re really going to take the wind out of her sails.”
“Well, my sails are hanging limp too. The term for when there’s no wind, it’s called the dark doldrums. Pretty dang appropriate.
” Bree had hoped she was past the worst of the pain, but talking with Hank only made her aware of the deep ache in her chest. “In fact, my sails are feeling shredded right now. Maybe even a broken mast.” Talking to Hank resurfaced her anguish and made the breakup all the more real. She missed Tess so much.
“It sounds like you have it bad for her. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I really like Tess, and I’d hoped it would. You want to tell me about it?”
“No—I don’t want to discuss it. Especially not with a fraternal shrink wannabe looming ten feet above me with a light bulb in his hand.”
“Maybe your big brother can help.” Hank waved the light bulb over his head. “Symbol of sudden insight.”
“Well, that one’s burned out.” She scowled up at Hank.
Hank climbed down the ladder. “Was it her fault?”