Chapter Twenty-three
Tess had made it through the week on pure grit.
She’d had a really bad moment when she’d caught a glimpse of Bree in the judges’ suite on Tuesday.
The rest of her Tuesday had remained in shards after she’d managed to enter and close the door to her chambers.
The initial bombshell of what had occurred with Bree had diminished.
She’d moved on from the shock, and into grief.
She hadn’t been close to this level of unhappiness when she’d moved on from prior relationships because her heart had never been invested.
She needed to get past this emotional state—her head and her heart were at war.
Maybe she could have handled things better.
She could have actually told Bree that she was walking away to keep Bree safe, but in the state that she was in that night, she hadn’t had the remaining strength to argue with Bree if Bree had objected.
She’d accomplished what she’d needed to do, and it was too late now to change anything.
In an effort to keep busy and not dwell on her personal life, Tess had finally finished reviewing the budget, and she’d told Helene at the Thursday meeting that she was ready to look at the case assignments for the past two years and the original random assignment documents those case calendars were built from.
Helene had nodded and told Tess she’d been working to locate everything she wanted.
Huffington might have done things differently, but Tess took her oversight role seriously. She wanted to get an understanding of the past case assignments so she could make future assignment changes that were fair and appropriate.
And she admitted to herself that she planned to keep her eye out for anything in the past assignments that meshed with the investigation Bree had disclosed.
She knew that she should leave the investigation to the Commission.
But Bree had made it clear that she’d wanted to keep Tess safe.
That was the least she could do now, for Bree.
Flo had left messages a few times this past week, unaware of recent events. She’d picked up on Tess’s mood right away when Tess had finally returned her call last night. Flo had insisted that she’d collect lattes and croissants and come to Tess’s house today for a Saturday morning get-together.
“I’ve got goodies for both the judge and those rowdy rascals who keep her in line, so point me where you want me, and we can sit and get ourselves caffeinated and overindulged.
” Flo pushed through the open front door right past Tess with her hands full of paper bags and a cardboard tray with two paper cups.
Once the cats were distracted with Flo’s treats, Tess and Flo settled at the kitchen table.
“Okay, time to talk. Tell me about Bree and you.”
“There is no Bree and me.”
“I thought you had a Saturday of whale watching, dinner, and dancing a week ago. It didn’t go well?” Flo set her coffee down and studied Tess.
Tess shook her head as the memories of that day slammed into her.
“It was wonderful. Our connection. Our chemistry. That’s not the problem.
” She swallowed down the lump in her throat.
“Or maybe it is, at least part of it. She always seemed to pull back when we’d reach a certain point.
When I thought things were going so well. ”
“She broke up with you?”
“No.”
Flo raised her eyebrows. “This is going to be more interesting than I’d anticipated when I took a front row seat for this romance hoopla.”
Tess rolled her eyes at her friend. Hoopla? Crap, maybe she shouldn’t have agreed to this get-together.
“Oh, don’t get your thong in a twist. So, what can you tell me? What god-awful crime did this rare find of a woman commit, since it now appears that you broke up with her?” Flo crossed her arms and leaned back.
“You’re already playing the role of judge, and you don’t even have all the facts.”
“Enlighten me.”
Tess cleared her throat in an effort to remove the lump that seemed to be residing there lately. “There are things I can’t tell you. Bree told them to me in confidence. But I’ll tell you what I can.”
Tess quickly recounted the bag incidents and Bree’s flat tires. Then she told Flo about the truck incident on Sunday night, on the way to meet Bree.
“Oh my God, Tess. You must have been terrified. I’d have probably run myself into a ditch. And that happened on your way to meet with Bree about…?”
Tess was careful to tread around the specific details of Bree’s involvement with the Commission, only disclosing that there had been sensitive information that Bree was privy to that she hadn’t previously shared with Tess.
“I’m not going to press, but blink three times and touch your nose if I’m close.” Flo chuckled. “I’d guess that before Sunday night, Bree did tell you all she could, but she didn’t tell you there was more. And Sunday, she told you the more.”
Tess nodded. Not much escaped Flo.
“You heard this from Bree just after you were almost run off the road by some scumbag trying to intimidate you, so when you walked into your meeting with her, you were already a frazzled mess. Maybe a little anxiety transfer on your part?”
Jeez, now it was all her fault? Tess wasn’t going to address Flo’s rhetorical question.
Flo pursed her lips a moment. “And when you add up all the apparent bribery and intimidation stuff, and maybe even your shooting—unless I’m way off base, something unsavory must be going on at your courthouse.”
Tess nodded again.
“Hey, just call me Sherlock. And Bree seems to have insisted on no longer being bound by whatever that confidential agreement was in order to tell you whatever she disclosed. How unforgivable.” Flo’s sarcasm was accompanied by a gentle smile. At least she was finding a touch of levity in all this.
“I’ve felt like I’ve been on a roller coaster.
Wanting her, getting closer, then her turning me down.
” Tess shook her head at Flo. “She let me believe the reason for her hesitation was simply about all the changes in her life. I thought that if I could just give her some time…But it’s been about so much more.
Not just her personal life. My professional life. ”
“Ah. She not only got that thong of yours in a twist—that long black robe of yours is involved too.” Flo’s tone shifted from teasing to serious.
“Can I suggest that you’re partially upset because Bree didn’t tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, Your Honor—with the emphasis on the whole truth because I’m not really hearing that she lied to you. ”
“I do understand why she couldn’t tell me about the Commission—I understand confidentiality. But I’ll admit it was a shock in the moment, added to the trauma on the road coming to the meeting.”
“I’d bet she trusts you—I’d bet she told you something on Sunday that somebody preferred she keep from you. Right?”
Tess nodded one more time and muttered, “Yes. She had to clear breaking confidentiality in order to tell me. And she told me that my safety was always a top priority in her decisions.”
“So did you overreact?” Flo asked.
“Probably, in what I said, or didn’t say, but that was the state I was in.
She’d done what she’d done because my safety was a major concern for her.
When she said that to me, I realized that being close to me puts Bree at major risk.
I was fucking shot. I was almost run off the road.
What if she’d been with me?” Tess sighed.
“And I just kept thinking, what if this meeting wasn’t just about telling me about the Commission?
What if Bree was about to explain why we couldn’t pursue anything romantic after all?
I was too drained to be rational. So I fell back on old patterns. ”
Flo reached across the table and touched Tess’s hand while she waited for her to continue.
“I just broke it off so she couldn’t argue, so I wouldn’t have to risk rejection. So that I wouldn’t cry. The bottom line is, more than I need Bree, I need Bree to be safe, and being around me doesn’t make her safe. It puts her in danger.” Tess wanted Flo to understand.
Flo nodded. “This sounds like love under the gavel.”
“I didn’t say I love her.”
“You didn’t say you don’t. Do you?”
“I’m pleading the Fifth.”
Flo gave Tess an exasperated frown. “Bull…oney. It’s a legitimate question.”
“Damn it,” Tess blurted as emotions flooded her. “I’m not going there. I made the right decision.”
“And I’m going to say that your reasons are valid.
But maybe there’s also another element to consider.
All that you’ve been through to get here, it’s not only made you an honorable, decent judge.
It’s made you the person I’m proud to call my friend.
And if there’s ever a chance for a future with Bree, that history will figure in as part of the journey.
” Flo touched her hand again. “I know you don’t want more pain.
And you don’t know where she stands either, in terms of pursuing a future. You didn’t let her tell you, did you?”
Tess pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I didn’t. It doesn’t matter now because her being around me is not good for her.”
“At some point, there will be some resolution to what’s going on at the courthouse My advice is that you take the time to figure out the verdict on your side of this.
No point in pursuing a second chance with Bree if you both don’t want to find out if you have a future together.
Accept this as a recess.” Flo chuckled, and Tess shook her head at Flo’s framing of the issues in legal terms. “But if there could be love involved, then it will matter what Bree wants too. I understand her safety is paramount right now, but don’t let the pain of your past be the issue that shuts down your future. ”