Chapter 11 Amends
eleven
Amends
*BENJAMIN*
Micah and I take the truck to town. The roads are rocky and not particularly well attended to, so most of the pack cars are very sturdy.
I love them, though. While I did get my license because my father wanted me to, I never had the opportunity to drive.
But Micah has taken it upon himself to help me practice.
“Be careful at the next corner, Benji,” he says. “Slow down a bit. This is not an automatic truck.”
“Driving a manual car is so difficult,” I say.
“But you are getting there. Manual transmission gives us a bit more control,” he explains. “You are doing well, don’t worry.”
“Micah,” I say. “Why are you so nice to me?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” he blinks.
“Don’t you know how shitty I was to the omegas in my old pack?” I ask. “I was a bully.”
“You were a victim to an abusive father and psychopath, and you did what you had to do to survive,” Micah says. “There is a lot of good in you if you’d learn to leave the past behind.”
“I don’t know what to do with my guilt,” I admit.
He is the only one I can talk to. I don’t know why.
Initially, when I came to the pack, he was the one who picked me up with Silas.
He was also the one to show me around, and although he knew every detail of my past, he was very kind to me.
He is a soft guy, and my past self would have hated him and probably bullied him for being that kind of man.
For my father, only real men counted, whatever that means.
“No matter what we say, and how often we tell you that you deserve a second chance, we can’t absolve you from this guilt,” Micah says. “That’s something you have to work on and do yourself. We can’t do it for you.”
“I know,” I mutter.
“My alpha was terrible,” Micah says. “Marcellus saved me back then, or I would have been dead. Honestly, if I could have saved my own skin and made my life less miserable by going against others in the pack… I don’t know what I would have done.
I want to believe I would have been strong and stand by what’s right, but I don’t know for certain. There is no guarantee.”
“I think you would have always done the right thing,” I proclaim. Like Marcellus always does the right thing, I add in my mind. I am an alpha’s heir, too. I should have it in me as well, but apparently, I don’t.
“That’s sweet of you to say, but we don’t know that. You didn’t cross a certain line; you never sexually assaulted anyone.”
“Yes, the bar is low,” I say. “I rejected my first mate.”
“I’ve heard that story,” he says. “Doubt she was ever meant for you, Benji. Don’t get me wrong, but she fits way too perfectly with her current mate.
That’s not to say you don’t deserve a great mate!
I think there is the perfect woman out there for you, who will complete you.
I believe the goddess just wanted to steer you on a different path by making you see the things you could have. ”
“You know what’s pathetic? I actually found her so beautiful, and she was so strong.
I saw her defending other slaves all the time, nothing could break her.
That’s how strong she was. When I realized she was my mate, I was happy, and then I got terrified of my father’s reaction.
If he knew she was my mate, he… he…” At the mere thought, a shiver goes down my spine.
Even after rejecting Freya, I made sure to keep it a secret.
He would beat me for even looking at her.
If he knew she was my fated mate, he might have killed me for being mated to a slave.
And he certainly would have killed her.
Micah grabs the wheel. “Eyes on the street,” he warns. “You are getting distracted.”
“Sorry,” I say miserably.
“Listen, only you know what you went through, and what you could have done differently,” he says.
“None of us in Sunset Hills judges you. You are here because you deserve a second chance, and we are here because we either need a second chance too, for whatever reason, or we want to make this a safe place for those who need one or for those who were so hurt they need to recover.”
“I want to help make this a safe place for people who need to heal,” I admit.
“I think that’s a great way to make amends,” Micah points out. “See? There is a lot you can give!”
I am not sure if that’s true, but I want to try at least.
Micah and I make a few stops to gather everything we need. The list is pretty long. Marcellus and Silas usually plan these trips once a month, so that we can stock up on everything for the whole pack. But sometimes – like today – a second trip is necessary.
“We’ll probably need a delivery system at some point,” Micah says. “I will talk to the alpha about it. I have a few ideas, I think I could outline and organize something.”
“You are really good at that,” I say. “Where did you learn that from?”
“It’s something I always enjoyed,” he admits. “In my old pack, I was part of the kitchen staff and learned a lot from the head omega there. She also taught me about how to grow things and tend to a garden.”
Silas told me that Micah was the one who planned the gardens and the fields, and worked on plans for how to maintain everything, so that for the first two years the pack was self-sustainable. Even now that it’s getting bigger, he still oversees the process.
“Maybe I could learn some things from you,” I muse.
“I don’t mind showing you some tricks,” Micah says. “But I disagree with mentoring you.”
My chest clenches. “Why?” I ask. “Because I-“
“Because you were born an alpha,” he says. “Your talents lie elsewhere, Benji. Marc knows that, which is why he opposed letting you work full-time for me.”
I didn’t know that. Marcellus and Silas pay everyone who works for the pack a salary, so that’s pretty cool. For now, I am mostly helping out Micah, and sometimes Sheila. “What does he want me to do?” I ask.
“He wants you to train, build the bond to your wolf and become a warrior or guard,” Micah explains.
“He thinks I have that in me?”
“He does. He told me so just last week,” Micah says.
Something about this fills me with pride. I have spent years looking down on the lesser pack members, or those my father deemed lesser, but training and polishing my fighting skills to learn to protect my current pack… That sounds like an amazing way to partly make up for past mistakes.
Our last stop is a small, witch coven that sells spices and defensive potions. This order comes from Marcellus and Silas personally.
“Oh, I want to buy something for Maddie,” I say.
“You don’t need to, Benji,” Micah says.
“But I want to. I’ve saved some money.” I pause.
“Well… at first I didn’t want to use it, because it was my dad’s.
” When Dad got killed and the pack was freed from his reign, a lot of the money remained in the pack.
But Alpha Elden and Alpha Liam, who made sure I was saved and brought to Sunset Hills, also made sure that my father’s private assets became his property.
They said it’s my inheritance and that I should have it.
I originally wanted to hand most of it to Alpha Finn, the new alpha of my old pack, but he politely declined, claiming he wants me to have a fresh start to his new life.
Now, I’m stuck with money I don’t want. Silas advised me to save it and wait until I wanted to make an investment, maybe something for my future.
“You are spoiling her so much,” Micah chuckles.
“As if you and the others don’t,” I say.
Micah laughs. “You aren’t wrong. The witches have some crocheted animals that serve as good luck charms. I think she would like one of those.”
“That’s a good idea,” I beam.
Madelyn is Sheila’s adoptive daughter. They were both two of the original members of the pack, helping to build it up with Marcellus, Silas and Micah. Maddie is the cutest. She is only five years old, but she is already so smart! She is like the little sister I never had.
Micah talks to the witch who is currently attending the shop, while I look around and pick a crocheted wolf.
Maddie is currently obsessed with wolves, which is no surprise, seeing how she lives in a pack.
I pay for my purchase and grab two of the boxes the witch had prepared.
“I’ll taking these to the truck,” I tell Micah.
“Thank you,” he says. “You can wait outside, if you want to. I am almost done.”
I nod, carefully carrying the boxes to the truck and placing them on the bed, securing them so that they can’t get squashed or broken. It’s when I climb down the truck, that I can take in the slightest hint of cocoa. I sniff the air. Where does that alluring scent come from?
There is something nudging me forward, so I take a couple of steps around the shop, surprised to see a group of young men and women, probably college kids. I am still debating what to do when they spot me, and wave for me to come closer.
“Haven’t seen you around,” one of them says. “You are a fellow wolf.”
There is a girl with blonde hair, who keeps staring at me like she’s seen a ghost. Even with my wolf dormant, I recognize her for what she is.
My beautiful, angelic mate.
“I am Benjamin,” I say, trying to sound confident. “From Sunset Hills.”
“Sunset Hills?” One of the guys scrunches his nose.
“I’ve heard about you,” one of the other girls says. “You are that alpha’s son, from the north, right?”
Even here, it seems my reputation and past are constantly chasing me.
Silas and Marcellus keep telling me that I can finally make a clean break and start anew, but it seems that’s impossible.
I see it on their faces. Some of them are oblivious, but those of them who know who I am are looking dubious and grossed out to say the least.
My eyes move to my mate. I don’t need her to say anything to know what she thinks. She looks disappointed, annoyed, disgusted.
My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach.
“What’s wrong with Sunset Hills?” one of the girls suddenly says. “My brother is allied with them and says their two leaders are dependable and strong. Both of them have a white vest.”
Her words seem to have some effect on the others. “Nothing is wrong,” one of the guys hurries to reassure her.
“Yes, it’s a cool place,” another one says.
Simps!
“Remember the two female rogues who stumbled into our pack last week?” she continues. “They were victims of abuse and assault, and fled from their own pack. My brother made sure to send them to Sunset Hills, so they could heal.” She looks at me. “I think it’s a great place,” she says.
Her words touch me. I didn’t expect her to speak up on my behalf. She definitely knows who I am, yet doesn’t look down on me. “Thank you. We are working hard to keep it a safe place.”
“I am Nova,” she says, chuckling when she sees my surprise. “My parents had a thing for special names. My brother is the Alpha of Forest Valley Pack,” she adds.
Now that explains why the others backpedaled so quickly. “Nice to meet you,” I say.
Her phone rings, and she takes it out of her pocket. “Sorry, I have to take this. See you around, Benjamin,” she says.
The others follow her, just my mate lingering behind for a few seconds longer, just staring at me. Her gaze still holds the same resentment as before.
“If you say anything,” she whispers, so low that the others can’t hear her. “I will ruin you, your life and your pack.”
“Can’t we just talk?” I ask quietly. “In private? You don’t even know me.”
“I don’t want to know you,” she huffs. “I have friends, you know. And if I find out you tell anyone about this, I will make sure they come for you. Not like anyone would miss you.”
She looks at me with so much venom in her eyes that I can only take a step back.
“Benjamin?” I hear Micah’s voice calling for me. “I am done. Can we drive back?”
I turn around to look at my mate again, noticing she has hurried away from me and joined her friends again. She doesn’t spare me another glance, but her whole stance seems to be angry. My heart sinks. I know I deserve it; I deserve the hatred and disgust she feels for me.
The only reason I am still alive is because others around me, people in high positions, were kinder to me than I deserve and a lot kinder than I ever was.
The strings of my heart tug painfully while I make my way back to the truck, seeing Micah waiting for me and waving. “Sorry, I took longer than expected,” he says.
“That’s fine,” I reassure him.
“Are you okay?” he asks me.
“Yeah, sure,” I mutter. “Can… can you drive back?”
“Is your head hurting again?” he asks me in worry.
I’ve had bouts of headaches ever since I came here, most likely due to my wolf not fully being with me but trying to come to the surface. It strains my body. Usually, I’d feel embarrassed for someone noticing, but now I’m glad. “Yes, I am sorry,” I lie.
“Don’t worry, that’s fine. I will drive. Just relax.”