Chapter 22 An Alpha is an Alpha
twenty-two
An Alpha is an Alpha
*MARCELLUS*
Ipace around while emptying the coffee that Silas handed me. My mate just frowns at me. “You know I put effort into making this coffee? It had the perfect milk foam art on it!”
“Do you think something happened to Benj?” I ask. “I am starting to get worried.”
Silas laughs. “He is out with Nova. Cassian told me she is a party girl. I’ll bet he is having fun.”
“But you told me, he said he would be back around midnight. Maybe there was an attack!”
“Sure, Grandpa,” Silas teases.
“I am being serious!”
“I know, which doesn’t make it better,” he sighs. “The two of them took off around 8 PM, and I called bullshit on them only staying for four hours. I was just so glad that Benjamin, for once, decided to go out that I didn’t call him out on it. Seriously, I just wanted him to go.”
“Maybe you are right,” I concede, gazing at my empty cup. “Do you have more of that coffee?”
Silas’s eyebrow starts ticking. “The audacity, after you ignored the latte art!”
“Oh no, I really loved it,” I hurry to say. “Was very pretty.”
“Alright, then what did I make?” he asks.
Oh shoot. I have no idea. “A wolf?” I ask.
“A rose, you brute,” he groans, fetching the cup. “I swear if you don’t admire the second one, I am not sucking your dick tonight.”
My head perks up. “Oh, so if I admire it, you will?”
Silas looks annoyed, but I can’t tell if he is pissed at me or at himself.
Amos finds him adorable when he is annoyed, but I decide not to tease him further.
With Silas, the line between annoyed and angry is a thin one, and obviously, I still want him in a good mood.
I always want him to be in a good mood and happy.
“So, you don’t think I should send warriors to look for Benj? ” I ask instead.
Silas sighs. “You are really that worried?”
“You never know,” I mutter.
“Man, you always have problems letting go of your big brother role. If you ask me, I think he is just out, having fun, probably for the first time in his life,” Silas emphasizes. “But if it truly worries you, we could send Micah to subtly check on him. But I don’t want-“
He doesn’t get to finish his sentence, because right at that moment Benjamin barges through the back door, leading into the kitchen, almost knocking Silas over. His heart is racing, my wolf senses easily take it up, also his breathing is ragged, and he looks like a mess.
Fuck! Did something happen?!
I jump up to my feet. “What happened?” I blurt out.
His eyes grow wide, and he gets that deer-in-the-headlight look again.
Silas tosses me a death glare. Are you serious? He snarls through our shared link. You are an alpha like his father was. You trigger his PTSD in moments like these!
Oh fuck! He wasn’t attacked or anything; he is panicking because of us.
Or rather, because of me.
“I didn’t mean to sound like there is a problem,” I hurry to explain. “I was just worried something happened, because you came running in like that. You are young, enjoy your parties and your freedom.”
My explanation comes too late, though, because Benjamin has shut down completely. His body is tense, and his hands are shivering slightly, but the worst part is the defeated look in his eyes. They are void of any emotion, like he is just accepting his fate… whatever it will be.
Sudden fury fills me. That asshole of an alpha who called himself a father… he abused his kid, until almost only a shell remained.
Silas hasn’t uttered a word so far. You need to solve this, he links me all of a sudden.
Me… but I suck at this. Just look!
You were making decent progress with him, he points out.
Yes, but his PTSD is triggered, he is truly terrified of me!
That’s exactly why it needs to be you, Silas explains. He is not scared of me, not as much at least. You being an alpha is his trigger. Prove to him that there is nothing to fear from you.
Benjamin still has his signature look of defeat, his face devoid of any emotion when he bows his head. “I will accept any punishment.”
Silas is right. I need to get to the bottom of this. “Okay,” I say, spontaneously deciding on a whole new approach. “Come with me.” I turn to my mate. “Sorry for leaving you with all the work.”
“That’s not an issue,” he says, nodding at me encouragingly. You got this.
He has more faith in me than I have.
Benjamin has completely resigned to his fate.
He doesn’t look scared anymore. His expression is just motionless and blank, while he follows me.
He waits for me to grab something from the new dining room in our packhouse – or the one that’s going to be the pack house with office buildings and the like – before he follows me into the forest.
There is a hint of dread on his face when we reach our destination – a beautiful clearing with a soft, green meadow. He probably thinks I will tie him down here and whip him bloody. We are amidst the forest, no one can see us. Fuck his father! I don’t even want to know what he did to him.
I am not sure what to say. I know he has a fight or flight response whenever he feels threatened. It kicks off his PTSD. When he was new to the pack, Alpha Liam sent his psychiatrist to us and had him diagnosed properly.
I don’t know much about this kind of stuff, but I am well aware that me telling him right now that he just has an episode, isn’t going to help.
“Here,” I say instead, and open my bag, retrieving the can of coffee I grabbed from the dining room. I pour us both a cup each before I hand him a sandwich. “You must be starving.”
Benjamin looks at me, anxiety all over his face, and I wonder what he is thinking now. He takes the items, though, and when I sit down on the warm forest ground, he follows me, still cautious. I grab a sandwich for myself, taking a bite from it. “Tuna!” I beam. “Sheila is an angel.”
“Sheila made these?” he asks quietly.
“Yes, with her new kitchen crew,” I say. “The pack is growing, and it’s better to have a neat organization before we have more pack members joining. Silas and I also decided to finally turn the big building in the center into our actual pack house.”
“Are you going to move in there?” Benjamin asks.
“No, we like to stay at our place.”
He looks relieved at hearing that. “What are you going to do with me?” he asks nervously.
“Well, clearly, your punishment is to spend the day with me,” I point out with a bright grin. “That is, if you are not going to fall asleep after clubbing all night.”
Benjamin looks shocked at my words. “What… but…”
I ignore his shock. “I wish I could drag Silas to a club,” I confess. “I bet he would look hot dancing.” Actually, the more I think about it, the better the idea sounds. I hate clubbing and partying, but just to see Silas dance, I would spend the whole night out with him.
Benjamin looks more and more confused. “Well…” he starts, but doesn’t say anything else.
“Did you have fun?” I ask him cheerfully.
“I did,” he admits, finally unwrapping his sandwich.
“Met someone,” I ask him and wiggle my brows. By the way he blushes, I know the answer instantly. “You did!”
“Nothing serious,” he blurts out. “Just a bit of flirting.”
“Good for you, Casanova!”
“I…no,” he looks even more flustered. “It was just,“ he pauses. “You are teasing me, aren’t you?”
“Caught up, huh?” I grin.
Benjamin finally seems to relax a little, the guarded expression subsiding while he takes a sip of coffee. “Why are you not mad at me?”
“Why would I be? You are an adult. You can go out as often and for as long as you want. It’s not like you missed training or anything. I was just worried you’d have been attacked because you are usually so diligent. Silas called me stupid for it, though.”
Benjamin frowns. “But you are the alpha…”
“I don’t control my pack members. It’s an honor to be their alpha and to have them put their trust in me. They are not my property. They believe in me and have faith in me, and that’s nothing any alpha should take for granted.”
“I have never seen it that way,” Benjamin admits.
“I know,” I say. “I also know you think that for whatever wrong you do, you will face repercussions far above what you deserve. I trust you, Benjamin. When Alpha Elden and Alpha Liam approached me and asked me to take you into my pack, I decided to put my faith in you. Maybe at that time, that made me gullible, but I did, and I was willing to give you a chance the moment I heard about your history. And it was the right decision, as you are proving, over and over again. I gave you a chance. So how about you give me a chance, too?”
Benjamin looks slightly nervous again but nods. “I will try. I mean, I can’t continue being so meek. I am an alpha’s son, for Goddess’ sake.”
“I will officially adopt you as my little brother,” I grin.
Benjamin chuckles. “I always wished I had siblings,” he admits. “Though, whenever I did, I saw my father in front of me and how he treated me, and I never wanted to see him abuse a potential sibling.”
“None of this was your fault,” I say quietly.
“He killed my mother,” he says sadly. “I don’t know much about her, but the woman who helped with feeding me and looked out for me, Aunt Ludovica, she sometimes talked about her.
She didn’t know much either, but she said I resemble her.
I am trying to cling to that truth. I don’t want to be like him. ”
“You are nothing like your late father,” I say. “Anyone who spends time with you would say the same.”
“My old pack members would disagree.”
“Your old pack members don’t know your history,” I say. “They had their own problems with their alpha and the warriors, and you are right, they might not care about you, but we here do. And we are seeing you for who you really are. Nova only met you recently and saw you for you.”
“Isla didn’t,” he says, the look of defeat back on his face.
“Isla wouldn’t have settled for any unranked wolf,” I say bitterly, still pissed about what he told me about his former mate. “That’s not on you.”