Chapter 34 Old Bonds #2
“You made Elliot your beta,” I say more to myself than to him.
“When you left,” Eugene says quietly while sitting down again.
“Everything came crashing down. I never realized how much I relied on you until then. I wish I could turn back time and change how things happened. I sucked so much. Elliot hated me. Dad swept most of what happened under the rug, although I didn’t want him to. ”
“He had to for the stability of the pack,” I say. Although he was right, I have mixed feelings about it.
“I know, but I hated him for it,” Eugene says bitterly. “Barely talked to him for a year. That was just me being shitty and pathetic, though. It took me over a year to realize I couldn’t keep blaming everyone else for my mistakes. As for Elliot, he figured things out on his own.”
“Yet you made him your beta.”
“I thought if I did, a part of you would remain with me,” he admits. I am surprised by his sentimental words. I would have never expected him to base his decision on that.
“Olive turned out to be your mate,” I say quietly. “I think you felt it already and panicked.”
“That’s not an excuse. I should have talked to you. And then we fought, and you didn’t tap out,” he says, tears filling his eyes. “Fuck, you didn’t tap out!”
“By our laws, you were supposed to kill me,” I say.
“I couldn’t. There was no way I could!”
“I know,” I say quietly. “Though back then I wished you did. Today I am glad you didn’t.”
“With every step I made back then, every time I met with Olive behind your back up until the point of our fight, I felt our bond getting more and more strained,” he says sadly. “And then, after…”
“It got severed,” I say. “Or rather weakened. A twin bond is supposed to be very strong, but ours broke.” I pause.
“I am very happy with my life now, Eugene. I love my pack, I honestly love my task. I have a great mate whom I love from the bottom of my heart, and I have made friends and allies. I mean it when I say that I don’t think my place was here. ”
“Maybe, but the truth is, Dad and I are at fault for it,” Eugene says. “Your place could have been here, if Dad treated you better and I actually had more of a backbone.”
“So, you see it now?”
“Yeah, I do. I know he feels really sorry, but I also know a simple sorry isn’t enough,” he pauses. “I love him, so it took me a while to understand how differently he treated you.” He pauses. “What are we going to do from here on?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “I honestly don’t. I just know it can’t be the same as before.”
“Whatever you decide, please keep in contact with Mom,” he begs. “She was devastated. I am still surprised that she didn’t hate me for what happened.”
“That’s because, unlike Dad, she truly loved us both the same, and she probably saw her own faults in what happened,” I say. “I promise not to leave her hanging. She was always a black spot on my consciousness.”
“I know it will never be the same again,” Eugene says quietly. “But I am so glad to see you again. A huge part of me felt like it was missing.”
I gaze at my twin brother while trying to listen deep inside my own mind.
I missed Eugene; he is my brother and my twin, and for many years we were inseparable, but I also put aside a lot of my own feelings and wishes to make life for him better.
That’s not necessarily his fault. I was too much of a people pleaser back then without noticing.
I have missed Eugene, but I feel like he might have missed me more.
That realization hits me like a brick. He missed me more than I missed him!
Weird, how our roles were reversed, while I needed the time away from the pack to become my own person.
I can’t tell him that, though. This realization is just for me.
It’s quiet between us. “I fucked up,” Eugene says into the silence. “First, when you were mated to Olive, I blamed everything on you-“
“I would have let her go,” I tell him. “I would have let her go for your sake. Why the fuck didn’t you even talk to me?
! By the goddess, Eugene, all you had to do was talk to me.
” I feel the old exasperation coming up in me again.
I thought I had successfully gotten rid of my anger, but part of it is still there. “Forget it, it’s not important.”
“No, you are right. I was a terrible brother. I only realized how majorly I fucked up after our fight.”
“Yes. I am sorry to say it so bluntly, but you were a shit brother to me and an equally shitty friend.”
Eugene folds his fingers, looking down on them. “Before our battle, Olive actually told me that she wouldn’t choose either of us,” he says. “That’s what I meant when I said things were complicated.”
My eyes snap up. “What?! You are making this up!”
“No, I’m not. It also wasn’t Olive who wanted to meet secretly; it was me who sought her out. I knew she was torn, and I just felt so… Goddess…”
“You didn’t want me to have her,” I say. “You are an idiot, Eugene. She isn’t an object, she isn’t some thing you fight over, especially when she doesn’t want it, she is a person.”
“I know that now,” he says. “I wish I could travel back and smack my eighteen-year-old selfish self.”
I stare at him while I let his words sink in. “Are you really telling me that Olive actually wanted to break up with you?”
“Yes, she wanted to reject you, but also break up with me,” he admits.
“She didn’t tell me!” I exclaim. “She came to me to talk and to reject me, but she didn’t tell me anything.”
“She didn’t want to,” he explains. “She said, it doesn’t matter, because she still led you on, intentionally or not. She didn’t want to make any excuses.” He pauses. “Obviously, I didn’t listen to what she wanted. I didn’t listen to anyone.”
“And then you turned out to be her second chance mate,” I utter.
I don’t know what comes over me, but I just have to laugh.
“That’s actually hilarious! I am sorry to laugh at your misery, but…
” My voice trails off. I don’t want to rub salt into his wound, but it’s obvious the goddess wanted to fuck him over a little.
She gave me a wonderful second chance mate, someone who was ready to come with me and open up to me, someone who became a real partner to me.
While she made him Olive’s second chance after he dismissed her wishes and refused to acknowledge her opinion.
After she wanted to actually leave his sorry ass.
“It obviously wasn’t a rosy time,” he says. “The worst part was that we had to stick together after everything that happened.”
“Sure, we had our falling out because of her. You both needed to play your part.”
“Yes. At the same time, she battled her resentment, and I, my anger.”
“And then?”
“After a year or so, we finally acknowledged our guilt. Then we started to work on our relationship. We were mates after all…” He pauses. “I am sorry, you don’t want to hear any of that.”
“I do,” I say. “Because apparently you haven’t gotten the memo yet, but I am very happy with where I am now. With my mate and my pack. It’s like a dream come true, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have achieved it here.”
“You did it all, you built it all up without me,” Eugene mutters. “In the end, you didn’t need me.”
“I didn’t,” I say. “But you didn’t need me either. Maybe the kickstart into your leadership was bad and rocky, but it’s obvious you have worked your ass off for the pack. That counts as something.”
“Marc,” Eugene says.
“Yes?”
Eugene takes a deep breath. “I am sorry.”
I stare at him in shock. “What?”
“I wanted to apologize to you. All this time.”
I never imagined he would apologize. Even when I tried to think about us meeting again, an apology was never something I expected. Wished for maybe, but not expected.
“I am sorry for what I did to you and how I treated you. There is no excuse for what I did. I always loved you, but I took you for granted. We broke because of me and me alone. I am just so glad I am seeing you again so that I can finally apologize to you.”
I stay silent for a while before finally speaking, “I don’t know what to say but thank you for telling me. Despite everything, despite how our lives turned out, it means a lot to me to hear these words.”