14. Derek
14
DEREK
I had no right to be so pleased when Claire agreed to this date. We were supposed to be faking it. And we were. Naomi seemed to think Claire was our friend. Like we shared her.
We did. But over the course of the last week and a half, I realized that I wanted to be greedy. I wanted to be selfish. For the first time in years, I wanted to have quality time with a woman and not be pulled away into “Daddy” mode.
When we were at the library holiday party, Naomi butted in and deprived me from asking more about how she and her sister took over for their dad. Then at the rec center, when she was asking me about how I liked “retirement” since Jenna’s death, Naomi insisted on Claire, not me, helping her with her coloring page. Even at sledding. When I tried to ask Claire more about her dreams of switching from commercial to residential real estate, Naomi wanted to dictate who used which sled.
I’d never considered how to balance a dating life and being a parent. Because I’d never wanted to. With Claire pretending to date me, though, it felt like a precursor to how it would go. I could never turn off my role as a dad, but I realized how much I’d crave adult time as well.
This growing desire didn’t help.
Claire was gorgeous. Sexy and fun without trying to be, so full of energy and enthusiasm. Most bubbly people rubbed me the wrong way, but Claire really was just one of those naturally happy people who lit up a room.
Seated in Stacy and Nicky’s kitchen as I dropped off Naomi, I smiled at the pictures we’d taken just yesterday. Claire and Naomi instigated a little bit of a snowball fight, and I hadn’t sat out. When Naomi and I teamed up against the woman who had a heck of a throwing arm, I ended up tackling her to the snow with Naomi’s help. Among all the laughter and giggles, Naomi grabbed my phone from where it’d fallen in the snow and took pictures of me with Claire.
I had my arms around her, her body on mine, her hair splayed out everywhere.
I’d never forget the feel of her softer weight on me, heavy enough to have substance but so light. I’d never dismiss the thrill of her rolling to face me, either, flush together despite the layers of our clothes and coats between us. Rosy cheeked from the cold and her eyes glittering so bright with mischief, she was beautiful, so alive and full of excitement.
Naomi snapped that moment, too, when Claire lay on top of me and gazed right back into my eyes.
It looked… tender.
Sweet.
And feeling the dormant pressure of desire snaking up my spine, it was then and there that the tide shifted. I wanted to let her into my life that much more. I wanted to see if we could be this compatible.
I’d asked her to dinner, yes, to reinforce the idea that we were together, but also because I felt too damn lonely when she got off me and returned her attention to Naomi.
“So, any big plans tonight?” Stacy asked as she came into the kitchen. Naomi was still with Nicky, looking at the works in progress in his woodshop.
“Yeah.” I looked up at my little sister and placed my phone down. Naomi had already changed the screensaver to a selfie of all three of us, Claire, Naomi, and me. We’d crashed in the snow after sledding and I took the picture. It was her “favorite”.
I caught Stacy frowning at the screensaver and I smiled. “A date.”
“Funny, Derek.” She rolled her eyes. “You need another chance to wrap presents for her or something?”
I shook my head. How can you be this against my being with Claire? “I’ve got a date with Claire tonight.”
She usually went to a game night with her girlfriends, which was why Naomi called this a sleepover hosted by Uncle Nicky, where they’d bake cookies and he’d be tortured with watching that one Christmas movie that she was playing on repeat.
“Claire?” She smirked. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. Seriously.”
“I thought you were just hiring her to help look after Naomi after school.”
I stared at her blankly.
“That’s what Mackenzie heard.”
“Stace.”
She looked up from the counter she idly wiped. “Hmm?”
“Claire and I have a date. At Gregario’s.”
“Wow.” She blinked at the mention of Preston’s finest restaurant. It was no five-star establishment, but it was a nice steakhouse and the go-to place for couples on dates.
“Yeah.”
“You really want her to be a happy employee.”
I groaned. “Cut it out.”
“I’m sorry. I just am not going to buy this line that you’re dating her.”
“Then what else would I be doing? Why else would I be spending time with her?”
“I don’t know.” She furrowed her brow, scrutinizing me. “To make it look like you have a girlfriend?”
“Jeez.” I stood. “You nag me to date, then when I want to, you act like it’s not happening.”
I had to get out of here, too nervous with how close she was to the truth. I was only trying to make it look like Claire and I were dating to dissuade other women from pouncing on me and thinking I was available. But it felt like it came so naturally, that Claire and I looked like a couple because it made sense to just be one.
“You’re not interested in her.” She wiped the clean counter, vacant and frowning as she avoided making eye contact. “She’s not your type.”
“You know, you said that about Jenna when I met her too.”
“Jenna made sense, though. She was sweet.”
“Claire isn’t?”
“She doesn’t have…” She gestured with her hand, struggling to find the words. “She doesn’t have the same goals as you. As what Jenna had. She’s a career woman. Always on her phone.”
“Yeah, it’s not a crime for a successful woman to care about her job.”
“And she’s more interested in being in the city,” she said.
“So what? Naomi and I enjoy weekends in Denver, and elsewhere too.”
“She’s not the kind of woman who’d want to be a mother.”
I narrowed my eyes. “ You’d know that? Just from looking at her? You haven’t even tried to get to know her.”
“Because she’s always taking calls.” She crossed her arms. “I think she’s just a gold-digger. She’s using you, Derek.”
No more than I’d be using her.
I shook my head, tired of her nonsense. I was sure she thought she was looking out for me, but this was annoying.
“How do you know she’s not just taking a break from her man in the city to have a little holiday fling with you?”
I rolled my eyes.
“I heard her talking to some guy named Shawn?—”
“Her assistant,” I corrected. “Shawn is her assistant.”
She pressed her lips together, unhappy. “I still don’t believe you. There’s no way you can really be interested in someone like her.”
“Someone like her?”
“Yeah.” She flung her arms out, annoyed. “A city woman who wouldn’t care about being a mom for Naomi.”
Wanna bet? Here I was, asking her on a date because I was envious of how well she got along with my daughter and wishing I could have more of her attention.
“See you tomorrow,” I said, leaving to say goodbye to Nicky and Naomi in the adjacent woodshop.
I didn’t have time for my sister to be acting so wounded that I would turn down all the matches she’d decided for me just because I wanted to be with Claire. It was none of her business, and that was the first matter of it all. But hearing her guess that I could be pretending this just to throw her off bothered me.
There was no way she could possibly suspect that Claire and I were just going through the motions and faking this. It didn’t feel like we were. Every minute I spent with Claire was fun, and I was sad to see her go.
This time, instead of picking her up at her dad’s home in Macomb—which would definitely shift the gears from fake to real, meeting her parent—she drove to my house so I could take us to Gregario’s. It wouldn’t be as “real” if we met there.
I pulled into my drive from dropping off Naomi, and headlights shone behind me.
“Right on time,” I murmured, smiling at her punctuality. “No competing with a job right now…”
I parked but stayed in my SUV as she stopped her car on the other side of the wide paved area. Her long coat covered most of her, as it should with the snow on the ground and the cool temperatures. The slight glimpse of the black dress that I saw as her coat flapped open was a tease. I wanted to see it all, curious how she dressed when she wasn’t working, even remotely.
She waved, all smiles as she approached, and I leaned on the steering wheel to watch her come. After she opened the door, she climbed in. “Hi!”
“Hey there.” I waited for her to buckle in. “How was your day?”
“Like you don’t know already,” she teased. “We only texted all day.”
I smiled as I drove. We had. And I enjoyed it.
“I’m looking forward to this.” She sighed happily, settling into her seat. “I looked up the menu beforehand.”
“You don’t want to be surprised?”
“Nah. Well, I guess it’s just habit. I always looked up the menus ahead of time in the city so I wouldn’t have to guess and wait to order what I wanted.”
“That makes sense.” I smiled at her, hating that reminder that Stacy might be right, that Claire and I were too different to ever actually make sense as a pair. “But I don’t want you to feel like you have to rush anything tonight.”
She huffed. “Says the most patient man on earth.” She winked, and it wasn’t cheesy or weird. “Trust me, I’ll savor every second. So. This is where you live.” She looked out the windows as I finished reversing in a three-point turn and drove back down the long drive. Darkness had already fallen, but she’d still be able to see a fair stretch of the land. “It’s just so open out here.”
“Yeah.” And I sort of want to keep it that way…
She launched into asking me all kinds of realty questions, and while I wanted to be defensive, the guilt didn’t win. I didn’t blurt that I’d lied about selling anything. Instead, I reveled in her pure enthusiasm about real estate. She stopped talking about the land around us and gave me stories about memorable deals, either because they worked out so well or had gone so badly.
I parked in town and was pleased when she took my hand to walk inside Gregario’s.
“You really enjoy your career, huh?”
“I do.” She beamed up at me.
We were seated and still maintaining this easy conversation. The second that I settled into my side of the corner booth, though, I spotted my sister seated at the bar with Mackenzie next to her.
Dammit. I couldn’t believe she was here! To spy on me. As I made eye contact with my sibling, she and her nosy friend lifted their drinks to their lips to cover their mouths. I didn’t need to try to see what they were saying to know that they were discussing the fact that I was here with Claire.
“Hang on,” I said, gesturing for Claire to scoot closer to me. “You’re so far away.”
She smiled, acquiescing as she slid to my side. As soon as she did, treating me to a closeup of her silky black dress, I lifted my arm to welcome her closer. I moved too quickly, though, almost knocking my elbow into her face.
“Whoa. Sorry.” I chuckled as she laughed, leaning forward to dodge my elbow. Our clumsiness had her slanting toward my face, with her hand slapped out onto my thigh so she could stop her overcorrection.
I didn’t think. I didn’t rationalize.
One look into her trusting brown eyes, and I saw the delighted surprise shining back. She was just as surprised by the near-collision. Delighted and amused—nothing else.
And just under the surface, the bold inking of desire that I suspected she was tired of tamping down.
I cupped her cheek and lowered until I kissed her.