16. Derek
16
DEREK
T he first time I made Claire come, we didn’t last long. It’d been years for me. She hadn’t been able to hold off from an orgasm either.
It was lust, pure lust and a rabid need to come together as close as two people ever could.
After we caught our breath and cleaned up, though, being in the shower led to a slower, tender union that hinted that I might never get enough of it.
It was an itch to scratch. Something physical.
Or that was the lie I wanted to convince myself to believe. We lay in bed all night, talking and simply basking in the afterglow of giving in to each other, of giving in to what we wanted. All that pretending had sure set us up for a lot of unresolved sexual tension.
Now that we’d snapped, now that we’d surrendered and could rest in bed cozied up together, the inevitable guilt crept in.
I wasn’t feeling remorse or regret because I’d brought a woman into the bed that I thought I’d only ever share with Jenna. Nor was I cringing because it was so clearly a mistake to mix sex into the already gray and unconventional deal we’d struck.
But because I wanted more.
Again.
Just physical, right?
Just pretend, isn’t it?
I was tricking her to even be near me with how loosely I’d deliberately worded my side of our deal. I said I’d sell some land with the intention of giving up maybe half an inch of it. She had only agreed to be in my company to get closer to reaching that goal.
In the morning, that guilt stuck with me. If anything, it had intensified as we slept together in each other’s arms, cozy and snuggled under the covers like this.
I’ve got no right to string her along. For anything.
“Morning,” she said, stretching as she woke up next to me.
“Morning,” I replied as I looked at her. “Sleep well?”
“Very well,” she said with a soft smile.
I wanted to capture this moment in my mind forever. She looked so peaceful and content, safe and sound and so warm pressed up against me. It wasn’t just a physical pull I felt toward her but also a deeper one that hinted more at an emotional bond.
“Can I interest you in some breakfast?” I offered. Feeding her seemed like a natural thing to do first thing in the morning. I was hoping some caffeine would kickstart my brain into working so I could rehearse how to come clean. I had to tell her that I wasn’t exactly sincere in offering her land.
“Is there time for breakfast?” She furrowed her brow and sat up a little, holding the sheets to her naked body.
“Time?” I asked. “Are you still worried about keeping a pace?”
She laughed, smiling wider. “No. I mean with Naomi. Don’t you have to go pick her up and whatnot?” She brushed her long, brown hair back, clearing skin for me to stare at. I fondly recalled how sweet she’d tasted, and I wondered if I’d ever get the chance to taste her again.
We’d crossed so many lines. We’d disregarded that we were supposed to be pretending. And those grievances didn’t leave much guidance to follow. What should come next? How did we move forward?
“I can’t imagine her finding us here would make a lot of sense if you haven’t had women over lately.”
“More like never,” I said as I sat up with her. “I’ve never had a woman over.”
“Wow.” She gawked at me. “That’s, uh, quite an honor, then.”
“She’s not going to be ready to come home.” I glanced at my watch. “With how late Nicky and Stacy probably let her stay up, she’s bound to still be asleep.”
“So…” She lowered her gaze. “We can still…?”
I appreciated that she didn’t define what we were doing. She couldn’t say we were pretending anything anymore. And I wasn’t ready to say we were committed. This was new territory for me, and I’d let it be undefined for as long as I needed it to be.
“Yeah.” I leaned in to kiss her. “Want some breakfast?”
We got out of bed, and like a couple, we made breakfast together. Just like all the other times we’d been in each other’s company, no awkward pauses popped up. We joked and laughed, and ate and shared a pot of coffee. The more that we got along and passed the morning over pancakes and eggs, the less I worried about what we were doing. We just were . Together and enjoying ourselves.
As soon as we were finished eating, she begged for a tour. She really was a realtor at heart. And I gave her one, walking her through the Scott family house that I’d inherited and added on to when it needed to be modernized.
“Stacy wasn’t interested in it after your parents passed away?” she asked.
“No. She wanted to make her ‘own’ home. Plus, Nicky’s house is huge. He’s got his carpentry shop there, too, so it was a simple decision for them to live there. It’s not far from here.”
We’d made our way back to my bedroom, where we got dressed after the tour of the house. She was borrowing some clothes that Stacy bought and accidentally had delivered here because that store never updated their website and still had this one for her. They were a little baggy on Claire, but they suited her.
“Not far?” Claire asked. “Like down the long, winding road I noticed last night?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Maybe a ten-minute drive.”
“That’s close. It’s got to be nice being so close to family. I always have Grace with me in the city, but we’re so far from Dad like that.”
“Well, being here until the end of the year must be nice,” I commented.
“Yeah. Yeah.” She nodded, kind of absently.
“Are you missing the city?” I asked. “The hustle and bustle and nonstop grind?”
“Yes and no. More than anything, it’s different working remotely and, um, focusing on different lines of the business.” She smiled at me as she tugged on boots.
“How do they fit?” I asked.
“Um, kind of big? But borrowing your socks makes up for the difference.” She laughed, showing off her outfit with a little twirl. “What do you think?”
“I think…” I swallowed, getting hung up on this moment. No one was watching. It was just the two of us, and I wanted to be honest. “I think you, um…” Walking up close, I sighed as I reached her. Hugging her and holding her close did something to me. I was comforted. Comfortable, even. “I think you’d look good no matter what you wear.”
She laughed after I kissed her, holding her close. “Is that another way to say that you would like me in nothing?”
“You know that I enjoy that outfit, or the lack of one.”
She kissed me soundly but backed up. “What do you have planned?”
I’d told her to get dressed for a surprise, but I hadn’t explained that far yet. It’d hit me when I realized I could stretch out this morning with her for a couple more hours until I got Naomi.
“Are we going for a walk so you can show me the land around here?”
Dammit. No.
“Wait.” She furrowed her brow. “You’ve got so much acreage. I bet driving would make more sense.”
“No. I have something else in mind.”
“Oh, yeah? I can’t wait. I love surprises.” She smiled, not acting disappointed, which appeased me. Maybe she wasn’t just a city girl realtor after money and deals.
When I drove her into town and gestured at the ice skating rink, she clapped and grinned.
“Have you ever?” I asked.
“It’s been years!”
We rented skates and spent at least an hour skating and laughing at how collectively clumsy we were. After that, we got more coffee, where she laughed at her inability to read all the lines of the menu. Nicky texted that Naomi wanted to stay over for longer, so I took Claire out to lunch and then strolled along Main Street to window shop.
In short, I wasn’t ready to give up my time with her. It was all cutesy things to do, but with her, it felt like I was just one half of a couple spending a lazy weekend day together.
Back home, she gathered her dress from last night and put it in a tote bag. Naomi would be coming home at any minute, and I was glad that Claire wanted to at least see her to say hi. That mattered—a lot. If and when I’d be ready to officially date someone, it had to be someone who saw me as a package deal with my daughter.
The moment Naomi burst through the doors, though, I felt like I had been forgotten.
“Claire!” She barreled toward her for a hug, smiling and laughing as Claire caught her.
I let them talk for a few minutes while I caught up with Nicky.
“What can we do to get her off this Home Alone kick?” he whispered, rubbing his hands. “I don’t know if I can take it much longer.”
“There’s only ten days until Christmas,” I reminded him.
He groaned. “Only?”
I thanked him again for watching her and didn’t comment on Stacy showing up at Gregario’s to spy on me.
“Can you stay?” Naomi asked Claire that question after Nicky left, but she gave me the pleading, sad, puppy dog eyes. “Please, Daddy? Can Claire stay for dinner?”
“I, uh, I…”
Claire winked at me, when Naomi couldn’t see, and that was all the answer I needed. I wanted her to stay, but I didn’t want to make her feel like she had to. Her sweet smile told me enough.
“I’d love to,” she told Naomi.
And so, the date turned into a day together, and lastly, into a night together.
After we worked together on cleaning up after dinner, we moved on to a couple of board games. It was Naomi who asked if Claire could sleep over in the guest room.
“That way, we could wake up and build snowmen together,” she explained.
“Well…” Claire glanced at me.
“You’re more than welcome to stay the night,” I told her, straining to keep my voice neutral and not smile too wide at the thought of having another chance to sleep with her.
Again. I was careful not to add that word on there.
“All right,” Claire said, smiling at both of us in turn.
After she read Naomi a bedtime story, then I tucked her in, we went to enjoy a glass of wine in the living room. Watching the snow fall outside had never been a more peaceful experience. We talked some more, learning more about each other again, and it only reaffirmed that I was feeling something growing and building between us.
The dinner we shared was such a domestic and simple experience, but that was when I’d gotten it into my head that Claire and I could be really good together. For real.
It was happening fast, but then again, it had with Jenna too. We’d met and it was a case of love at first sight, but I caught myself from attaching that four-letter word to the brunette who tempted me to smile more and laugh often.
Love?
This is just physical, right?
She’s going back to Denver after the holidays, isn’t she?
“What do you say I show you to your room?” I told her after I checked that Naomi was asleep.
“Hmm.” She sidled up closer, kneeling on the couch as I stood before her. “Is there a chance it could be the same one I saw last night?”
I held back a growl at the soft, seductive tone she used. Leaning lower, I kissed her until she was panting for air.
“There’s a high chance,” I told her as I hoisted her into my arms.
“What shall I wear?” she asked as I carried her into my room. “I feel like I’m overdressed.” While I stopped to close and lock the door, almost drugged with desire from her kisses on the way here, she leaned back and stripped out of the shirt she’d borrowed.
“You are overdressed,” I replied.
She leaned back, secure with my hands on her ass as I held her up against me. This reach away from me gave her the access she needed to unclasp her bra and let it drop to the floor. “Better?”
I lowered my mouth to her tit, sucking hard as I carried her to the bed. Hooking my fingers at the waist of the leggings and panties she had on, I tugged. “Losing these would be even better.”
“And what about you?” she asked playfully as she shimmied out of her clothes.
“Oh, I’ll catch up.” I began to unzip my jeans and push them down. “Then I’ll catch you.”
Don’t hate me if I never want to let you go.
I didn’t. All night, after we made love, I held her close in my arms and wondered if I was finally closer to being ready to risk my heart with another woman.