22. Derek
22
DEREK
M y alarm went off, and I rolled over to wake Claire up. When I found the bed empty, I realized she must have already gotten up to hide the fact that we were sharing a bed.
Then a minute later, her alarm went off too.
I frowned, lifting my head from the pillow.
Why is it going off in the living room? I watched her set her phone to the alarm last night.
I got up, too curious to sleep in. I headed out to the living room, following the sound of the alarm.
Nothing could’ve prepared me for finding my girls like this. Asleep on the floor. Claire rested her head on the edge of the couch cushion, her mouth wide open as she lightly snored. Naomi didn’t look like she could be comfortable either, slumped onto her stomach with her face pressed into the carpet. Her legs lay over Claire’s lap.
What the…
I grabbed Claire’s phone and turned off the alarm, not wanting to rouse them.
They didn’t stir, too tired to wake up yet.
This wouldn’t be the first time Naomi snuck out of bed because she couldn’t sleep. Sometimes, she tried to get away with putting the TV on, but with their placement close to the tree, I bet she came out just to stare at it.
And you came out to comfort her.
I gazed at Claire, admiring how effortlessly and selflessly she'd let my daughter into her life.
This had always been one of my biggest concerns, how I’d find a woman who’d fit into my life with my daughter being a huge part of it.
It turned out that I didn’t need to look for her. Naomi had just… found her.
That day at the holiday market was the turning point in so many ways. I’d realized how lonely I had been all these years. I saw how much fuller life could be with a partner at my side.
Claire was tempting me to reach the point that I’d own up to really wanting to commit.
Her phone buzzed in my hand, and I glanced down at the push notification that showed at the top.
Shawn: I’ve got more specs about other land around Macomb and Preston. The stuff you asked for and a few more your Dad emailed me about.
I frowned, then scowled at the screen.
It wasn’t a message for my eyes, but I let this sink in.
What am I talking about? I shook my head as I moved to the kitchen to start coffee.
This is crazy talk. Wanting to commit to a woman who’s made it clear that she won’t stay.
Claire’s life was in the city. She’d made her home and her purpose in Denver. Her career fulfilled her. Her father expected her to run the company he’d started.
Her interest lay in the city life, not this small-town, country pace of living.
How could I lose sight of that?
I’d been so stubborn to resist Stacy’s criticism of Claire, but now I felt like that was a mistake I shouldn’t have made.
My sister was right. Claire was a businesswoman, more apt to scheduling showings and toughing out negotiations than playing with my kid or lowering her nightlife to what Preston had to offer.
It was so easy to get caught up in the newness of being with her and learning about her that I forgot how she wasn’t here to stay.
“Hmm. I thought I smelled caffeine.”
I forced a quick smile on my face as Claire walked up to me.
“Sleep well?” I guessed teasingly as she leaned in to kiss me.
I closed my eyes tighter, stuck in this worry that time was running out with her. That the act, the ruse, would soon be over.
I was stupid to ever get my hopes up high in the first place with her.
“I heard Naomi walking out there in the middle of the night and I read to her until she fell asleep.”
“Until you fell asleep, too?”
She smiled. “Yeah.” With a big yawn, she stretched. “What are the plans for today?”
“Don’t you need to work?” I was careful to keep the snark out of my tone. I had no right to hold it against her for wanting her job.
“No.” She smiled. “I closed on a house yesterday morning. Remotely,” she added.
“A house?” I looked up from putting the creamer on the counter.
“Yeah.” She smiled. “I love doing residential properties when I can.” She hugged herself. “It’s more personal, more fun to help a family find their place.”
“It sounded like you were a commercial realtor.”
“I am. We’ve represented a variety of clients. The smaller residential ones don’t bring in the big bucks, but I enjoy them more.”
Huh. I wondered if she liked dealing with smaller sales and residential properties because they reminded her of her mom staging houses when her dad started the company.
“So, what are the plans today?” she asked again. Coming closer, she hugged me. “I’m all yours.”
Fuck. Do I really want that? Am I ready for that?
In my heart, I was confident I did.
But seeing the reminder of her interest in real estate around her, including the loose offer I gave her about my land, I worried that I’d screwed it all up in advance.
What was I thinking, wanting a woman who was only available for a holiday fling at best?
What was I doing, playing house with a careerwoman who admitted her job was her life?
And what am I going to do when I explain that I manipulated her into acting like my girlfriend without intending to sell my land?
“Derek?” She furrowed her brow as she remained in my loose embrace. “What’s wrong?” She stroked her hand over the side of my face. It was sweet. It was simple. And I hated that I wouldn’t be able to keep her.
Not now. There was no reason to burst this bubble now.
I leaned into her hand and kissed her palm. “How about we just stay in? The three of us.”
Her smile was sweet. “I’d like that.”
“No,” Naomi said, yawning and walking into the kitchen. She must have overheard us. “Veto. Today’s the holiday parade.”
“Ooh, a parade?” Claire said. “That does sound fun.”
I sighed. “Okay. The parade, and then we can just stay in.”
I wanted Claire to make it look like I was taken and no longer single, but now, I just wanted to soak up all the time I could with her. Without anyone watching.
Later, though, we bundled up and got into my SUV to drive into town for the little parade. Nicky and Stacy were already there, shivering and waiting for them to begin.
Naomi rode on my shoulders, and Claire did her best to wrangle all three of our hot beverages in thermal cups that we’d ordered on the drive into town. Hot cider for Naomi and coffee for us.
“Damn,” Stacy said. “I wish I'd stopped to order one on the way.”
“I told ya to get one when I stopped,” Nicky said. “Want mine?”
Stacey cringed. “Without creamer? Ugh.”
“Want mine?” Claire offered. “I think I’ve had enough caffeine for now.”
Stacy raised her brows. “You sure?”
“Yeah.” Claire handed it over. “I wouldn’t want the warmth to go to waste.”
I smiled at my sister, smug in the look of surprise on her face.
See? She’s not bad. Give her a chance. Get over your issues.
“So,” Stacy said. “Have you ever thought about having kids, Claire?”
Nicky and I both spat out our coffees. I glared at my sister.
“Um, yeah. Someday. When it seems right.”
I smiled at Stacy again.
“Hmm…” She sipped the coffee. “You’d be able to give up your career and be a mom?”
And I went right back to glowering at her.
“Who says I’d need to?” Claire argued easily and politely. “Lots of moms are working moms.”
“Yeah,” Naomi piped up. “According to the U.S. Department of Housing, statistics show?—”
“All right. All right.” Stacy waved at Naomi. “I’ve just noticed that you’re often on your phone. Always in work mode.”
“Nah. Sometimes, deals don’t fall within normal working hours, but you know how that can be. Didn’t you get called in for an emergency root canal appointment a couple of days ago?” She increased the wattage of her smile, as though she didn’t care whether Stacy knew she was sticking it to her.
Stacy harrumphed.
I chuckled, pulling Claire in for a kiss. Just because I could. Just because I wanted to. When she reached up to hold my face to hers to prolong it for more than a chaste peck, I smiled against her lips.
Eventually, the parade started. We all watched, clapping and cheering as the floats went by. Naomi and Claire had a friendly competition chasing after candy they threw out to the spectators. And Stacy was a downer, reminding them that all that sugar would end in cavities.
“What is your problem?” I whispered to my sister.
“I don’t want to see you get hurt.” She frowned, not making eye contact.
“Who says I will?”
“Fine. You can be so cold-hearted and impervious like that. But what about Naomi? Look at her.”
I did, watching her laugh with Claire over reaching for the candy.
“You let her get attached like that, and then when she leaves…”
I shook my head, not wanting to think that far ahead. “Let us enjoy what we can, Stace. Haven’t you realized that life is too short not to?”
“If you’re asking me not to worry about this holiday affair having lasting damage, I won’t. I see how you are with her. All in love and happy.”
I grunted. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Yes, but what about when it’s over?”
Stop reminding me.
“What about when Naomi has to miss her when she goes back to Denver?”
I shrugged. “Maybe long distance?—”
She groaned. “Derek, I know you’ve been peeved with my always matching you up with women in town.”
“Women I wasn’t interested in,” I corrected.
“But it was because I wanted you to be able to have a lasting love. A commitment that would last here .”
I studied her profile until she faced me. “What?”
“You’re worried about me losing someone.”
“I—” She sighed. “Yes. I don’t want you to go through that again. It pains me to see you in pain. It hurts me to know you’re suffering. You lost Jenna. And I hate to see you go through another heartache, like the one that’s inevitable when you and Claire would have to break up because her life is elsewhere.”
I ground my teeth. For the first time, I wasn’t bothered by her words. She was pushy and butting in too much into my life, but at least she did it from a place of love.
What irked me, though, was how I’d played a part in ensuring no lasting love could take root between me and Claire.
How could it be when I’d lied to her from the start?
I had no business suggesting we should pretend to date.
It would kick me in the ass now. I was left with no choice but to own up to my lies and pray she wouldn’t hate me for the manipulation.
And I strongly doubted another Christmas miracle was waiting for me like that.