23. Claire
23
CLAIRE
A fter the parade, we all went to eat at the diner in town. They had a Santa there, and Naomi was very articulate and clear when she presented a bullet-point list of her wishes.
Three dogs.
She laid into what breeds she preferred.
Despite feeling like I’d butted heads with Stacy, we got along well. Maybe that was what we’d been waiting for. A moment to confront each other.
I stood by what I said, anyway. I could see myself as a mother. I always had. That vision had always felt out of reach, a someday kind of thing.
But when I woke up and realized Naomi and I had slept on the floor, I gave a deeper consideration to the possibility that someday could very well be today .
I didn’t need to have a baby to feel like a mother. I mother-henned Dad and Grace. And with Naomi, I’d stepped into another show of maternal instinct.
And that was why I’d reached the point of admitting I was a liar. I couldn’t keep this up anymore. Christmastime wasn’t supposed to be spent warring between emotions and obligations, between worrying I could never have the freedom to go for what I really wanted while not shirking on the responsibilities I had to give up.
“I’ll be back soon,” I told Derek.
All day, he’d seemed slightly distant. He was nothing like the closed-lipped, stern grump I met at that holiday market. But I knew him well enough that I could read him better. He seemed to have something on his mind, something weighing him down, and I hoped it wasn’t the sad things we talked about last night.
Death was hard. Grief wasn’t simple. It was with a deep concern that I fretted that he was glummer than he wanted anyone to think.
“Okay.”
“I ordered her a little something,” I told him, smiling with the glee of wondering how thrilled she’d be to open it. “I had it shipped to my dad’s.”
His expression lightened up. “You didn’t have to get her something.”
“I wanted to. Oh, wait ’til you see it. You’ll be so surprised.”
He kissed me one last time, and I drove to my Dad’s in Macomb.
“Hey, there she is,” Dad greeted from the kitchen. Grace had already arrived, but that was expected. Christmas was only three days away.
The opened package on the table confused me, though. “Hey, that was mine.”
“Yours?” Grace teased, smiling as she lifted the toy.
“Mine to give as a gift,” I said.
“Sorry.” Grace handed it over. “I was expecting something too, and I thought it was mine. I hope, uh, Naomi likes it.”
“Naomi?” Dad asked.
“Derek’s daughter.” I wasn’t overly upset that Grace opened it. With our last names the same and both of only using our first initial for shipping, it was easy to mix a G with a C. She’d caved and had contacts to excuse herself for not reading it correctly, but it seemed that she was using her glasses today. She slipped them on now.
“Derek…” Dad’s brows shot up. “Wait a second. Derek Scott ?”
I nodded as I sat, uninterested in the chips and dip they were snacking on. “Yeah. I met him when I went into Preston to look at land.”
“ His land?” Dad asked. “He’s the owner of most of that property along the river.”
“Yeah, I didn’t know that at first,” I groused.
“Huh?” Grace looked between us, lost.
“I told her about some prime land that could be sold for development in Preston,” Dad said.
“Yeah.” Grace wiped her mouth clear of crumbs and swallowed. “At Thanksgiving. I remember. But how does that connect to your getting his daughter this?” She held up the toy again.
I looked at her. Then him. Tears burned behind my lids, and I lowered my head to hide my face in my hands. “Oh, I screwed up.”
Grace laughed. “Ha! That’s my line.”
“Claire? What’s going on?” Dad asked. He rubbed my back.
“I screwed up.”
“How?”
I sat up, sniffling as all the emotions I'd tried to bottle up burst out. The dam broke. I was mad at my sister for putting the company at risk. I was mad at myself for stepping in to fix it all. I was sad that I would lose Derek and Naomi when I explained I couldn’t live with the deal we struck. And I was worried that I’d never find another decent man to love again.
Because I did.
It had happened fast. Like I told Derek, an end could come so swiftly that it was jarring. A start, a beginning like the love that bloomed between us, could be just as sudden and quick.
“Start from the beginning,” Grace said.
I blew out a deep breath and did. It probably wasn’t smart to ramble it all in one go, but that was how it came out.
“At Thanksgiving, Dad told me about some land to look at. I went to Preston to check it out and I saw Naomi and Derek. We started talking—well, Naomi accused me of being blind, but we met. Then when I told Derek that I was looking at land, he arranged a meeting with me after I emailed him. I didn’t know it was him. Or that he owned all that land. But we met. And when I saw how women were all over him and gaga about his being this sexy, eligible widower, he admitted that he was tired of his sister playing matchmaker and he wanted peace and quiet. Then he said why don’t we pretend to date so women stop bothering him and in return, he’d sell me?—”
“Oh, no…” Grace interrupted. “You didn’t. Don’t tell me you agreed to date him and?—”
“Fake date,” I hurried to explain. “We were just going to pretend. I don’t have time to really date anyone. You know that. Especially not now with you both expecting me to save the company and recoup the losses from your gambling. I wasn’t in a position to date anyone. Of course I took his offer.”
Dad sighed heavily, shaking his head. “Claire…”
I held my hand up. I wasn’t going to stop until I got it all out. Maybe I’d feel empty and better then. “So we started to pretend to date, and that was all a lie. It was real. It felt real. And I liked him. I do like him, and her. Naomi is so sweet and she just tugs at my heart. And now I feel like a fraud and I hate that we ever made this dumb deal.”
Before they could speak, I sucked in another deep breath and continued, on a roll. “Now I want to confess. That I love him and her and I do want to be a mother. Now, not someday. Not later. I want to be her mom if she’d accept me. I want to be his woman and partner. He’s the end of all the bad dates. It’s like Karma is finally giving me a break from all the stupid guys I’ve met in the city.”
Grace smiled. Dad raised his brows.
“I want to go for what I want. I want to do more residential work, not the corporations. I don’t want to feel like the end of the world is coming if I don’t clean up after your mistakes. I don’t want to feel like I’m only worthy if I work harder and harder and harder and keep the three of us as a family because we have the company together. Ever since you retired, Dad, it’s been nagging me that I don’t want to be the one in charge.”
I sniffled. “And if I tell him that, that I hate that I was a fraud to enter this deal, I… I don’t know what could happen.”
Dad stood, coming to hug me. “Oh, honey.”
Grace came up and joined us in the group hug. “You tell him the truth and live happily ever after.”
I laughed lightly, breathing in deeply as their hugs soothed the worry in my heart. It had taken a lot of guts to unload all that, but I felt so much better for doing it.
“Why’d you bottle this in for so long?” Dad asked.
“I didn’t know how to speak up.”
He held me at arm’s length. “I’ve always loved how you acted like a mother hen, but I never wanted you to feel like you had to.”
I sniffled.
“Yeah. I see that now,” Grace said. “I can’t lean on you and expect you to always be my crutch.”
“Did you really think that I’d let the company fall apart?” Dad asked, smiling.
“You didn’t want to come out of retirement,” I said.
He rolled his eyes. “I had to act like that so Grace would see how dire it was.”
I gaped at him.
“He’s been coaching me on some other deals,” Grace said with a smile.
So they had been up to something!
“And that’s why I’ve been suggesting—for years—that you look at rural and residential properties. You always seemed happier dealing with those.”
“You mean…”
“The company’s not going under,” Grace announced. “Shawn’s helping me in the office and I’m going into rehab.”
“I contacted some old friends and did a little bit too,” Dad said with a wink.
“It’s not the end of the world?”
He chuckled. “No. I care too much about this company, about this family, about both of you, to let it go to ruins.”
I exhaled a long breath of relief.
“But I hoped to make it sound dire so it could be a wakeup call. For Grace to wise up. For you to realize you might be better suited out of the city.”
I hugged him again. Oh, I was woken up, all right. I realized that it was past time to go for what I wanted—and that included love.
I wanted Derek and Naomi. I wanted this slower pace of life.
“Does this mean I might finally be getting a granddaughter? A son-in-law?” Dad joked with a huge smile.
I nodded. “Someday soon, I hope.”
I intended to hurry back to his house to see if I could tell him all and make that more of a reality than a dream.
We stayed and talked a little longer, though, because knowing my family was happy filled a hole in my heart. Grace gave me more details about the corporate and commercial deals she was focusing on. Her reckless and risk-taking attitude was appropriate there.
Then Dad walked through how we could split up. Diversifying Barone Realty wasn’t a new concept, but he explained how I could start up more independently from Grace as I focused on residential real estate.
They both wanted to know more about Derek and Naomi, and I shared more about them. How Jenna passed away. How Stacy seemed like an overprotective sister.
“I haven’t even seen the property. I’ve been staying at his house, but we haven’t discussed anything about what he’d sell me,” I said as I wrapped the gift for Naomi.
Dad grinned and shook his head. “Then call that deal off. You won’t need it with Grace cleaning up her own mess this time. Go for what your heart wants and let business stay separate.”
I held that thought in my head on the drive back to Preston. My heart felt light. Hope lifted my spirits. The closer I came to him, I realized the true meaning of coming home .
“Derek?” I called out quietly after I let myself in. It was late, later than I thought I’d be. Naomi was likely asleep.
He was sitting on the couch, looking at the tree. That vacant, uneasy expression remained on his face.
Uh-oh. I wasn’t sure if speaking up about my feelings would be smart now.
“I worried you weren’t coming back,” he said quietly.
I set Naomi’s gift under the tree. “No. Of course, I was. I stayed to wrap this and caught up with Grace and my dad.”
He swallowed and nodded. As I sat next to him, he cringed.
“I didn’t like thinking that I might never see you again.”
I sighed, taking his hand. Damn, he really was thinking about grief and remembering how he’d lost Jenna.
“And I hate that I might have done something that would make you not want to come back.”
I furrowed my brow. “What?”
He shifted to face me. “Claire, we need to talk.”
I held my breath.
It didn’t seem fair to come from such a high of hope and love to sink to a worried grip of dread. His troubled expression couldn’t bode well for this talk.