Chapter Eighteen
The days between Christmas and New Year are always like no man’s land, but this year is worse than ever. I have no itinerary, no plans, and I am stuck in Prague until I am due to fly home. I curse myself for getting so carried away. What a fool I am.
All I need now is for Dewi to ring. I couldn’t cope with his cheeriness as I want to curl up and hide inside my hotel room for the next few days. I feel as though everyone downstairs will be laughing at me. Do they all know that I am the idiot who fell for the chef who used to work here with the volatile girlfriend? It sounds like something from a really clichéd holiday romance. Am I that lonely to almost fall for that old trap?
To make things worse, I suddenly remember that I have a touristy medieval dinner booked for tonight. It seemed like a good idea when I was happy and relishing being a tourist, and I had the extra time after extending my stay in Prague. Now, not so much.
I ask myself where it all went wrong. Tomas was the one who kissed me, but I should have asked him straight out if he had anyone in his life, rather than allowing myself to get swept away with the idea that Milena was a thing of the past. This has happened all because I didn’t want to think about any emotional baggage he may have. I wanted to live for the moment for once – but look where it has got me.
Thankfully, I never made a move on him, despite wanting to in the horse-drawn carriage as we huddled under the blanket. I do my utmost to blame him for all of this. After all, he knew more about his situation than I did.
As I munch on my room service meal, I call the airline to change my flights. I am very happy to swap a flight home for the planned tourist excursion I have booked, so I wait patiently on hold for the airline to pick up the call. Of course, they finally answer just as I put the biggest crust of bread into my mouth. I swallow quickly and, with desperation, tell them that I want to be on the next flight out of here.
I feel sure there must be seats available as most people will have travelled by now for the Christmas break. I beg the agent for any seat she can give me.
‘I’m afraid the first date available is the second of January and you’re already booked on that one,’ explains the reservation agent.
It seems I didn’t plan for the fact that everyone is travelling back home after the holidays.
After pleading and telling her that I really must get home, I realise it is futile. Unless I am strapped on the wing, I am not going anywhere.
It is no use trying to get out of here; the truth is that I am well and truly stuck in Prague. I thought being spontaneous would be exciting and that I could be a new, less cautious version of myself. But now I realise why I always try to be so sensible. Things go wrong when you are not cautious. I am so angry with myself and wish I could get my axe right now and take all my frustrations out on the pile of logs that are waiting for me back home.
I can feel a tension headache throbbing at my temples and just want to be at home with some painkillers in my own bed. But that is impossible. The room is starting to feel suffocatingly hot, so I grab my woolly hat and prepare to go outside. I keep my head down all the way through reception, hoping that nobody I pass is any of Tomas’ contacts from when he worked here. For all I know, he may even have laughed with them about what happened last night. Why did I have to stay in the hotel he used to work in, where he knows everyone?
I walk out towards the Christmas markets despite all my festive excitement having drained away. However, I soon realise that I should have stayed hidden in my room because as soon as I get outside, I spot Tomas. What are the chances of that? Surely, he should be with Milena somewhere.
I quickly try to duck into a shop doorway, hoping that it is open and I can hide and pretend that I want to buy some of the speciality cheeses that are on display. Unfortunately, the shops haven’t yet opened, and so I stand in the doorway with nowhere to escape. I am cornered like a frightened rabbit. I try to turn my back to Tomas, but it is obvious that he has seen me.
‘Olivia, hey.’
I turn around slowly, wishing I could pull my hat over my eyes and hide.
‘Just wanted to buy some cheese.’ My neck does that thing where it reddens and goes all mottled whenever I lie, and I am thankful for my stripy rainbow scarf that hides it.
‘I’m so glad I caught you. I was coming to the hotel to speak to you. We need to sit down and talk about last night.’
‘Do we?’
‘Yes. Please come and have a coffee with me and listen to what I have to say.’
‘It’s best we don’t.’
‘I’ll treat you to a hot chocolate instead… with cream? I know a great place.’
‘I really don’t think we should discuss anything. Hot chocolate or not. Your poor girlfriend!’
A couple walking past look at us and, rightly so, stare at Tomas.
‘Please, I have to explain. Don’t make me beg you out here in front of everyone.’
‘What is there to say? I’ve been taken for a right fool.’
‘Just one hot chocolate, and you don’t ever have to speak to me again.’
Finally, I give in, despite knowing that there is nothing he can say that is going to make me feel better about last night. As we walk towards the cafe that Tomas suggests, we don’t utter a word. It is awkward between us, to say the least, and it makes me wonder why Tomas has even bothered coming here to look for me.
After checking which toppings I want, Tomas orders our drinks at the cafe, which has cute little tables and gingerbread men on display. It is a cosy, warm place, and the horse from the carriage ride we took trots past the window. If I was in a better mood, I would be quite keen on this place. Right now, it annoys me how Tomas always chooses the places that are just up my street. He stirs his coffee over and over until the point comes where I want to grab the spoon from him, but then he finally speaks.
‘It’s going to sound terrible, however I say this,’ he starts.
‘It is,’ I agree. I take my spoon and stuff a huge blob of cream into my mouth.
‘So, the thing is…’
‘Yes?’
‘Sorry, you’ve got a big bit of cream stuck on your lip.’
Tomas points to my lip, leaving me embarrassed, and I quickly grab my napkin to wipe it away.
‘So, I should explain. Milena and I had been dating for five years. We ran a cafe together, and it was so popular that sometimes we’d have a queue outside the door. Yet, suddenly, we were making a loss. I asked the staff why this could be. I felt terrible as I started to blame a new guy who had started. I became paranoid that he was saying things to put people off, or taking something from the till. I couldn’t understand it. The staff told me things about Milena, but I didn’t believe them. Milena can be bossy, so I thought they were just stirring up trouble. Am I making sense?’
‘No, not really.’
‘Sorry. So, they told me she’d treat the place like a hangout for her friends. She gave them drinks and food on the house. I still had to pay for all that stock. Milena likes to be the popular one, so you can imagine just how much free stuff she gave away.’
‘Okay.’ I’m not sure what he expects me to say, as I don’t see how this affects what happened last night.
‘I installed CCTV because I didn’t believe Milena would treat the business like that. It turned out the staff were right. Milena wasn’t bothering to help around the place, and her friends filled seats that paying customers could have taken up. We were full, yes. But most of them weren’t paying. Milena was just sat on the side of their tables, leaning over and laughing with her friends. It’s like they were using me. I didn’t realise. I trusted her to get everything sorted while I went to the wholesalers and promoted the business on social media and stuff. By the time I arrived, it always looked as though she’d been working hard. I guess it was partly my fault because I took her word over my loyal staff. Also, I should have been there myself. I got caught up in everything that goes with running a business.’
‘Well, no. You’re the boss. You should be able to leave people in charge when you’re not there.’
‘Yes, well, Milena insisted she was fine with running it. Then I could see why.’
Tomas takes his mug in his hands and then puts it back down. Clearly, he hasn’t finished ranting about Milena.
‘This might sound silly, but what hurt me more than anything was that Milena didn’t care for the business like I did. That place was my dream. Do you know how hard I worked to set that up? All those late nights I worked at the hotel. I saved and put everything together so I could start my own business. The day I opened the cafe was the proudest moment of my life. It was everything I always wanted. She threw it away, all because I trusted her. She didn’t care about my dream.’
‘Well, for sure, sometimes we trust the wrong people and don’t listen to the ones we can trust.’
‘Exactly right. I told everyone the business closed because of the cost of food, but that is the truth about what happened. Milena didn’t care for the business and ruined it. I heard she was also rude to customers. I know she can be a bit abrupt, but you have to get to know her. I had words with her, but whenever I said anything, she would accuse me of being mean.’
‘Why do you make excuses for her being rude? She doesn’t sound very nice, and she’s obviously hurt you badly.’
‘I know. Uncle Albert has no time for her. I decided that enough was enough. We split up. But she says she’s sorry for what happened and wants to give it another go. No matter how many chances I give her, she always does something to spoil our relationship. I am done with her, but she won’t take no for an answer. She keeps giving me time to change my mind and thinks we could get back together. It’s over between us, but she refuses to listen. I hate being mean to people and don’t want to be stern with her. We have a lot of what you could call “water under the bridge” but, until she accepts things, it’s difficult to move forward.’
‘Well, I can understand. It’s not easy coming out of a relationship, and the last thing you want is to…’ I stop before saying ‘jump into another relationship’, since this isn’t something that is necessarily on the cards.
‘I guess it’s not as easy as it sounds. I suppose I should explain. Milena and I grew up together. Our parents knew each other. In fact, she was there for me when my parents died. She held my hand at my parents’ funeral when they both died in a car accident. She made sure I ate and got out of bed for the days after. It was such a shock to lose them both at the same time. You see, Milena isn’t all bad. She helped me get through that time. That’s why I always feel indebted to her, despite everything. Then she did all of these things after we opened the cafe. I don’t know. Despite all of that I feel like I owe her because she helped after my parents died. Albert gets mad with me sometimes, but he’s a harder man than I am. He likes to say things as they are, while I perhaps, what do you say, “sugar coat” things not to upset people.’
Tomas reaches his hand across the table until he touches the tips of my fingers.
‘I don’t want to be someone who seems confused about my feelings. That would make me a terrible person. I wouldn’t treat you like that. But I didn’t expect to feel the way I do about you. When we went on the boat and the horse and carriage, I told myself I was being a good host, showing you the country I am proud of… I know that’s not true anymore. So, that’s why I have to tell you the truth. I need to sort things out with Milena properly first. That’s why, as much as I wanted to kiss you so much last night, I had to stop myself. I need to have a clear conscience that I have done nothing wrong, and I’m not giving anyone the wrong impression. I guess it’s time to stop sugar-coating things.’
I think of Craig and how he behaved. I suppose I am at least grateful for Tomas’ honesty. I also realise that we have another thing in common when faced with something we don’t want to deal with. It seems we both have a habit of trying to keep others happy at the expense of ourselves and making excuses instead of being firm.
‘Well, thank you for the explanation.’
Tomas strokes my hand.
‘Can we please be friends and stay in touch after you leave? It’s so strange, but now that we have met, I can’t imagine you not being in my life. Does that make me sound weird?’
If it does, then we are both weird because, as I accept his explanation, I realise that I feel the same, even if we only remain friends. There is definitely a connection between us, whatever it is.
‘No, it’s not weird. For sure, let’s stay friends.’
‘Definitely. We still have to get through the box of letters, and Albert isn’t going to let you get out of it that easily.’
‘It’s hard to know if he wants to hear what the letters say sometimes. I don’t know if he’s getting upset by them, and I really don’t want that, Tomas.’
‘No, I know. It’s emotional for him, of course. But, also, he kept this secret about knowing about the letters for years. I mean, he never told anyone, and deep down, he knew it was wrong and that he should have written to your aunt to tell her. He’s carried a bit of guilt with him, and now I think he feels it is closure.’
‘I’m glad of that.’
I finish off my hot chocolate and think about where I should go next. Now that I am no longer following an itinerary, I have no plans until I go to dinner this evening, but I don’t tell Tomas that.
‘By the way, I hope I didn’t ruin today’s plans for cheese shopping.’
‘No, not at all.’
‘I’m not doing anything now. Would you like me to take you to a place where I used to get the best cheeses for my business?’
‘Oh no, it’s okay. I don’t need any. I was just looking, really.’ I actually get migraines after eating cheese, so it was very unfortunate that he caught me in the doorway of a cheese shop of all places.
‘Then, may I suggest something? If you don’t think it’s forward of me?’
‘Sure.’
‘How about I take you somewhere really fun? To make up for last night? There won’t be alcohol involved, so I promise not to get carried away again.’
‘What sort of fun?’
‘Do you trust me?’
After last night, who can be sure, but being with Tomas always makes me feel adventurous and so I agree. On the condition that he doesn’t try to kiss me again. Although, as I say it, I feel regret about how we have such a wonderful connection that seems so complicated right now. But, if Tomas can put the attraction we have to one side, then I am sure I can too.
Thirty minutes later, Tomas introduces me to a fat-wheeled electric scooter called a Scrooser. With my lack of balance, I protest that I won’t be able to ride it but he assures me that it isn’t difficult. I tie my helmet on extra tightly in case I immediately fly off it and flip over the handlebars. Tomas seems to have complete faith in me, though, and as I start to move off, I wobble about until I slowly get the hang of it. For the first few minutes, I am full of apprehension, but, as we ride side by side on a quiet road, it becomes so much fun. I never thought I would ever see myself on one of these! As I let myself go and zoom around the streets of Prague, I take in more new scenery. I pass little boutiques I never noticed before, and I am tempted to stop and look at their gorgeous window displays. A bright gold sparkly bomber jacket catches my eye, and I come to a halt so that I can get a closer view.
‘It would suit you,’ says Tomas.
I shrug off his comment. It would have suited the old me, but that was the sparkly sequin-loving Olivia.
‘Go and try it on,’ pleads Tomas.
‘No. It’s not my kind of thing.’
‘Don’t you at least want to take a look?’
I jump back onto my Scrooser before Tomas can insist any further.
‘No, it’s fine. It’s very beautiful, but we’d better get back. We only rented these for an hour,’ I say.
I glance back at the jacket one last time. It is rather lovely.
On the way back to the Scrooser rental, Tomas leads me uphill and then further along the streets that have views of the city. Whatever angle I look at this place from, it feels magical. Despite the cold wind hitting my cheeks, I laugh with joy as we whizz about, passing old brownstone buildings and then colourful stonework fa?ades. As we cross a bridge, Tomas shouts at me to look at a hugely asymmetrical contemporary building. It is impossible to miss as it’s so different to the usual baroque and Gothic architecture that I have got used to around here. Its windows appear uneven, and its modern glass fa?ade is incongruous with the rest of Prague. It is certainly a statement piece, with a huge twisted metal structure on top, like some kind of crown. We stop for a moment to look at it.
‘That’s called the Dancing House,’ says Tomas.
‘Wow, it’s fabulous. Is that because the sculpture looks like it’s dancing? I suppose it does, really.’
‘Yup. It’s like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers dancing. Sometimes it’s called “Ginger and Fred” too.’
I smile at Tomas.
‘You know, maybe you should forget the bar. Be a tourist guide instead. Hey, I know what you should do. You should be one of those people who combine food and tourism. You know, like, ride around on a bike with tourists and do some kind of culinary bike tour. Oh my gosh, you must!’
Tomas smiles and grins.
‘Look at you, caring about my career. I already signed the lease, but that’s a brilliant idea. One day, maybe.’
‘Oh, you have to. You’d be so perfect at it.’
‘Come on. Time’s running out. Let’s get these back,’ says Tomas, changing the subject.
Once we return the Scroosers, Tomas suggests we head over to Albert’s to go through more of the letters. I agree that we should probably get through some before my dinner tonight.
When we arrive at Albert’s he seems so happy to see me; he is almost relieved. I begin to wonder if he knows about our tiff yesterday. After all, I did slam the door. Despite having done that, Albert welcomes me and tells me how pleased he is that I have returned. Somehow, I get the feeling that Tomas and Albert chat about everything, including me.
Settled down with our usual coffees in front of us, I look at the next letter from Aunt Grace. This time, it’s dated four months after they last saw each other.
But just as I am about to start on the letter, the intercom buzzes from downstairs. Tomas answers it, and I hear the voice of a woman. He immediately buzzes her in.
‘It’s Milena,’ he says.
‘This woman is no good for you. I’ve told you this so many times,’ says Albert. Since he says this in English, I get the feeling that he is saying it for my sake rather than Tomas’.
Either way, Tomas ignores him as he goes to answer the door. I get up to leave. I don’t want to be here when she walks in despite being unable to hide anywhere at this point. I begin to wonder how big Albert’s wardrobe is.
‘Please don’t leave because of that woman,’ says Albert.
‘No, I must be going anyhow. I booked a medieval dinner for this evening. I don’t know what I was thinking sitting here. I really should start getting ready or it’ll be a bit of a rush.’
Milena walks in as if she has come off a catwalk. She wears skintight pleather leggings and has a fake fur coat wrapped around her. Even if I tried to imagine a beautiful woman as my love rival, I couldn’t have imagined this. She is stunning. She has the darkest long hair, and as much as I search for split ends, there aren’t any. Not even frizz from being out in the cold air. This woman looks as though she has some kind of superpower when it comes to her hair. Either that or Czech hairspray is unbeatable. But I remember what Albert and Tomas have said about her. Maybe she isn’t as perfect inside as she looks on the outside. Still, I feel like shrinking into the wall as she sees me when I attempt to walk past her. It was obvious she couldn’t exactly miss me.
‘Hello.’ I think she may have actually purred that out. Even her voice is as smooth as her locks.
‘Hello, I’m just off.’ I try to smile at her, but she eyes me suspiciously.
‘You don’t have to leave,’ says Tomas.
‘No, I do. I have a dinner and… Well, I’ll let you two catch up.’
I close the door behind me and wonder exactly what they will be catching up on. Has Milena come dead set on mending the remnants of their relationship? This thought hits me right in the solar plexus.