Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
“If you please, I have an announcement I would like to make.” Daniel was seated at the head of the table, and he projected his voice over the raucous chatter of his guests.
“It’s about time you did,” his sister, Violet said. As she did, she looked at the other sisters at the table, widening her eyes at them to be quiet.
“You were right,” another of Daniel’s sisters, Aurelia spoke up. “He does have something he wishes to tell us. How curious.”
“We all knew that,” Caroline, yet another of his sisters, sighed. “A blind man could have seen it.”
“What was it you guessed he wished to announce?” Eveline, the fourth of his sisters asked Violet. “Something about an engagement?”
“Not yet!” Violet widened her eyes across the table. “I told you, keep it to yourself, Eveline.”
“What difference does it make?” Eveline shrugged. “It is not as if he will change his mind now that he knows we are savvy to his plans.”
“Perhaps allow him to finish before we congratulate ourselves,” Violet snapped at them. “And we wonder why he never wishes to see us.”
“Is it true?” Iris, the youngest of the sisters and by far the most innocent and pure, looked along the table at Daniel. “That you are engaged?” A smile crept up her lips, and Daniel could hardly remember a time he had seen her so happy.
And it broke his heart.
It was Christmas Eve and, just as Daniel had hoped for, all five of his sisters had agreed to attend his Christmas Eve dinner party. And not just his sisters, but each of their husbands too. That added up to ten altogether, not including himself, which in turn made for a rather busy affair.
The evening had started simply. Casual drinks in the drawing room as they waited for everyone to arrive.
Daniel, never one for socializing, and feeling awkward about what he had brought his sisters here to tell them, stayed quiet throughout, happy to watch as his family caught up and connected as they had not done together in longer than he could remember.
Once everyone arrived, they adjourned to the dining room, took their places down the table, and supper began.
The room was dark, lit only by the candles which were placed down the table’s center.
He’d had Christmas wreaths hung on the walls, a Christmas tree decked in the corner, and the other decorations placed throughout the room to give the event that Christmas vibe.
He wanted this to appear like a standard party, hosted simply because he missed his sisters and wished to see them again.
But they cut right to the truth of it. Not a one is fooled by the charade, as they know me well enough to know that I would not have called them together like this unless it was for good reason.
They thought he was going to announce a wedding engagement. Absurd to his mind, but understandable. After all, why would they not associate their eldest brother with such things? Considering how he had treated them.
Daniel sighed as he pushed back his chair and rose to his feet. What had not so long ago felt like a most important moment, now felt hollow. In fact, he was starting to wonder why he bothered at all.
“I do not know what Violet has been telling you,” he began, once he was sure that all eyes were on him. “But I assure you, I have not called you all here this evening to announce an engagement. That is as far from the truth as possible.”
“Told you,” Aurelia said to Violet.
“Oh no,” Iris pouted.
“Quiet,” Eveline hissed at her sisters. “Let him speak.”
Daniel grimaced, waiting for them all to find silence once more. What he realized, as he waited, was that he was not feeling nervous about the announcement. He had for a time worried what his sisters would say, if they would try to change his mind, or if they would even care.
Once again… it was that pit in his stomach, wide and gaping, and he just wished it would hurry up and swallow him whole already.
“The first thing I wish to do is apologize,” he started.
As he spoke, he made sure to meet each of his sisters’ eyes.
“I know it is too late. And I once heard that the best apology is one you do not need to make in the first place because you did nothing wrong. Sadly, that is not the case here, and I cannot help but accept that I owe you each an apology.”
He swept his eyes over his sisters and their husbands, expecting them to ask what for. No one did, and a few even looked away. This told him well enough that they knew what he was going to say.
“You have no idea how much it pleases me to see you each with your husbands, happy as I know you all are…” A smile touched his lips, but he smothered it.
“But this does not excuse what I did to each of you. I treated you all, my sisters, as pawns in a game that I did not even want to win – that none of you wished to be involved in. I treated you like cattle, is what, and where I thought I was doing the right thing, I know now that I was blind to my own ambition and –”
“Daniel, do not be ridiculous,” Violet spoke over him. “You do not owe us any apology.”
“She is right,” Eveline agreed. As she did, she took her husband’s hand. “If anything, we should be thanking you. If not for you, I would have never married Victor.”
“Or I Anthony,” Caroline joined in.
“Be that as it may,” Daniel continued, refusing to give in to their attempted gratitude. This was not about the results of his actions, but that he had done them in the first place. “I wronged you all, and I wish for you to know that not a day goes past that I do not hate myself for it.”
For once, his sisters said nothing.
He bowed his head in shame, and he could feel them all watching him. This was never meant to be about forgiveness but about airing his grievances so that he might have a chance to move on.
“With that said, there is indeed an announcement that I wish to make.” He snapped his head up and looked over his sisters once more.
They watched him closely, each with a visage taken by concern and worry.
“There is nothing here for me. Bad memories, wrongs committed, shame around every corner that I turn. I am sick of feeling so… so utterly helpless and alone. I am sick of my past actions haunting me like a specter.”
“Daniel, there is no –” Violet tried to cut over him.
“Which is why I have come to realize that the only way I might move on is if I remove myself from this…” He sighed. “From this world entirely. A fresh start, far from here, where I might finally be able to forget what I have done and find my own happy ending.”
“Daniel…” Violet looked from him to his sisters. “What are you saying?”
“I am saying that, tomorrow, I have booked myself a charter to the Americas from where I do not intend to return. Ever.”
His sisters exploded with objection.
“What?” Violet cried. “No!”
“You cannot leave!” Eveline said.
“This is why you asked us here?” Aurelia demanded to know. “To blindside us!”
They spoke at him. They talked over one another. They demanded that he tell them why he was doing this, if it was their fault, and how they might get him to change his mind.
And through it all, Daniel said little. He sat himself back down, letting them all shout and complain and plead. So outraged were they, that he might have believed that they cared. But he was not so hopeful as that.
Even if they do care, even if they want me to stay, it will make no difference. I did not come to this decision lightly and in time, I know, they will all see the logic of it. In fact, I suspect them each to one day admit it is for the best.
Daniel had always assumed that he might feel a stab of guilt for abandoning his sisters like this, but what he came to realize in that moment was the guilt which he felt had nothing to do with them.
They were married, happy, with families, and they would go on without him. The guilt that swarmed him…
He sighed and turned slightly in his chair, gazing through the window, across the dark field, and in the direction of Lady Alison’s home.
It was thoughts of her that consumed him.
She was who he had wronged most of all. And while Daniel knew that he could not take back what he did, what he hoped was that by leaving and never coming back, Lady Alison might be able to forget him, move on, and find the happiness that she so much deserved.
No one deserved it more, and his only real regret was that he was too much of a coward to face her and tell her how sorry he truly was.
Indeed, for all the bad that Daniel had done in his life, hurting Lady Alison was the worst of it. For that, he would never forgive himself.