Chapter 26 #2
That comment made Nerissa chuckle, which led Felix to snort, which had Winnie giggling, and soon the family were laughing together as if at some well-made joke.
But it was not the joke that set them laughing.
It was the tension leaving them, and the newly found sense of place that Alison had been searching for her entire life.
She smiled and took Nerissa’s hand. She beamed at her mother and even at Lord Pemberton.
Winnie rushed around the table to hug her, and from nowhere Pickle bounded into the room,
This was her family, Alison admitted. This was what she had always wanted. Or rather… it had been. Despite it all, there was still one thing missing, and she worked so hard not to think of him right now.
For now, best to leave the past where it was. As hard as that was to do…
Alison was sitting alone in her room, pondering what had just occurred between her and her family. It was a good thing, she knew, and she wanted her mood to reflect that. Sadly, her mood was still a most harrowing thing like a storm that refused to break.
And worse still, not only did she know the reason, but she knew that nothing was going to change it…
“Alison…” Her mother’s voice drifted from across the room. “Are you decent?”
Alison looked up to find her mother loitering in the doorway. She looked unsure and nervous, fiddling with her hands, unable to meet Alison’s eyes directly.
“Mother…” Alison sighed but forced a smile. “Now is not a good time.”
“Oh? Is it… I understand that you are still upset with us, but I was hoping –”
“It is not that,” Alison said and bowed her head. “I know you meant well, and I believe what you said. But truly, Mother, I would like to be alone.”
Her mother hesitated and Alison prayed that she would heed her words and leave. Strangely, she did no such thing, finding courage and crossing the room, and then sitting on the bed beside her.
It might have annoyed Alison, but she realized too that this here was exactly what she had always wanted. A mother who not only cared for her but saw when her daughter needed her most. A mother who wanted to help in any way that she could.
“Do you wish to speak about it?” Her mother took her hand and rested it in her lap. “If not, we can just…”
Alison forced a thankful smile. “It is not an easy thing to talk about.”
“I understand,” her mother said. “Perhaps we can just sit here? I find that often, just having someone to share in whatever it is that troubles me, is enough.” She brought Alison’s hand to her lips and kissed it, her smile shining through.
Alison’s heart cracked open in that moment.
She and her mother were never two who spoke about their feelings.
That was just because her mother had never been one who was there for her.
But she was there now, and she wanted to help.
She looked at Alison, and she saw her there, pleading with her eyes the way a mother should.
“I love him…” The words caught Alison by surprise, as she had not meant to say them.
“You love who?” her mother asked.
Alison chuckled bitterly. “It does not matter, for he does not love me back.”
“Lord Grayhill,” her mother said softly while squeezing her hand tighter. “I suspected… two weeks alone, and I should not be surprised. Does he know?”
“It does not matter.”
“Does it not?” Her mother raised a questioning eyebrow. “What else could possibly matter than that?”
“It is not that simple,” Alison said. “I… I thought he did. I wanted to believe he did. But I know now that he does not feel the same way, so why tell him when the answer will not change?”
“But you have not told him?”
“There is no point.”
“Alison…” Her mother shuffled closer, dropped her hand, and wrapped her arm around her shoulder.
“I have not always been the best mother to you. I have never been there when you needed me. I have never helped you when you needed it the most. But that does not mean I have not noticed you or seen how… how distant you have been these last few years.”
Alison winced. “It has been longer than that.”
“You deserve the world, Alison,” her mother pressed on her. “I wish I could give it to you, but I fear it is too late. Too late for me, but not too late for you. Alison, look at me.”
Alison hesitated. She did not want to look at her mother. She did not want to feel the pity that was surely in her eyes. But her mother’s stare was on her, drawing her gaze up so that soon their eyes met.
“Maybe he does not feel the same for you. Maybe he does not love you. But until you know for sure, how can you sit here and wallow as if the world is ending, when for all you know tomorrow might be the brightest day to ever shine?”
“Mother…” Alison rolled her eyes but could not hold back her smile. “That is not… it is not that simple.”
“Then make it that simple.” She pulled her daughter in closer and held her. “Tell him. Do it now or regret it forever. All I want is for you to be happy, and if this might see that come true…” She sniffed back tears. “You owe it to yourself. You know that you do.”