Chapter 36
Ezra’s face hurt from smiling, his brain floating somewhere in the afterglow from hours ago. Morning light was sneaking into the room. Analise was tucked against him, her head resting on his chest, where it had been most of the night. She was awake, drawing little circles on his stomach.
Her breath was warm on his skin. ‘We should get up,’ she whispered, and Ezra’s blood ran cold, his bubble exploding.
He’d forgotten.
He was going to die today.
She twisted so she could see his face. ‘I wish we weren’t experimenting on you.’
Ezra kissed her. ‘I trust you. But, if it doesn’t work …’
‘Then I’ll be there to help you move on, if I can.’
‘I could always hang around, as a ghost,’ he offered.
Analise shook her head. ‘No. Ghosts aren’t meant to be here. They’re tormented, trapped between two worlds. I don’t want that for you.’
He nodded, throat tight.
‘Can I do one thing for you?’ she asked.
He raised his eyebrows suggestively.
‘I’d like to cook you breakfast.’
‘I thought you were going to kill me with magic?’ Ezra said, laughing when she swatted him. ‘You can cook me breakfast, Analise. I’d like that.’
Analise was more nervous than she’d ever been in her life, but the eggs didn’t stick and she didn’t burn the toast. She watched Ezra’s face as she set his breakfast in front of him. This was possibly his last meal. She wanted it to be perfect.
‘I think the eggs are hard,’ she said.
‘It doesn’t matter.’
Analise couldn’t eat. Her stomach felt full of burning rocks, smothering the butterflies that appeared once she agreed to this. The enormity of this task was wrapped around her shoulders like a lead blanket, the threat of failure beating in time with her heart.
Death was so final, and the man sitting across from her was so alive. Maybe the Gendarme was right. Maybe she was dangerous. Maybe her power was against the laws of God. But, if so, why did she have it?
She thought of Charles in his lab, all the tools and knowledge at his fingertips. Was that it? Had science replaced magic? Had human understanding of the mechanics of death usurped the role the Daughters of Lilith were created to fill?
But science was focused on the here and now.
It could not access the world that existed after death.
It couldn’t usher a soul to where it belonged, or offer comfort in a person’s final moments.
Science lacked humanity, Analise decided.
Her desire when she left the convent was for a life of her own making, and she’d gotten that, or so she thought, but it was hollow.
She’d believed she was happy in her solitude.
In reality, she’d allowed herself to be lulled into a false sense of what life was.
It wasn’t truly living when she was alone.
Not only had she not known other people, she realised she hadn’t known herself.
There were parts of her that hadn’t begun to exist before she was pulled from her lonely existence into this new world of people, of feelings and needs, of longing and a desire to experience the good in life and in others.
Analise had waded in death for too long, thinking that was the only path available to her because of what she was.
And now, her life was intricately bound to someone else’s existence.
The threads that tied her to Ezra had taken her completely by surprise.
The rush of emotion she felt when she was with him took her breath away sometimes.
If anything, she was grateful to him for giving her that experience, even if he hadn’t intended it.
When Ezra finished his eggs, they headed down to the basement, each beat of her heart a warning that she had to get this right. She knew the science of it now—how the body worked, what the internal roadmap of it looked like, but she was terrified she didn’t know enough.
At the bottom of the stairs, in the soft darkness of the basement, Ezra pulled her close. He didn’t say anything, resting his forehead against hers, breathing with her. She placed her hand over his heart, life surging beneath her fingers.
‘It’s funny,’ he said eventually. ‘I spent years hunting death witches, believing what I was doing was the right thing, and now, my life depends on one. Ironic, isn’t it?’
Analise brushed her mouth against his. Even now, in what could be his final moments, he didn't tell her he’d tried to save the witches but she didn’t mind. She knew, even if he wasn’t aware of it.
The others were waiting in Charles’ lab. Analise’s grip on Ezra’s hand tightened when she saw the chair, leather straps hanging loose. No one said anything as Ezra released her hand and made his way to the seat.
‘Shirt off,’ Lira said, voice wobbling. ‘So I can monitor the mark.’
He peeled his shirt away, not looking at anyone as he sat. Jem began tying the leather belts around Ezra’s torso. ‘You can change your mind,’ he said. Ezra shook his head. Jem finished strapping him down, and stepped away.
A solemn Charles placed a chair directly in front of Ezra’s.
Analise sat. Her fingers trembled uncontrollably.
‘I trust you,’ Ezra said. His hands were resting palms up on his thighs. She stared at him for a long time, then took a deep breath and placed her hands in his.
‘Close your eyes,’ she whispered.
He did. She gave his hands a squeeze, and then her magic was inside him.