Chapter 42
Best friends to...
As romantic as I have always been, best-friends-to-lovers has never been my favorite trope to read or watch (Love and Basketball, the exception).
I preferred the hot tension of enemies-to-lovers or yearning in my romances.
I’m always Team Pacey on Dawson’s Creek and Team Edward from Twilight.
I love, love the whole I-hate-that-I-ca n’t-stop-thinking-of-you love, which is why sex had been so hot between Carter and me on Sunday night.
We were enemies that night, and sex was probably the last thing on our minds until it became the only thing on our minds.
Or maybe the even sexier forbidden fruit trope was why Carter and I fell for each other in the first place.
I was forbidden to him when he thought I belonged to Grey, and Carter had been intrigued.
As a natural competitor, he loved challenges and wanted to be the victor of my love.
He hated losing more than Grey, swallowing his pride to take me back when Grey asked him to.
Our winding road of dating to marriage and a family.
.. our story began... because Carter won.
Though sweet and probably the best type of long-lasting love, best friends to lovers always lacked the passion I dreamed about.
Maybe that’s why I missed the signs that Grey had been in love with me since high school.
He’d treated me like a sister in how we interacted and touched each other.
Never a full-on hug or caress of my cheek.
Or a warm, possessive hand on my lower back.
Not even a gaze too long in my eyes or an accidental brush of my breasts or ass.
Grey had been sweet to me and protective of me, even as I watched him grow into a sexy and desirable man.
I could see what other women saw, but he was still my grumpy best friend who waited every day at my locker for his day to begin.
He’d been waiting for me my whole life, and I had no fucking clue.
I’d never been a fan of unrequited love, and before I met Carter, I thought that would be my destiny.
Always longing for something I couldn’t have.
Instead, that had been Grey’s lot, and he longed for me for seven years.
Wanting me, loving me right under my nose until he unexpectedly kissed me and grabbed my ass in front of Carter, and my world spun.
In that brief show of possession and masculinity, I felt his passion.
I felt his desire and need in the warmth and strength of his hand on my body.
The way his soft lips pressed against mine sent a spark straight to my sex.
That small action propelled me to seek him, and for the first time, I considered us.
And the night I gave him my virginity, Grey finally knew his love had been requited, and we had unbelievable passion.
Grey chuckled, breaking my thoughts. “You still zone out in this world of yours. Where were you?”
We were in his open jeep, enjoying the cool breeze from the nearby Pacific Ocean. We both wore shades as we traveled through the city. We had no real destination in mind. I told him to drive until something interested us enough to stop.
“My mind is everywhere.”
“Tell me one destination.” He suggested.
“Guess, wondering about the choices I made that led me here. Had I been so caught up in my fantasy world that I didn’t choose real?”
Grey glanced at me. “I’m assuming I’m the real in this scenario.”
I covered the hand that he used to drive his stick shift.
“Honestly, I don’t know. Are you my fantasy?
I’ve thought of you so often over the years, and a part of me wonders what if.
I’ve been with Carter, day in and day out.
Living together, planning our future, and raising a family.
On the surface, he looks like my real. When I think of why I was attracted to him in the first place, it was because he was my crush.
..my too-good-to-be-true fantasy man. And you were my real. ”
He nodded.
“But if you were my real, why did I let you go so easily? I’d accepted that you wouldn’t want what I did, and I moved on.
I thought I was doing the right thing, not fighting for you.
Allowing you to live your dream with no guilt or regrets.
Knowing that you were ready to be with me as my husband, now, it’s all confusing.
” I slunk down in my seat. “I have to believe that I didn’t know for a reason. I was supposed to be with Carter.”
Grey asked calmly, “Then why am I back now?”
I stared at him, contemplating whether I should tell him that maybe he was back only to know his daughter and that we were with whom we were supposed to be with.
Then Carter’s face flashed when he held Elle at birth, and I turned away.
I needed to talk to Carter first and let him know that it was time to tell Grey.
I had to give him a heads-up so we could be prepared to handle whatever Grey would do.
He deserved that, even if we disagreed about telling Grey.
“You’re gone again,” Grey commented. “Do you just want me to drive and not talk?”
“I’m sorry. Trying to digest so much. We can talk.
” I shifted to look at him as he pulled off his shades and placed them on the windshield holder.
He was the Grey I remembered, yet different.
The sun, instead of clouds, seems to follow him now.
“Who would’ve thought that Grant Jameson would turn out like you?
All confident and gorgeous. I remember when the teacher called Roll in homeroom on the first day, and I heard a deep voice behind me.
I turned around, surprised to see a face that didn’t quite match the voice. ”
“Too light-skinned?” He gave me a side glance.
I leaned against the headrest, observing him.
My hand still rested on top of his. “No. You looked too young with those chubby cheeks and curly hair to have such a deep voice. You looked timid, but your voice was so strong and sure. I remember thinking you had the prettiest eyes with those long lashes that belonged on a girl.” I closed my eyes, picturing Elle, who did have his eyes.
She was a pretty girl who would grow to be a beautiful woman.
No one would ever consider her plain. Our daughter was brilliant, charming, insightful, and could be blunt like Grey.
And if the other day was any indication, she would be able to run like the wind.
Grateful for the shades that hid my face, tears of shame fell that I selfishly kept Elle from Grey, no matter how I tried to justify it.
He missed so much of her life and may never forgive me.
Knowing the depth of his love for me, he would’ve loved Elle as much as Carter and me.
Correction...knowing him as one of the most loyal and giving people, he would’ve loved Elle even if he didn’t love me.
I failed him. I failed Elle, and I even failed Carter.
No one deserved to be hurt, and the pain everyone would feel when the truth happened.
Carter and I will talk tonight. Whether he agreed or not, Grey would know the truth.
“I don’t remember you crying this much,” Grey said softly. “Forget I said anything. I didn’t mean to turn your whole world upside down. You love Carter, and you have a family. I love Tatianna. Sooner or later, we’ll have a family too. I’ll keep pretending I’m not still in love with you.”
“Do you really love her, or are you settling?” My tears ran unchecked as I touched his cheek, and he leaned into my palm, keeping his eyes trained on the road.
“Although I hate that she gets to be with you, I could be okay knowing you found love. I only want your happiness. I never hated you, not even when I hurt the most. How could I? You were my Grey.”
He looked at me briefly. “Is this fun for you...talking like this? I don’t want to ruin your birthday more than it already is.”
I frowned. “My birthday isn’t ruined.”
“Why were you angry after getting off the phone with Carter?”
“It’s not important.”
Grey insisted, “What were you supposed to do later?”
I sighed. “Fly to Napa Valley for an overnight trip with Carter.”
His jaw tightened, and he pushed out his breath. “Why aren’t you going?”
“He got caught up with practice. We usually don’t do anything on my birthday because it falls during football season. I asked him at the last minute to take me somewhere, and he surprised me this morning with this trip. My mama should be landing soon to take care of the children.”
He whistled, and the car increased speed. “Why didn’t you just cancel with me if he surprised you with this trip?”
“I wanted to see you.”
Grey placed both hands on the steering wheel, unclenching and clenching his jaw.
“You were going to see me and then dash off for a romantic night with Carter until he canceled on you. I guess I’m a consolation prize like I was when you turned twenty-one.
Good old faithful Grey. When Carter upsets you, I’m there to pick up the pieces. ”
“It’s my birthday. You didn’t think I would have plans with him or my children, even if it weren’t a surprise trip?”
“I didn’t ask to spend your birthday with you. I just wanted to hear your voice. You asked me like I meant something to you.”
“You do mean something to me.”
He cursed and glared. “Were you pissed with Carter when you asked me to see you? Let me ask it another way. Would we be here right now if he were doing right by you? Darren, I’m not that dude anymore...waiting for whatever scrap you could give me...hoping that Carter fucks up, so you’ll notice me.”
The more he spoke, the more my temper grew. “Do you have selective memory? You made your move on me once Carter expressed interest in me. The same man you asked to be nice to me, and then you gave me back to him once you were done, like I was a damn doll. Pull over now,” I yelled.
Guilt flamed his face as he looked around. “We are on a busy highway.”
“I don’t care. I’ll take an Uber back.”
“At least let me get to a safer area.”
I folded my arms and stared ahead. The wind whipped through my latest brown and blonde streaked weave, making me look glamorous even on my casual days.
I didn’t look like the Darren, Grey remembered, but who I was remained the same.
Grey always had a piece of me. I’d spent years trying to prove to Carter that I loved him, and I even decided to keep a secret about Grey’s baby to prove I loved him.
I wasn’t about to justify my heart to Grey after telling him I would’ve chosen him as my husband over the man I did marry.
When we passed an exit, and he kept driving, I asked, “Why aren’t you getting off this exit?”
“Because we’re both almost thirty years old and behaving like kids. We’re both emotional. I know I laid a lot on you at once. I’m down if you don’t want to talk about anything but the beautiful sky or hang out at Disney.”
I didn’t know how much time I had before I had to return to my real life. “No...I want to talk. Glad I get to spend more time with you. Really catch up.”
“Then let me take you to my beach house. It’s a few minutes from here.”
“Where do you and Tatianna live?” My heart thumped. I didn’t want to see where they lived and didn’t want to risk her coming home early and all hell breaking loose.
“No, we don’t live together. She’s from L.A. and has been living here already. I have an apartment, and I bought this house recently. She hasn’t seen it yet. Probably going to be pissed that I bought it without telling her.”
I scoffed. “Grey, I know you’re new to this commitment thing, but you’re supposed to decide on a house together.”
He laughed out loud. “This is my house. She and I will decide on one together. She didn’t want me to buy a house by the beach. Thinks it's way too expensive for the square footage.”
“You love the water...the beach. It makes sense.”
Grey grinned. “I do. Ever since we lived in Galveston and I learned to jog on the sand, I have craved that type of running. I’d been living in the Cayman Islands for the past six years.
A lot of solitude to think about my life, my choices, and why.
” His eyes sparkled as he reassured me. “Don’t be scared to be alone with me.
I promise to keep my hands to myself this time.
I pointed to his mouth. “You lie. Don’t forget I know you, and you were no better than Carter back in the day. You could get women to do whatever you wanted.” I picked up his right hand. “Promise me that you won’t seduce me... that all we will do is talk. Promise me that Grant Jameson.”
“Shit...my government name twice in one day.” His lips curved into a smile as he exited the highway. “You have a mouth. Tell me 'no' if I try something you don’t like.”
“I told you ‘no’ back there, and somehow I still ended up in your arms." Shaking my head slowly, I admitted, "You’re my weakness. If Carter didn’t call, we might have done something we would’ve regretted.”
He raised both brows. “Speak for yourself.”
“Well, then, I’m speaking for myself. I’m not cheating on Carter. I need you to be my strength.”
Grey pulled into a paved street with small, quaint homes. Because of its Malibu oceanfront location, it easily costs at least a million, probably more. “Technically, you’re already cheating.”
“Would he probably curse me out and throw me out if he knew I was here with you? Probably. But I know we didn’t cross the point of no return.” I admired the light blue ranch-style home.
He hopped out and rushed around to open my door. “Something else I learned along the way.”
“Yeah...you were horrible about chivalry.”
He took my hand and helped me out of the jeep. “I’m a better man. Traveling the world opens your mind more. It’s a man’s way of showing he honors and respects his woman.”
I complimented, “Thank you to Tatianna or whatever woman taught you that.”
“It wasn’t a woman.” Before I could ask who, Grey hugged me once I climbed out of the car and whispered, “Had to do this out here so I can respect your wishes once you come...enter my house.” He corrected himself with a sly grin, and I pinched his stomach, which was hard with the lack of extra skin.
Grey lifted his shirt to rub the area that I pinched, his toned abs visible.
“Quit it, or we’ll talk in this fucking jeep.” I threatened. Damn...damn...I wanted to kiss him there.
Grey held his hands up, and the laugh lines appeared around his eyes. “Promise I won't touch you again.” He uttered something under his breath that probably contradicted what he just said.
I looked up into the bright sky, throwing another silent prayer to keep me sane and faithful as I followed him inside his home.