Chapter 43
He’s back for a reason.
Peace, calm, and serenity greeted me when I walked through his doors to the glass wall that covered the entire back of the house.
The waves of the Pacific Ocean crashed against the beach.
Walking past the scarcely furnished house, I tucked my shades in my T-shirt, pressed my hands against the glass, and admired the beautiful scene. He walked up beside me to join me.
“We’ve come a long way from those kids scraping by,” he commented.
“You and Carter did. I’m just along for the ride.” I stared out the window. “Once I have my store running, I’ll feel like I accomplished something.”
“Hey. You are a mother, and I bet a damn good one. That’s the best accomplishment.” He nudged my shoulder with his. “I bet they’re beautiful and smart like their mother. I would say let me see a picture...”
“You’re not ready.” I tapped the glass lightly. The minute he saw Elle, he would know and probably question if Ethyn was his.
“Not yet. It was hard enough seeing the two of you together at the party. You looked good together. Like a team. One of those couples who you can tell got their shit together.”
“Most days, we’re that couple as long as I follow along with him.
” I chuckled self-depreciatively. With Grey, the facade I’d been carrying dropped away like pulling off a mask.
“Once he became an NFL star, we had to appear the best—this strong, loving, and perfect couple. In many ways, we are. It hadn’t been hard to follow Carter.
He values our family. But often at my expense.
Maybe he forgot I had dreams outside of motherhood because I became a mother young.
Tatianna doesn’t want you to have this house, and Carter doesn’t want me to have the store. ”
“And we both ignored them and did what we wanted.” He concluded.
“I probably should’ve done what I did years ago.
” I shrugged. “No one told me that you can lose yourself in your marriage. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and wonder if Darren is still there.” I looked at him.
“Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to you. I can tell you found yourself.
You look happy.” I pressed my forehead against the glass. “I’m still searching.”
“Naw...you’ve always known who you are. Just added on wife and mother.
I’ve never had to be responsible for anyone or make compromises until now.
” He squeezed my shoulder. “You hungry? I don’t have much in this fridge, but I can order something.
We can sit on the patio before the temp drops and talk. What do you eat now?”
“A cheese pizza is fine. Unless you’re watching your carbs.” I teased.
He chuckled. “Cheese pizza? Your kids are not here. What do you really want?”
Although no double entendre was meant, I longed to say that I really wanted him.
If I were single now, we would’ve already made good use of the sofa and the patio.
We would be lying naked in each other’s arms and talking.
I hadn’t felt this free to express myself since he left my life.
I missed my friend. I missed him. Period.
“Pick something for me. I still eat all the same things...just less of them.” I tapped my belly, which had never quite recovered from two babies. “Got to watch this weight.”
His gaze leisurely traveled my body. “I love your dips and curves. Gives me something to hold on to.”
I pushed him away playfully, though intentionally, as the heat flamed between us. “Do you at least have water?”
He smiled. “Yeah. Go ahead outside, and I’ll bring you a bottle.”
I stepped outside, and the soothing sounds of seagulls and the smell of the salty ocean assailed my senses, and I breathed deeply. Maybe Carter and I can buy something on the beach to visit once we move to Dallas.
Carter. Carter. Carter.
What a mess we’ve dug for ourselves. I looked back into the house to see Grey on his cell phone, talking, probably to Tatianna. He’d been with me for over four hours and hadn’t texted or called anyone. I pulled my cell out of my purse. A text from my mother.
Flight was delayed. But I just landed and on the way to your house. Hope you’re having fun with Carter. See you tomorrow. Love you. 12:55 pm
I wanted to call her, but she’d ask questions I wasn’t ready to answer.
Like, where was Carter? She loved him like a son and would probably ask to speak to him.
My temples throbbed at telling my mother I had sex with two men in two days, and now I have two fathers for my twins.
Sounds positively insane for a woman who’s only had sex with the same two men.
Stretching out on the plush lounger, I tucked my arms behind my head and closed my eyes, allowing my environment to soothe me.
Why did I have to love two men? Both believed that one weighed more in my heart than the other.
Truthfully, the scales tipped more in Grey’s favor eight years ago, and I would’ve married him.
It’s not that I didn’t love and value Carter back then; Grey just had more of a hold.
After years together, Carter had given me the kind of marriage I desired, where my husband was as into our children and me as I was into him.
Though shaky with Carter’s recent behavior, the scales now leaned toward Carter.
Yet, I waited anxiously for Grey to touch me again.
“Darren,” Grey called and passed me a water bottle as he pulled the other lounger closer to me before reclining. “Ordered fried chicken wings, fries, and Coke to add to that cake that we need to take out of the jeep.”
“Good choice.” I turned to my side, and I reached for his hand, and he clasped mine. “I don’t want this day to end.”
“Me either.” The corners of his lips curved down.
“I wish we had the time so I could tell you all that I’ve been through over the eight years.
I know we only have this moment. Knowing you still love me and would’ve chosen me years ago is enough for me to walk away from you without looking back anymore.
I can smile without regrets if we should cross paths in the future. ”
My sigh was long and deep. Grey and I weren’t done.
We had a child. I swung our hands over the space in between the loungers.
“Giving up on me so quickly? Not even going to see if we can have the occasional brunch or chat by phone? Thought you said that today can’t be the only and last day we’ll see each other. ”
He admitted softly, “Seeing you and knowing I can’t really have you would be torture. Do you understand how much I want to fuck you right now? Maybe that’s vulgar, and I should say something more flowery. But I’ve always been real with you.”
“Except about your true feelings. Maybe we would’ve been high school or college sweethearts, and this would’ve been a normal birthday. We would be married, sitting out here enjoying each other while our children played on the beach. Carter didn’t have to happen.”
“But he did because of me,” Grey finished. “I replay that in my mind because I had you. You were mine. Fear got the best of me.”
We held hands silently, staring at each other. “What did you actually tell Carter to get him to take me back, because the man I married would never forgive cheating? A part of him still resents me.”
He whistled. “That was an intense conversation. Thought we might have fought when the conversation started. I reminded him of Chelsea, and that calmed him.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. “Why?”
Grey slanted his eyes at me. “He knew how it felt to be torn between two people, too.” He gave a derisive chuckle.
“This love shit is complicated like a motherfucker. I never thought you and Chelsea would ever be cool again. Definitely not cool enough for Carter to be the godfather to her son.” He gulped down his water, shaking his head with a slight smile.
“Crazy how we are all somehow still connected.
The FUCK?? “We haven’t spoken since we were roommates,” I replied calmly, though my lungs were slowly constricting. Every breath seemed like my last.
Grey’s brow wrinkled. “She told me that she’d visited L.A to see you and Carter. It’s been a minute since she and I spoke, but that’s what she told me.”
“Apparently, she just visited Carter. I didn’t even know she had a son until Danielle told me a couple of weeks ago.” I dropped his hand, swung my legs over the side, and pushed my head between my legs, trying to regain my ability to breathe.
“Fuck.” Grey kneeled before me, rubbing my back. “Breathe, Darren. Shh...just breathe.”
“How often do you talk to Chelsea?” I squeaked.
“A few times over the years. Nothing frequent or regular. She reached out to me first when I won my gold medals. I assumed you were cool again because she told me she visited you and that Carter had been a good Godfather.”
I panted. “What happened between Chelsea and Carter back in school?”
He tightened his jaw. “I’m not answering that question. I assumed you and Carter worked through all that. It’s enough that I dropped a bomb on you about Carter being her son’s Godfather. Whatever questions you have, the answers should come from St. Patrick.”
I resumed, placing my head between my legs, and mused, “I can tell when you’re mad with Carter. You call him St. Patrick.”
“I’m pissed with her and him all over again.
She set me up. I never asked about you out of loyalty and because I didn’t want to hear about you and Carter.
She figured sooner or later we would talk, and she dropped those seeds.
And I just fucking planted them.” While kneeling, he lifted me to sit up and held me tight. “I’m sorry.”
I hugged his neck and cried, “I knew he was keeping some secret. I never thought it could be Chelsea again. He acted like he couldn’t stand her. That she was just a fuck situation, and he’s the Godfather to her son?”
My phone suddenly rang, and I knew it was Carter.
Grey pulled back and looked at me, tears in his own eyes. “You want me to give you privacy?”
“No need.” I picked up my cell from my side. “Hey.”
Carter’s deep voice cajoled. “Hey...I’m sorry about everything. This isn’t how I saw your birthday going at all. Don’t be mad.”
“Let me guess, you have to leave with the team, right? So, I don’t get to spend my birthday with you at all.” I didn’t even feel disappointed. Just numb as Grey stood and moved away from me.
“We had this morning, and we’ll have many more.
Next year, you’ll just travel with me. Maybe that’s what we’ll do.
If it’s an away game, you come with me, so at least we’re still together.
I would tell you to fly with me tonight, except we’ll be up at the crack of dawn, and I know you want to spend time with your mother this weekend since she’s already there. ”
I listened to him ramble. Something else was happening tonight. He changed his plans with me for another reason. Grey stood facing the ocean, fully aware of our conversation. Carter’s voice carried as if he were on speaker.
“I’ll be on the first plane back Sunday night, and maybe we can have a late-night meal somewhere. We can take the twins and go somewhere for the entire Christmas break. Anywhere you want to go.”
Unable to listen to another promise, I cut through the bullshit. “What woman is going with you tonight?”
He growled. “Don’t start that shit. It’s your fucking birthday. What kind of man would I be to ditch my wife for another woman?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the same man who has still been seeing Chelsea.
The same man who’s the Godfather to her son.
Or maybe you’re really the father?” Suddenly, a thought flashed.
“You were with Chelsea on my 21st birthday, weren’t you?
That’s why you were so willing to forgive me for Grey.
.. why you were so willing to marry me and be a father to my children.
That’s what her letter said, didn’t it? It told me that you still fucked around with her, and when you went missing on my birthday, it was because you were with her.
Is that who’s with you now? Or who you plan to see later tonight?
” I was a yelling and bumbling mess by the end of my questions.
Snot running and tears drowning my face. Grey grabbed me to him.
It remained silent on Carter’s end for a long time, and I wasn’t sure if he could hear Grey’s quiet voice reassuring me that I’d get through this.
Finally, he sighed, “Go spend time with our babies and Ma. Tomorrow night, catch a late flight and spend the weekend with me. We’ll talk about everything, okay? ”
“No,” I shot back.
Grey took my cell and muted it. “You need to go and hear him out.”
“Why so he can tell me more lies?” I yelled.
“Don’t think he’s going to lie. He hasn’t defended himself at all. You need to go. He’s your husband.” He unmuted it and gave it back to me.
I breathed in and exhaled loudly. “I’ll let you know what time my flight gets in.”
“Okay. No matter what, know that I love you and my family.” Carter sounded deflated.
I ended the call without saying goodbye. “Why didn’t he tell me I was tripping? Why didn’t he defend himself? What does that mean? Tell me what you know.” I used my fists to hit Grey’s chest.
He shook his head, allowing me to use him as a punching bag until he finally grabbed my wrists and moved onto the lounger, pulling me down with him. Grey held me while I cried.
Grey had come back into our lives because it was time for all secrets to be divulged.
I used his strength and warmth to comfort me while I still had his love.
If he felt a tenth of what I’m feeling right now about Carter and whatever he needed to tell me, Grey would never forgive me when I shared my secret.
That thought made me sob harder and hold on to him even tighter.
I was about to lose both men who had been my rocks.