Chapter 54
But it’s my beautiful mess.
Six Weeks Later
"When are you going to forgive me, Darren?
" Danielle asked when I answered the call through my car's speaker.
I'd finally confronted her right before Thanksgiving, and, caught off guard, my sister shut down and didn't explain herself.
I'd gotten off the phone angry, and later that night, she'd apologized by text and said she thought she was doing what was best for me.
"I admit that I was selfish. Grey would've taken you away from us with his Olympic career.
Carter was more stable at the time, and we would see you and the babies more.
I figured you were marrying an NFL player.
Would you really be angry I didn't tell you about Grey? "
"It's not that I don't forgive you because I've had good years with Carter, and I don't regret marrying him.
It just sucks that you withheld information from me that was on me to decide.
You had no right to decide what was best for me when I was a pregnant grown woman who wasn't sure who the father of her unborn child was.
I was deeply in love with Grey, and money didn't matter.
" I eased off the highway onto the avenue.
"Maybe my life would still be a mess, I'm finally cleaning up. ..maybe not. I won't ever know."
As I drove down the busy street, I admired the Christmas lights.
I firmly believe that Christmas started on November 1, much to my children's and Carter’s delight.
I always decorated our home as if we’d stepped into a Hallmark card.
This year had been no different. Our home glowed with trees and lights on the inside, and the outside was lit on Thanksgiving night, our family tradition.
We'd had a quiet Thanksgiving with just Carter and me and the twins since he was actually at home instead of at a game.
We planned to go to Dallas and Houston during the Christmas holidays.
"Then why don't we talk like we used to?"
"I've been busy. For years, I had time on my hands to talk on the phone once the children started daycare. Now, I'm a working mom, starting my own pharmacy, and it's crazy. You'll understand juggling the two in about six months." I slipped in slyly.
"Mama! I can't believe she told you," She exclaimed. "I was supposed to tell you that I'm pregnant."
"She owed me after finding out you, and she had whole conversations about my baby being Grey's and not saying a word to me." I paused. "Doesn't it feel good to have family talk behind your back?"
"All right... all right. I got it already. I bet you have more shit to say, but don't want me to tell Mama. I swear I won't. I didn't tell her you think Carter cheated on you."
"Okay, fine." I relented before bragging. "Let's just say that Grey broke the fuck out of my back."
Danielle howled. "Are you kidding me? You and Grey?"
"Yep. At his beach house." I grew hot thinking about riding him and had to shake off the memory to continue talking to my sister.
"We haven't been together since. Sticking to being friends for now. Need to sort out my feelings for Carter completely. And I’m giving Grey and Elle time to bond.
They're already crazy about each other. Hoping that when we do tell her, she isn't too upset.
Carter will always be her father, and Grey is patient because he doesn't want to see her hurt either. "
"That's serious progress, especially because Carter adores that little girl."
"Once he saw that Grey isn't trying to replace him but add to Elle's life, he's relaxed. He was so afraid to lose her, and now that Grey is highly unlikely to take her from us, he's stepping back."
"Might I add...You don't even seem guilty about being with Grey. Carter must have cheated for you to be so free about having sex with another man. Maybe your way of getting even."
"I wouldn't say getting even...more because he did cheat, that I didn't feel the need to stop what felt right and natural to me.
And before you ask about Carter, I'm not going to tell you the details of his affair.
He and I are good and working through things.
" I turned onto the street of my store. "Listen, sorry to rush you.
I need to go anyway and run into the store.
We'll talk more when you're here for the grand opening. "
"All right, I need to return to work anyway, too." She gave me a tiny squeal. "I'm so excited for you. Can't wait to see the store and my babies."
I feigned jealousy. "You're not excited to see me, too?"
"Of course, baby sis. You sound happy, Darren, and I don't think I realized that you hadn't sounded like that in a long time. No matter who you end up with, he will always be good with me if he makes you happy. I love you."
"I love you, too. And I can't wait to meet my little niece or nephew. I'm happy for you, too. See you Friday." I hung up the phone, pleased that, for once in a long time, I was happy. Not just content. Truly happy. My store was a big part of that happiness.
I’d chosen the perfect location for my store to open in a week.
Five days into December, the streets were brightly lit with Christmas lights and decorated trees.
My store had a small side parking lot and two spaces in the back reserved for me, which Carter hated.
He insisted that the employees park there and that I reserve a space on the side of the building.
I acquiesced because it made sense. He’d been supportive and a listening ear as I built my store.
He only gave me advice when asked. After that night in the office, we'd become even closer.
He lifted his head and broke the kiss when I straddled him.
Carter's hand slid up the nape of my neck.
"This is what I always do. Expressing my emotions through sex never resolves anything.
You've been asking me to be honest, and I haven't been able to look you in the face to tell you that I fell in love with another woman.
From the beginning, you were honest about your love for Grey.
Yet, you still loved me and were dedicated to me.
And for eight years, you've been an amazing wife and mother.
Never caught up in the fame or fortune. I loved coming home to you and my children.
As you said, you made me feel like this King, and I was proud of my accomplishments.
Years ago, I told you that a part of my heart didn't belong to you.
I thought it was about Grey, and maybe your love for him caused the hole, or maybe it didn't. I just know that being around Joi excited me in ways I'd never felt about another woman.
I have watched her with Sekani since he was a baby, and she's even patient with Chelsea, who hasn't changed.
Still fucking around with men and women.
She's become an equal opportunist." He chuckled lightly.
"I kept my distance from Joi for five years out of respect for our marriage.
I only traveled to see them when my schedule permitted.
Then, we grew closer this past summer, and I went for it. "
I nodded. I did not want to break his flow to tell Carter I had spoken with Joi.
Tears welled up in his eyes again. "I love you, Darren, and I know you'll be here by my side if that's what I want, too.
I saw how you looked at Grey at the museum and how excited he was to see you.
You both forgot I was standing there for a moment.
It saddened me because you never looked at me like you did him.
I excused myself to call Joi. I needed to feel better that someone out there looked at me like you did at Grey.
Joi could hear the sadness, and we made plans for her to fly here.
That night in the car on the way home, I saw your resolve that you'd chosen to be with me and would remain with me.
Our love was enough. So, when Joi met up with me, I told her I wanted to re-focus on my marriage and children.
" He glanced down for a second. "But I miss her so much.
Like I hate that we don't talk anymore or that when I last saw her, the day after your birthday, we didn't speak. "
"What are you saying, Carter?" I whispered, my heart breaking for him. I understood all too well, missing someone you loved deeply.
"I don't know if what you and I have is enough anymore."
My phone rang again, interrupting my thoughts, and I answered, “Speak of the devil.”
“Aw shit, did I fuck up again and don’t remember what I did?” Carter teased.
“Nope. I was just thinking about us and how supportive you’ve been about the store, and then you called.” I turned into the parking lot and drove straight to the back.
“Have you made it to the store yet?”
“Parking now. When are you coming home?”
“Late flight tonight.” Ever since Carter had been caught in a lie about his whereabouts, he’d been open about his travels.
Facetiming me whenever he landed or made it to his hotel.
He wanted to rebuild my trust in him, and we were in a good place now.
“Think you can make me some of your special hot chocolate and extra marshmallows tonight?”
“Add the peppermint stick?”
“You know it.” He paused. “The twins still with Grey?”
“Yeah. I’m grabbing them after I leave the store.”
Carter and I were still trying to figure out the best time to tell the twins about Grey, but we still had time.
Grey didn’t mind being known as the Coach for now, either.
Ethyn had been going to practice with Elle and had been enjoying running.
Grey had been more than open to getting to know his daughter’s twin and training them both.
Although the two men hadn’t been in each other’s presence since the ESPN party, they were cordial when they mentioned each other.