Epilogue #2
I became aware of the short nightgown I’d hastily covered with my sweater when I walked to the front door.
I closed my sweater tightly, though my thighs and legs were bare for his perusal.
“You’ll never change. Always searching for the next challenge.
You’re looking at me again because it’s been years, and I’m with Grey now.
Go back to Joi, Carter. She gets you more than me, remember? You have a son with her, too.”
“I know what I have with her. Children aren’t a good reason to stay together. Between Chelsea’s crazy ass wanting Sekani when she wants him and Joi being worried all the time I’ll cheat because it’s how we got together, it’s exhausting. I’m done trying to prove myself to anyone.”
“That’s too damn bad, Carter. You went through hell and high water to be with her, so do whatever you need to do to make it work.
Putting your children and the family through all that shit because Chelsea showed her ass when she caught you and Joi at their house.
” And our lives had been a shit storm. While he and I were easing our children into our separation, unlike me, who refrained from being intimate with Grey, Carter didn’t wait, and Chelsea destroyed her and Joi’s home in Houston and then went public with his and Joi’s affair.
Our divorce and his “secret baby” with a bisexual woman made the headlines.
Chelsea lied and said that Sekani was his love child with Joi, and not the truth that Carter had been a sperm donor.
His clean-cut image as a family man had been tarnished, he lost endorsements, and he’d gone through a deep depression.
Our respective families were devastated, especially Carter’s mother, who’d been hurt that she had a grandson she knew nothing about.
The twins found out about their brother through the media.
His football career suffered from all the scrutiny, though he managed to win one ring before he retired earlier than planned.
Most of all, Carter lost Ethyn’s undying loyalty and belief in him.
“All that drama is behind me. Only Sekani and the twins matter.” Carter tilted his head and crossed his ankles like he had all the time in the world.
“You ever miss being Mrs. St. Patrick?” He chuckled.
“Wait...you’re still the only woman wearing my last name after all this time. Must mean something.”
My heart thudded against my chest, wondering where this chat was headed. We hadn’t been personal with each other in years. Every conversation had been strictly about the twins. “Ms., not Mrs. It only means that I kept it for the children since Grey and I decided not to marry.”
“He decided that. Not you. It’s the one thing I was always willing to give you that he wouldn’t.
Seems to me that hasn’t changed.” He stared at me.
“Our children are growing up and soon will be on their own. Next year is college. Sekani is right behind them. I’m retired now.
Maybe you and I can spend time getting to know each other again.
I have changed, and in these last years away from you, I’ve realized how much of a fucking fool I’d been to let whatever you felt about Grey get in the way of who you’d been to me.
I pushed you away with my lies and caused you to forget your vows.
Something I’ll always regret.” He placed his palm against his chest.
“We’ve moved on, Carter.” I sighed, trying to keep the impatience out of my voice.
“Let me finish, okay?” Carter asked. His voice was huskier.
“I finally understand how much you loved me, though he had a piece of your heart throughout our marriage. Even that day in my office when you demanded that I bare my soul to you, you were willing to sacrifice Grey for me. To give our marriage another shot, no matter how deeply you loved him, because you still loved me, too. I didn’t deserve that type of devotion and love.
” He jammed his hands in his pockets and ruefully grinned.
“I still don’t, though I want to be the man you thought I was.
The husband, you know, I can be to you.”
“Carter...” I started unsure how to explain myself and Grey, or whether Carter deserved an explanation.
He held his hand up. “Just wanted to let you know I’m an option if he ever fucks up.”
I kept one arm covering my braless breasts as I gestured toward the door.
“You have family photos you want to take next week, and if you want your son to be a part of the pictures, stop by Ethyn’s new apartment and, without judgment or yelling, tell him you love him.
Tell him that he’ll always be your firstborn.
..your oldest, and how proud you are of him, even if he’s not choosing what you would choose for him.
He might give you shit, but we both know he’s still a good boy, and most of his attitude is because we’re no longer a family.
If you’ve really changed, focus on rebuilding your relationship with E, not on trying to get back with his mother.
You had your chance for eight years. Boy, bye. ”
“’ Boy, bye?’ You’re still that nerdy girl who stole my heart that day at In-and-Out Burger.
” He wistfully mused. “I’ll probably keep the twins with me for a few days.
Spend more time with them now that it’s just me again.
I might even convince E to let Elle and me stay with him at his new place.
See if he has good taste like his mama.”
I smiled, glad the stubborn man before me was willing to bend for our son. “Sounds like the best way back to E.”
He straightened up to his full height and grabbed the knob. “Tell Grey he’s one lucky man.”
I smiled. “Oh, he knows.”
Carter’s gaze drifted to my lips before he nodded once and walked out my door. I locked the door and watched my ex hop back in his Mercedes and drive off, hoping he’d find the love he’d always wanted, too.
FOUR HOURS LATER, I pulled into Grey’s driveway at the beach house.
I climbed out of my Range Rover and walked around to his glass-enclosed deck, where I knew I would find him.
He wore only running shorts. His eyes were closed, and his arm flung over his head.
I smiled at the familiar sight of him. He’d been my best friend, lover, and a good co-parent once I told Elle the truth after the divorce drama died down.
Initially, Elle had been confused and hurt, but because she already loved Grey as her coach, it hadn’t been hard to accept him as her father, too.
The cool breeze from the ocean floated over us while I squeezed next to him and kissed his muscled chest. He stirred in his sleep and shifted to make room for me, and I snuggled against him, mulling over the conversation with Carter.
He didn’t know that Grey and I had decided it was best to keep our households separate for the children's sake. Grey didn’t want to appear as if he were replacing Carter.
He thought the children had been through enough change and transition with the divorce, the discovery that they had a little brother, and Carter’s subsequent live-in relationship with Joi.
Marrying Grey didn’t seem as important as my children’s welfare.
“What’s got you so quiet? Ethyn?” Grey mumbled and kissed my forehead.
“No. Ethyn seems happier already. He actually told me he loves me again. He was my affectionate child. Always telling me he loved me until the divorce.”
“You already know I can relate to him. He calls me sometimes.”
I lifted my head to look at his still-closed eyes. “Why are you just telling me this?”
“I sensed he didn’t want you to know. I talked to him last night and asked if it was okay to let you know that he and I talked. He gave me permission.”
“I thought we had no secrets, Grey.”
“It’s not a secret. I love him like a son.
He’s my daughter’s twin. Whatever he needs, I’m there.
For a long time, you and Carter were caught up in this divorce that took a life of its own.
Then it was about Elle and me. I was with Ethyn most days at practice, and I could see the cloud that used to surround me gather around him. ”
“What does he talk about?”
“Nothing and everything. I think Ethyn wanted to know if he had someone just for him. I guess he figured I wasn’t telling you every conversation, so we talk more and deeper now.”
“Is that why you kept reassuring me he’s going to be alright?”
He nodded. “Unlike me, Ethyn really does have a mother and father who love him deeply. He was a kid forced to grow up way too early because of his parents’ actions.
He wanted to know how I could forgive you for keeping Elle a secret.
I told him that forgiveness is necessary to move forward and that sometimes it’s a continuous process when you love someone. ”
I rested my head back on his chest. “I hear your tone. You’re still angry with me like he is. It’s why he doesn’t want to live with me anymore and why you didn’t fight when I suggested we wait to get married.”
“Baby, it’s not about being mad or trying to hurt you.
Ethyn is just a boy trying to figure out where he fits in.
If we’d married years ago, he would’ve felt even more like an outsider, and I doubt he would’ve ever opened up to me.
” He started rubbing my back. “The twins start college in a few months, thinking it’s time we finally talk about us again. I can move in with you.”
“Or we can live in both homes. I love this house and don’t want you to give up running on the beach.”
He opened his eyes. “Darren, I waited long enough. I don’t want to keep living separately. I hate it every time you leave me.”
I tugged on his bearded chin. “I’m not saying I don’t want us to live together. Why can’t we live in two homes? It’s a forty-minute drive.”