Chapter 15
M id-morning, a liveried footman arrived at the house, bearing a hastily scribbled note from Lady Mount requesting Hannah pay a call on her as soon as possible. As she readied herself to call next door, Archer told her that Lady Mount’s footman had told Bailey that her ladyship had written the note shortly after reading her morning post and sent the footman with the instructions to wait for Mrs. Langley’s confirmation she would visit.
It did not seem far-fetched to assume Lady Mount had received a response from her acquaintances in Cornwall regarding her inquiries into Henry Mortimer and the possibility of his union with Penelope Layton. As Archer laced her up in one of the new dresses that the modiste had recently delivered, Hannah wondered if it would be good news or bad.
Likely bad. The world is filled with nothing but bad news.
No, that was not fair. She was allowing her own surly mood to taint the world around her. She might be living with a hole in her world, the sun no longer so bright, her food no longer so flavourful, her sleep no longer so restful…well, all of that was not a reason to think the world was a horror meant only to cause sadness.
She was most certainly not being fair, nor mature. She was a grown woman of six and twenty; it was time she acted her age.
Yes, her husband was gone, but that did not mean she should toss herself into a pit of despair.
How peculiar that a month ago, she was happily residing at Cosburn Park, remarkably content and free from worry or unease, never feeling Simon’s absence despite going years without seeing him.
And now here she was, a little over a week without Simon and missing him as fiercely as she had ever missed anyone.
She hoped his time away would not be as long as he thought. He had said he could return in a month. But what if it was shorter than that? Why he might already be upon the Great North Road on his way home! It might only be a handful of days before he would return and she could see him again!
That was the optimism she needed to turn her blue mood around. It also helped her feel much more appreciative of her new dress, admiring the purple and green plaid that had been pleated perfectly to emphasize her narrow waist and thankfully had much narrower sleeves than her older dresses.
She would definitely return to this modiste to continue the update of her wardrobe.
“You look lovely, madam,” Archer said after she settled the green pelerine with white lace flounces over her shoulders. “A new frock always cheers the spirit.”
“Indeed it does, Archer. I believe after I return from Lady Mount’s I will visit the modiste to discuss a few more purchases. I have been wanting to update my wardrobe and now seems an appropriate time to do so.”
“And it will be a surprise for Mr. Langley when he returns,” Archer said as she checked Hannah’s hair was securely pinned.
Yes, he would be surprised to find her with a new wardrobe, especially if her new dresses included several delicate silk and lace chemises he would enjoy removing.
That thought made her smile, and it stayed in place all the way to Lady Mount’s morning room.
The elegant lady was perched on her sofa, wrapped in a lilac dressing gown that matched her silk turban. She held a letter in one hand, patting the sofa beside her with the other as she grinned at Hannah.
Hannah squeezed herself between two napping pugs who barely registered her presence beyond letting out a disgruntled snort and a kick of a skinny hind leg.
“My dear Mrs. L, I do appreciate your prompt response, particularly as I was quite mysterious with my message,” Lady Mount said.
“I thought the mysterious nature of your message was specifically designed to garner such a prompt response.”
Lady Mount cackled. “You see right through me, dear. Yet you would never blame an old lady for relishing her moment.”
“Never,” Hannah assured her. “I assume you have received a letter from one of your acquaintances in Cornwall.”
“Indeed. My dear friend Lady Anstruther wrote back to me with the most interesting information. Lady A is well acquainted with the Mortimer family, as well as Miss Penelope Layton. In fact, Miss Layton was a neighbour of hers once upon a time. Although when dear Lady A first met her, Miss Layton was already known as Mrs. Henry Mortimer, a new bride come to live in Cornwall with her husband. Which solves one aspect of the mystery.”
A jolt of surprise ran through Hannah at hearing that Penelope had indeed accepted Henry’s proposal. How could the Officer’s letters have failed to persuade her in favour of him? Such words would move anyone. How had she married his brother Henry instead?
“Did you ask Lady Anstruther if she knew Mr. Mortimer’s brother?” Hannah asked.
“I did, and she confirms that Henry was the only Mortimer child.”
Then it must have been a term of affection rather than a statement of blood relation. Perhaps the Officer was not merely a nom de plume . Were he and Henry Mortimer once brothers-in-arms who had served together?
“Does she say if Henry Mortimer was an officer?” Hannah asked, and Lady Mount frowned, squinting as she looked over the letter again.
“She writes his name as Mr. Henry Mortimer, no officer rank included. Although she does include the prefix of ‘the late’ before his name.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Sadly, Lady A writes that Mr. Mortimer passed away nearly a decade ago.”
Hannah felt a deep sense of sympathy and compassion for Penelope, understanding the pain she was enduring. To be widowed was always a tragedy, but it was especially heartbreaking when one truly loved their deceased husband.
For that was the only reason Penelope could have chosen Henry over the Officer. She must have truly loved Henry with all her heart to have been unmoved by such beautiful words.
And that must be why Penelope had hidden the letters away. She could not bear to see them, knowing she could not return the Officer’s love.
A tragedy all around. Not only did she have to break the Officer’s heart, but she also did not have long with her beloved Henry.
“Mrs. Mortimer is known as Mrs. Selkirk now,” Lady Mount informed her. “She married again a few years ago, which is good luck for us.”
“How is that?” Hannah wondered.
“Lady A writes that Mr. Selkirk has a house here in Town. In Belgrave Square, as a matter of fact, where they have been residing since the beginning of the season.”
“To think Penelope has been so close all this time! I must find some way to return the letters to her!” Hannah exclaimed. “Oh, Lady Mount, we must write to her to remind her of your acquaintance.”
“Do not fret, Mrs. L. I have already notified my staff that we are to host a dinner party. You shall receive your invitation in due course, as will Mr. and Mrs. Selkirk. You will be able to return the letters then.”
“You must invite Lady Rothsay and her charges,” Hannah said. “Oh, and Miss Barlow. They have all helped in their own ways with solving the mystery. They deserve to be there.”
“Of course,” Lady Mount said. “Add as many guests as you like to the invite list. We must pad the numbers, so it is not too obvious that the party is for Mrs. Selkirk. It might frighten the woman to know we are all there for her.”
Hannah laughed. “Yes, it shall be difficult to find a way to approach her about it.”
And how would Mrs. Selkirk react to the letters? They did not know why she had hidden the letters.
Excitement washed over her, drowning the last bit of sadness that lingered in her. A dinner party was just the thing that would liven her up, particularly one with the infamous Miss P, who might finally answer all of Hannah’s questions about the letters.
But would Penelope be willing to answer her questions? She was desperate to understand why Penelope had made her choice, but would she get her answers? If Penelope had married Henry and hid the Officer’s letters in the wall, she had obviously wanted to forget.
Would she be upset to be confronted with the letters? Would she refuse to speak to Hannah after that?
Although, what if, by some unfortunate turn of events, Mrs. Selkirk had come to believe that those letters had been lost, perhaps misplaced or even stolen? Hannah could provide her with both relief and a cherished memento.
Although considering that she had married Mr. Mortimer, she might not see the letters as a happy memory. What if she had read the Officer’s confession and returned his feelings but had reasons why she must marry Henry? Presenting the letters from her doomed love could be quite upsetting.
Then there was the possibility that she had hidden the letters to banish them from her life. She might have been offended by the Officer’s feelings for her, believing he was betraying his brother with his confession. She might be disgusted once again if Hannah gave them to her.
Whatever her story, Hannah was certain it was not the romantic fairy tale she had hoped for when she first read the letters. The fact was that in the end Penelope had not chosen the Officer and it must have left him broken-hearted.
A wave of anger at Penelope washed through her with such a sudden onset, Hannah’s whole body quaked.
How could she do that to such a kind and loving man? The Officer was the picture of devotion! He was everything a woman should want in a husband!
A profound empathy for the Officer welled up, extinguishing her earlier excitement. A heaviness settled upon her shoulders, as if an invisible weight had been placed upon her. It was not right that he had fallen in love with someone who could not love him back.
“Mrs. L, are you well?”
Hannah started, lost completely in her thoughts, and found Lady Mount staring at her with concern.
“Yes, of course, Lady Mount. I was only thinking about the poor Officer. My heart hurts for him that Penelope did not choose him.”
Lady Mount nodded in understanding. “It is always sad when you think of the loves that could have been. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that the one you love will love you back.”
Hannah wondered at that. She had always believed in the idea of soulmates and Fate. Yet the Officer loving Penelope contradicted all of that. How could you one someone if they were not one’s soulmate?
It could not be that what the Officer felt for Penelope was not real love. The love he had for her in his letters would be evident to even a blind man.
Was it possible that the heart was capable of loving more than one person? She did not want to think of the Officer with no love in his life. If love was finite, then he had lived all these decades alone with a broken heart, wanting only Penelope and never having her. How awful.
No, love could not be finite. Soulmates could not be the only love one could have. Not everyone loved only once in their lifetimes and never again. If the Officer loved once, he could love again.
That lifted her spirits despite it being the end of the fantastical romantic idea of only one fated love for everyone that she had believed in for so long.
Strange. She felt as if she was slowly shedding her na?ve fantasies and learning the real world was much more nuanced than she once thought. The alteration of her beliefs should leave her unsettled, but she was realizing it was not a bad thing at all.
She only wished Simon was here so she could thank him for showing her the real world.
Soon. He would be home soon, and she could tell him all the new things she had learned.
***
Simon entered the Lockwood drawing room where Camden and Theo were already waiting on him. They were both dressed for dinner, the golden embroidery on Camden’s waistcoat matching the colour of Theo’s satin dinner dress. Her dark hair was the perfect contrast to Camden’s golden blond as their heads bent together, speaking in low voices. Camden’s hand lingered on the small of her back, a protective gesture that Theo appeared to welcome as her body leaned into his.
They were perfectly in sync with one another and Simon marvelled at the fact that neither one of them had wanted to marry the other.
It had been an arranged marriage made by their loathsome fathers when they were merely children. Forced together out of obligation and a touch of blackmail, Camden and Theo had made their marriage work.
Not only that, they had fallen in love.
How fortunate for both Camden and Rothsay that they both fallen in love within the confines of their marriages. Neither one of them had anticipated it, but love had found them. They were a stark contrast to Simon, who had the misfortune of falling in love with his wife but discovering it was not meant to be years before they ever married.
No, the only thing that was meant to be was Simon being a pathetic joke. He was a man in love with his wife while she was in love with a ghost. A pathetic joke, indeed.
Well, that was not a subject to dwell on tonight. He was determined to put on a smile and show his companions that he was indeed perfectly fine.
“Good evening,” he bid to his friends, who immediately ceased their whispers to greet him.
“Did you find the mill progressing as you expected?” Theo asked him.
“I am quite impressed by the progress. I had thought we would need at least two years before we could begin production, but I would not be surprised if we are up and running sometime next year,” Simon said. “The mill is certain to revive the entire community when it opens. And with the railway sure to extend north in the coming years, it could transform the county itself. You have done well here, Camden.”
Simon clapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder to emphasize how proud he was, but Camden merely stared at him, unblinking.
“Why are you hiding from your wife?”
Apparently, Theo’s predisposition for bluntness had rubbed off on her husband.
“I do not know what you mean,” Simon deflected, but Camden was undeterred.
“Theo and I have discussed it, and determined that hiding from your wife is the only plausible reason you would come all this way. It will be much easier for all of us if you simply admit the reason why, so we can get to the heart of the matter.”
Simon shook his head in frustration. “It is not—”
Camden’s hand settled heavy on his shoulder and Simon stared into his friend’s eyes, solemn and sincere. It seemed odd. He had only ever seen those ice-blue eyes full of humour and teasing. It was arresting to find his more frivolous friend so serious. “Langley, you are among friends. Simply be honest and say why.”
Had he delivered it with his usual teasing, Simon could have bluffed Camden, but his sincerity broke down all his defenses.
“You know why,” Simon huffed out.
“Ah yes,” Camden lamented, with a sad nod of his head. “Unrequited love can be painful, or so I’ve heard.”
Simon rolled his eyes as Theo gave Camden a swat on his shoulder.
“Yes, Camden,” Simon replied dryly. “Everyone has always adored you and your love has never been unrequited.”
“No, that is not what I meant,” Camden said. “What I meant was that I have no experience with unrequited love as before I married my Theo, I never truly loved anyone.”
Theo gazed up at his husband, her face alight with adoration, mirroring the warmth in Camden’s devoted smile and shining eyes. The nauseating perfection of the couple made Simon’s stomach churn.
“I do not know why I thought coming here would be an escape from my misery,” Simon muttered to himself.
“I do not know either,” Camden shot back. “You have long known my opinion on the matter of your feelings for Hannah Talbot. You are a coward and you have always been a coward.”
“Ewan!” Theo gasped. “Do not call him that.”
“Why not? It is true. He has always been too scared to voice his feelings. He would never take the risk of telling her how he felt for fear of rejection.”
Theo turned to Simon with a frown. “Is it true that you have never conveyed your feelings to her in all these years?”
“It was always understood that she would marry our neighbour John. By the time I was old enough to realize what I felt for her, she was already in love with him. There was no point in telling her when I knew what her answer would be. Camden is right. I am a coward. She would have never seen me again if I confessed, and I did not want to lose her. Being her friend was better than never seeing her again.”
“But what about after?” Theo asked. “I do not mean to be indelicate, but did John not die?”
Simon nodded. “And that is the rub. It is difficult to compete with the dead.”
“No, it is not. It is quite easy. The dead are gone, never to come back. It should not be a competition at all,” Theo said.
“It is not like that. Not for Hannah. John died, but her love for him never did. She was content to spend her life alone, mourning him. That is how devoted she is to his memory. She would still be off mourning him if her father had not tried to force her to marry someone else. In fact, the only reason she is married to me is because she was pushed to action by the idea of being forced out of her lifetime of mourning John. She has no designs on me beyond seeing me as her childhood companion, who is now, unfortunately, her husband.”
“I still think you should tell her,” Theo said. “You owe your wife honesty.”
“And that honesty will make for an awkward and uncomfortable home to live in.”
“That is only if the worst happens,” Camden pointed out. “What if the best happens, and she says she loves you?”
“I never took you for flights of fancy,” Simon scoffed at his friend. “Besides, I do not want to burden her with my feelings. That is the real reason I am here. She has been suffering a crisis of conscience. She feels that she has made herself into the person others wanted her to be rather than who she is in her soul. She wants to discover who she really is. I have given her the space to do that.”
It was Theo who scoffed now. “Well, that is the most foolish thing I have ever heard of! One does not discover who they are by being alone. That can only be discovered in relation to others. How one treats both strangers and friends. How one behaves when confronted with kindness and with anger. Who we are is reflected in the eyes of those who know us. Being alone, being isolated, it is impossible to see oneself. I speak from experience.”
Simon considered what she said, reflecting on his own life. Every significant person in his life had fundamentally changed him. He would not be who he was without their impact on him.
Rothsay, Camden, Sarah, Talbot, Cat, Theo, even the Bellas and Mr. Spring-Rice. They had come into his life and each changed him in their own ways, from offering him friendship and family to laughter and a future at Westminster.
And then there was Hannah, whose influence had most shaped him.
She had been there to keep him company when he was an orphan in a new home, to hold him as he cried, to show him he would never be alone. She had been a faithful companion in childhood. His greatest love in adulthood. She had taught him love and heartbreak and longing and desire.
There was no escaping the influence the important people in one’s life had. Simon had merely used the idea that Hannah needed to be alone as an excuse to run away because he was hurt that she had claimed him as a friend.
He had abandoned her as she struggled to find herself and all for his wounded pride.
It was time for him to tell her the truth. Both of them had reached a crossroads in their lives and he needed to tell her how he felt so he could know once and for all which path they would take going forward.
“You are right, Theo. Thank you for forcing me to see sense.”
“Is my wife not the smartest woman in the world?” Camden’s smile was one of pride and adoration as he wrapped an arm around his wife. “I bet you wish you had written to her for advice before coming all this way. You would have saved yourself the long journey here.”
“And the equally long journey home,” Theo added. “Which I assume you intend to begin first thing in the morning.”
Indeed, it was time to go home.