Chapter 16
AXEL
“Daddy! Daddy! Santa was here! Hurry! Mr. Tanner, hurry!”
Phoebe stood in the doorway, bouncing like a monkey in the wild.
I blinked awake and sat up, automatically glancing at the empty space where Tanner had slept.
The sheets were cold. But he was very conscientious about not wanting to explain an adult sleepover to my five-year-old.
He’d probably slipped out of bed to make coffee.
“Santa, eh? Give me two seconds and I’ll be right there,” I said in a sleep-graveled voice.
I put on a plaid flannel shirt and jeans and stumbled into the living area, smiling at Phee’s excitement as she checked tags on the gifts under the tree.
“I have a present for you, Daddy.”
“You do?” I peeked in the kitchen.
No coffee. No sign of Tanner at all.
“Yep. I made it myself. And I made one for Mr. Tanner, too. Where is he?”
I had no idea. “I…don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” she asked with a wisdom far beyond her years.
“Uh…” I dodged the question by turning on the Christmas tree lights and slipping away to make a cup of joe.
I checked my cell, but there were no texts from Tanner.
Armed with coffee, I returned to the living room and urged Phoebe to dive into her presents.
The ballerina doll she’d asked Santa for, a few books, a paint set, and a brand-new bicycle with training wheels that I’d used an entire roll of wrapping paper to cover.
Her excitement reached maximum peak levels with every rip and tear.
She wanted to play with the doll, read her books, paint a picture, learn how to ride a bike… everything all at once.
Chuckling, I scooped her in my arms and tickled her. “Merry Christmas, sweet girl. How about if we get dressed and go see Hazel and her calf?”
“You have to open my present first. I wish Mr. Tanner was here too.”
Me too. “We’ll find him.”
“Okay. This is for you.”
The small tissue-wrapped gift fit in the palm of my hand. I praised her wrapping skills, wondered aloud what it could possibly be, and grinning at her attempts to help move the process along.
“No, no. I’m opening this one all by myself,” I chided. “Maybe it’s a new hat, a bowling ball, a—”
“It’s a orbanent. For the tree,” Phee announced.
“I love it! It’s—” I paused, unable to speak around the grapefruit lodged in my throat.
“Me and you…and that’s Mr. Tanner.”
Indeed.
She’d painted two men wearing cowboy hats and herself in the middle, holding their hands. The drawing was something more than stick figures, yet not quite a Rembrandt. It was a treasure. Another memory.
“I love it,” I choked out.
Phoebe gave me a bear hug and twenty kisses, then hopped to the tree to wade through the mess of discarded paper. “I made one for Mr. Tanner. We have to find him and—oh, look! This is for you. It has your name on it. Open it, Daddy.”
My pulse ratcheted into hyperdrive. I knew the handwriting on the tag affixed to the little square box.
Tanner.
Why would he leave a gift? Why wouldn’t he give it to me personally? Why wasn’t he here?
“I should wait to—”
“Open it! He wants you to open it,” she cheered enthusiastically.
I caved, untied the ribbon, peeled off the snowflake-embossed paper, and lifted the lid of the black box. Inside were two pairs of socks–one with cowboy boots and the other with cows—and a small envelope. I pulled out a piece of paper…and a key.
“The key to Oak Ridge. Keep it with you wherever you go, and know you’ll always have a home here. Love, Tanner.”
The grapefruit was a damn cantaloupe now. I stuck the key into my pocket and did my best to act normal for my curious kid.
I wanted nothing more than to call him or better yet, run to his house and ask what this meant, but I was a dad with Christmas-morning responsibilities. I fed Phoebe, reminded her that we had plans to see Hazel, then messaged Josh to meet me at the barn with his kids.
Forty-five minutes later, we oohed and ahhhed over the adorable calf and his beautiful mama. The kids were in awe, instantly in love with the calf. They wanted to name him and had dozens of interesting ideas. Barney, Billy, Chip, no…Chocolate Chip.
I smiled along, feeling more and more agitated with every passing second.
Merry Christmas. Are you around?
We’re at the barn. Meet us here?
Are you with your family? Call me.
Silence.
I couldn’t wait anymore. I had to see Tanner. Now.
“Josh, can I leave Phee with you for half an hour? I need to—I have to—”
“Go. Take your time. It’s Christmas.”
Christmas.
I raced out of the barn, and I could have sworn I saw a large man in a red track suit who looked just like that Santa from the Christmas Light Show in the distance. I blinked and he was gone. Strange. I didn’t give it a second thought.
I adjusted my Stetson as I power-walked, then ran. I didn’t know where to look first…his house, his brother’s house? Yeah, that was probably it. He was with his family and had turned off his cell and—
No.
There he was.
Tanner led a horse from the stables, his hat hung low over his face. Like me, he was dressed in jeans, the collar of his plaid shirt visible under his khaki jacket. He could have stepped out of a Western movie—the solitary man and his horse on a misty Christmas morning.
I squeezed the key in my pocket and raced toward him. “Tanner!”
He stopped and offered a tepid imitation of a grin. “Good morning. I—”
“What is this?” I held up the key, my heart pounding against my ribcage.
His smile turned sad and faded quickly. “Just a reminder, that’s all. I want you to know that you’re welcome here…always. You’ve got plans, and I respect that. I have no doubt you’ll be the best vet that Texas ranch has ever seen, and…I’m happy for you. I don’t want to hold you back or—”
“Hold me back?” I tore my hat off and scratched my head, my blood rushing between my ears like a freight train whistling into a station at full speed…
What if, what if…
What if I didn’t have to prove anything? What if I could just…be happy? What if this was the magic that Santa had promised me? Clarity, surrender, hope.
“You know what I mean,” he continued. “I don’t want to—”
“Stop. Don’t—just let me tell you…” I pursed my lips and blurted, “I love you.”
His fingers slipped on the reins. “You love me?”
“Yes. I love you, and I want to be with you. Here…if you’ll have me.
Us.” I paced away from him, hat in hand as a new world of possibilities opened.
“And I’m ready to quit running. Twenty-year-old crimes can stay in the grave.
I’ve done my mourning. They say happiness is the best revenge anyway.
And damn it…you make me happy, Tanner. You. ”
Tanner dropped the horse’s reins and crashed his mouth to mine, crushing my hat. I didn’t care. I took him in my arms and held tightly.
He came up for air, his eyes bright and sunny. “I love you too, Axe. Stay with me. You and Phoebe. Make this home.”
“You’re home, Tanner. You. I want to wake up next to you every morning, and spend every day loving you. Starting now.”
“On Christmas Day,” he said in a dreamy voice.
“Merry Christmas, cowboy.”
I held his face in my hands and kissed him again, pouring everything I had into the connection.
And just like that, the stars aligned, the world came into focus, and hope and joy filled the cracks and crevices in my battered soul. This was the peace, this was a beginning, this was everything I’d thought I’d find after I slayed my old demons.
In a twist, it wasn’t karma that brought joy. It wasn’t timely retribution or justice finally getting her due.
No, it was love. Always love.
And a little holiday magic never hurt.