Chapter 15 Tanner
TANNER
Iwoke in the middle of the night, panicky and disoriented. Axel stirred in his sleep, immediately anchoring me. It was Christmas Day. Lila and Gordy were with Jax, Hazel’s calf had been delivered safely, presents were wrapped under the tree—except one.
My eyes adjusted in the dark well enough to make out the curve of Axel’s shoulders, his strong jaw, and full lips. I was overcome with a feeling of helplessness, sadness, and affection all bundled in a complicated mess of human frailty.
My vision blurred as I slipped out of bed and got dressed. I pressed my fingertips to my lips and touched Axel’s brow before moving to the threshold, my heart clenched like a fist in my chest in pain…and longing.
I shrugged my jacket on, shoved a hand into my pocket, and pulled out a small box. I left it under the tree, tucked toward the back and almost out of sight.
The Christmas morning air had a bite to it. I gently clicked the door shut, and gazed at the layer of frost on the pastures. It was beautiful. You could almost imagine a fat man dressed in red, guiding a sleigh-full of holiday promises onto the dew-covered grass.
I smiled wanly at the fanciful thought. I was too old to hope for help from the North Pole, for Christ’s sake. I was better off wishing on a star.
So I lifted my chin skyward and gave it a shot.
If Christmas wishes were a thing, I’d wish Axel could be mine. I’d wish we could have a shot at forever. I hadn’t wanted to be Rich’s husband, but I’d marry Axel in a heartbeat. I’d love nothing more than to be a family with him and Phoebe.
Improbable and hopeless though it might be, I’d wish for forever.