Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
ESTEE
L ater that evening, I finally convince Drea to go back to Orion, leaving me to have dinner alone—a moment of solitude I desperately need. The grilled chicken, fresh vegetables, and buttery rolls are a comfort, each bite easing the tension in my shoulders, leaving me with only the gentle hum of my thoughts.
After eating all of my dinner, I keep the candles that came with the food burning so that I can begin my healing-and-letting-go ceremony.
Nothing is physically wrong with me, but my mind and heart aren’t seeing things the same, and before I do anything else, I need clarity.
Staying at the small dining table with a piece of paper and pen in front of me, I take a moment to center myself, breathing in and out slowly until I can feel my mind and heart start to open. Only then do I list the beliefs that have plagued me since arriving here. Each statement, raw and unfiltered, spills onto the page like inked wounds.
1.King Theo is a lazy alpha
2.Something is wrong with Selaris
3.Theo can’t possibly be my mate, making him a liar
4.I don’t want a mate
This last one is the hardest to write, but I force the words out because if I don’t let go of this belief, I’m never going to know the truth, and that will be worse than any other possible outcome.
5.I’m better off alone
My hand trembles as I finish. There it is. My thoughts laid bare, confessions that feel both damning and liberating. I fold the paper in half, hold it close to my chest, and whisper, “I willingly let these beliefs go, with the intention of returning to an open mind about my future and the king of Selaris.”
I lift the paper to the flame above the pillar candle. The edge turns black before catching fire. Gently, I set it down on my empty plate, letting the flames devour my words. The parchment curls and dances before disintegrating entirely. Breathing deeply, I will the tension to release from my body.
The truth is, whatever secrets Theo holds don’t matter. Not really. I can’t control him or whatever forces are pulling the strings here. All I can control is myself. I need to let go of the outcome I’ve already decided on, trusting not only in my wolf’s intuition, but the Universe to guide me. And as much as I don’t want to trust Theo, I’ll have to extend him an olive branch if I’m going to get answers.
Seconds after the paper is gone, I feel lighter than I have since Isla first asked me to make this journey. This won’t solve all my problems, but it’s a step in the right direction, at least.
I don’t want to be spiteful or think I don’t belong here just because I’m afraid. I want to understand what’s happening and I want to feel good about whatever choice I make once I do.
Now, it’s time for me to do what I should’ve done hours ago—call my sister.
There’s a phone on the bedside table. I pick up the black receiver, and assuming it works like the one back home, I press zero for the switchboard, something we only need to use when calling outside our own territories.
“How may I assist you this evening, Princess Estee?” asks a sweet, elderly voice.
“Please connect me with the Polaris castle.”
“Of course, Your Highness.”
The line hums, and I wait patiently. After a few clicking noises, my sister’s voice shrieks through the receiver.
“I freaking told you so!” Isla’s breathless with excitement. “Tell me everything—unless you don’t have time, and if you don’t, that’s fine—but gods, Estee, I’m just so freaking happy for you.”
Well, this is going to be awkward.
“So, I take it you heard that King Theo announced me as his mate.” I try to keep my tone light and teasing.
I can practically hear her eyeroll by the huff she makes. “Everyone knows. It’s all anyone can talk about. Selaris hasn’t had a king and queen in centuries. Now, you’re going to be that queen.”
Her joy is almost infectious. For a moment, I wish this was a different conversation, one where I shared her excitement. But I need to tell her the truth. At least the pieces I do know right now.
“Listen—”
“What did you do?” Isla’s voice switches from excitement to sternness so quickly it almost makes me laugh.
Oh, she knows me so well.
“I might’ve played a part, but this isn’t all me,” I say earnestly. “I’m doing my best to keep an open mind now, but there’s something going on here.”
“Like what?” she presses, her voice lowering with concern.
I twist the cord attached to the phone between my fingers. “I don’t know, but let me start from the beginning, and you tell me what you think.”
I recount everything: arriving and seeing Elyn unexpectedly, being led to my own room with Drea, the brief and confusing flutter when I saw Theo for the first time, the confrontation in his office, and finally, the letting-go ceremony. I pour everything out, keeping nothing back.
“Holy hell, sis.” Isla exhales like she’s been holding her breath the entire time. “I don’t even know what to say except that I’m sorry I’m not there with you. I’ll get on the next ship and?—”
I stop her right there. “I’ve got this. You’re a newly crowned queen, and you’ve only just gotten Asher back. Enjoy this time. Stay with the pack. I promise to let you know if I feel like things are getting out of hand.”
“I don’t like that you’re by yourself, though,” she says with a huff. “Maybe I’ll send Declan. I’d ask Noen, but we still haven’t heard from him and?—”
“I have Drea,” I say before she can spiral over our childhood best friend who took off after wrongly being blamed for our murders. “If she’s not enough, you’ll be my first call, but let me figure out if my resistance is the biggest problem here or if the staff is right and there’s something off with Theo.”
She tries to apologize, but I don’t want to hear anything of the sort. “I love you, Isla. That’s all that matters. I’ll be fine.”
Silence stretches between us then she speaks softly, earnestly. “You will be fine. You always have been. I’m so proud of you, Estee. You’re strong—mind and body. You’re brave, and you’re kind, and you have so much love to give.”
A chuckle escapes me, though it’s tinged with something raw. “I don’t know about the ‘kind’ part.”
“I do,” Isla insists. “Look at how you befriended Drea. You could have sent her to be with the others, but you kept her close and are still trying to protect her. You have the biggest heart even if you’re afraid to share it with people who might hurt you if you allow them fully in.”
And that’s the crux of it, isn’t it? Letting someone in. Opening myself up to be left scarred. Regardless of whatever Theo’s secrets are, if I let him in, if I accept that he could be my mate, and then everything falls apart… That’s a kind of pain I don’t want to face.
“Thank you,” I murmur, leaning back against the bedframe and closing my eyes. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“That’s right,” she replies softly. “No matter what, you’re an incredible person with so much to offer. Nothing and no one can take that away from you. Just remember, I’m only a phone call and ship ride away. And if Theo hurts you, well, Asher will tear him to pieces, because anything that hurts you hurts me. You’re not alone, Estee.”
Tears burn in my eyes and my throat aches with the pressure of my emotions, but I manage to get off the phone without my sister knowing how out of sorts I really am.
I take a few extra moments to let myself feel the importance of this situation before I rein in my pain. The need to escape nearly overwhelms me. The walls feel like they’re closing in, whispering thoughts I don’t want to hear. I need air, and I need to be anywhere but inside. I push myself to my feet, then go to the wardrobe, hastily putting a long jacket over the silk pajamas I’d changed into before dinner. Black flats slip easily onto my feet, and I head to the exit.
The door swings shut behind me with a faint click, and the silence of the castle wraps around me once I’m in the hallway. There’s a stillness in the air, heavy and old, as if this place is holding its breath, waiting for some long-forgotten secret to surface. My shoes tap lightly on the stone floors as I walk down the corridor, each sound echoing like a question I’m trying to ignore. The halls are dark except for the occasional flickering torch, and the castle feels like a maze of shadows, hiding passageways and doors I have no interest in uncovering right now.
I pass ornate paintings of past kings, their eyes following me as I move, judging. There’s no life in these faces, only history and expectation. Heavy curtains line the walls, their fabric rippling as I rush past. In a different mood, I might have paused to study the intricate designs woven into their depths—the ancient stories of Selaris hidden in thread—but tonight I have no patience for anything that reminds me of Theo’s kingdom.
I quicken my pace, the air growing colder as I descend a stone staircase. I have no clear path in mind, only a desperate need to be outside to rid myself of the ache in my skin and bones. Around me, the castle shifts from grand hallways to more utilitarian spaces. Rougher walls, older beams. Everything feels less polished, more real and raw. There’s a freedom in it that I crave—a place that hasn’t been forced into being something it’s not.
At last, I find a door that leads outdoors. As I push it open, the night air hits me like a rush of icy water. It’s bracing and cleansing, filling my lungs with the smell of damp earth and pine, a scent so different from the castle’s stifling stone walls. The twin moons, both bright and silver, hang heavy in the sky, bathing the castle grounds in an ethereal light. The grass beneath my feet is soft, and for a moment, I just stand there, allowing the earth to ground me as the breeze whispers through my hair, over my heated skin.
I let out a long breath, and as I do, my wolf stirs within me, her presence urgent and strong. It’s not like I can ignore her—not now. I pull my focus inward, and without a second thought, I release her, encouraging the shift to come.
In mere seconds, my bones crack, muscles contort, and my vision sharpens as I fall onto my hands and knees. My senses expand as my body reshapes itself, and then I’m there—my wolf, my truest self. The world comes alive in ways my human form could never perceive: the flutter of a bird’s wing miles away, the scurrying of small creatures in the underbrush, the gentle rustle of the trees as they sway in the wind. Every sound is louder, every smell more potent. And then there’s the castle itself—an unwelcome presence behind me, looming like a weight pressing down on my furred back.
But here, outside, under the warmth of the moons, I’m free.
I run, paws digging into the earth as I dart across the grounds, heading for the tree line just beyond the castle. The cool night air rushes against my thick coat, and with every stride, my mind clears a little more. My wolf lets out a triumphant howl, a sound that slices through the night and makes the castle seem small and insignificant. This is what I need to let go of all the expectations and fears clouding my thoughts.
My wolf senses my confusion, my doubt, and I feel her response—protective and certain. She doesn’t understand why I’m fighting this so hard. To her, even the glimmer of a connection to Theo is enough. It doesn’t matter if the bond isn’t perfect. She sensed the something , and that was that.
But for me, for my mind, this is all terrifying. And I can’t help but wonder if she’s wrong—if whatever temporary draw we felt is merely a trick.
I run faster, pushing myself through the tall grass until the castle is far behind me, nothing more than a shadow on the horizon. The forest opens for me like a welcoming embrace. The scents of pine and earth nearly overwhelm my nose as I weave through the trees, dodging branches, leaping over fallen logs. My wolf’s joy is infectious, her exhilaration at being free spreads through me like wildfire. There’s no room for thoughts here, no space for doubt—only the run, the feeling of being alive, of every muscle burning with exertion, every heartbeat pounding in time with the rhythm of the forest around me.
The world blurs into streaks of green, black, and silver, the light of the moons filtering through the shadows and leaves above. For this moment, at least, there’s no Theo, no confusion, no mate bond that feels broken. There’s just the outdoors and the wild abandon of the run.
I finally slow to a stop, breathless, chest heaving. I stand in a small clearing, the moons bright overhead, their glow cascading down and bathing everything in a shimmering light. My wolf’s energy hums around us, her joy mingling with my own exhaustion. For a heartbeat, I let myself bask in the beauty of the evening, in the cool breeze moving through my fur.
Her low rumble reminds me that I don’t have to be afraid, that I can take the euphoria of this freedom she’s just shown me and bring that back to the castle with me. I don’t have to fight the unknown. At least not yet.
I can be free no matter what answers I find.
Giving the moons and stars another longing gaze, my wolf howls into the air, her cry filling me with strength until there’s no more room for fear.
Tomorrow, I’ll speak with Theo.
Tomorrow, I’ll do my best to trust the fates and the spirit inside me.
Tomorrow will be better.
It has to be.