Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
THEO
T he thundering in my chest makes my legs shake as I struggle to make it back to my desk. Estee’s presence does something to me I’ve never experienced in all my lives. Her scent, rich and sweet, brings my wolf prowling to the forefront of my mind. And those eyes—the way they softened when she looked at me for those few moments, completely unguarded—it was like the sun breaking through darkened clouds.
For the briefest second, the bond between us flared, and I saw a glimpse of what could be: a world with no shadows, no underhanded deals, no secrets. Just the two of us—bound, whole. My wolf felt it too, and for that sliver of time, everything was right. And then…it shattered. Estee’s gaze hardened, her walls went back up, and I was left scrambling for words that suddenly felt too small.
I manage to sit behind my desk, steadying my breathing. I’m desperate to ask if she felt the same, but I already know what she’ll say. Her defenses are like steel, impenetrable and unforgiving.
“I didn’t expect to see you so soon,” I offer lamely, every word tasting like ash.
It’s a poor attempt at beginning a conversation but also the truth. I thought she would avoid me, not seek me out first thing this morning. Unless she’s changed her mind, and she’s not giving me the day to convince her to stay.
Panic claws at my chest, and I grip my thighs beneath my desk. I have to keep control of myself before I lose her completely. I know this, but it doesn’t make my mind stop racing.
“And I didn’t expect to be greeted by a sixteen-year-old handmaiden,” she fires back. “What’s going on here, Theo? Why are children working in your castle?” Her voice is cold, sharp as broken glass, and I can’t meet her eyes.
I look away, shame creeping up my neck like a noose. As Alpha King, I should know the answer to that question, but I don’t. Something that’s unacceptable on more levels than I can analyze right now. “I’m sorry, Es?—”
“Don’t you dare tell me that you’re sorry. What about Keera? The child who woke up today thankful to have a job she shouldn’t need if this pack was being run as it should be?” Tears glisten in Estee’s golden eyes, but they never fall. “How many more are out there just like her?”
“I don’t know,” I admit ashamedly. “I’ve been an absent ruler. I know more than anyone else that I don’t deserve the crown I wear, but you’ve woken a part of me that I thought lost long ago. I’m going to be better. For you and for the kingdom. I promise.”
Rage simmers beneath the surface of her vibrant presence, but I can’t tell if that anger is at me or because of what Selaris has become. Worse, I’m too cowardly to ask.
Estee stares down at me, and my wolf rises to the surface, no longer allowing me to wallow in disgrace. He pushes my alpha power through the room, and I see the moment that she feels my strength. She blinks several times and her shoulders tremble ever so slightly.
“I want to make it clear that while I still expect explanations, I’m not staying here for you, Theo. Instead, I’ll be remaining in your kingdom for the people. I have no choice after all I’ve seen. These shifters need help, and if you can’t do it, someone else has to.”
Her words rush over me, but all I can focus on is the fact that she’s not leaving. The relief is profound, yet I know I can’t show it. Not when she’s just admitted she’s not truly staying for me. At least not yet. I have a fighting chance to change that, though.
“Thank you for giving me a chance,” I tell her, but that must not be the right thing to say because she scoffs and turns her back on me.
“You clearly haven’t been listening to anything I’ve said. I don’t know why I expected anything more after being summoned here.”
My wolf breaks through the fragile hold I’ve kept on him, and his snarl echoes through the room. I move toward Estee’s retreating form without a second thought. My inner beast is in full control, and there’s little I can do to stop him now. Not when our mate has basically been rejecting us since our first interaction.
“Stop.”
I’m not sure if the word comes from me or my wolf, but either way, urgency claws at me as she reaches for the doorknob.
Before I can fully process what I’m doing, I wrap my hand around her wrist, pulling her back toward me. Her mouth twists in shock and fury, and I know I’ve gone too far, but I can’t seem to let go.
Her chest collides with mine as I pull her further from the door. The heat of her body, the pounding of her heart sear into my memory as I keep her close, momentarily forgetting that I’m not supposed to be touching her like this.
A warning rumble echoes from her chest, clearing my head. I take control of my movements, start to back away, but she reaches up to grip my throat. “Touch me without my permission again, and it might be the last thing you do. Are we clear?”
Her threat is real and I should heed it, but I don’t flinch. Instead, I lean in, our faces inches apart, my voice a steady thrum. “You might think you know me, but you have no idea what I’ve been through or why this kingdom is the way it is.”
Her laughter is cold and dark. “The why of this whole mess becomes less important to me each time we speak. The only thing I care about now is making sure the people are taken care of.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to do!” I don’t mean to yell directly in her face, but I’m so damn frustrated that I can’t hold back any longer.
The weight of hiding from everyone, of being threatened and tricked, has become too much to bear on my own. Estee is supposed to be my mate, my partner, the one person in all the worlds I can trust and depend on. Even if she doesn’t see that in me, I’m desperate to have that from her.
“I’ve sacrificed in ways that would make most crumble,” I continue, every inch of me rigid with anguish. “I’ve lost everything, even things I didn’t know I had to lose. But you’re right, Estee. The pack deserves better, and I haven’t been that for them since taking over, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. Everything I have and haven’t done is because I care too damn much.”
She releases the hold on my neck but surprisingly doesn’t step back even though I’ve also let go of her wrist. “Then why is your kingdom failing its people? Why are there children with no families, without enough food to keep them strong?”
“Because I haven’t been enough.” The words sound as pathetic leaving my mouth as they feel reeling through my mind. “I thought I could have a second chance. I thought I could keep everyone safe, but I’ve always been ten steps behind, and now is no different, but I’m going to change that. I’m going to find a way to make all this better.”
Estee watches my face closely, her arms crossed as her foot taps softly on the floor. She says nothing for too many heated seconds and when she finally looks away, it takes every ounce of my strength to not grab her face and make her see the truth in my eyes that I can’t find the will to share with words.
“What do you mean by ‘a second chance’?” she asks, this time without as much malice. “Were you a king in a previous life as well?”
Even though it was only a few years ago that I was called alpha, it certainly feels like another lifetime. Not because I’ve been able to forget that time, but because so much has happened since. Watching my mother take her final breath, seeing our homes burn to the ground, thinking I found an ally, only to realize I’d been tricked into a future that was nothing I could’ve imagined.
“I was something,” I tell Estee. “I had a small pack, people to care for, and they all died on my watch. I tried to avenge them, but…”
I can’t tell her more. I’ve already said too much. If Estee finds out the truth before she feels the mate bond, I fear she’ll never accept me. There has to be a way to keep her close and end this nightmare before I truly do lose everything.
“But what?” Estee presses, putting her focus back on my face. “How did you get to this point, Theo? If you expect me to believe you’re worth my time and not better off meeting the end of a sword, you need to give me something.”
“I’m your mate,” I say, hating the way she shakes her head.
“It’s not enough. Not like this.”
I know what she means and she’s right, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to fight to change her mind.
“This morning, I went with Jerome to the town center,” I tell her. “I promised them that things would be better, and I meant every word. I’m going to make changes, and I’m going to find a way to make all this mean something. You don’t have to believe me. In fact, I hope you don’t, because then maybe you’ll stay long enough to make sure I follow through on my promises and long enough to see that there’s more between us than you’ve yet to feel.”
She looks away from me, out toward the window that oversees the royal courtyard. “I’m going to stay and make sure the shifters here are taken care of, but I promise you nothing more than that. You’re still not telling me everything. Mate bond or not, if I can’t trust you, what’s the point?”
My wolf howls inside my mind, the sound ricocheting through me.
“You’re right,” I tell her then take a risk I probably shouldn’t after her earlier threat. I cup her face. “I’m going to be better. For the people of Selaris, for the future I still hope to have, and for you. But most importantly, so I can one day find myself worthy of the strength you’ve shown me.”
When she doesn’t immediately pull away, I decide to step back first. I want her to know that I respect her need for space, that I understand none of this is normal, but most of all, I want her to know that I won’t give up.
I might’ve been ready to do so before finding her, but death no longer seems like the only way out of this mess. Not when I still have hope that there’s a chance for me to have Estee in all the ways I’ve yet to discover.
Estee is mine. This kingdom, even if it never should’ve been, is mine. My future is mine.
All the twisted threats be damned.
“We shall see about that…”