Chapter Fifty-Six
“Lia?”
I opened my eyes slowly. The first thing I noticed was that I wasn’t cold anymore. The second, that I was dry.
The third? That I was outside, lying in a field of flowers.
I sat up and looked to my right. “Maia?”
She smiled brightly at me. “Welcome.”
“Does this . . . mean I’m dead?”
“Yes.”
That was not the answer I’d hoped for. I got up slowly, expecting to be injured, but nothing hurt.
I felt . . . good.
Maia walked over to me and held out her arms. I hugged her. “I never thought I’d see you again.”
“Didn’t I tell you that I’d always be here for you? You are my favorite acolyte, after all.” That made me smile.
She released me and I asked, “Where are we?”
“Think of it as a world beyond our world.”
“That didn’t really answer my question.”
“Always so curious,” she said, tilting her head in amusement, and I realized she wasn’t going to give me more details.
“That curiosity has helped. We’ve had to figure out so many things on our own.”
“I know,” she said with a nod. “I can’t tell you how foolish I feel now. To find out that we could have had magic at the temple. Women carry the seeds of life within us, have an ability to nurture and create. Of course the goddess’s power was always meant to be ours.”
Confirmation wasn’t necessary, but it was nice to hear. Maia speaking of when she’d still been alive dredged up some guilty feelings.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to save you and your niece,” I said, the words sticking in my throat. I would always feel guilty that I hadn’t been able to help the women of the temple.
“Everything has happened the way it was supposed to,” she said. “We are both very happy here. Free from pain, from death, from sickness. Living with our loved ones for all eternity.”
“So is that what happens to me now? You’re here to escort me to my family?”
“Your grandmother is here, and I could take you to see her. Or . . .” She turned to the right and a door suddenly appeared. “You could go through the door and see what waits for you there.”
I was about to ask what was beyond the door but saw from her expression that she wouldn’t be forthcoming. I would have to go on faith if that was what I decided.
“Which do you choose?” she asked.
“The door.” There was no way I could spend eternity not knowing what was behind the door. It would have eaten away at me.
“I’m not at all surprised.”
She stayed put, and I didn’t know if there was something else or if I could go through the door. “So I just . . .”
“Yes. Walk through the door.”
I hugged her again, not knowing if this would be the last time. “Thank you for everything.”
“I’m so proud of you, Lia. I told you that you were capable of greatness. My faith in you was justified. Remember who you are and who you serve.”
“I’ve tried,” I said.
She took a step back and gestured toward the door. Gathering all my strength, I walked through the meadow until I stood in front of the door. I put my hand on the latch and turned it.
“Send Antiope my love!” Maia called out just before I walked through. I was about to ask her why she’d said that, but I was pulled through the door, as if by some unseen, giant hand.
It disoriented me, and I took a moment to get my bearings.
I was still in the meadow.
But instead of Maia, the goddess herself stood in front of me.
“Euthalia,” she said with a smile so beautiful that I wanted to weep. She was so tall, her long golden hair hanging down to her feet. Her bright green eyes seemed to shine, her skin luminescent.
Her mouth had never moved before when I had seen her in my dreams. All her words had been in my mind. But she was speaking with me as one person would with another.
“Yes, I did speak to you in your mind. Almost every internal voice that you’ve heard has been mine. Demaratus was the one who got through to you the easiest, so I used it most often.”
She had just read my mind. I supposed that shouldn’t have surprised me, and yet it did.
But she was a goddess. Her glory was overwhelming. She was so beautiful, so bright, so loving. I was torn between wanting to fall at her feet and worship her and running the other direction so that she wouldn’t see every dark thing I’d ever thought or done.
“Why didn’t you just speak to me as yourself?” I asked, trembling at the idea of addressing the goddess directly. “Tell me what I needed to do?”
“Because mortals have free will. I would never force you to do anything. The choice is always yours. You have a spark of the divine inside you that can lead you if you let it. But the gods are not allowed to directly interfere in the lives of mortals.”
From the stories I’d always been told, the goddess had certainly interfered. “You pulled Ajax into the earth and killed him.”
“Yes, I killed him in anger and I was punished for it. The council of gods constrained me for a thousand years. And while I was bound, my son couldn’t attack. We have rules.”
That explained why Caria was attacking now. Her son had been forced to wait. “What good is it being a goddess if you can’t do what you want?”
She laughed, and it was a musical sound that delighted my soul.
Then I realized that was why Lysimache had been able to do so many terrible things. She had said that when she cursed Locris, she could no longer feel the goddess.
“Yes,” Dea said. “I couldn’t protect my followers from what she chose to do. Mortals are allowed to make their choices, even when those choices hurt others. You can only know the sweet when you know the bitter.”
“You should have swallowed her into the earth, too.”
“Perhaps. Or perhaps I needed to let things play out to lead to this very moment.” She paused for a moment before adding, “And you should know that Ajax paid for his own crimes with his life. I never wanted any Locrian maiden to be harmed.”
I did know that. Lysimache had admitted as much. And I was also glad that I didn’t have some generational sin that I had to make up for. That the goddess had already taken her retribution on the person who deserved it.
Thinking about Lysimache and her crimes led me to thoughts about the eye and what had happened when I tried to fight Artemisia.
“When I faced Artemisia, why couldn’t I use my aspect? What happened?”
“My son’s iron soil negates my magic. And mine does the same—Artemisia has taken my eye, but my son has no dominion over it. He can’t draw power from it and neither can his followers, especially if they stand on the soil.”
The thing that gave them power prevented them from accessing a greater one. At least I could enjoy my afterlife knowing that Artemisia wouldn’t ever be able to use the eye.
“Why aren’t you asking me the question you most want to ask?” she inquired.
I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. “Which question?”
“The vow you took to me to remain celibate. You want to know whether that is something that I require for my followers.”
“Yes. Is it?”
“I would never deny any of my daughters the opportunity to love and to have a family of their own. It was always permitted that priestesses and acolytes could marry if they wished for it. Lysimache changed it to make sure that no one would fall pregnant.”
I recalled Lysimache’s words to me when I had questioned her. “Because she couldn’t risk them . . .”
Pregnant. She couldn’t risk them getting pregnant. Why would that matter?
The goddess answered my question. “Lysimache was pregnant when she cursed Locris. She used the power her baby gave her. She miscarried soon after, and she connected the two events. They had nothing to do with one another. It was only a sad coincidence. But she believed that the only way to restore Locris would be with someone who was pregnant. It might make it a bit easier, but for the right person, it would be unnecessary. The chosen savior has the power within her to bring the land back all by herself. You’ll just need the right words. ”
“Which are?” I prompted, hopefully.
“You already know them, and in this I cannot intervene.”
Goddess save me from the gods and their rules.
She laughed and said, “I heard that.”
I could feel my skin flushing. “So I could have . . . broken my vow and still remained worthy.”
“I would not hold you to a vow that I did not require of you. It was not something I asked for, and you gave it against your will. I would have my daughters find love and joy in relationships, if that is their desire.”
Which meant that I had held back for no reason. What a waste.
“Your worthiness was based solely on your heart. Your determination, your bravery, your perseverance, your kindness,” she added, rubbing salt in that particular wound.
“Does that mean I wouldn’t have had to keep my promise to you to reopen the temple in Locris?”
“That is different. Promises you freely offer are serious things,” she said. “You would want me to keep my promises to you, so I would expect you to do the same. But there was a way that you could have had everything. A different path to keep your promise.”
“And you’re not going to tell me what that is.”
Her lips twitched. “Correct.”
It didn’t matter now. I was dead. Even though I loved Xander, I might not have been allowed to have a life with him because of that promise. It made the love we had shared almost seem pointless.
The goddess’s mouth turned down slightly. “Love is never pointless. It is always the answer. It heals all, restores all, binds all. It is the greatest of gifts and you do not need to do anything to earn it. I give it to you freely because you are mine. And you have given your love to so many.”
“Not soon enough. I should have told him earlier.”
“He knows how much you love him. And you showed that love in the most meaningful way—you laid down your life for his.”
“I would do it again,” I told her. “A thousand times over.”
Her sweet smile returned. “I know you would. I know the woman you are, and you are so precious to me.”
My heart suddenly started to ache. I felt as if my soul were being tugged, pulled.
“That is your husband, calling you back to him. Begging me to let you go. He keeps saying ‘please.’”
“That doesn’t sound like Xander.”
“He has also threatened me several times if you do not return.”
“Oh. That’s definitely him,” I said, and she laughed again.
I rubbed my chest. Would I always feel this way? Would I not be happy until Xander had finished his life and joined me? Would I always long for him?
“Euthalia, did you know that I made him for you? You are the savior, and I had to create a mate who could protect you. Keep you from harm. Someone who could take your burdens as his own, wear your scars on his body. Your husband is that person. It’s why he’s goddess-blessed.”
Oh. That made my heart hurt worse. “Did you create me, too?”
“I knew that I needed a savior. Someone who could protect Ilion. So I made you in my image. To be like me. Which means you have my strengths, but it also means you have my weaknesses.”
“You have weaknesses?”
“I have things I struggle with.”
“Like what you did to Ajax,” I said.
“Yes. I also have to learn and grow, just as you do.” She turned her head slightly to the right.
“Alexandros is calling me by name. He is claiming his rights as a husband to have you returned, telling me how much he loves you. The life he wants to have with you. Reminding me of your love bond. Saying that he needs you.”
The ache in my chest only got worse.
“It has been a very long time since I have felt a prayer so pure and so powerful.”
Tears fell down my cheeks. “I wish I could see him, one last time.”
The goddess studied me thoughtfully. “There is a way for you to return to him, if that is your desire. You are the savior. You can save yourself.”